Girls Just Want Someone DIFFERENT

[Bull Run]

Over the last few years, I’ve been wrestling with the idea that there was one universal truth regarding pick-up. One concept, which if grasped, would allow me to break the code of pick-up. One might refer to it as The Holy Grail of Pick-Up or The Universal Answer. I suppose the idea that there was some type of formula out there appeals to my analytical nature, I crunch numbers all day for a living. I search for trends and patterns. I’ve always believed that no matter how complex the question may appear to be; ultimately if one is given enough data one can create predictive mathematical functions that can explain the world. An equation that can solve every problem no matter how complex. In theory, this is true. In practice, I’m not totally convinced. There simply are too many variables to solve for all of them simultaneously.

The same holds true for pick-up. There really is no simple answer. Mystery has attempted to create such a formula with the Mystery Method, but his isn’t a formula so much as a general guide or road map to seduction. Even in his overly simplified method, one can see were the obvious flaws exist. And, it isn’t always effective. Even for the creator.
So, there is no real ‘answer’ to pick-up. OR, is there? Maybe the answer isn’t as concrete as we would like for it to be, but I do think there is one underlying universal truth to successful seduction.

Over the next few paragraphs, I intend to lie out exactly what I think is the driving force behind successfully creating attraction and parlaying that into seduction. Admittedly, it’s an ambiguous concept that is fluid because of its inherent nature which requires some type of comparison to external world.

The Hypothesis

We’re all buyers and sellers in the market of the flesh. And, in any market the thing that piques the most interest and generates the most buyers is that which is most unique. Consider the diamond-water paradox. If water is crucial to life, and thereby one of the single most important things to humans, then how come pound for pound diamonds are more valuable than water? Diamonds are not necessary for human survival, yet the price tag we put on them would imply that they are crucial to daily life. So, why the disconnect? Why is water, which is essential for life, cheaper than diamonds, which is not essential for survival? The answer is simple: scarcity. Diamonds are rarer than water. Therefore, we ascribe more value to diamonds than water regardless of their relative importance for survival.

Scarcity is the first building block of my theory. The second is an answer to the following question:

“Well, if scarcity is what humans truly value, then how do I make myself as scarce as possible?”

You, as a person, are definitely scarce relative to air, for example. And, as such, when compared to air you will be considered more valuable. The problem is that in the battle of the sexes, we aren’t simply battling against air molecules. We’re battling against other men (the world’s male population is approximately 3.3 billion). The mere existence of literally billions of potential mates means that you lose all of that value that you had relative to air. There are so many substitutes that you are now virtually worthless to women. So, how does one create that value in the face of billions of like competitors?

Differentiate. It’s that simple. You have to figure out a way to become substantially different from other men, without becoming unrecognizable as a potential mate. We see this type of thing every single day when you walk down the aisles of the grocery store. Millions of products compete for your consumption, each with different traits and characteristics. The goal of the producers of the aforementioned products is to gain a competitive advantage against the others through some form of differentiation. Now, the source of said differentiation can come from anywhere. You can be the low cost supplier, you can have the fanciest packaging, better technology, you can have fewer calories or less sodium, it doesn’t really matter. The point is that they all try to be different.

This leads us into the next question:

“Are we really all that different from products on the shelf?”

Well, we don’t call bars and clubs meat markets for nothing. At the very basic level, we are all products sitting on a shelf trying to convince others to buy us and trying to buy others. So, if differentiation works so well for traditional products, then why can’t it apply to men and women?

The Statement

Women want something different from what they had and from what they could have.

The Evidence

Let’s face it. All ‘evidence’ in the Community regarding theories and tactics are essentially based on nothing more than empirical evidence. So, instead of convincing you with hard data I’m going to have to resort to using my gift of persuasion (the same gift that has allowed me to bed oh so many women, looks like you’ll either agree with me or I’ll fuck you…eh whatever).

This theory of mine has unraveled over many, many years and over that time I’ve added layer upon layer to support my general theory. So, I’m going to go in chronological order so as to allow you to go through the same thought processes that I did while I crafted this theory.

