repeating LTR issue

[Guest]

[quote1244721478=grimm1111]
[quote1244684995=TopDog]
I'll be perfectly honest here, since discovering the community and getting this down, i have not had a 5+ minute phone conversation with any GF in 5+ years. i just don't do it.
[/quote1244684995]

haha holy fuck. i'm literally astonished. you have achieved what no man in history has achieved. they'll write songs in your honor and tell stories of you when you're gone.

he's a pro, don't try this one at home kids.

[/quote1244721478]

haha...but bear in mind i'm not all that great of a BF. :) But you know her, feel free to ask her next time we are all out!

So i was PM'ed on how I manage to do this. Community has a term for the technique .... i think it's EFA Early Frame Announcement. It's as simple as setting expectation right from the start that I do not do phone calls on days we are not together. (however i do mix in a healthy dose of texting on those nights which is tolerable to me) I combine this with saying something like, i love hanging out in person and shooting the shit, but just can't stand it on phone. Anytime a girl calls, the WRONG answer to the standard "watcha up to?" is not "NOTHING" you are always in the middle of something/about to do something/etc and you are STOPPING what you are doing for this phone call interruption. Soon as you see it's not a high priority call you simply just cut it off and say i gonna go get back to whatever. It's really that simple. When they see you do this, and they already have heard you verbalize it, i usually get a quick followup text "Wow you really don't like being on the phone" and i reply "nope :) nothing personal" and the situation goes away. You might get pressured, but you just need to have a strong frame about it and they see you mean it. If they don't like it, it's don't let the door hit ya on the way out.

It goes back to the personal space boundaries. if you spend 3-4 nights/weekend with a GF, that leaves just a few other days to focus on other things. Between a full time job, commutes/gym/etc, those nights do not have a lot of time in them. I want that time for ME and my pursuits not sitting on the phone. I was that guy that my early relationships had to endure nightly hour long phone calls because i was at their mercy.

[Guest]

[quote1244740336=grimm1111]
[quote1244684995=TopDog]
I'll be perfectly honest here, since discovering the community and getting this down, i have not had a 5+ minute phone conversation with any GF in 5+ years. i just don't do it.
[/quote1244684995]

haha holy fuck. i'm literally astonished. you have achieved what no man in history has achieved. they'll write songs in your honor and tell stories of you when you're gone.

he's a pro, don't try this one at home kids.

[/quote1244740336]


Actually, I've pulled off exactly the same. I do not talk on the phone unless it's about something important or urgent. Period.

As TD has said, it's all about setting expectations. It's pretty common for the man to have to train the woman into being the type of person he wants her to be WITHIN THE CONFINES OF THE RELATIONSHIP.

I successfully achieve this with anecdotal stories that are unrelated to her. For example, when I feel like I'm going to be getting serious with a girl, I always say something like "ugh, my mom called me today and she just kept talking and talking about random stuff...which, I don't understand because we have PLANS to grab lunch on Saturday. Why can't she just wait to talk until then? Good God!"

You butter her up with these small anecdotal things, then when the time is right just come out, randomly (she cannot feel that what you're saying is associated specifically to her or her actions...otherwise it will hurt her feelings) and say "I'm just not a phone person." Follow it with the reasons why. They'll say, "I figured that..."

Bam!!!

Problem solved.

She got the hint, and you don't have to endure bullshit phone calls on YOUR nights to be with YOURSELF.

[Guest]

Maybe I just have a gabby personality, but I don't have a problem with phone conversations. I actually prefer to talk to girls when Im driving anywhere...from the beginning of the drive to the end of it...doesn't seem like a problem to me.

[Guest]

[quote1244754216=Smirks]
Maybe I just have a gabby personality, but I don't have a problem with phone conversations. I actually prefer to talk to girls when Im driving anywhere...from the beginning of the drive to the end of it...doesn't seem like a problem to me.
[/quote1244754216]


bah.

grunt.

(edited to refine the wording ;)