Ok, I've been in this situation myself and I've seen other guys in it a lot lately.
Here's an example: Last spring, I met my buddy and his buddy and his buddy's wife for lunch. There were four of us at the table. Three men and a woman, seated at a table. I'm seated next to the guy's wife, on my left, and my buddy, on my right. She starts showing me obvious signs of attraction, right in front of her husband. They're married, have been married for years.
I don't know if her husband realized she was showing signs of attraction to me, or if he was pretending not to notice or pretending not to care or if he confronted her about it later. But at the time, he didn't do or say anything in front of the group.
In my opinion, this was no shit-test. This was no test of any kind at all. She was attracted to me and, at least to me, it was obvious. Not sure if my two friends were catching this or not. As it turns out, I just learned last night, this woman has been having an affair with her boss for some time. Her husband's got a private investigator following her around now, and he's even met with her bosses wife. This guy is really heart broken and even though he hasn't had sex with her in over a month, and he KNOWS she's fucking another guy, he still hasn't ended things. The marriage is over. Just not officially. Yet.
So, if you're girlfriend is showing obvious signs of attraction towards another man, does that mean she's already lost, or is losing, attraction for you?
Also:
If you're out with a girl who you are exclusive with, either she's your girlfriend or your wife, and she starts showing obvious displays of attraction towards another man, in your presence, what the fuck are you supposed to do? Or is it too late...you've already lost attraction with her and the mistake(s) are already made?
What do you guys think???
Dallas PUA
The Pickup Artist Playground
The disloyal wife/girlfriend
19 posts
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by Guest » Thu Jul 02, 2009 2:21 pm
[quote1246562105=Alphagame]
So, if you're girlfriend is showing obvious signs of attraction towards another man, does that mean she's already lost, or is losing, attraction for you?
[/quote1246562105]
Not necessarily.
[quote1246562105=Alphagame]
If you're out with a girl who you are exclusive with, either she's your girlfriend or your wife, and she starts showing obvious displays of attraction towards another man, in your presence, what the fuck are you supposed to do? Or is it too late...you've already lost attraction with her and the mistake(s) are already made?
What do you guys think???
[/quote1246562105]
What *I* would do and have done - whether it's the best way to respond or not is beyond me, but it has worked - is not to get jealous. Girls seem to find it extremely sexy if you are confident enough not to get jealous - which is different than the case of not saying anything because you can't prevent boundaries from being crossed.
Now, if it bugs you, you need to set boundaries with the girl (if you're exclusive, setting boundaries on her just flirting with other guys may be a bit too much). And if the boundaries are broken consistently, you walk away.
Would actually be interesting to hear how others have dealt with stuff like this.
So, if you're girlfriend is showing obvious signs of attraction towards another man, does that mean she's already lost, or is losing, attraction for you?
[/quote1246562105]
Not necessarily.
[quote1246562105=Alphagame]
If you're out with a girl who you are exclusive with, either she's your girlfriend or your wife, and she starts showing obvious displays of attraction towards another man, in your presence, what the fuck are you supposed to do? Or is it too late...you've already lost attraction with her and the mistake(s) are already made?
What do you guys think???
[/quote1246562105]
What *I* would do and have done - whether it's the best way to respond or not is beyond me, but it has worked - is not to get jealous. Girls seem to find it extremely sexy if you are confident enough not to get jealous - which is different than the case of not saying anything because you can't prevent boundaries from being crossed.
Now, if it bugs you, you need to set boundaries with the girl (if you're exclusive, setting boundaries on her just flirting with other guys may be a bit too much). And if the boundaries are broken consistently, you walk away.
Would actually be interesting to hear how others have dealt with stuff like this.
- Guest
by Guest » Thu Jul 02, 2009 3:06 pm
Before I found the community I will admit I would often get jealous. It was a horrible flaw that I had. I would just do stupid things and act very poorly in situations. It was uncalled for at least 99% of the time.
