Tired of being invisible

[Guest]

It happens everywhere. with family, friends, online, even here...I'm invisible nothing I say gets a response, I'm not close to anyone, no one tells me anything about themself or about things going on. I have many acquaintances, but 1 friend. I post a topic here and get 1 maybe 2 replies, post a topic on other forums and get 1 or 2 replies. yeah. this is online shit, but it's the same kinda thing that happens irl. Most of you guys have met me. someone must have noticed something about me. It's the same way even when I go to a meetup with you guys, I'm like an outsider, it's like I'm not with the group and just...there. Am I just just not interesting? low energy level? do I give off a "whatever, I don't care, stigma?" (some people say that I do) Am I not wording things in a way that would illicit a response? If I can't even socialize with guys or even with people online, then how am I supposed to socialize with women even worse, women that I'm interested in sticking it into?

[Guest]

You just need to drink. That'll loosen your ass up! Mystery is cool as shit. Read up on his stuff. Host a party like Neil Strauss. Do you have his two book set? I forgot what it was called, but it tells you how to develop a social circle an then have a major party.

[Guest]

Muk...how much have I tried to help you? How many times have you just not done anything when I psych ya up, give ya lines, put you in situations, and even get you drunk (the advice above is probably not quite the path I'd suggest you take...) What you did to do is grab life by the fucking balls and DO something...and not do it bashfully, either. That's your problem. I've never seen you do anything...not even walk in to a venue 100% YOU. You leave half of yourself in the car or at home or at the door...iunno. What we need to do with you is inner game. Believe in yourself before others will believe in you!

[Guest]

We're not psychologists. We may have some NLP training or Sedona Method or something like that, but most of us don't do that for a living.
Asking us for advice probably won't do much good. You need an expert.

[Guest]

An Expert? That is not necessary.

I think I have met you once or twice Muk. So my assessment is based on those meetings. Take what you want from what I am writing.

You do seem a bit standoffish. Your body language towards other guys is horrible. I mean as bad as it gets. Next time you are with a guy or group of guys turn your body into everyone. Last time I saw you your body was away from the group. Yes it did seem like you were on a different level than us. Like we were outsiders and you were doing us a favor by being near us.

You are very uninviting. I used to be the exact same way and I will admit I can still be like this. It is a night and day difference when you allow yourself to be open to everyone around you, everyone at the venue. People are probably kinda scared of you right now.

Start being aggressive with guys. Everyone on this board from what I have seen is very open to meeting and making new friends. Yes making friends with the guys on this board. Start getting the guys phone numbers. Start setting things up for the weekend. Even if it is with just one other guy. But try to make this blossom into a large group. Center everyone around you even if it is only in your mind.

When I first joined the community I had ONE wing. This sucked and wasn't enough for me. I made it a point to be more outgoing. I had never been outgoing in my life but I knew if I wanted CHANGE I had to do something different. I started getting guys numbers. Yes I would number close other guys. I would set things up for the weekend. I would send texts to every guy trying to get as many people out as possible.

I have been to almost every single meet up. The only ones I can remember missing I was out of town. Do I need to go to these? Nah I sure don't. But it helped in the beginning. I met a lot of people who I consider friends now.

Maybe this is just a roadmap to my success and won't do any good for you. I am not sure. I know it worked for me so I thought I would share.

Ohhh one more thing...

Put a smile on your face. People can't resist you if you are smiling. It is almost contagious.

[Guest]

existential melt-down post. You must shift your mentality, there is no half-assing it.

[Guest]

I think...I know how I'll handle this...next time I go out with you guys...I'm going to give 100% of myself, but I'll warn that I'm going to be really...random, crass, blunt, and sarcastic. I don't want to offend anyone because, someone who doesn't know me would think that the way I say/do things may think that I'm being an ass when it's just the way that I talk, I'll be getting straight to the point while being facetious at other times. I'll not limit myself on what I think may offend or may make me sound like a dork, and by doing this, I hope to be able to weed out traits that are just...socially inappropriate. It should be very interesting to throw the shit at the wall to see what sticks...