I’ve Never Known Anyone Like you Before

As a member of the Community, I bet you’ve heard this many, many times from the women that you’ve seduced: “you’re so different from anyone I’ve ever known before.” I know for a fact that I’ve heard this from virtually every single woman I’ve ever bedded. At some point before, during, or after the seduction women always make sure to tell me that I’m incredibly unique. They talk about how I’m not like anyone they’ve ever dated before, thereby making me unique, new, and exciting to them. Further, I’ve noted that the stronger their feelings towards me the more unique I’ve been to them.

Metrosexuals

I’m not sure when I finally figured out what a metrosexual was, but when I did I immediately understood what the entire thought process behind that lifestyle was all about. In short, women. The idea was that a man could sufficiently differentiate them self, yet still remain in touch with the mainstream, so as to gain the attention of more women than if they simply looked and acted 100% masculine at all times. Metrosexualism is nothing more than a specialized way of creating a certain amount of differentiation from other, normal men so as to stick out of the crowd thus attracting women.

They remain different within the confines of being a potential mate.

The Online Dating Game

Part of being in the Community is to understand that if you want to maximize your opportunities and meet different demographics of women you have to cast a wide net. Part of this involves making sure that you’re active online. Dating websites, social networking, whatever, be a part of them. Further, you have to be active on these sites. Sure, you’re hit ratio may not be that great but the wider the net the more fish.

Initially, when I started with online game (which was years and years ago) I had a hard time understanding why women weren’t more responsive to my profile(s). Over time, I gathered a better understanding of what made for a good profile and what didn’t. However, it wasn’t until I got into the Community and began applying some of the same principles we use in field online that I started having better success. Still though, I was creating all of my opportunities, i.e. I came to them, not the other way around. I wanted to get more women chasing after me. So, I decided to conduct an experiment.

I created a fake profile on several websites, posing as a woman looking for a man. The girl was exactly the type of girl that I would have wanted to contact, hot, intelligent, with slight undertones of strong sexuality. The responses I got to see from average men floored me. Basically, I learned that I could literally have been any one of those guys. All of the guys were basically the same, said the same things, had the same type of profile, and the same types of pictures. There was very little variability between any of the responses.

One or two, however, were very unique and I even played along with them to see how they handled my responses. What I found was that they never seemed to conform to anything. They were truly different and I understood that this was what caught the attention of women. In a cookie cutter world, they were rolling pins.

I retooled my profiles to better fit my personality while making sure to do certain things to set myself apart from the crowd. I also changed my opening e-mails to be random, off-the-wall things that were congruent to my personality but completely and totally different from the ‘norm.’ Imagine being a woman and seeing this in your inbox:

Hi!
Hey…
What’s up?
Please oh please don’t turn out to be a stalker…
Hey beautiful
Whazz up sexy?!?!

Which one will 100% of the time get opened? That’s the first step, getting her to open the fucking thing. The second is to continue to remain unique, but to build commonalities in the body of the e-mail. In essence, you’re saying I’m different from everyone else…but, not WEIRD!!!

After altering my profile and openers and responses, the traffic to my profile increased dramatically. On one site in particular, it had taken me almost 3 years of on again off again activity to generate 1,000 hits. Within 4 months of my change, I had logged an additional 1,000 hits. The number of women that approached me went through the roof and the number of women that responded to my approaches increased substantially as well.

One of the underlying themes from all of these women was a comment, at some point, about how much they loved the opener or my profile, about how original I am. I was the new shiny toy, and they wanted to play with me.

The Community

When I first stumbled onto the Community, I saw that there were basically three types of men: AFCs, PUAs, and naturals. I understand that this is an oversimplification, but for our purposes there really are only three types of men in the eyes of the Community (note that being an AFC or PUA or natural encompasses a spectrum for each). One of the three types of men, naturals, is basically a very unique type of man and we typically don’t associate average guys with naturals. However, we do associate AFC and PUA with average guys because the AFC IS the average guy, while the PUA was, at one time, an average guy. From the perspective of the Community, a PUA is considered ‘better’ than an AFC (this is faulty because I’ve met many AFCs that were ‘better’ than many PUAs). More accurately, generally speaking, a person as a PUA is better than the same person when they were an AFC. The presence of the concept of ‘better’ thus implies that there is some type of progression, there are steps, there is a hierarchy. Simply put:

PUA > AFC

Once you start to label something ‘better,’ you’ve just implied that it is different from the competitive set (in this case, the competitive set is AFCs).

