Going through a separation right now, registered a few weeks ago. She told me she was pregnant and wanted to work it out. She miscarried and decided she lost her reason for wanting to work it out. Now I find out she has been consulting with a divorce attorney. Now I am back here.
My problems: I am 6'3" 286lbs down from 322 and losing weight. I think this is key for my confidence in my appearance and feelings or worthiness in order to be able to approach women and think I have a chance. I am also a broke student so I dont have a whole lot of money for going out to clubs or dates now. I have been married for 7 years and have been out of the game for a long time. I also tend to fall in love too quickly when I do meet someone I like.
I hope you guys can help me out and show me how to regain myself...
Dallas PUA
The Pickup Artist Playground
Fucking bitch...
13 posts
• Page 1 of 2 • 1, 2
by Guest » Fri Jun 13, 2008 9:50 am
Hi Jeremy,
Welcome to the forum. I am still kinda new myself... I do read majority of the material and not use it.
But these guys on here will definitely motivate you to use it.
Opened my first set yesterday with a can line.
BTW, I can relate to your situation. I have 16 years marriage and 2 kids. She tells me the Passion is gone.
I don't know what you have read so far... But for me, I am not going to be a chump anymore.
I hope you regain yourself too.
Do you have kids?
Welcome to the forum. I am still kinda new myself... I do read majority of the material and not use it.
But these guys on here will definitely motivate you to use it.
Opened my first set yesterday with a can line.
BTW, I can relate to your situation. I have 16 years marriage and 2 kids. She tells me the Passion is gone.
I don't know what you have read so far... But for me, I am not going to be a chump anymore.
I hope you regain yourself too.
Do you have kids?
- Guest
by Guest » Fri Jun 13, 2008 10:24 am
Hi Jeremy,
I can definitely relate to your situation... getting out of an 8 year marriage myself, tho on the opposite side (me leaving her because it wasn't a healthy relationship). Also have weight issues (down to 262 from 284) so I know how that goes... and yeah, she is a bitch... my wife and I are trying to do the quick divorce where both parties agree to the terms and you file yourself (cost $199... support payments -- priceless). I also tend to fall in love too quickly as well when I meet someone I really like.. I think for me being in an unsuccessful marriage will definitely make me a LOT more cautious in the future as far as judging women for potential relationships -- I am 1000% more picky than I was before.
As far as getting yourself back, here's my experience so far:
* Most of it is your own internal issues with yourself. Before you work on pick up stuff too much, I'd work on your 'inner game' -- building your own self confidence and worth. You need to get to the point not where you think but *realize* that you are the motherfuckin' man! First think about the positive things about you you have to offer... as far as the negative things like being broke, fix the things you are able to fix for yourself and the stuff you can't fix, you just have to put that out of your mind or you're dwelling on negative stuff for no reason other than to bring yourself down.
* As far as the weight, keep it up. You can do a LOT with more than you would think doing pick up once you get over your approach anxiety. I am a big guy and only have done this a couple of weeks and I've still never been insulted or really blown out by a woman -- I've gotten IODs from a few where I can tell they're not really interested in pursuing the conversation, but most women it's really what they tell you in the PUA community -- most women's lives are fairly boring... they like excitement and good conversation... if you're cool, self confident, and not the average moron coming up and going 'ummmm.... hi' while you fidget and make lame conversation they'll talk to you and get to know you. I don't consider myself a PUA at all because I haven't really had time to develop my skills yet, but trust in the advice the guys here give you -- it is usually spot on and we tend to tell ourselves we can't do things more than is true. And once you get the weight off you'll get even more interest from women as well.
* Consider this time while things are being sorted out with your bitch/wife/soon to be ex the chance to take the time to get things straightened out in your life and to build social skills... so that when things do get resolved you can really go gangbusters :)
Whereabouts you at maybe we can workout sometime and discuss.
