Hoop Theory Applied.

[BrotherBeau]

I had a buddy of mine call me last night for help on a situation... he had been sarging a couple broads, and to counter a block from one of the girls(the block was something to the tune of "if you're gonna try to pick up girls, you should stop acting like an asshole" which in actuality isn't necessarily a great block), he told her "to not amuse herself, he had a gf." Many would think that he killed off his chances with both, but I've seen guys dig themselves into much bigger holes. So he asks me how to handle the situation if one of the girls he sees asks about the gf.

First I want to address a different route he could have taken in the situations that led up to now.

I believe that whenever you sarge, you never lie (even if it is unintentional... I've done it many times in the past when I was a huge AFC to try to save myself and it really becomes a big mess). You be upfront with a broad and she never can call you out on anything. Now I understand the "I have a girlfriend, don't flatter yourself" line is a common reaction just because it's an easy way of killing off the pick up vibe, but you might set yourself up in a sticky situation(and not in a good way... o jeez bad pun) that would have you snowballing into tons of resistance, or worse, the friends zone.

So let's get to MM's hoop theory:

You have three options when presented with a question, shit test, qualifying, etc.

You can either GRAB the hoop(and make her jump through it)

PUT UP another hoop(to lead her in a different direction)

or SHUT UP (kill off the test completely)

Another take on shit tests or questions is something I picked up from David D, which is to never give a girl a straight answer, or make her work for it. It's basically hoop theory in broader terms.

So let's use some examples:

If your going to try to pick up girls, you should probably stop acting like such an asshole... (this really means, I'm interested in you, I still don't know why, maybe I should kick you down a couple pegs so I can stop being attracted because I'm not supposed to be interested in guys like you)

GRAB - Well if you're trying to meet new people, you should probably stop being so rude. (and move on before she even gives a response, because it gives her a chance to think)

The Grab is used to keep the context of the question the same, just reversing the target.

PUT UP - So tell me the story behind that scar...

The Put Up is used to change or divert attention to something else, moving the interaction in a different direction.

SHUT UP - *silence and a blank stare*

The Shut Up is used to create awkward tension, and is briliant if handled with the right body language. It is extremely important that you hold your ground on this, because this is an instant call of attention to your inner confidence. If there is a hint of you being self conscious, you will have lost rapport and respect.

All three responses say that you don't need her to qualify how great you actually are, and that you have the ability to shrug small stuff off.

Now back to his situation now:

So what happened to your girlfriend? (she really is asking you if flirting with her is your way of rebounding off of or hurting your girlfriend, which in turn if the new girl were to pursue, would she be getting the same drama?)

GRAB - O so you're trying to figure out what not to do so we can make this last longer... (take that hoop and turn it around on her)

PUT UP - (kudos to my buddy for coming up with this one on his own, thru facebook) Hey what happened to your engagement? (the context is that the engagement was one of those girly "I'm engaged to my bff" bullshits)

SHUT UP - *when she presents you with this question, act withdrawn...hold silence... as if she brought up a sore subject, in which you then talk about how things didn't work out while staying positive* (this will show that you cared enough about the broad beforehand to respect her by not bashing her behind her back)

All three should prove to the girl that you are not looking to be vengeful or hurtful towards women, or that it is a subject that was important to you once in life but this isn't the time or place to talk about it. You are here to be playful and fun. And if she really wants to know the deal, then she is going to have to work for it by really pursuing the answer.

Reading into the subtext of the question is important(broads say and mean different things, and if you're not blind you should have realized that by now).

Ultimately you have the power to control where conversations are going. So make them pleasureable for you.

[evolve]

Really good information. I should be able to use this as soon as I able to get out on the field this weekend. I have had a fear of a very similar situation arising and not having the responses to combat that behaviour.

I had a situation earlier this week where I had an HBStarbucks tell me she had a boyfriend but couldn't figure out how to plow through it and ejected gracefully. I could use a little advice as to how to proceed in a situation such as that.

[BrotherBeau]

OK xavier75, HBStarbucks throws the old "I have a boyfriend" shit test at you.

So first off, let's break it down to what she really is saying...

I am going to assume that you were already establishing attraction, and you hit this shit test when you thought things were going pretty smoothly.

If you were correct about thinking that you both were establishing a connection, then this is what she really is saying when she says "I have a boyfriend" :

"I really shouldn't be doing this, I am intrigued with what you have to offer, I hope you are not looking for just sex because if so then it would not be in my best interest to continue on."

Women usually throw out this line or many other shit tests to rationalize and control their attraction. But attraction is not a conscious choice(man DYD did a number on me).

Don't ever address or help her rationalize. Women don't want to appeal to their logic when they are attracted.

As for hoop theory, I would suggest taking a different route (PUT UP) in order to change the direction away from boyfriend/rational thought.

Also, do not let this "i have a boyfriend" business fluster your set. It almost never has to do anything with you. She is internally putting herself in homeostasis because right now she is attracted when she shouldnt be.

Push through it and keep going with your set. You're on the right track.

[evolve]

Yes you are exactly right. things were going real well. She's laughing and giggling. I saw she had a tattoo on her ass and ask her about it and she shows raises her shirt higher and shows me. I then proceed to tell her I have to run but I would like to continue the conversation and try to #close. She then throws that at me. Rapport was established and she seemed attracted.

I honestly didn't take it personally or feel offended.

But I would like to know what you suggest to push through. You mention to "put up" but I don't quite understand.

[Rhody]

I think in that case you might want to make up a role for her that she's going to want to live up to. Like, "oh, your boyfriend decides who you're allowed to talk to on the phone? I thought you were more independent than that." That might fall under GRAB.

A PUT UP might be good if the #close was too big a hoop. Maybe going from showing you her tattoo to giving you her number was too big a jump. She got a tattoo there because she wants people to see it, and she probably shows it to everyone. So a PUT UP would give her a smaller hoop to jump through to reestablish compliance momentum. Like, "let me see your hands." Then throw her hands away or do the ring finger routine or whatever. You just get her trusting you again with smaller hoops.

Also, did you mention that she worked there? I think hired guns are easy to practice routines on. They get paid to be approached ALL DAY. A fun customer just makes time go by faster, so they open really easy. There's no defense to get through. Besides, they are captive, so they might as well have some fun. Getting any kind of close is a whole other story, though. It can be done, but you have to make a statement of interest so it's not a shock when you magically transform from half-half mocha decaf guy to potential suitor.

[evolve]

ahhh! i see what you mean. i will need more work, you make some very good points that make a lot of sense.

thank you.

[BrotherBeau]

Quality response Rhody.

Get her in an agreeing state, through smaller hoops. It's a simple sales trick:

If you get someone to answer affirmatively or agree or just say "yes" many times throughout your interaction, the person will be more susceptible to your influence later.

So if you achieve resistance like that on a #close, you probably didn't establish enough in your set. What I mean by pushing through, in this scenario, is to continue along with your set, maybe take a couple steps back, form some small hoops for her to jump through, get some affirmatives and a couple more IOIs, then get that number.

A number does not mean a commitment, a number means a potential person to hang out with. So come off as a badass potential person to be around, and she won't get the impression that if she gives you the number that you will be pawwing at her.

[evolve]

awesome advice.i will begin to do just that. i had never looked at it like that.

thank you both