older PUAs: becoming a hard ass... on love/marriage/PU/etc

[Guest]

I've been on the fence to post this for quite some time, but i'm interested to hear some input from some of the older (lets say 25+ since i wouldn't even recommend settling down before 25-30) PUAs. And that doesn't mean you are just 'in the community', i'm talking a successful PUA with options.

I look back on my AFC days where women were scarce, having a woman interested in me, by default I ended up putting her on a pedestal. Those women that i look back on during that time period, I really felt 'madly' in love with. Maybe it was age, maybe experience, but maybe really it was a dynamic from working from NOT having options and it was that 'put them on a pedastal' that triggered that feeling(??)

I look at where I'm at in my journey, and not to sound like a douchebag, but i can barely even go out to a bar with a women i'm dating due to knowing i could game other women in the bar with success that night. I have no tolerance for BS at any point from a women i'm dating since i realize i'm sacrificing a night to spend with them where i could be out writing another chapter in nightly adventures.

Which brings me to the point. I've dated a ton of really quality women that I think if I crossed paths with at an earlier stage of my life, I probably would have had MUCH stronger feelings for(assuming having the ability to land them which I would NOT have had...), but at this point I don't seem to ever unlock those feelings due to where I have gotten to in PU. I almost feel like i've grown calloused/hardened to ever actually feeling a strong connection for a single women. It's either that, or i've grown so hardened from the past relationship trauma and need a psychologist :)

Is it an ability to control this aspect of your life that actually leads to a detrimental effect by not letting you 'unlock' that certain aspect anymore?

Interested in hearing some other viewpoints/experience on this...

TD

[Guest]

I feel like I've come a long way since 2 years ago, and I have options when it comes to sex, but I'm not satisfied with the level of quality I'm getting. I think it may have to do with where and how I'm meeting these girls, and they are almost never my type personality-wise.

I do still get hung up on high quality girls and I get excessively "romantic" and I will still put them on a pedestal even though I know I shouldn't. Maybe it's because the girls I really like still seem scarce to me.

I am planning to settle down one day once I find a woman of high enough quality, so maybe it's not a bad thing..

[Guest]

I also have seen things the way you guys have. That's one of the reasons I've been fairly scarce on here the past few months.
Yah, one can pick up a tipsy dirl from a bar or club, but the odds are you're not getting a keeper. Great, hot sex, and a nice arse or pair of boobs, sure. But a girl you can really fall for? Not so much.
Every girl I've met that way, I have felt nothing for. It was more of a sex/business transaction on my part.

This is why I've started to get more involved in things that are not places you usually go to do "traditional pick up." And I'm enjoying it. Mainly, because I'm meeting girl who are keepers. That was my goal when I got into the community:
To meet the best girl I can find, and make her mine.

[Guest]

TD,

I feel the exact same way as you.

I have met some girls who a few years ago would have been GF material. Girls who I would have been happy taking around showing off. Girls who have their shit together in more ways than one.

Yet very quickly these girls meant nothing to me. I never had a sense that I would be upset if I never saw them again. It would just be a matter of replacing them which was never a problem.

It is hilarious that you write this. I wrote a short entry in my blog a few weeks ago about options. I am actually sorta envious of the guy with fewer options. They don't have such a hard time making a choice. They can SETTLE.

When you have so many options, or at least the ability to make options settling is impossible. And it isn't even about settling. It really comes down to wanting the absolute best and not stopping until you find her.

Do we need a psychologist? I hate that I have an inkling that we do...I will leave it at that.

I have a feeling that what I find more important(Family, wife, kids) will eventually take over my brain and I will settle for the best I can find.

Knowing what you can attract now is what limits you from having feelings for these girls. You believe you will find someone that will just blow you away. Until you find that you are not unlocking those feelings. I share those same feelings and think every time I go out I might meet some badass girl. I fear this will never happen though and I will be some old ass guy who never married or has kids. The thought of hiring a sarrogate mother to pass on my genes has crossed my mind before.

Just make sure when you meet her you don't revert back to being AFC.

[Guest]

I think I can chime in on this with a very nice perspective.

I have had the pleasure of meeting a wonderful women during my tenor in the Community. Or, should I say she's had the pleasure?

Truth is that I think of it exactly that way. I have found that I forever remain the challenge to her. The guy that she has to continue to win over. I continue to be the prize.

