The Phoenix Model of PU

[Bull Run]

I officially joined the Community 4 or 5 months ago, but I've spent the past year running and practicing game. I felt PU could be the answer to internalizing a healthy social philosophy. With its hard and fast rules, tools, (peacocking, stories, DHV, negs, routines, etc.), algorithms, and brotherhood I realized that this would provide me with a great road map to learning to be socially confident and graceful. Initially in my training I followed the rules to a T. I was shocked at my level of success. If I didn’t live it, I would have never believed it to be true. But, I digress as the purpose of this particular entry is not to discuss the validity of my new lifestyle instead it’s to discuss how I’ve transformed over my short tenor in the Community.

Initially I thoroughly enjoyed my success but, after a period of time, I realized that my success depended on using artificial tools to illicit attraction, such as canned routines and stories (true or not), pre-planned responses, physical contact, and even a little NLP. Despite my success, I felt contrived and I realized that all these tools, although effective, were just a crutch. People accepted, or rejected me, based on my pre-planned game plan and not on the merits of my personality. More specifically I was judged on the personality I created. I realized I needed to figure out a way to do these things naturally. My words and actions needed to become automatic, they needed to be genuine and real, they needed to be reflections of my inner personality. I began to lose confidence in The Game, in women, in the person I was becoming…until an eloquent comparison from a friend sparked a shift in my thinking, in my philosophy.

Nothing derogatory was meant by the comparison and I didn’t internalize the comment the way I would have in my youth, but a friend compared my new Game-enhanced self to the main character in American Psycho. Patrick Batemen, a psychopath. I realized that that’s what I needed to become, a social psychopath. The actions of a psychopath are not governed by empathy or remorse, they do what they want regardless of the repercussions. Having no concern over repercussions makes your actions infinitely easier. To grow into the man I wanted to be I would have to become a social psychopath. The negative context of ‘psychopath’ hurts my story but I'll plow ahead anyway.

So, I set to develop a new course of action that would allow me to no longer hold back my true personality, I would no longer be afraid of rejection. In my opinion, all social interactions (with new people especially) are governed by two factors: social acceptance or rejection. It’s a continuum as you can have varied levels of acceptance or rejection. I realized that if I could short-circuit the negative feelings associated with rejection, then I could free myself from the repercussions of initiating or taking part in a social interaction. By doing so, I would only feel the good from acceptance and feel no pain from rejection (it’s crucial however that I continue to see rejection when it occurs, I just can’t allow myself to internalize rejection).

This is where the analogy to being a psychopath comes full circle. In social interaction, the only negative repercussion from engaging another is rejection. Think about it, how many times have you thought to yourself or heard someone say they don’t want to approach someone or engage in a social activity because they were afraid of looking stupid, feeling awkward, or being rejected? For many, many individuals social interactions are governed by not wanting to fail, or more accurately to feel rejection. Strip away rejection and there are no negative stimuli to social interaction. Without the sense of negative repercussions one would, in theory, become a psychopath. A social psychopath.

So, I deviated from the traditional plan of pick up. I developed a new model based on two ideas: first if you regularly face your fears by making them come true then you begin to desensitize yourself to that fear. Over time you become immune to your fear and its power over you is lost. My fear was clearly rejection. I decided to make it my goal to be rejected by every single girl I approached.

The first corner stone to this model was easy to see and frankly very intuitive. The second required the assistance of a friend of mine that has spent much time relating pick-up to biological and psychological motives. Bear with me while I get a little scientific. All mammalian species share a brain circuit responsible for one of the most primitive emotions, the joy of fun. Near the base of the brain is a set of neurons that prime playful behavior, and that these neurons are directly linked to the neurons that light up for joy. One of the most universal emotions, not just across cultures but even across species, is the joy of playing. Further, a lot of people think that chimps are the only animals that use tools, but there are actually two others: dolphins and, surprisingly, crows. Crows can, for instance, figure out how to bend straight, pliable metal into hooks to reach food. Besides being the most intelligent species of birds, crows are also the most playful. Young crows have little fear, and will play with just about anything. Young crows will bite at foxes' tails and pester wolves. Based on this, it seems likely that the main function of the play-joy circuit is to reward learning. It’s not a stretch to imagine that a young crow driven to pester wolves would learn how to steal their food, for instance. This brings me to the second corner stone of this model: fun. If you make rejection fun, you’re triggering the play-joy circuit thus allowing you to learn from the interaction in a way that you would not have otherwise been able to if you weren’t getting rejected for fun. You’ll learn much more quickly what is and is not socially acceptable by being destroyed for the sake of your entertainment, it seems counter-intuitive but so are negs. Finally, by having fun with rejection you strip away all outcomes associated with other people (which, as we all know, is hugely attractive to others)…you’re acting only to entertain yourself, that frame will stay with you after your ‘training’ is done.

