[poll] 10 Tips to building a Social Circle
Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2008 7:25 pm10 Tips to building Social Circle
In response to Rain's post about "The Challenges of Becoming the Center of Your Social Circle"
"It can often be assumed, and therefore exploited, that people who associate with one another share many of the same views, ideas, habits, etc. Which is one reason why material designed for these subgroups works so well within that context and horribly within others. But this sameness represents an often insurmountable wall, at least on a long-term basis."
That's why you build your own social circle attracting everyone who share the same views, ideas, habits, beliefs, etc.
1. You have your core group that share the same passion and you expand with others that share it with you guys.
2. You have the close friends in your group help strengthen your own network by bringing their friends into it and vice versa.
3. Offer value! That's a big one. You have to give value if you want to recieve any. Why would soemone want to be your friend? Realistically if ur just a social guy whos cool and doesn't have a common interest or doesn't play the same sport as them, WHY would they be friends with you? Sure they could be acquaintances but YOU wouldn't normally even be friensd with someone who has nothing in common with you besides the desperate fact that you want more friends/people to hang out with. Thats not necessarily desperate but just making a point here. You CAN make friends the way you're doing it don't make it an uphill battle and use other things to your advantage.
4. Obviously you're next question is: How do I offer Value? What do I have to offer anyone? Well read a book called Never Eat Alone (which is where I learned alot about networking), and Dale Carnegie's how to win friends. THat would teach you how to network, make friends, and offer value. Am i dodging the question? Nope thats exactly how you offer value, you TEACH/talk to people about how to offer value, how to network, make friends, how to get the value they seek, and expand their social life. (I'm doing it NOW for you if u don't realize.) Other ways to offer value is to give people advice and recommendations. Here are some of mine, read the Power of Now, great spiritual book and inner game advice. It changed the way i thought and helped me right away. Read the 7 Habits of Highly Effective people, espcially habit #5. Here's your strongest value to offer....... teach people the underground super secret technique and methodology to meeting women!
5. Talk in terms of offering value for others, not in terms of what you can take from them. Even if it's apparent that you just want to hang with them to get into their parties or whatever, talk to them about bringing girls, getting the word out about the party, tell them about parties you know, etc.
6. Stop relying on drifting from one social circle to another and trying to be the 'leader.' Some good friendships are formed when YOU are the mentee, and they are your teacher. Make friends with someone who would love to teach you what they're good at. The first thing you can offer to them is your interest in their skills. Whether its a sport, a club, poker, video games, getting girls (im usually the one teaching them), making money, music, dancing, yoga, fashion. Be someone to explore their world, culture, social clique, etc. I've done it with gay people's world (im not gay but they lived in my dorm and were friends with lots of women).
7. Friendships are built over time and are easier to build over common interests. When you meet someone over a business meeting, make sure you FOLLOW-up or else it would turn out pretty pointless most of the time. Just say "It was a pleasure meeting you, keep in touch." Whether its through facebook, email, a quick voicemail.
8. Ping people occasionally. Pinging means to just throw a quick voicemail message or a call to someone to ask how they are doing, be genuinely interested (or try to be) in their life, ask for updates on their whatever from the last time you talked. It doesn't have to be all structured and formal, just make them feel significant and know that someone was thinking of them. (That's where Dale Carnegie's advice comes in directly.) It's important to invest your time and attention to nurture your friendships, but don't think it requires alot of time and attention to do so. I juggle a few social circles and sometimes I don't talk to one of them for a month or so.
9. Make friends with the super-connectors. These are people LIKE you who have a massive network of friends or know alot of people. Does this mean they are the big pimps and center of every social gathering/party? No! It simply means they are the source and hub to connect others. It could be a club promoter, a party thrower, the leader of any club (thats the main one, talk to the leader of your lair). You could be in the background but be very appreciated and acknowledged by the high rollers of any place. They also share the same ideas, beliefs, mindset, and goals as YOU do. So there you have something in common.
10. This is the most important when you're building your social network. "People are inherently selfish" -Who the fuck knows
Even you are and understanding that is important. When people stop picking up your phone calls, or don't care enough to return your message, get bored of you pinging them, only try to TAKE value from YOU by talkign to you only for their self-gain, or make excuses of how they're busy to hang out, etc. is COMPLETELY normal! Who cares, its life. In fact if you take a look at yourself you'll realize that you do this all the time. Usually it's the close friends that would continuously give value to you with nothing in return but your good friendship to them. The best way to maintian a relation/friendship is to make it a Win/Win friendship where you both gain something, mutual benefits. This is the most important one because most people blame it on themselves, or think they suck at life and no one wants to hang out with them just because they feel 'rejected' by someone. I'm someone who is fairly good at social networking, friends with expert networkers in the PUA community, business world, and other worlds and I'm telling you it's 100% NORMAL for this to happen and it STILL does happen. Just like PUA's get FLAKES, it's no big deal, life goes on and you keep working at it to expand your social life bigger and bigger.