You CAN be a PUA and still be in a loving relationship. The fact is that your job is to continue to command her respect, you have to let her know that you CAN, if you so choose, find someone else BUT you CHOOSE to be with her. She will respect both choices and will think the latter is a commentary on her, which is fine even if it's a commentary on what you want.

[Guest]

Dude, I think this came up when I was chatting w/ a couple of other guys from the community a few days ago...weird.

I think what you're experiencing TD is one part natural high from success at our craft, and one part only focusing on the superficial (I hate that word...always comes off dickheadish, but its all I can think of right now.) What I mean by this is that it is a great feeling succeeding in getting women, and it's a great feeling having the confidence that you can/will do it at damn near any time. Feelings like that are addicting...and the other part just has to do with the "yeah she's hot, but I've seen hotter" aspect. Girl A might be slightly more attractive now, but beauty isn't forever...girl B might be SLIGHTLY less attractive, but be a total amazing chick that's got all the non-superficial stuff going on with her ALONG with the beauty.

Let me ask you something: (not actually directed at my boy TD, but he is the OP here) Have you ever had a female friend? Like JUST a friend? If so, how'd that work for you?

I see a lot of guys who take our skill seriously ending up focusing soley on the superficial close. Yeah, you fucked a model...but she can barely spell her own name correctly...grats. There MIGHT be better out there...but there might also be candy canes and marshmallows out in the deepest regions of space.

You just never know...and you can't live life always doing the 'what if's and the 'mights'...you'll never be satified. You can say that about ANYTHING.

We've all been hurt by women...don't be a child at dwell on it, move on with your life. Realize that some times shit just doesn't work out, and you just need to make something else work in the future. Dwelling on it, or even WORSE...holding it against other women down the line...is the worst thing you can do for yourself.

I recall a guy who used to post here a lot...that had sooo much hatred and animosity towards women. For him, it seemed sex with a woman was more of a most legal way to beat a woman than an enjoyable act. Everyone one of his FR/LRs seemed like I was reading the beginning of a rape novel (I don't think these exist...he could start a whole new genre of literature...) Don't become that guy. Let someone in, see what happens. A little at a time...

Just like a wise, yet fictional Therapist once said in the classic "What about Bob?": Baby Steps. : D

[Guest]

A lot of interesting replies and perspectives on the question. thanks.

just to drill down where i was coming from: it almost seems like PU arts and unlocking this ability, somewhat short circuits that 'falling in love' ability. By not ever putting that person on a 'pedestal' and truly investing in the relationship...and by that I mean not feeling an urge that you HAVE to keep the relationship going due to other options, you don't unlock enough of yourself or that part of yourself to ever really fall. It's almost an emotional 'ejection seat' that is always at the ready. Maybe is scar tissue. Hence the question.

Nothing out of malice or anything like that.

I look back on several early AFC relationships where i was madly in love. I've been in serious LTRs since discovering community where i've never even approached anywhere close to that AFC level. I really hope it just means the bar is just raised and not gone...

[Guest]

I think every girl has something about them that is special. And as a PUA we tend to over look these things because we have a lot of options. I guess my question or challenge to you, is how much do you really know about these girls. Do you as Fenix wrote, treat it as a business transaction, OR do you truely get to know the person and leave them as they say better than when they met you?

[Guest]

[quote1225982415=carmel]
I think every girl has something about them that is special. And as a PUA we tend to over look these things because we have a lot of options. I guess my question or challenge to you, is how much do you really know about these girls. Do you as Fenix wrote, treat it as a business transaction, OR do you truely get to know the person and leave them as they say better than when they met you?
[/quote1225982415]

I agree every girl probably has something special about her.

But what we are finding are all the negatives that we didn't before. We find them because we have so many options. Without options you either overlook the negatives, or you just choose to look the other way.

Every girl is going to have some flaws. I just want to find the one with the least amount and the most going for her.

[Guest]

[quote1225987666=playercool]
[quote1225982415=carmel]
I think every girl has something about them that is special. And as a PUA we tend to over look these things because we have a lot of options. I guess my question or challenge to you, is how much do you really know about these girls. Do you as Fenix wrote, treat it as a business transaction, OR do you truely get to know the person and leave them as they say better than when they met you?
[/quote1225982415]

I agree every girl probably has something special about her.

But what we are finding are all the negatives that we didn't before. We find them because we have so many options. Without options you either overlook the negatives, or you just choose to look the other way.

Every girl is going to have some flaws. I just want to find the one with the least amount and the most going for her.




[/quote1225987666]

How do you find this out when moving on to the next thing so quickly?