The roller coaster of life................

[Guest]

Well she broke up with her boyfriend.....on the same day he happened to send her flowers! lmao. Now I've got a very emotional woman on my hands who is trying to get her feelings sorted out. She's also got some confidence/security issues that make her confused and torn in between two guys she has feelings for. If anybody has any advice I'd love to hear it.

[Guest]

As I read the story, she cheated on you. You learned of it, and instead of leaving her immediately, you tried to make things work. She wanted no part of it...probably because she was in love with this loser repo guy. Then you finally decided to divorce her, which I think was the best decision you could have made.

You later learned that she wanted no part of the divorce, but at what point did that come out? As long as she had the repo guy to be with, I am guessing the divorce wasn't all that bad for her, because at the time, he still had value. But once she figured out he was a schmuck (flowers???) she lost sexual attraction for him. Now suddenly, the divorce was something you wanted, but not her. But did she actually fight you on the divorce at the time that you made that decision? I doubt it. She had the other guy there for her.

What if the repo guy wouldn't have made the mistakes he made? You'd still be heartbroken. Even though you are out doing stuff and not dwelling on depression and all that, you seem to be handling it well, WHAT IF she were still attracted to him? What if he had turned out to be the man she was hoping he'd be when he swept her off her feet?

The bottom line, she cheated on you. When the other guy turned out to not have as much value, she decided she didn't want him anymore. So she re-contacted you and there you are, ready and willing to take her back, despite her bad behavior.

Man, I wish I understood women better, but it seems to me that if you take her back, you're just setting yourself up for more of the same. What lesson has she learned in all of this? That she can go fuck another man and you will 1.) Try to work things out and when things don't work out you will 2.) take her back if/when she changes her mind.

This girl has a MAJOR case of princess syndrome, based on what I've read here.

I'd recommend you let her live alone in an apartment or something and tell her you aren't exactly 100% sure of what you want for now. Let her sit there WITHOUT a man in her life and let her see that she fucked up with you and let her WONDER if she can ever get you back. Let her miss you. Let her think that you are not sold on her anymore and that any kind of disloyal behavior at this point would surely run you off for good.

She didn't miss you much when she was with the rebound, not like she would've if she'd been alone this whole time. Tell her something like, if you really want to get back with me, you need to work on you first...give her some hoops to jump through...don't just take her back. Tell her you want her to live alone for 6 months and then maybe, if you see the kind of improvement in her that you are looking for, maybe you'll change your mind and take her back.

I think welcoming her back with open arms would be a huge mistake...make her jump through your hoops first. Oh, and btw, I hope you didn't pressure or manipulate her into dumping the rebound, because if you did, and it wasn't entirely her decision, she'll probably run right back into his arms.

Honestly, I don't know if any relationship can work in this adulterous generation any more. Women are gonna go out if they want to go out. We have no control over them.

[Guest]

Alphagame has some good points.

There is hope. And PUA skills are important.
The hoops can be seeing a counselor or reading that book I recommended.

Was she raped as a child?

We all make mistakes. ALL OF US. There is a slippery slope and if you played to close to the edge, all of us will fall. The trick is not to be so close to the edge.

Howie... you might not have cheated on your wife, but you know you have done something far far worse to her or to yourself or someone else. But you will be forgiven, just as you should forgive her even if you guys will not be together. Dude, I never met you in person... but I know where your heart is... do you?

[Guest]

I was about to give you some advice but what Alpha wrote is all you need.

Even though I wasn't married I went out with a girl for 3 years. She broke up with me and that is what brought me into the community.

Guess what is happening now??? She is CHASING ME. While I do hang out with her I make it very clear I am not ready to get back with her. She is the one trying so hard for us to get back together. I am of the highest value I have ever been in my life. She sees this and wants to be a part of it.

Think about it like this...if I was chasing her trying to get back together with her. What do you think would be happening? She would probably shun me off.

[Guest]

Alpha-

I didn't learn about her not wanting a divorce until a few weeks after it was finalized. She is weak when it comes to discussing her deep feelings and thats something that has caused our relationship to end up where its at. Divorce wasn't something she wanted although she didn't state that until later. But its the best thing that ever happened to both of us. Sometimes it takes a catastrophe to get each others attention!

By having her boyfriend support her, she basically delayed the inevitable. She kept her feelings suppressed just like her mother does in her f'd up marriage. Her feelings didn't come out until her boyfriend started deteriorating and she started thinking about what we used to have together.

She has decided that she needs to be by herself with no serious guys in her life. She needs to work on herself and she knows it. I have been giving her hoops to jump through towards the path of friendship with her. She's definitely passed the friendship test. Mentally she isn't ready to go further right now.

Her decision to dump the boyfriend was all hers and something she knew she needed to do.

Playercool- That whole letting them chase us concept is so true. I did it on her a few months back and it was $$$.

Imager- Nope she wasn't ever raped but she had a dad that put her down. He showed affection with money when he needed to patch things up.

[Guest]

One thing I haven't figured out is why she wants to try so hard to be my friend. She has never wanted to burn any bridges with me. There was a time when I refused to talk to her after we had separated and it killed her. It killed her wondering if I might die from my wreck and she would of never had the chance to ask me for a second chance. All along she has always mentioned that there might be a day in the future where we are back together. That coupled with her never wanting a divorce leads me to believe that yes she does want something at some point. I know she looks up to me a lot for direction and advice regarding lifes matters. There are only 2 people in her life that she lets into her inner circle. One of those is me, the other her mother.

For now we are just being friends and we'll go do things like friends do. I'm still chasing tail on the side and told her that. And its something we can both be happy with. She did buy us Motley Crue tickets and cleaned my entire house & washed my truck today! She has never washed my vehicle in 14years.

I have told her if she wants to have me she needs to make effort and its probably the only way to do it.

[Guest]

HAHA... This is confusing... she is washing your truck and clean your house after you game some girl all over the bed sheets... dude you got it made.

Seriously, do you think it is your PUA skills that is getting her back or was it just meant to be?

[Guest]

[quote1216621239=Howiestern]
One thing I haven't figured out is why she wants to try so hard to be my friend. She has never wanted to burn any bridges with me. There was a time when I refused to talk to her after we had separated and it killed her. It killed her wondering if I might die from my wreck and she would of never had the chance to ask me for a second chance. All along she has always mentioned that there might be a day in the future where we are back together. That coupled with her never wanting a divorce leads me to believe that yes she does want something at some point. I know she looks up to me a lot for direction and advice regarding lifes matters. There are only 2 people in her life that she lets into her inner circle. One of those is me, the other her mother.

For now we are just being friends and we'll go do things like friends do. I'm still chasing tail on the side and told her that. And its something we can both be happy with. She did buy us Motley Crue tickets and cleaned my entire house & washed my truck today! She has never washed my vehicle in 14years.

I have told her if she wants to have me she needs to make effort and its probably the only way to do it.


[/quote1216621239]

Umm simple...you have basically known this girl your entire life. Man that is hard to walk away from. I mean you guys were not only married you were friends. She misses that.

She is definitely trying to gain your attention by cleaning your house and car.

[Guest]

Its a combination of things.....Definitely the pua skills have helped. But I can't discount the fact that I've gotten back to the guy I used to be. Yeah this whole thing is probably meant to be. It just won't settle out so we can go our own ways. Things keep happening.

[Guest]

I hope everything works out for you and your ex, man. Good luck!!