I can definitely relate to your situation... getting out of an 8 year marriage myself, tho on the opposite side (me leaving her because it wasn't a healthy relationship). Also have weight issues (down to 262 from 284) so I know how that goes... and yeah, she is a bitch... my wife and I are trying to do the quick divorce where both parties agree to the terms and you file yourself (cost $199... support payments -- priceless). I also tend to fall in love too quickly as well when I meet someone I really like.. I think for me being in an unsuccessful marriage will definitely make me a LOT more cautious in the future as far as judging women for potential relationships -- I am 1000% more picky than I was before.
As far as getting yourself back, here's my experience so far:
* Most of it is your own internal issues with yourself. Before you work on pick up stuff too much, I'd work on your 'inner game' -- building your own self confidence and worth. You need to get to the point not where you think but *realize* that you are the motherfuckin' man! First think about the positive things about you you have to offer... as far as the negative things like being broke, fix the things you are able to fix for yourself and the stuff you can't fix, you just have to put that out of your mind or you're dwelling on negative stuff for no reason other than to bring yourself down.
* As far as the weight, keep it up. You can do a LOT with more than you would think doing pick up once you get over your approach anxiety. I am a big guy and only have done this a couple of weeks and I've still never been insulted or really blown out by a woman -- I've gotten IODs from a few where I can tell they're not really interested in pursuing the conversation, but most women it's really what they tell you in the PUA community -- most women's lives are fairly boring... they like excitement and good conversation... if you're cool, self confident, and not the average moron coming up and going 'ummmm.... hi' while you fidget and make lame conversation they'll talk to you and get to know you. I don't consider myself a PUA at all because I haven't really had time to develop my skills yet, but trust in the advice the guys here give you -- it is usually spot on and we tend to tell ourselves we can't do things more than is true. And once you get the weight off you'll get even more interest from women as well.
* Consider this time while things are being sorted out with your bitch/wife/soon to be ex the chance to take the time to get things straightened out in your life and to build social skills... so that when things do get resolved you can really go gangbusters :)
Whereabouts you at maybe we can workout sometime and discuss.
- Guest
by Guest » Fri Jun 13, 2008 1:59 pm
I am in Irving, BTW. Thanks Justice and Imager.
Imager, I read a great book called The 5 Love Languages, if there is a desire to make your marriage work and make it healthy, I would HIGHLY suggest this book. So how do I get started? I bought The Game, but took it back after I thought the wife and I were going to work it out. Plus I got about half way through and it got too much about Mystery's emotional problems rather than how to pick up a woman. I am taking 29 semester hours so I dont have all the time in the world to read a book that is not directly to the point.
Imager, I read a great book called The 5 Love Languages, if there is a desire to make your marriage work and make it healthy, I would HIGHLY suggest this book. So how do I get started? I bought The Game, but took it back after I thought the wife and I were going to work it out. Plus I got about half way through and it got too much about Mystery's emotional problems rather than how to pick up a woman. I am taking 29 semester hours so I dont have all the time in the world to read a book that is not directly to the point.
- Guest
by Guest » Fri Jun 13, 2008 3:44 pm
David deangelo's e-book summarizes a lot of the philosophy and is not long... it's a good place to get started.. I know one of the other members has a directory of resources.
Your going to need to devote time though it's not something you can just read a quick e-book on and all of a sudden you're great at it. You'll need to take some time to learn the concepts... and after that it's mostly practice, practice, practice which takes a lot of time as well. The key to getting good is to internalize these concepts into your daily life through learning them and then practicing them so that they're natural when you use them.
I work in irving and my work has a gym... if you want to get together sometime, work out and chat let me know.
Your going to need to devote time though it's not something you can just read a quick e-book on and all of a sudden you're great at it. You'll need to take some time to learn the concepts... and after that it's mostly practice, practice, practice which takes a lot of time as well. The key to getting good is to internalize these concepts into your daily life through learning them and then practicing them so that they're natural when you use them.