Further, think about all of the things that the Community attempts to teach AFCs. Negs, disqualifiers, hoops, freeze outs, back turns, cocky/funny, etc, etc, etc. Much of the concepts that we learn and implement are the exact opposite of what an AFC does. All is done under the guise of sparking attraction, building comfort, and creating rapport. This may be true, but all of these tactics clearly are nothing but differentiation tools. Doing these things subcommunicates to her:

“Hey, I’m different from all of the other guys. I’m not a pussy, I’m strong, confident, capable, independent, and all of those inherently place me in a very elite subset of the male population.”

If you put a PUA in a room full of AFCs, I will argue that he’ll outperform the AFCs virtually every time. But, why? Is it because negs really work to create attraction? Is it because he’s willing to walk away? Is it because he disqualifies himself or gives her a back turn when she doesn’t jump through his hoop? Or, is it because the things he’s doing are completely and totally different from the rest of the crowd? The answer is all of the above. The first thing women will notice about a PUA in a room full of AFCs is that he’s different, the second thing she’ll notice is that he teases her or that he seems aloof or unattainable. But, she senses that he’s unique, that’s were seduction starts. And, as such, he becomes the most intriguing, valuable person in the room. Each neg, hoop, or disqualifier is our way of supporting her intuition that we truly are different and unique from most other guys. (Note that being different isn’t enough, you also have to be somewhat grounded in your differentiation. It would be different to walk up to a girl and tell her to fuck off, but it wouldn’t be socially appropriate. As such, you would not be viewed as a man any longer. Instead, you’d just be a douchebag. Keep that in mind when I say different, you’re still a man, you’re just a different kind of man). Just by being different from the majority of the male population we’ve already gone a long way to sparking attraction. You might even say that we’ve already kindled attraction and now we’ve gone straight into comfort.

I’ll even go out on a limb here and state that the fact that we are different is a stronger attraction switch than the confidence, social savvy, and aloofness. Now, understand that differentiation and the tactics we employ are not mutually exclusive. I’m not arguing that point. The presence of our tactics automatically makes us different and our difference is sourced from our tactics. But, the concept of being different is what truly gets the ball of attraction rolling and, in my opinion, is what really piques, and keeps, someone’s interest. The reason that being confident, secure, and independent is attractive to women is because they can’t easily find it anywhere else. They are innate traits that women gravitate towards that somewhere along the way society has successfully stripped from most men. But, by being the confident guy we’re truly meant to be, we’re also being different. And, being different is very appealing to people, especially women.

In all that we do, the underlying factor is being different. I would even take it a step further and say that if the norm was to act like a PUA, then PUA skills would no longer be valued because they are the norm. In this case, the AFC would come out on top. Don’t think that could possibly be the case? Read on.

Alpha-Fest

Have you ever been in a group of 5+ PUAs that were Gaming an equal sized set? How did that work out for you? I’m going to bet not so well. Why? You’re a PUA right? You’re all PUas. Being a PUA automatically gives you an advantage right? Wrong. If a venue has too many PUAs, or PUA-esque individuals, in the crowd then you begin to lose that which differentiates you from everyone else. You go from being scarce and rare to being common and replaceable…as such, your value plummets. You are no longer as intriguing as you were when there weren’t so many other options. This explains why some of the most successful PUAs do most of their work on their own or with a trusted wing or two. When I’m in a group of PUAs, I talk to them while in the group, then walk around the venue alone to sarge. The only way to stand out from the crowd is to not be surrounded by like individuals…duh!

I’ve been such a believer in this dynamic that I’ve actually gone straight up AFC while being associated with a group of PUAs. I was surprised at how well it worked. The trick is to flip back to a PUA when you’ve got the girl alone.

