Rugged Individualism

[Guest]

We are all members of various communities. The American community, the Texas community, and, now, we are members of a community of men. But, as is often overshadowed, keep in mind that just because you are a member of a community does not mean that we are communal. The simplest common denominator in any community is the individual. Without the individual no community can exist.

I post this now because all around me I see a war being waged against the individual. The community is being put ahead of the individual. And, this is the wrong way of thinking. For true power and growth in PU, and life in general, is sourced from the individual...not from the community.

This marks the first in a series of posts that I will be making, the goal of which is to articulate my message of the individual. I intend to show you why relying on yourself and no one else is the best way to achieve your goals and live the life that you've always imagined.

And so it begins...

A quote from one of my favorite books (Fight Club):

[color=#0000ff]We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives.[/color]

I believe this 100%. Without a doubt, we are a people searching for a 'great' purpose. A war to win. A mountain to conquer. A foe to destroy. I believe, whether we know it or not, that we're all searching for this purpose. That we walk through life scouring the world seeking our life's work.

I used to believe that my great war, my purpose, for that matter, our purpose was to turn ourselves from beta males to alpha males. My great war was win at the battle of the sexes, to turn the tables on women. The only problem was that this way of thinking led to creating two classes: the victor and the loser. If I picked-up a woman, then I won and she lost. This is not a healthy way of thinking.

Fortunately, everything is illuminated in the light of time.

As time has passed, I now realize that we do not need a great war or great social struggle to fulfill our purpose. I now realize that that purpose for which I was searching can be found on any reflective surface. My purpose followed me everywhere. I face it every day when I look in the mirror. My great war is struggling to live up to my expectations, to fulfill my potential. This is not just my great war, but yours as well. And in this war, there is no loser...just victory and achievement.

In the end, we are really all we have. There is nothing else. Patriotism, sacrifice, altruism, selflessness, charity, governments, societies, social movements...these things matter, but they all take a backseat to the individual. These things are the product of the individual, it is what we, collectively, create. But, the common denominator is the individual.

You are all you have.

But, what is 'that' that you have?

No matter what we think of ourselves, no matter what we wish to change, no matter what you want out of life you can achieve it if you embrace these two simple things:

The spirit of the individual, or rugged individualism, AND the culture of doing.

[Guest]

A follow up to my Rugged Individualism post:

No Apologies

This is crucial in PU, and life in general. You have to move through life without apologizing for yourself or your actions. Obviously, you know when you've done wrong to someone in a malicious manner, and as such you must hold yourself accountable. But, when I say 'no apologies' I mean that we all tend to sell ourselves out to accomplish some kind of goal.

You see, we tend to think that if we finesse our way through interactions, if we attempt to influence others, that we have a geniune, real, significant impact on our world. The jury is still out on this for me. I'm not too sure we have as much power, or influence, over people that sometimes we would like to believe. This is a point for a different post entirely.

I've never been a fan of calibrating. I don't believe in it. I don't do it. Why? Because when you calibrate yourself, you are altering the personae that you project to the world. In doing so, you are trying to hide something, trying to make something undesirable desirable, you're trying to hedge. And, when you start trying to change yourself to suite other people then you start to lose your individualism. When you calibrate, you sell yourself out.

The interesting thing about calibrating is that it sub-communicates so much: 1) it says that you are aware of the fact that you have to alter your message 2) the presence of this awareness means that you inherently do not believe that you can sell who you are, so you slightly alter the packaging 3) it means that you're a coward, too afraid to be who you are 4) it means you're a pussy, too afraid to be who you are and potentially risk social scrutiny.

Take peacocking. It is the anti-thesis of calibration. Yet, the community loves it and embraces it as a tactic. Why the disconnect? Why is peacocking, essentially flipping the bird to social norms, held in such high regard at the same time as calibration, essentially hiding yourself to prevent the wrath of social norms?

Does this make sense to you?

Me neither.

Here's my theory. And, it's going to be controversial like always. I think that our Community takes the easy way out too often. Sure, it's hard to go to a bar. Sure, it's hard to approach a girl. Sure, all of that is hard. But, the hypocracy with respect to the disconnect between peacocking and calibration cannot be ignored. It is easy to put on something outlandish and crazy and then to act as if it doesn't bother you. You are not your clothes, although people judge you on them. Sure, it's not easy to stand up to the social pressure of looking different, but there's also some virtue in this. We all know that. There is a certain trigger in everyone's mind that tells them that looking different is a good thing...but, we dare not do it because it might inhibit our life in some manner.