When I found the community I started changing the way I viewed things. I started thinking and acting confidently. So when things would arise where I used to get jealous and throw a little fit I just sat back and was indifferent to the situation. I just sat there and said no matter what happens over there I will be nailing her tonight. That is all that matters. No other guy on earth can take this girl away from me.
When I started acting like that, showing zero jealousy, things just always seemed to go my way. The girls could just tell I was confident enough to let some other guy talk to them. They found me more attractive because of the way I handled the situation.
I do feel sorry for that guy though. That would just suck balls to have your wife cheat on you. I mean she is getting banged at the office every day by her boss...ugh. In that situation I don't think there was anything he could do. Acting jealous, being confident it would make no difference. His life for the short term is screwed. I am sure there was something years ago that set the course for that to happen. Or she is just a slut bag whore and no matter what she was going to nail other guys.
When I found the community I started changing the way I viewed things. I started thinking and acting confidently. So when things would arise where I used to get jealous and throw a little fit I just sat back and was indifferent to the situation. I just sat there and said no matter what happens over there I will be nailing her tonight. That is all that matters. No other guy on earth can take this girl away from me.
When I started acting like that, showing zero jealousy, things just always seemed to go my way. The girls could just tell I was confident enough to let some other guy talk to them. They found me more attractive because of the way I handled the situation.
I do feel sorry for that guy though. That would just suck balls to have your wife cheat on you. I mean she is getting banged at the office every day by her boss...ugh. In that situation I don't think there was anything he could do. Acting jealous, being confident it would make no difference. His life for the short term is screwed. I am sure there was something years ago that set the course for that to happen. Or she is just a slut bag whore and no matter what she was going to nail other guys.
- Guest
by Guest » Thu Jul 02, 2009 4:31 pm
In the situation above, she wasn't flirting with me at lunch that day. IMO, there's a difference between a woman who displays signs of attraction and woman who is obviously flirting with a man.
I think the woman who intentionally flirts with another man in your presence...that's probably a test 99% of the time.
But when she is obviously attracted to a man, and so much so that she's unable or unwilling to suppress or hold back signs of attraction for him, in your presence, it's not flirting. It's just basic animalistic attraction. When you start noticing this with your girl, I think it's time to start questioning her loyalty. What's she doing when she's not in your presence?
When this went down last spring, this guy was already suspecting his wife was cheating on him. So, yeah, I think by the time she doesn't give a shit about showing signs of attraction towards another man right in front you, the attraction switch is already turned off. She just hasn't dumped you yet. That's what a lot of women do to their boyfriends/husbands...they have sex with other men and THEN dump them instead of doing it the other way around.
I think the woman who intentionally flirts with another man in your presence...that's probably a test 99% of the time.
But when she is obviously attracted to a man, and so much so that she's unable or unwilling to suppress or hold back signs of attraction for him, in your presence, it's not flirting. It's just basic animalistic attraction. When you start noticing this with your girl, I think it's time to start questioning her loyalty. What's she doing when she's not in your presence?
When this went down last spring, this guy was already suspecting his wife was cheating on him. So, yeah, I think by the time she doesn't give a shit about showing signs of attraction towards another man right in front you, the attraction switch is already turned off. She just hasn't dumped you yet. That's what a lot of women do to their boyfriends/husbands...they have sex with other men and THEN dump them instead of doing it the other way around.
- Guest
by Guest » Sun Jul 05, 2009 1:24 pm
Alphagame-
What you have noticed is a very interesting piece to the puzzle of female behaviour IMO. This 'wife' does not respect her husband but, more interestingly, the husband does not respect himself. I think he needed more PUA training prior to settling down because his wife needed to understand he was clued in and not acceptant ever of such actions. I suspect other women hitting on him would also have helped a lot.
Clearly the situation between wife and husband took time - likely years to develop. This guy is being dominated at this point, who knows maybe for the whole time. He is not stupid she is able to get away with it because he is too pussy to do something about it in case she leaves.