Role Playing

How many times have you done a little role playing with women where you make up crazy, bullshit stories about what you’re going to do together in the future? Women eat it up because it appeals to their emotional and creative pre-disposition. They also eat it up because no man would normally do something like this. The next time you do a little role playing with a girl, look at her face. Hers will be the face of disbelief. She’s thrilled that you’re saying what you’re saying, but she can’t believe a guy is actually saying it to her! So, what is it that’s driving the attraction? What you’re saying or the fact that you’re different, and creative, enough to come up with this stuff and actually say it? Again, you’re differentiating yourself from other men.

Hands Off, I’m Gay

I’ve used the “I’m totally gay” line so much in my career as a PUA, and it works very, very well. I used to think it worked well because I was giving her the ultimate disqualifier. In essence, I was saying “no matter how hot, how sexy, or how much you throw yourself at me. I’m not going to have sex with you because I literally find you physically repulsive.” Still, they continued trying to ‘get me.’ So, I changed my thought process and thought it was because they wanted to ‘convert’ me. But, that’s not satisfactory either because many women are absolutely repulsed by gay men. Sure, some women would like to ‘convert’ a gay man, but the vast majority doesn’t want to carry that bag.

The only conclusion left is that women are attracted to it because no other man would say something like this unless they were secure and confident and aloof. Again, the presence of these traits sets you apart from other men. What normal man says he’s gay without making sure to tell the girl that he’s just joking?

Peacocking

The premise behind peacocking is that you dress and look differently from other people so as to draw attention to yourself. Literally named after the peacock, the idea is that you, figuratively speaking, try to have the brightest feathers to attract the most mates just like a peacock. Keep in mind that peacocking depends on the venue, what you consider to be peacocking may be the norm in certain clubs and bars. Successful peacocking is a form of visual differentiation, again with the subtext of being secure, confident, and aloof. The entire premise is that you are different and you’re confident enough to show it, again being confident enough to go against the grain is a sign of being different and unique.

Bitch Shield and Diminishing Marginal Utility

The idea behind the bitch shield is that beautiful women get approached so much that over time they build up an aversion to being hit on. They don’t have time to ‘entertain’ these men and still live a normal life, so they simply act like a bitch to get rid of them because they’re just another guy. I 100% believe that the bitch shield is real. But, over time I noticed something interesting. By definition the bitch shield is something that should be present in beautiful women. But, in practice, this isn’t the case at all. I’ve approached 9s and 10s without ever experiencing the wrath of the bitch shield, but have also approached 4s and 5s and got slammed hardcore with the bitch shield. How can this be? Sure, one can write off some of the discrepancy to variations in taste. Maybe some of the 9s and 10s in my eyes are really only 4s and 5s in the eyes of the general public and vice versa. I think this can explain away some of this dynamic, but not all of it. Generally speaking, people tend to be pretty accurate with respect to levels of attractiveness. Take a 7 for example. Some will think she’s a 9, some will think she’s a 5, but the vast majority will think she’s a 7. There has to be another factor at work that creates the bitch shield besides the number of approaches a woman has experienced.

Another factor is the relative attractiveness she ascribes to you. If she’s a 9, but thinks of you as a 4, then you can bet that the bitch shield will be pretty strong. This is what I would refer to as the self-awareness factor. She’s aware that she’s attractive, she doesn’t think you’re attractive, therefore she thinks she’s better than you. As a result, she puts up the bitch shield to scare you off.

So, number of approaches and self-awareness both impact the bitch shield. But, I think there’s one more dynamic that affects the bitch shield: approach methodology. This is the way in which you, as a man, approach. Think about it. If a woman has been approached thousands of times in her life by men that she deems attractive, then the only thing that will pique her interest is the way in which you say ‘hi.’ So, if an HB 9 has been approached by 250 guys she would rate as a 10 in her lifetime, then the 251st guy to approach means a whole lot less to her than the 2nd guy that approaches. In economics, we call this diminishing marginal utility. Another example, if you’re starving and you order a pizza. The first slice makes you the most happy, the second slice makes you happy still but not as much as the first, by the time you get to the 10th slice you no longer derive any happiness from the pizza and, as such, you stop eating. The same holds true for the HB9. It’s just the 251st 10 to approach her in her lifetime, big deal, she’s had 250 others before him.