I work in irving and my work has a gym... if you want to get together sometime, work out and chat let me know.
- Guest
by Guest » Thu Jun 19, 2008 2:10 pm
This is going to sound harsh, but you will never regain yourself unless you let your wife go. Stop waiting for her to decide whether she wants to work things out or get an attorney. I think YOU should file for divorce. That's what I did. I came up with a framework in which I gave her what I could and I filed an uncontested divorce. It was quick and cheap (for the legal fees). If she wants to screw you over, then dig in your heels and sick your attorney on her, but if you truly want to regain yourself it will be worth it to make some consolations.
Judging from this thread and your other one about the petite girl, it seems like your self worth is tied up in your wife. That happens a lot. I went through that too. I was married for 12 years and I had an identity crisis when I got divorced. But it was a fun identity crisis. I traveled, went to the gym a lot, went to art museums, bought some expensive toys, threw out all her stuff and bought my OWN stuff, hung my guitars on the wall, got involved in the community, went out sarging, got laid, and so on. But I couldn't have done all that unless I got rid of the wife.
I don't know you, but I feel like I do. You were married for 7 years, so a lot of your life was devoted to making someone else happy. That's a hard habit to break. Think about a person's identity as a circle. When you get into a relationship with someone, you allow your circles to intersect. When you get married, the center of your circle is inside the other person's circle, and hers should be in yours (although right now it seems like her center is not in your circle but your center is sill in hers). The longer you're together, the more your circles overlap. When you end that relationship, it's natural to feel a little empty, overwhelmed, lost, whatever.
That is why you have to cut her loose. FOR YOU!
You're taking some steps already. After all, you're here. You're chatting up girls. You're losing weight. That's awesome. But you have to take more drastic actions to seize life. You have to grab that cow by the tits and milk her for all she's worth.
So stop vacillating about the divorce. You're spinning your wheels. Dude, you're awesome. Your wife is not that hot. You can do so much better, and there are girls waiting for you to make something interesting and fun happen for them.
Judging from this thread and your other one about the petite girl, it seems like your self worth is tied up in your wife. That happens a lot. I went through that too. I was married for 12 years and I had an identity crisis when I got divorced. But it was a fun identity crisis. I traveled, went to the gym a lot, went to art museums, bought some expensive toys, threw out all her stuff and bought my OWN stuff, hung my guitars on the wall, got involved in the community, went out sarging, got laid, and so on. But I couldn't have done all that unless I got rid of the wife.
I don't know you, but I feel like I do. You were married for 7 years, so a lot of your life was devoted to making someone else happy. That's a hard habit to break. Think about a person's identity as a circle. When you get into a relationship with someone, you allow your circles to intersect. When you get married, the center of your circle is inside the other person's circle, and hers should be in yours (although right now it seems like her center is not in your circle but your center is sill in hers). The longer you're together, the more your circles overlap. When you end that relationship, it's natural to feel a little empty, overwhelmed, lost, whatever.
That is why you have to cut her loose. FOR YOU!
You're taking some steps already. After all, you're here. You're chatting up girls. You're losing weight. That's awesome. But you have to take more drastic actions to seize life. You have to grab that cow by the tits and milk her for all she's worth.
So stop vacillating about the divorce. You're spinning your wheels. Dude, you're awesome. Your wife is not that hot. You can do so much better, and there are girls waiting for you to make something interesting and fun happen for them.
- Guest
by Guest » Thu Jun 19, 2008 10:59 pm
[quote1213934304=Rhody]
This is going to sound harsh, but you will never regain yourself unless you let your wife go. Stop waiting for her to decide whether she wants to work things out or get an attorney. I think YOU should file for divorce. That's what I did. I came up with a framework in which I gave her what I could and I filed an uncontested divorce. It was quick and cheap (for the legal fees). If she wants to screw you over, then dig in your heels and sick your attorney on her, but if you truly want to regain yourself it will be worth it to make some consolations.