The woman is clearly acting "open" by flirting with you. Makes no difference who is around because most men don't see it and women turn a blind eye (usually). Personally I will come back on some other wife who flirts with me with negative BL and emotions because I don't like that game. Her disrespect for her husband is enough for me to be displeased with her imagine if she did that to me. We would never be married that is for sure.
In general the women I have talked to about such guys know what they are doing. Typical response when confronted by a friend might be "My husband is too stupid to get it" or "He won't do anything about it anyway". The worst he can do is hire a PI to confirm what he should already have known. I bet she didn't mind getting caught anyway. She wanted out.
If you are good enough to convey how you know all this shit and won't put up with some girlie crap you come off very attractive to other women. Knowing women is key, even if you don't like the ugly truth ;0
What you have noticed is a very interesting piece to the puzzle of female behaviour IMO. This 'wife' does not respect her husband but, more interestingly, the husband does not respect himself. I think he needed more PUA training prior to settling down because his wife needed to understand he was clued in and not acceptant ever of such actions. I suspect other women hitting on him would also have helped a lot.
Clearly the situation between wife and husband took time - likely years to develop. This guy is being dominated at this point, who knows maybe for the whole time. He is not stupid she is able to get away with it because he is too pussy to do something about it in case she leaves.
The woman is clearly acting "open" by flirting with you. Makes no difference who is around because most men don't see it and women turn a blind eye (usually). Personally I will come back on some other wife who flirts with me with negative BL and emotions because I don't like that game. Her disrespect for her husband is enough for me to be displeased with her imagine if she did that to me. We would never be married that is for sure.
In general the women I have talked to about such guys know what they are doing. Typical response when confronted by a friend might be "My husband is too stupid to get it" or "He won't do anything about it anyway". The worst he can do is hire a PI to confirm what he should already have known. I bet she didn't mind getting caught anyway. She wanted out.
If you are good enough to convey how you know all this shit and won't put up with some girlie crap you come off very attractive to other women. Knowing women is key, even if you don't like the ugly truth ;0
- Guest
by Guest » Sun Jul 05, 2009 6:02 pm
[quote1246834883=Welsh_Dragon]If you are good enough to convey how you know all this shit and won't put up with some girlie crap you come off very attractive to other women. Knowing women is key, even if you don't like the ugly truth ;0[/quote1246834883]
Ahmen brother, ahmen....
Ahmen brother, ahmen....
- Guest
- Guest
by Guest » Tue Jul 07, 2009 1:14 pm
It's hard to generalize with these sorts of things. The motivations for women cheating or just acting flirty in front of their bf/husband are quite varied. Maybe she wants to make the husband jealous to validate herself, maybe she's attracted on an emotional level, but when it come down to it would never cheat. Or maybe it's the obvious: she's on the prowl for another man. It's difficult to say across the board unless you have a clear understanding of the situation.
I just want to add three experiences that might add to this discussion:
1) In my pre-PU days there was this girl who told me something that's been valuble ever since. I don't remember exactly how she phrased it, but she said a guy is only jealous of another guy when he believes another guy could take his girl away. Eventually I understood this to mean that I should NEVER show jealousy toward another man, because it's a DLV. (This eventually led to a frame of mind where I always tell a girl that every guy I come across is "cool." Even if he's the biggest douchebag in the club. If I complain about it then it looks like it phases me, and then the other guy wins. So every guy I come across is a "cool guy" or better yet a "nice guy," and if I genuinely don't like them, I say nothing more than that. I make myself seem disinterested to make the person seem so insignifigant that they don't even appear on my radar.)
2) A little after PU I had this really good friend in a LTR whose gf would often show me solid signs of attraction (not all the time though). She was clearly attracted to me in certain moments, and I knew how to hit those buttons. But I also realized it was all on a purely emotional level. I would never go after a good friend's girl, BUT I also realized that she understood logically that she had a good thing going with my friend, so I'm certain things would have never escalated on her side. Sometimes attraction is just a mere crush, nothing too earth shaking, and you get over it. Especially if you're already in a fufilling relationship. The idea of being with someone else just becomes a harmless fantasy.