But, if a 10 were to approach in a completely unique way, then he’s not the 251st 10 to approach her, he’s the first 10 to approach her in a specific way. The latter is more memorable than the former, and as such it’s more valuable to her thus giving her a great tendency to continue the interaction with the different 10 than with the homogenous 10.

Again, being different gives you an edge.

It Works Both Ways

*The phone rings and I answer.*
Bull Run: “Yeah”
Friend: “What’s up dude?”
Bull Run: “Not much, what about you?”
Friend: “I’m having a hard time man…”
Bull Run: “Dude, we’ve had this conversation before…I will not talk dirty to you while you jerk it, that’s just weird.”
Friend: “Ha. No man, it’s Melissa. I’m having a hard time getting over her.”
Bull Run: “Christ! I thought we were past this bullshit! What the hell dude? She’s just a girl, you’ll find another one!”
Friend: “I know, but you don’t understand…she’s not just any other girl. This one was special.”
Bull Run: “Hold on…” I run to the bathroom and yak up my lunch, which sucks because Chipotle tastes a whole lot worse coming up than going down.

How many times have you guys been a player in a similar conversation? When one of us falls in love, we always say the same thing. This one was different, she was special. Somewhere along the way, this girl struck a chord with us that made us feel differently than all the others that we’ve known before. We’re just as susceptible to power of different as women.

Further, I read a lot of commentary on the boards about how one of us just wants to find a girl that’s different from the rest. It seems both men and women just want to find that ‘one of a kind.’

Why it Makes Sense

Being different works because the unique, the rare, the different are inherently exciting. When we’re confronted with something, or someone, that we’ve never experienced before it stimulates our inquisitive nature. Sure, some people don’t want to experience the unknown, but that doesn’t mean that we all don’t yearn to be a part of something new and exciting. Most people will tell you that their lives aren’t really all that exciting. The reason is because we are the central players in our lives, we see everything, we experience everything, and because we’re the main character we don’t ever stop to think that our lives are any more, or less, exceptional that any other person. I like to refer to this as the Barrage of Bore. We wake up to our boring bed, in our boring house, go through our boring morning ritual, drive on our boring commute, work at our boring job, talk to our boring friends, go back to our boring homes, watch our boring TV shows, then go back to our boring beds. Granted, not all of us live a life like I just described, but you get the idea. When you live your life, most people have a tendency not to think that it’s all that spectacular, even if it really is. Everyone yearns to be confronted with something different, something new, something exciting, no matter how exciting, or boring, their life may appear.

Our objective as PUAs should be to add spice to the lives of the women we seduce. The way to do this, is to be recognizable as a man but still be viewed and considered to be something more. You are a way of life. You are an ideal. You are different from the hordes. If you supply a woman with something that she feels she cannot get anywhere else, and you always keep her on her toes, keep her guessing, then you’ve got that woman for life. The only way to do this is to be different from all other men.

We’ve spent our entire lives being told to conform. And, up until recently, we’ve all complied. But, we woke up. We saw there was another way, a better way. That way is to strive to always be unique, to always be true to yourself, to always be different. Attraction and beauty lie in the things that make us different, not in what makes us the same.

In Closing…

You can agree with the above or disagree. Either way, I respect your opinion. But, I’ll leave everyone with these last few thoughts. We, as a Community, like to believe that the things we do have an impact on women. We like to think that a neg or a disqualifier or a routine will build attraction or comfort or ultimately allow us to seduce our target. That type of thinking is not completely invalid, it has its place. We have to believe that they work otherwise we would never do them. But, I leave you with this question. Is the presence of our tactics what builds attraction or is it because we’re doing things, within the confines of social acceptability, which are substantially different from the rest of the male population?

In the end, my belief is that we succeed at seduction because we are fundamentally different from other men while remaining confident in ourselves. Our tactics are only pieces of evidence that further demonstrate to our target that we are different and remain unfazed by the notion that we are not like everyone else. In many ways, we spend our lives out on a limb. What makes us successful is that we don’t ever concern ourselves with the idea that the limb could break because we know that if it did, we’d figure out a way to not fall. This way of thinking is inherently different from the mainstream, and is something that should be internalized. It is truly the path to success in our world. Do things that are different, do them with confidence, keep in mind that we are bounded by certain social rules and mores, but your overwhelming goal is to be unique 100% of the time.