Judging from this thread and your other one about the petite girl, it seems like your self worth is tied up in your wife. That happens a lot. I went through that too. I was married for 12 years and I had an identity crisis when I got divorced. But it was a fun identity crisis. I traveled, went to the gym a lot, went to art museums, bought some expensive toys, threw out all her stuff and bought my OWN stuff, hung my guitars on the wall, got involved in the community, went out sarging, got laid, and so on. But I couldn't have done all that unless I got rid of the wife.
I don't know you, but I feel like I do. You were married for 7 years, so a lot of your life was devoted to making someone else happy. That's a hard habit to break. Think about a person's identity as a circle. When you get into a relationship with someone, you allow your circles to intersect. When you get married, the center of your circle is inside the other person's circle, and hers should be in yours (although right now it seems like her center is not in your circle but your center is sill in hers). The longer you're together, the more your circles overlap. When you end that relationship, it's natural to feel a little empty, overwhelmed, lost, whatever.
That is why you have to cut her loose. FOR YOU!
You're taking some steps already. After all, you're here. You're chatting up girls. You're losing weight. That's awesome. But you have to take more drastic actions to seize life. You have to grab that cow by the tits and milk her for all she's worth.
So stop vacillating about the divorce. You're spinning your wheels. Dude, you're awesome. Your wife is not that hot. You can do so much better, and there are girls waiting for you to make something interesting and fun happen for them.
[/quote1213934304]
Rhody, thanks for the encouragement. If I was not a Christian and have such high standards for my marriage and my kids I would say you are right. Right now, to be honest I should not even be thinking of other women, but I guess this is me not wanting to accept what I feel is inevitable and preparing for when divorce does happen.
This is going to sound harsh, but you will never regain yourself unless you let your wife go. Stop waiting for her to decide whether she wants to work things out or get an attorney. I think YOU should file for divorce. That's what I did. I came up with a framework in which I gave her what I could and I filed an uncontested divorce. It was quick and cheap (for the legal fees). If she wants to screw you over, then dig in your heels and sick your attorney on her, but if you truly want to regain yourself it will be worth it to make some consolations.
Judging from this thread and your other one about the petite girl, it seems like your self worth is tied up in your wife. That happens a lot. I went through that too. I was married for 12 years and I had an identity crisis when I got divorced. But it was a fun identity crisis. I traveled, went to the gym a lot, went to art museums, bought some expensive toys, threw out all her stuff and bought my OWN stuff, hung my guitars on the wall, got involved in the community, went out sarging, got laid, and so on. But I couldn't have done all that unless I got rid of the wife.
I don't know you, but I feel like I do. You were married for 7 years, so a lot of your life was devoted to making someone else happy. That's a hard habit to break. Think about a person's identity as a circle. When you get into a relationship with someone, you allow your circles to intersect. When you get married, the center of your circle is inside the other person's circle, and hers should be in yours (although right now it seems like her center is not in your circle but your center is sill in hers). The longer you're together, the more your circles overlap. When you end that relationship, it's natural to feel a little empty, overwhelmed, lost, whatever.
That is why you have to cut her loose. FOR YOU!
You're taking some steps already. After all, you're here. You're chatting up girls. You're losing weight. That's awesome. But you have to take more drastic actions to seize life. You have to grab that cow by the tits and milk her for all she's worth.
So stop vacillating about the divorce. You're spinning your wheels. Dude, you're awesome. Your wife is not that hot. You can do so much better, and there are girls waiting for you to make something interesting and fun happen for them.
[/quote1213934304]
Rhody, thanks for the encouragement. If I was not a Christian and have such high standards for my marriage and my kids I would say you are right. Right now, to be honest I should not even be thinking of other women, but I guess this is me not wanting to accept what I feel is inevitable and preparing for when divorce does happen.
- Guest
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