open discussion: all my self doubt, anxiety, and deprecation embodied by approach anxiety

[Guest]

I guess I'm a bit of an emotional wreck in general, but lately I've been paralyzed by AA. I have this feeling that I'm a child around all these cool, higher-social status Austin people. So every time I see a woman, I'm taken back to a time warp in 4th and 5th grade:
the time I fuck up a soccer game, and intense shame came over me as numerous people heckled me for my failure
but most importantly, I'm taken back to that time everyone found out that I liked the girls I could never have because I wasn't cool or strong enough, and their boyfriends were going to beat my ass.


Its like I'm 11-years old every time I see a chick in a bar...I'm all locked-up again.

any thoughts on getting over this? i'm going to be 28-years old soon, wasting away every day with this crap.

[Guest]

I think I can relate to this in some respects:
One thing I've noticed lately is that I've been hanging out alot with my old (non community) friends. No particular reason....its just easier than driving out to Dallas/wherever. I'm starting to wonder if that (among a few other things) is taking a toll on what progress I had already made with regard to having the will/balls/etc to go up and meet and talk to people.

Sometimes when I'm out with my other friends, I'll do ok if I go off and start opening stuff on my own, but theres no real surrounding motivation to do better (like I have when I'm out with community friends and we open things left and right). My friends do what most people do at a bar....they go and sit down and don't really talk to anyone else unless they know them.
It seems to work like an anchor for me and, in fact, unless I do pretty much all the work to merge a set with my group....most of them won't even join in with me when I start talking to people.

So I've heard you mention you do day game alot....but do you go out with other social people that might help you get into the mindset of being social yourself? Or is it usually solo for you?

Maybe surrounding yourself with a good wing or two might help you get back into the mindset you want to be in.

[Guest]

I go solo everywhere, I don't really have any friends here in Austin. I've been wrapped up in 60+ hour weeks at work and getting my car on the racetrack, that I don't do anything else...but that is the normal shit for me.

my day-game is shut down too. I'm starting to feel like I'm doing something "bad" or "annoying" by opening up girls. I think my sister's stories about men hitting on her are getting at me too. Some dude opened her with some canned shit and i thought "is that me, or am I more evolved than that...and if I am, am I any better than the guy who my sister didn't approve of? How could I possibly want anything to do with the women that this shit works on?" After that revelation, it makes me want to go with direct shit like "I'm new in town, and out making friends with strange people..."

[Guest]

"I'm new in town, and out making friends with strange people..."

I've used that one.

[Guest]

i know what you mean. I was raised by women so they told me what to do and what not to do. I was also the girls best friend, but never the boyfriend, for so long... all that stuff goes through my head too... i just try not to think about it. that may not be the best advice, but i hope it helped bro.

i have a question, it will only take a couple of seconds of your time(false time restrant) it seems like my generation is obsesses with rap, i think rock is dying. Im a rock fan, plus i am book worm... it seems like no one else is nowadays. Should i still be able to connect with these women or am i fucked?

[Guest]

using openers is not really the problem here guys.

edit: I found the problem...shut the fuck up, be a man, get over it. Indifference is the difference. No rejection matters, only the glory. Here i am, crying like a faggot, when i could be balls-deep.

[Guest]

It takes everyone a different amount of time to get over AA, and you never get completely over it. Mystery himself said that he still gets nervous before he walks into a set for the first time. Set a goal to talk to 10 girls before you head home that night. And by setting a goal I mean really set it. Take out a piece of paper and write down I WILL TALK TO TEN GIRLS TONIGHT. You have no idea what writing a goal down will do for you. Focus on your goal, and remember that there are far more worse things you could be doing than talking to beautiful girls all night.

edit: You know what will motivate you? Do a TOXX clause. What's a toxx clause? Set a goal and then set a punishment if you don't do it. Make a thread here and say something like this:

"If I don't talk to a 100 girls in 1 month than I will take a picture of me wearing nothing but a thong playing paramore on guitar hero for ps3 and post it on the forums."

[Guest]

Please No TOXX clause actually done like that! That shit just sounds scary and creepy. LOL.
But the premise of the idea is solid.
AA-everyone gets it, then gets over it, then it com,es back again. I think the key may be to recognize its cycle, and in the end follow the timeless advice and consumate wisodom of FUCK IT! Nothing should get in the way of YOU having YOUR fun, no matter how some stupid bimbo acts. Remember it's HER loss not yours, you just need to show/ express that to her...

[Guest]

I don't know that its even really AA anymore, more like a violation of moral fiber. I just locked up again in the gym when I should have opened a chick who was so fucking insanely hot. Now I have the guilt. It doesn't even get to the point of AA anymore. My goal is a relationship, and as long as it never goes south, I'll never leave. So I automatically think, "why the hell would this chick want to be around me for years and years? She doesn't even know me, so why would she want to talk to e in the first place."

This bullshit consumers me like once every 6-months and i freeze up.

[Guest]

sorry i was a bit drunk when i typed that responce, before i went to sleep i was thinking "why the fuck did i put a question on another persons thread" i felt like a jerk

really bro im sorry.