“Our wretched species is so made that those who walk on the well-trodden path always throw stones at those who are showing a new road.” – Voltaire

Learn to deal with the blows from the stones and forge your own path. If you do so, people will follow and women will want to be around you because you’re special, you’re irreplaceable. And remember, to be irreplaceable one must always be different.

See you in the scene.

[Guest]

I wish you wouldn't write such long posts. I would love to read this. I am sure what you have written is very good. I just can't find the time to spend 20 minutes reading this.

[Guest]

I agree with what you described, that scarcity, differentiation, uniqueness are huge value builders. Said in another way, it's about the presence or absence of substitutes. Whether one thing is or is not a substitute for another depends entirely on why something is valued. Which requires that it be valued in the first place.

You touched on avoiding negative differentiation. I would elaborate on that a little and say that there are degrees of negative, neutral, and positive differentiation depending on the value that can or can't be substituted. For example if I refuse to drive a car with an automatic transmission, even if it's unusual it doesn't make me less replaceable because there is no value in it. But if I have orange hair in 8 inch spikes then it suggests that I can withstand certain kinds of social pressure and a whole host of other things with both value and scarcity.

If you don't have the stuff to back it up (and if she finds no intrinsic value in orange hair), then the value is novelty value which is temporary. BUT novelty value is still very real, and it can be important, because there are other kinds of lasting value which are scarce and high value, but which can be hard to convey quickly.

I used to think that the only value I had were things which, while scarce and very high value, could only be conveyed slowly, and the purpose of the tactics or techniques was to distract and attract long enough to convey my other values. My belief was that if, by whatever means, I could get a potential customer to pick the product off the shelf and look at it, then they would see the differentiator and be easily sold.

So to summarize my opinion, I guess I'd say uniqueness amplifies existing value, it implies/communicates value in social strength to go against the grain, and it creates novelty value. All of which play a role but in different ways and over different time scales.


One final comment is I don't really agree that being in a group of differentiated high-value people really detracts from value because it becomes "common". The frame of reference is the person's experience. If there are several rich guys, to women who are used to being around rich guys all the time, it's no big deal and they have little or no extra value, but to ordinary women (who for the sake of argument like rich guys and are not around them much), they will have high value regardless of how many there are. If in a room full of models, or a room full of fat women, what will matter is my life experience, much more than their attractiveness relative to each other.

Which is not to say there's never a dynamic among a group of PUAs which is counterproductive. There can be a bad dynamic, but I don't think it's from making differentiators more common and thereby lower value.

[Guest]

Holy shit that's long.
I can't wait until the next time I have the focus to sit down and read it.

I did read the intro though; It SOUNDS like a pretty interesting read.

[Guest]

Haha, well that was 20 minutes well spent!

BR, I agree with what your saying. However I don't think that in the future being a PUA will be "AFC," even if that happened the roles would still be the same. PUA's are Pick Up Artists, they wouldn't be called that if they didn't PICK UP. I read this last night but was too tired to leave a reply (thank you NyQuil) Basically women just want a breath of fresh air. And PU is our way to give it to them.

When I first got into the game I thought of it as a "formula," to get women. Most of us INTJ's think that way. However, the more I learned, the more I discovered how its not about the routines, or the negs, or the DQ's or the FTC's. It's about becoming the "best you" you can be. Gambits are just a means to an end, I find that I get much more from the theory of PU, than the actual gambits. The routines just allow you to walk into the door, what really makes you a great PUA is the positive memories and feedback that come from these interactions into making you a strong confident person.

To anyone who hasnt read this I recommend you do, It gives a really good insight into PU, and what it's all about.

-Supa

[Guest]

I have had some similar thoughts but this is way more detailed :)

[Guest]

as always, great post BR. very interesting insight...

..lets all go out and be different!

[Guest]

You the man!! awesome post......i avoid reading such long posts but im glad i did..

[Guest]

Damn... It's hard to call this a post... It's more like a Master's Thesis... Good post bro!