Relating on topics that people simply aren't interested in

[AFC AdamLondon]

Whatcha guys!

Missed ya loads over the last few months! I sooo need to get back to Dallas,

Anywho I stuck this up on my local forum and thought you may enjoy it abit.



Relating on topics that people simply aren't interested in
Tough isn't it.

You work in I.T.

You play World of Warcraft all day.

You spend your spare time in shops no-one of the opposite sex would care about.

Then you finally get into a conversation with someone you fancy and suddenly you realise they aren't going to be interested in a single thing you have to say, unless they just happen to be the only other living person who is into exactly the same things as you.

It's no hidden secret that I am a massive geek. Since a child I've played Board games, Video Games, You name it. I've worked in some of the most bizzare industries, and done some of the weirdest sports, yet somehow I manage to relate them to people I talk to, with a very simple conversational trick.

I find similarities between the essence of what I do, and a topic which I think they can relate to.

Lets give an example.

Imagine you work for a security firm, but not just any security firm. A Web security firm. A virus Software firm, developing the latest anti viral software. And you meet someone who takes your breath away.

Quite possibly the most beautiful person you've ever laid eyes on, amazing sense of style, and in fact they are a model. After 1 minute of blissful initial conversation you notice they have an old phone and they make a point of commenting how technology confuses them, and they they have no interest in it whatsoever.

Uh oh!

You're entire life career is of no interest to them, any conversation you have is likely to go ever their heads. Sure enough this situation is doomed. Or is it?

Then the question comes.

"So what do you do for a living?"

Here we begin the game.

"Well you may not find it particulalry interesting, but personally I really like it"

Now most people will be polite enough to encourage you to continue, if they don't well they probably aren't nice enough to bother talking to.

"Ok well it's kinda a weird one, so bare with me and I'll break it down for you"

"I work in Online security, It's kinda like the security you see in shopping malls, except the mall is the internet. I'm in charge of job placing the security guards, though in fairness, with the work I do, the security guards are more like mini robocops merged with the terminator, I kinda feel sorry for any of the web viruses out there"

Now you can see how there are referecnes to shopping (not that we're sterotyping models at all) as well as popular movie icons. These all help to really relate to the other person and get across an accurate picture of what you do, and how it may be exciting to you if not the other person.

I'll give another reference just for comparison. This was a real one I had from a student.

He was a business man who used to be a proffesional race kart driver. But girls he spoke to never realted to him on this topic, they used to just shut it out.

So we came up with the following.

"Well after school I got seriously into go kart racing, and eventually become one of the top racers in the UK. Now I don't expect you to understand that, but to put it in terms you'lld understand it would be like you getting asked to design a pair of shoes and finding out that Jimmy Choo himself had asked you if he could buy the rights from you to sell them in his shop!"

Naturally the first time he used this, the girl found it incredibly amusing, and a story which he once used to avoid, is now one of the highlights in his conversation. Not to mention his ability to demonstrate how good he is at that particular hobby, without coming across like he is too arrogant.

I hope you find this useful.

Let me know how you get on.

AFC AdamLondon

[Smirks]

Great advice! I'm gonna start working on mine tonight. I'm a Linux/Firewall Administrator...so this is incredibly relevant to my game : D

[playercool]

Yah awesome post.

I always use a joke first when someone asks me what I do.

Anyone know of a good answer for: Flipping houses

[101998]

While I think using analogies is good in some cases, for the most part I think it is totally unnecessary. Also I would say using self-deprecation like, you wouldn’t be interested in what I do, is completely counter-productive. All you are doing is displaying lower status. Personally, I own a software development company, watch anime, cosplay and play games hardcore. I have no problem talking about any of these topics around women, who cares if they don’t get it. When you are talking about your passion, whatever it is, women are probably not going to be able to understand it. The point is displaying your reality and as David Deida says, being on your path.

Sports is a more “accepted topic” than say, tabletop gaming, but think about why that is. Men with a strong sense of identity like sports, they talk about sports, that is their passion. Wanting to be apart of that man’s world, women will make an effort to understand his world, his passions. Be on your path, draw her into your world. Now, I wouldn’t go into an approach talking about anime or my Exchange Server problems at work, but once I have extracted to a restaurant/my house or on a day 2, I’ll defiantly start in with stories about my interests.

I think the biggest connect for me was learning how to tell good stories and just telling them over and over. Understanding why good stories work is so key, and while there are some books that deal with storytelling, the way I learned was just telling people interesting things that had happened to me. The first couple times you talk about the 36 hour Warhammer marathon you and your buddies had, it probably isn’t going to go over too well, just keep telling the story over and over. Remember, you were having a good time whatever you were doing, you just have to recreate that energy and it won’t matter what you are talking about.

[zine]

you just have to recreate that energy and it won’t matter what you are talking about.

I agree its all about your energy and the passion you show. Notice what the girl is actually noticing is the emotion you are broadcasting. I normally do not bring up my interests until she has brought up hers. The key thing that I've noticed is that you need to relate on an emotional level.

From what I understand from this post say a girl loves shopping, and you love world of warcraft.

Her: I love to shop
Me:,so you love to have many choices in life, and make sure you are always getting the best possible things for yourself. I like that
Her: blah blah blah
Me: you know I'll be honest sometimes I'm a total nerd, and I go home and play video games instead of going out, but what I've noticed is that even in the game I have that same feeling of choice on what items to get, and I always want the best possible thing for myself, so I can win it that you do when you're shopping.

I think what I do is very similar to what you are saying to do adam london, but I elicit and use emotions a little bit more.

[coolguy]

well man,
It also depends upon if you want her for long term, one night, or short term. If your going just for short term, just say shit....fuck who acres what yur saying. But if yur going for long term, why would u waste your time on a girl, no matter how beautiful she is??? She would brake with you and break you in pieces, basically majority of us guys are geek, we understand that, I assure you that you would not find our kinda women, not that much, especially in clubs. Best thing, read women magazine, get some idea and go off on it...