"The New Guy in Town" & The Aftermath Advice

[Guest]

[COLOR=black][SIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]This Thanksgiving, a visit to my families small hometown really helped me start to, at least in a larger step, pick up what is going on here. Please opine where I may be off in my basic thought process, and where I went wrong/should proceed with the 7.5[/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR]
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[SIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman][COLOR=black]I goto a town of 20K people[/COLOR][COLOR=black]. There I have about a 8 cousins of drinking age, 4 who brought their girlfriends/wives out to three local bars and an after party at another cousins friends house. While I was @ the bars and I was fairly sober and probably talked to 10 girls, about 8 of which seemed very receptive, and one of which [from again info off this site and elsewhere] I could tell very quickly was not and I moved on. After the bar closed, I got a ride to the house party by one girl who I had barely talked to and was a 5.5 @ best, she said she wanted to stop off @ her house to feed her dog, and I stayed outside to smoke a cigarette after a brief makeout where she had invited me [I just wasnt drunk enough to knock it out and wanted to goto the house party asap]. I goto the house party and in a conversation with two girls, a 7.5 walks up, interrupts the girl and tells me her name and that she went to high school with my cousins. She then follows me around for 20 min and invites me to come get some beer out of her car with her at [/COLOR][COLOR=black]3:30am[/COLOR][COLOR=black], and we make out for an hour. Around 4:30 in the morning I told her I was leaving the party and asked for a ride & despite another 30 min of making out outside me cousins house I got the "look i'm not a ho, I can't come up" line. Looking back, I may have overreached alot when I told her right before she said that “come upstairs with me I’m going to put you on your back”. The next night I took her to a bar for two hours, she told me her apartment was her "comfort zone" and asked me to take her to a hotel, where we went and I heard probably the dirtest sex talk ever come out a womans mouth. [/COLOR][/FONT][/SIZE]
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[COLOR=black][SIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]Ok point being it hit me the day after the first night there. This night had A LOT less to do with what I thought I had learned overall and everything to do with simply the comfort each girl I spoke with had for me that had been established without me lifting a finger. These were not big bars and each girl had talked to someone in my family they knew well and were told that I was a good guy, lawyer, had stolen beer with them when I was 12, whatever. This in turn made my night out tonight MUCH easier. Maybe I am off in how I am phrasing this but opened my eyes this weekend how much comfort is created sometimes before we even approach. Sure here my cousins established it for me to an extreme degree, but in the end it still comes down to the way I walk, dress, or what I first say. Going to the bar tonight I was much more relaxed and for the first time had absolutely ZERO A/I all night. [/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR]
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[SIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]Please opine on the 7.5. I can see I made a bad call the first night I met her. Then I knock it out the next night, the last night I am there we goto the bar and I bailed on her at 1:30 because I could barely walk, and she called me 6 times till 3:45 am. Shes texts me all day every day since then, and told me she has a two friends b-day parties she is going to Friday and Sat when I mentioned I might have to come up this next weekend. but I don’t want to just text her that I drove 4 hours to hang with my cousin and to call me when your done with your party. Should I just cut all texting until I get something from her like “I want to hang out this weekend are you still coming up” or whatever?[/FONT][/SIZE]

[Guest]

The first night you were with her you made your intentions very clear to her when you said to come up so you can put her on her back. She was looking for you to take the blame for sex. Saying what you did meant that she KNEW, without a doubt, what was going to happen upstairs. You then made it her decision and since women cannot take responsibility for their decisions she basically told you to fuck off even though she was ready to fuck.

I've always played it coy with women with respect to going back to their, or your, place for sex. I'd say things like "you wanna come up to play a game of Monopoly" or "I'll come over but only on two conditions: 1) you have booze and 2) you have board games" or "you can stay the night, but you have to sleep on top of the covers and I'll sleep underneath them...you know what, never mind, it's cold tonight so you can have the covers. I'm a gentleman" or "we're not having sex tonight, I'm not just a piece of meat you know...I need comfort and rapport before I can perform sexually for you." You get the idea. The LAST thing you want to say to her is that you're going to fuck her. Unless, of course, she says it first, then it's game on.

She wants you to come up this weekend so you can go with her to her friend's parties. She wants you to be her date and she wants to show you off. But, she's not going to just come out and say it...some girls will, some won't. Right now, you need to think of the frame you want to set up: boyfriend frame or guy that lives in another city that fucks you frame. I'd don't see anything wrong with keeping the text threads alive, maybe slow them down a bit so she gets the hint that you're not that interested (which I'm assuming you are not).

There's nothing wrong with saying, I'm going to be hanging out with my cousin Friday but you should come over after your party. She's looking to be led here, so just tell her what you want and she'll comply.

Finally, the reason you had so much comfort with these girls before you approached is because they basically already knew you. They knew your cousins, your cousins talked about you, all that was left is putting a face to the man. It's more a function of social circle game than anything else.

[Guest]

Dead on breakdown, pretty simple, I should have picked alot of this up, but after getting hammered on grey goose....