I refer to my model as the Phoenix Method, crash and burn over and over again until you rise from the ashes and soar. I implemented this model in stages over the course of several weeks, the time depended exclusively upon how well I learned to naturally hedge against rejection.

First, I made sure to get blown out at the opener (“Hey, you’d look much better as a man. So, you having fun tonight?”). After a week of doing this I found that it didn’t matter what I said, I was opening virtually every time. I concluded that since most communication is non-verbal (experts say 80 to 90%), my body language had slightly changed to project an image of a man that isn’t afraid or nervous of other people thus making me infinitely more attractive and greatly improving my social presence.

Then I decided to get blown out once I isolated my target. I’d isolate my target, removing them from the group by taking them to the bar, pool table, dart board, patio, etc. Once it was just the two of us, I’d attempt to get flat out rejected (“I’m not usually into girls my own age, I really like them to be 12 to 15 but you look young” or "I have no problem hitting a woman when she gets out of line"). Again, my body language and strong projection of my emotional and psychological frame (state and surety of mind) began to compensate and I found it harder to get blown out despite what I said.

Finally, I decided to get blown out on day 2s and on the phone. Again, my body language and the context of the way I interacted hedged against getting rejected. At this point it just didn’t seem to matter what I said, everything that was intended to create rejection was interpreted by my ‘date’ as a joke or a reflection of my playful personality. I determined that my mental state had been changed from one seeking approval to one presuming approval.

Presuming is probably the single most powerful tool in the Community, but in my experience it's rarely discussed and it’s something most guys never internalize. If I presumed that you were attracted to me and acted as if that were the case even without your feedback, then that presumption became your self-fulfilling prophecy. By acting as if you were already attracted to me it led my targets to believe the same. This is also when I began to hypothesize that I can control rejection which led me to reason that if I can control rejection then I can also control acceptance. Is it possible I’ve just become the Puppet Master?

The answer to that question, is no. The problem with this way of thinking is that it is inherently wrong. I can’t fully control someone else’s impression of me, sure I can plant seeds by presuming and I can take certain steps to lead the interaction down the direction I want it to go but I can’t brainwash someone into holding a specific image of me. At the end of the day, you can’t control all aspects of someone else’s attraction to you. There are simply too many variables.

At this point, I was perplexed. There are certain truths in the world right? One of which is that people make decisions based on their freewill. They do what they want when they want. Sure, you can convince others to do what you want them to do, but not always. But, the data I was receiving from my field experiments were indicating that I was virtually always in charge of my social interactions. If I wanted to close a girl I usually could, with high degrees of success. If I wanted to be accepted by various groups of people, men and women alike, I usually was. Is it possible that I was manipulating everyone all the time? Certainly not. Then, it occurred to me. “If I wanted to”…that was my new philosophy, new frame if you will. If I wanted to, I was going to get your number. If I wanted to, I was going to hang with you for a while.

Connecting the dots. It wasn’t that I could control their acceptance of me; by not getting rejected I was, by definition, being accepted. Instead, I realized that I was in control of my acceptance of them; the power of the interaction was placed firmly in my court. I was the prize to be had. The ball is always in my court. Now, I no longer seek any feedback from the people with which I interact. I no longer internalize their thoughts of me, their response to me, or their acceptance/rejection of me. I’ve learned to become my own man, independent of what others think…engaging others with a virtually unbreakable frame. Not cocky, just endlessly confident. My thought process: you don’t know me but I know when you do you’ll like me, now let’s find out if I like you.

After I finished my training, I’ve been natural in my game. Sure, I’ll run a routine and tell a story from time to time but only when the natural environment isn’t providing enough material or when the conversation begins to die out (I always give someone else a second chance to re-energize the interaction before I leave and find someone more interesting) and the story or routine has to be true, no more canned stuff adopted from others or flat out lies that I created.