[Guest]

[quote1231728837=Muk]
I don't want to offend anyone because, someone who doesn't know me would think that the way I say/do things may think that I'm being an ass when it's just the way that I talk, I'll be getting straight to the point while being facetious at other times.
[/quote1231728837]

Forget what anyone else thinks about you. Do what Muk does...and move forward from that point.
All this shit boils down to improving yourself...not becoming someone else. Why try and fake a personality that isn't yours?

Never just assume something you do will fuck you over until you've PROVEN it will fuck you over by doing it...several times.
Cliche, I know, but still very true (and empirical).

[Guest]

Dude, you sound like you might have a mild form of social anxiety... I should know 'cuz I do, and I've been reading up on it a bit, and I see some of the symptoms in your language.

BIG DISCLAIMER : I AM NOT AN EXPERT AND I PROBABLY DON"T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I'M TALKING ABOUT SO TAKE ALL OF THIS WITH A HUGE GRAIN (OR BOULDER) OF SALT.

I noticed that in myself because I failed to close 2-3 very good prospects recently, so I asked myself wtf went wrong. I concluded I'm just not good with people, socially, in general (unless I've been around them for a long ass time and I know everything about them!), much less with chicks. (20 years of sitting in front of the fucking computer, and not investing in yourself in any way will do this to you!). So to start transforming myself from ground up, I picked up a book on the subject. It was a major wake-up call for me. Reading between the lines in your post, you might have a similar problem. I'm halfway through this book "Overcoming social anxiety and shyness" by Gillian Butler, and I highly recommend it.

Some symptoms are
- you dread social situations in advance
- you feel like an outsider in a group, and you are overly self-concious
- you don't want to risk being yourself and saying something stupid and make others think less of you
- you 've developed and engage in "safety behaviour" with your body-language to keep people away (consciously or subconciously)
- you do post-mortems of social events and you are usually unfairly critical of yourself

Especially in your second post, you are "warning" everyone and apologizing in advance that you are going to be yourself !!. Pick up that book, bro!.

I've only been to one meetup so far and I don't remember meeting you (... now don't take this as a confirmation that you are invisible, I don't remember the names/handles of 90% of the people I met that night. But if I've met you, I do remember all the faces.) If I'm way off, sorry dude, but you know I was only trying to help a fellow PUA...

[Guest]

I have been thinking a little about what Alphamo said.. I'm debating this concept.. So anyone jump in here..

To use metaphors .. Some people only need paint and carpet while others may need to do a complete tear down and rebuild. This is no way is relating to Muk cause I really don't know you personally.

I'm on the inner game fix also . Any takers? Do you add paint to a building that needs to be gutted?

It's seems like killing the old and adopting a complete new might be easier in some cases at least from a metaphor point of view..
In this case I'm speaking about your personality, mannerism, style, body language, ect.. beliefs about yourself and the world.

In other words.. If you fix only a few things.. The other things will keep you from being 100% successful they way you want.
Think plumbing keeps breaking and the electrical circuits not meeting your new requirements.. If you change everything.. You have a dream house.. At least that's the theory. (Hopefully this will kill any AA relapse.. or returning to being the nice guy")

Defining who you want to become.. Then use a mind map to further define.. the personality traits, mannerisms, etc moving on every facet you can think of.. And then start with fake it till you make it to adopt them. (like an actor) Say a week at a time for each personality trait.. Then reinforcing and internalizing them by using some of the psycho cybernetics techniques..

Anyone? Alphamo?
I don't know anyone personally from the before and after point of view and what worked.
I've heard Lion talk about his transformation and I've kind of seen from this forum/ pictures Smirks change.( inspirational) So I know its possible.. Any advice/opinions on what truly works..

( it's kind of like being blind..stuck in a forest you've never been in trying to find your way out)

Btw frogprince I would be very interested in learning what the book suggest .. regarding changing those social issues..

"Edited" My post tend to be a work in progress..