3) I have a really good friend who is in a LTR and his gf is constantly flirting with other guys and showing signs of attraction to other guys. Even his friends. I dont think she cheats on him, but she does talk openly about fucking other guys or that other guys are hot. I have two theories on this:
a) She does it because she's afraid of having a deeply commited relationship, so having that plan B around (another guy) is her way of keeping emotional distance from her bf. It doesn't mean she'd necessarily follow through, though.
b) The guy dating her is pretty aloof, andI think she's might be doing this stuff as a kind of shit test. It's hard to say, but part of me thinks she wants him to react for the satisfaction of knowing she could get under his skin. It's her way of having a degree of control over the relationship.
Anyway, I'm just rambling here, but hopefully people see that it's not always cut and dry when it comes to women's wandering eyes.
I just want to add three experiences that might add to this discussion:
1) In my pre-PU days there was this girl who told me something that's been valuble ever since. I don't remember exactly how she phrased it, but she said a guy is only jealous of another guy when he believes another guy could take his girl away. Eventually I understood this to mean that I should NEVER show jealousy toward another man, because it's a DLV. (This eventually led to a frame of mind where I always tell a girl that every guy I come across is "cool." Even if he's the biggest douchebag in the club. If I complain about it then it looks like it phases me, and then the other guy wins. So every guy I come across is a "cool guy" or better yet a "nice guy," and if I genuinely don't like them, I say nothing more than that. I make myself seem disinterested to make the person seem so insignifigant that they don't even appear on my radar.)
2) A little after PU I had this really good friend in a LTR whose gf would often show me solid signs of attraction (not all the time though). She was clearly attracted to me in certain moments, and I knew how to hit those buttons. But I also realized it was all on a purely emotional level. I would never go after a good friend's girl, BUT I also realized that she understood logically that she had a good thing going with my friend, so I'm certain things would have never escalated on her side. Sometimes attraction is just a mere crush, nothing too earth shaking, and you get over it. Especially if you're already in a fufilling relationship. The idea of being with someone else just becomes a harmless fantasy.
3) I have a really good friend who is in a LTR and his gf is constantly flirting with other guys and showing signs of attraction to other guys. Even his friends. I dont think she cheats on him, but she does talk openly about fucking other guys or that other guys are hot. I have two theories on this:
a) She does it because she's afraid of having a deeply commited relationship, so having that plan B around (another guy) is her way of keeping emotional distance from her bf. It doesn't mean she'd necessarily follow through, though.
b) The guy dating her is pretty aloof, andI think she's might be doing this stuff as a kind of shit test. It's hard to say, but part of me thinks she wants him to react for the satisfaction of knowing she could get under his skin. It's her way of having a degree of control over the relationship.
Anyway, I'm just rambling here, but hopefully people see that it's not always cut and dry when it comes to women's wandering eyes.
- Guest
by Guest » Tue Jul 07, 2009 4:35 pm
If she is showing attraction towards another man then she is definitely losing attraction, or quite possibly lost it already. Its really that simple. I've seen this bullshit play out from all sides. I've had a wife lose attraction for me and end up fucking some tow truck driving chump. I've charmed/fucked a married woman who wasn't happy in her marriage, and I've observed my buddy's ltr with a married woman. In all 3 cases the women had lost attraction or it was about to happen. And I also know all of the men that got cheated on in these 3 examples with myself being one of them. With that being said, the men weren't aware of any of it in the beginning but as time went on the women got bolder and the men started to figure it out. But by then it was out of control and the men failed to do anything about it.
Its the mans duty to lead, keep her attracted, and pay attention to his chic if he expects her to stay loyal. Hot girls have too many opportunities and peoples morals aren't exactly where they should be anyways.
I'll post more on this later.
Its the mans duty to lead, keep her attracted, and pay attention to his chic if he expects her to stay loyal. Hot girls have too many opportunities and peoples morals aren't exactly where they should be anyways.
I'll post more on this later.
- Guest
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