For me, the end goal of becoming part of the Community has always been to internalize the Game. It can no longer be a higher level function, it has to be instinctual. It can no longer be contrived, planned, or practiced…it has to be off the cuff, like good jazz.

I'm not saying I'm a natural now. Naturals are born, not created. Nor am I saying I run Natural Game. I think of it a little differently, I think of it as Social Game. You presume you will be liked, you don't have an agenda, and you select them...these three things aren't new, the end game isn't something we haven't read before. I suspect we all know it as Inner Game. BUT based on my interactions with other members of the Community, the journey, i.e. The Phoenix Model, is something new (and the purpose of this post). Tear yourself down and start over, it's painful and humbling but I promise after you're done you'll be unrecognizable to yourself as the man you were always meant to become.

I still have work to do. For some reason, I've got a huge mental block with Uptown. But, I know I can figure it out...

[jdwhat]

Doing weird, anti-social things to get over your fears

Community guys are collectively obsessed with getting over their fear of women. For many guys this is their biggest problem, not a lack of knowledge about how to get a girl. For some reason many of them get it into their head that the best way to become fearless is to go out in public, act like a weirdo, and purposely expose themselves to embarrassment and negative judgments from other people. Such stunts are accompanied by talk of tearing down preprogrammed social conditioning. The idea is that if you can do something totally ridiculous and extreme, talking to girls (another supposedly societally conditioned fear) will seem easy.

So you read blogs and forum posts from guys about going out in public in a dress or going around saying inappropriate things to people. This is weird. Period. There's no need to do this to get over your fears with women. Guys who do this are not escaping the Matrix or thumbing their nose up at society's brainwashing, they're just being unnecessarily strange.

This gets at a larger issue with the Community, that it's often focused on pulling off wacky stunts. Acting weird in public is a wacky stunt. Saying something outrageous to a girl to impress your friends is a wacky stunt. Trying to AMOG some big guys for no reason is a wacky stunt. I think at the heart of this is the belief that talking to girls is a wacky stunt. Something exciting and extreme to do when you want a thrill. I think it's a natural side effects of your nervousness. Of course the goal is to learn to see talking to girls as no big deal.

[Twitchy]

Doing weird, anti-social things to get over your fears

Community guys are collectively obsessed with getting over their fear of women. For many guys this is their biggest problem, not a lack of knowledge about how to get a girl. For some reason many of them get it into their head that the best way to become fearless is to go out in public, act like a weirdo, and purposely expose themselves to embarrassment and negative judgments from other people. Such stunts are accompanied by talk of tearing down preprogrammed social conditioning. The idea is that if you can do something totally ridiculous and extreme, talking to girls (another supposedly societally conditioned fear) will seem easy.

So you read blogs and forum posts from guys about going out in public in a dress or going around saying inappropriate things to people. This is weird. Period. There's no need to do this to get over your fears with women. Guys who do this are not escaping the Matrix or thumbing their nose up at society's brainwashing, they're just being unnecessarily strange.

This gets at a larger issue with the Community, that it's often focused on pulling off wacky stunts. Acting weird in public is a wacky stunt. Saying something outrageous to a girl to impress your friends is a wacky stunt. Trying to AMOG some big guys for no reason is a wacky stunt. I think at the heart of this is the belief that talking to girls is a wacky stunt. Something exciting and extreme to do when you want a thrill. I think it's a natural side effects of your nervousness. Of course the goal is to learn to see talking to girls as no big deal.

I remember reading almost these exact words. Isn't this a post from someone else?

[Bull Run]

Doing weird, anti-social things to get over your fears

Community guys are collectively obsessed with getting over their fear of women. For many guys this is their biggest problem, not a lack of knowledge about how to get a girl. For some reason many of them get it into their head that the best way to become fearless is to go out in public, act like a weirdo, and purposely expose themselves to embarrassment and negative judgments from other people. Such stunts are accompanied by talk of tearing down preprogrammed social conditioning. The idea is that if you can do something totally ridiculous and extreme, talking to girls (another supposedly societally conditioned fear) will seem easy.

So you read blogs and forum posts from guys about going out in public in a dress or going around saying inappropriate things to people. This is weird. Period. There's no need to do this to get over your fears with women. Guys who do this are not escaping the Matrix or thumbing their nose up at society's brainwashing, they're just being unnecessarily strange.