It's interesting that we're willing to stand up and say to the world 'hey, I look different.' But, when it comes to showing people our true personality, we say to the world 'hey, I'm not all that different from you.'

Eliciting values. Calibration. Pacing their reality. WTF?

You are selling yourself out if they are not pacing your reality, having them calibrate to you, and allowing them to elicit your values.

Read that again. You'll see this root word FIVE times in the the sentence above: YOU.

Which, brings me back to my point. Do not apologize for yourself.

I just read a great book called [i]Scratch Beginnings: Me, $25, and the search for the American Dream[/i].

It's about a young guy that takes the clothes on his back, $25, and moves to a new city where he knows no one to see if he can start from nothing and put himself on the fast track to success withing 365 days. It's a great read. It does have some political undertones. But, the theme is simple: if you want it, you can get it.

During his journey he changed, and this paragraph is the epitome of that change (which, happened very early in his journey):

[color=#0000ff]"I didn't care anymore. I had nothing to lose! I began to let myself be me. If I felt something, I said it. If I didn't have an opinion, I remained silent. I laughed if something was funny and didn't if it wasn't...People could either accept it or not. I didn't care. Hell, what were they gonna do? Not like me? Fine! I'd rather have one friend that respected me for who I was then ten friendships built on faulty foundations. It's so much more fun that way, too. I didn't have to fake or pretend to be somebody I wasn't. I didn't have to run around wondering what people thought about me and whether or not they liked me. Take me or leave me, folks."[/color]

We throw the words freedom and liberty around a lot in this country. But, even in the least free society one could find themselves in, if you embrace the mentality of the man above, the mentality that I aspire to live everyday, then you are the free-ist man on earth. Period.

Do not get caught in the trap where you let OTHER people define YOU. You are better than that and, what's more, you know it!

Rugged individualism.

You are the coolest motherfucker on the planet...now, it's time for you to believe it...I know I do.

World of You, population 1.

[Guest]

hah, nice.

i agree whole-heartedly with the first post. spot on.

the second is where i differ. calibration for me is simply having an educated guess as to how you think people are going to react. i agree that having individualism is very important, but since we are in communities, we should be aware of what reactions, and possibly consequences could occur due to our actions.

[Guest]

This is a great thread and I agree with most of it. I know some things might be deliberately simplified, but I'd like to point out there are a lot more dimensions than just "be yourself" and "sell out".

You can:
A. Stay in your comfort zone and do what you've always done.
B. Get out of your comfort zone and try something new.

A. Act in a way that's consistent with who you are.
B. Act in a way that's inconsistent with who you are.

A. Act in a way that fits in and matches expectations for "average".
B. Act in a way that stands out and attracts attention.

A. Act in a way that's socially acceptable.
B. Act in a way that's socially unacceptable.

And so on, there are others.

I agree with the basic thesis that you should always hold your own individuality in who you are in the highest regard and never apologize for your values. But acting consistent with your values does not have a unique solution. There are still infinitely many possible actions through which you can express who you are.

As for calibration specifically, I would say it's mostly about timing, and not at all about bending who you are or what you want. There are many paths by which you can express who you are, but not all of them are equally effective in achieving your goals. Being too personal too fast or too slow can be counterproductive to [i]your[/i] goals. You don't calibrate to keep her in her comfort zone, or for her sake in any way. You calibrate to increase the odds of getting what [i]you[/i] want.

[Guest]

And here in lies the problem with calibration.

You do so to increase the odds of getting what you want.

But, nothing in this world comes free. So, what are you giving up to increase your odds?

In my opinion, the answer is simple:

You are giving yourself up so that you get what you want. In this case, the means justifies the end. But, I will state that the means can never be justified if they are not right. If they are not true to you, then your means are just that mean...

[Guest]

So to be true to myself, I should only look for social advance to come to me without putting any effort in, in order to achieve it?

[Guest]

[quote1238302846=Finesse]
So to be true to myself, I should only look for social advance to come to me without putting any effort in, in order to achieve it?
[/quote1238302846]


Again, Finesse you are trying to reframe. I'm talking about effort. The most difficult effort possible...

