Sticking Point - Conversation Flow

[Guest]

Ah man, this is a major problem with me. I can open and start talking. But then I start running out of shit to say and I eject. It happens so fucking much. Tonight I was talking to hb swirls and it was going good, but then I run out of shit to say and pictureperfect is like wtf!!! You had it! I know I know, but I didn't have anything to say. This same thing happened two or three times tonight and it happens on a regular basis. I feel the convo going flat and I just eject, I don't know how to keep the convo going. At least a super slutty chick felt my hair and said I'm super hot, so the night wasn't a total drag.


Ok, I'm drunk and I have to get up for work in 3 hrs...so I'm going to bed.

[Guest]

this means you are either A) not prepared or B) don't trust your material.

The fix as I see it comes in 2 parts:
first, Plow. I don't recommend plowing very often because it usually just causes frustration because it isn't the answer. In this case it is part of the answer. You have to be willing to blow out any set you are in. You have to be able to let them walk away. Premature ejectulation comes from trying to avoid rejection. If you are willing to get rejected you won't eject. You have to trust that what you come up with to say will be good, that your material is good and you have to resign to the fact that you may get blown out. If you don't trust your material to succeed then you are trusting that it will fail.

Part 2 is about preparation.

If you don't know what to say next, you haven't planned for it. It may be you need a very stiff organized pre-programmed pick up. Have your material well organized and practiced. Have a set material that you can just progress through. THe problem with this is if you get derailed, it's hard to recover.

The other way is to have a series of topics that you are comfortable with that you can go on and on for hours about if you want to. Of course, these have to be things that you know inside out that you can talk comfortably about. The only problem with going this way is you can loose focus on the pickup because you like the topic.

the second one is what I usually do. My topics are Metaphysics (chick crack), My business (shows ambition, inteligence and risk taking), or my art ( either my music or my painting)

The only way to get past this is to learn to trust your material. the only way to do that is by knowing your material, plowing, seeing if it works and then tweaking it for better effect or replacing it with stuff that works better. And don't ditch your material after trying it once and it failing. It it fail consistently, even after tweaking, ditch it for something new.

[Guest]

how quickly are you running out of material?

you shouldn't find yourself needing to use material very long. It should be pretty free flowing (at least the way i like to do it) where the girl is making an investment in the interaction as well. IIRC there is even some disproportionate percentage of you vs her conversation time which i don't subscribe to for the simple fact there are a lot of girls that just are NOT very interesting to talk to and/or you don't click with, and better to discover that sooner rather than later. Remember that you should be screening them as well. When you find these little barflys that are just another pretty face without much substance and aren't interesting to talk to, just move on...

[Guest]

I have somewhat of the same problem for the sets I open at the beginning of a venue. Usually it's because I haven't got into a mindset and I'm not vibing. Whenever I'm talking to a girl and I'm running out of shit to say it's because I'm thinking too hard and not having fun. I've found that when I do some of the most random shit is when I get the best results. Take the other day for example. I told this girl to hold her elbow out and then I grabbed it and said she was my handbag because I had said earlier that she treats her men like handbags.. It was reallllly random, but funny at the moment I guess. It's pretty surprising how little it actually takes, just be confident and outcome independent. If you don't care what the girl thinks of you, you will do whatever you want, and THAT is when you become the prize.

EDIT: Do not confuse do anything you want with GO CRAZY. I'm just saying in set don't worry about boundaries, just keep pushing until you hit it. And next time you run out of things to say. Just pull the girl in by grabbing her shoulder into you and say something "secret" into her ear. Just be like "Hey, I gotta ask you something, but i dont want these creepy guys to hear." Say it slow and not excited.

Also, I'm trying to stay in set as long as I can until either A) They leave or B) I can't take the awkwardness anymore. You should try it to because I find that sometimes in sets that I think are crashing and burning, they will actually reinitiate, which gives you an IOI and an easy way to continue plowing.

[Guest]

I've been having this problem too alot lately.
It took me a while to put the two together, but I realized the other day that its become more of a problem since I started trying to sarge sans the effects of alcohol (a goal of mine lately)...and its not going so well for me.

I usually get frustrated with being boring, drink up, then I magically have Professor-level (or close, atleast) convo skills.

Anyway, I'm not necessarily recommending alcohol as a possible solution......except that I kinda am.

[Guest]

[quote1228033728=AlphaMo]


I usually get frustrated with being boring, drink up, then I magically have Professor-level (or close, atleast) convo skills.

Anyway, I'm not necessarily recommending alcohol as a possible solution......except that I kinda am.
[/quote1228033728]


Haha, so true. Remember last night where I locked into that seated set? Shit went great. I had a few beers before hand, but I stayed in there after an awkward silence and I kept the shit going. It felt good and I tried for a number close.

[Guest]

hey Just/Us whats going on man? I was reading your post in this thread and one question popped into my mind: how early and how often do you start getting physical with the girl?

[Guest]

yea, i have the same problem...i dont think its because i run out of things to say...i'm usually pretty good at just talking and letting the conversation go wherever it flows..i think my problem is that i'm so wrapped up with what "material" to use and when that it fucks with my head...and ultimately interrupts my coversational skills...maybe this is also the case with you?

that set went ok, but i was still disappointed with the results. i thought i couldve done better...i was trying to wing for you and was engaging the whole group, but that dude was totally being a d-bag, so i opened the two girls to my left...and was like whatever...

[Guest]

[quote1228074700=prodigy]


that set went ok, but i was still disappointed with the results. i thought i couldve done better.
[/quote1228074700]

I was saying it went good for me because I didn't eject at the awkward silence and kept the convo going. Making improvement there. And I haven't had too much practice with seated sets and mixed sets. Of course I am sure your goals are different than mine right now.

[Guest]

[quote1228074815=Murad]
hey Just/Us whats going on man? I was reading your post in this thread and one question popped into my mind: how early and how often do you start getting physical with the girl?
[/quote1228074815]

I have been doing a lot more kino lately. But yes, I think I do need to be more touchy.