This gets at a larger issue with the Community, that it's often focused on pulling off wacky stunts. Acting weird in public is a wacky stunt. Saying something outrageous to a girl to impress your friends is a wacky stunt. Trying to AMOG some big guys for no reason is a wacky stunt. I think at the heart of this is the belief that talking to girls is a wacky stunt. Something exciting and extreme to do when you want a thrill. I think it's a natural side effects of your nervousness. Of course the goal is to learn to see talking to girls as no big deal.

I saw this as well. It's somewhat applicable, but I don't consider getting blown out of sets to be a weird, wacky socially inappropriate stunt. I never AMOG'd anyone for no reason, I never wore a dress in public, I never set my self up for widespread public embarrassment. I just talked to girls with the singular purpose getting rejected. I'd hardly call that weird behavior.

I also did this when I was sarging alone, it wasn't to impress my friends. It was just a mechanism to learn to be OK with getting rejected. I don't do this shit any longer, because I no longer internalize rejection. Plus anyway, he mentioned that the "goal is to learn to see talking to girls as no big deal." By getting blown out, for my entertainment, I learned that talking to girls really is no big deal. The worst that can happen is that you get blown out.

Do you have a better way of learning to no longer internalize rejection?

[El Fenix]

Twitchy,

http://www.dallaspua.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=2495
That's the link.
Its a direct quote, lifted straight from the post.

[jdwhat]

ya i didnt write it.....didnt need to...its right.

[Vector]

ya i didnt write it.....didnt need to...its right.

Regardless, out of courtesy please cite your source or at least say you're quoting someone. Quoting is fine. If it appears as if you're claiming it as your own words, it looks like stealing, which is not ok.

[JP2008]

I just want to say that I will be quoting Bull Run I love the "You would really look better as a man" line! That is hilarious, I think we should get a group together sometime and try some of the most offensive openers possible. Maybe its silly but it would crack me up.

[PicturePerfect]

Bullrun so has that hooter chick killed her self yet.

[Westfall]

Doing weird, anti-social things to get over your fears

Works. Trust me.

Community guys are collectively obsessed with getting over their fear of women. For many guys this is their biggest problem, not a lack of knowledge about how to get a girl. For some reason many of them get it into their head that the best way to become fearless is to go out in public, act like a weirdo, and purposely expose themselves to embarrassment and negative judgments from other people. Such stunts are accompanied by talk of tearing down preprogrammed social conditioning. The idea is that if you can do something totally ridiculous and extreme, talking to girls (another supposedly societally conditioned fear) will seem easy.

Nah. Doing wacky stunts, dressing in a bizzare manner will bring down more social pressure on you. This will allow you to deal with social preasure much more effectively, which will make you sooo much more effective in the field. Imagine being able to endure social preasures that would crack most men without even a change in blood preasure. After all, sometimes you want to be non-reactive...

So you read blogs and forum posts from guys about going out in public in a dress or going around saying inappropriate things to people. This is weird. Period. There's no need to do this to get over your fears with women. Guys who do this are not escaping the Matrix or thumbing their nose up at society's brainwashing, they're just being unnecessarily strange.

Going out in public in a dress or going around saying "inapproperate things"--whatever the hell that means, to people is fun. It's also a way to screen out girls. Well, I've never gone out in a dress, but I'm quite certain I would enjoy AMOGing the shit out of anyone who tried to put social pressure on me

This gets at a larger issue with the Community, that it's often focused on pulling off wacky stunts. Acting weird in public is a wacky stunt. Saying something outrageous to a girl to impress your friends is a wacky stunt. Trying to AMOG some big guys for no reason is a wacky stunt. I think at the heart of this is the belief that talking to girls is a wacky stunt. Something exciting and extreme to do when you want a thrill. I think it's a natural side effects of your nervousness. Of course the goal is to learn to see talking to girls as no big deal.

Doing these "wacky stunts" as you call them can help you learn to become outcome independent. It can also help you to become better calibrated & more social.

I ran around Target today with a stuffed lion asking girls to tell me what they thing of my pick up lion. It was fun. Some girls laughed & some didn't. Most did. I number-closed an incrediable beautiful girl today...she drew some goofy symbol on my arm....all be cause of one of my "wacky stunts".

As I recall Hypnotica went around in a skirt for 2 weeks to get over social anxitiy.

Westfall