It's simple, be yourself. If you fail understand why. If you suceed understand why. But, don't ever, ever, ever, ever apologize for who you are. People may not agree with your way of life, your outlook, your whatever...but, if you hold true to what you believe, popular or unpopular, you will get one thing...RESPECT.

And, you know what?

People will be more inclined to spend time with someone that they respect but don't like, agree with, or see eye-to-eye with than with someone that agrees with them. It's all about respect in this world. Build a base of morals, of beliefs, and hold true to them. Faith takes you so much further than you would ever expect it could.

[Guest]

thing is, some people when they are themseleves, it gets them no where. The nerd the reads comic books and plays video games all day. He is being himself, and if he were to be himself around others, he would talk about world of war craft all day. That won't get him anywhere socially, with girls and otherwise. Being youself is great if you're already socially calibrated, but if you're not, being yourself shouldn't be a priority, it should be changing yourself. The reason many get into this community is to change themseleves, not to be their old selves.

not everyone has an inner james bond with charasima, for many they have to learn it, it doesn't come naturally.

[Guest]

As far as what are you giving up to increase your odds, you are learning a skill. Perhaps the skill is listening, not just to what is said but what is not said. Or the skill is reading body language and facial expressions. It's like many other skills, you don't have to give up your soul or any piece of who you are. But you may have to give up some World of Warcraft.

To Just/Us, I would say there is a distinction between who you are and what you normally do. You can keep your identity and still get out of your comfort zone, and try new actions. If you violate who you are, then you have already lost something more important than any pussy.

[Guest]

[quote1238422759=Just/Us]thing is, some people when they are themseleves, it gets them no where. The nerd the reads comic books and plays video games all day. He is being himself, and if he were to be himself around others, he would talk about world of war craft all day. That won't get him anywhere socially, with girls and otherwise. Being youself is great if you're already socially calibrated, but if you're not, being yourself shouldn't be a priority, it should be changing yourself. The reason many get into this community is to change themseleves, not to be their old selves.

not everyone has an inner james bond with charasima, for many they have to learn it, it doesn't come naturally.[/quote1238422759]



I totally agree with you Just/Us. But there's another piece that you're not seeing and that is that people that are unhappy with their life usually DO something about it. Not everyone, but most people. And, the action of doing something tells us a lot about that person.

First, we have to understand that virtually everything we speak about in terms of sociology and PU are done so in generalities. Not everything is 100% true for every one. That is impossible. We're all different, and as such, we tend to have certain aspects of our actions, thoughts, personality, etc. that are exceptions and not the rule.

In my opinion, the nerds that you're talking about are probably pretty happy with their lives. In their world, there is nothing wrong with The World of Warcraft, comics, and video games. They more than likely even have groups of other people that are into the exact same things as them and, collectively, they can share their world with each other and probably do so in relative happiness.

Are these people poorly calibrated socially? Yes and no. In their world, albeit a small, niche world, they are very, very calibrated and might even be considered 'cool.' In the broader world, that does not put a premium on WOW skills, they will more than likely be considered 'awkward.'

What's wrong with that kind of lifestyle if it brings them happiness? Sure, it doesn't conform to social norms, but if it makes you happy and you aren't harming anyone then fine live that life. Go for it and don't look back. Who are we to say what is the right path and what is not? In our world, these people are losers...but, in their world we are the losers. It's all about perspective man.

The people I'm talking about are the ones that yearn for something different, and by different I think they will inherently always think better. The ones that are mired in their world, but hate being in it. These are the lost souls that have seen flashes of that James Bond personae. They've had a taste of the life that they want, of the person they wish to be, because they've been that person from time to time in their life, even for the fleetest of moments.

From personal experience, I know that I've had stops and starts with respect to the person I want to be. He comes and he goes. But, since I've embraced the idea of not apologizing for myself and what I want then I've noticed that he stays a lot longer. I'm not that person 100% of the time, but it's getting closer to that. I've always been that person, I just let the world get in the way of being that guy. I think that most of us here are the same.

In my opinion, the presence of wanting to change means that you know there is something better. If you don't know if there's anything better, or don't see anything better, then you will not want to change because you are more than likely pretty happy with your life. Ignorance is bliss. Change is sparked by discontentment.

My point is this: if you want to change, then you need to do it. You are the only one that can. You define the journey and the destination. Our role as a Community is to have faith in you as a person. Everyone needs to know that someone believes in them. To me, if you have the hunger and desire to change then I'm on your side...no matter how hopeless you are or how far you are from your destination.