I really went out of my way to type this up but i guess i could just post it for my lair. I lead the lair here at Indiana University. Talk to people about this topic and that's offering alot of value in and itself. They would get back to you and thank you when they go out and strengthen their own network. Then what do you know? You guys are friends and you have a new social circle!
-Gavin
In response to Rain's post about "The Challenges of Becoming the Center of Your Social Circle"
"It can often be assumed, and therefore exploited, that people who associate with one another share many of the same views, ideas, habits, etc. Which is one reason why material designed for these subgroups works so well within that context and horribly within others. But this sameness represents an often insurmountable wall, at least on a long-term basis."
That's why you build your own social circle attracting everyone who share the same views, ideas, habits, beliefs, etc.
1. You have your core group that share the same passion and you expand with others that share it with you guys.
2. You have the close friends in your group help strengthen your own network by bringing their friends into it and vice versa.
3. Offer value! That's a big one. You have to give value if you want to recieve any. Why would soemone want to be your friend? Realistically if ur just a social guy whos cool and doesn't have a common interest or doesn't play the same sport as them, WHY would they be friends with you? Sure they could be acquaintances but YOU wouldn't normally even be friensd with someone who has nothing in common with you besides the desperate fact that you want more friends/people to hang out with. Thats not necessarily desperate but just making a point here. You CAN make friends the way you're doing it don't make it an uphill battle and use other things to your advantage.
4. Obviously you're next question is: How do I offer Value? What do I have to offer anyone? Well read a book called Never Eat Alone (which is where I learned alot about networking), and Dale Carnegie's how to win friends. THat would teach you how to network, make friends, and offer value. Am i dodging the question? Nope thats exactly how you offer value, you TEACH/talk to people about how to offer value, how to network, make friends, how to get the value they seek, and expand their social life. (I'm doing it NOW for you if u don't realize.) Other ways to offer value is to give people advice and recommendations. Here are some of mine, read the Power of Now, great spiritual book and inner game advice. It changed the way i thought and helped me right away. Read the 7 Habits of Highly Effective people, espcially habit #5. Here's your strongest value to offer....... teach people the underground super secret technique and methodology to meeting women!
5. Talk in terms of offering value for others, not in terms of what you can take from them. Even if it's apparent that you just want to hang with them to get into their parties or whatever, talk to them about bringing girls, getting the word out about the party, tell them about parties you know, etc.
6. Stop relying on drifting from one social circle to another and trying to be the 'leader.' Some good friendships are formed when YOU are the mentee, and they are your teacher. Make friends with someone who would love to teach you what they're good at. The first thing you can offer to them is your interest in their skills. Whether its a sport, a club, poker, video games, getting girls (im usually the one teaching them), making money, music, dancing, yoga, fashion. Be someone to explore their world, culture, social clique, etc. I've done it with gay people's world (im not gay but they lived in my dorm and were friends with lots of women).
7. Friendships are built over time and are easier to build over common interests. When you meet someone over a business meeting, make sure you FOLLOW-up or else it would turn out pretty pointless most of the time. Just say "It was a pleasure meeting you, keep in touch." Whether its through facebook, email, a quick voicemail.
8. Ping people occasionally. Pinging means to just throw a quick voicemail message or a call to someone to ask how they are doing, be genuinely interested (or try to be) in their life, ask for updates on their whatever from the last time you talked. It doesn't have to be all structured and formal, just make them feel significant and know that someone was thinking of them. (That's where Dale Carnegie's advice comes in directly.) It's important to invest your time and attention to nurture your friendships, but don't think it requires alot of time and attention to do so. I juggle a few social circles and sometimes I don't talk to one of them for a month or so.
9. Make friends with the super-connectors. These are people LIKE you who have a massive network of friends or know alot of people. Does this mean they are the big pimps and center of every social gathering/party? No! It simply means they are the source and hub to connect others. It could be a club promoter, a party thrower, the leader of any club (thats the main one, talk to the leader of your lair). You could be in the background but be very appreciated and acknowledged by the high rollers of any place. They also share the same ideas, beliefs, mindset, and goals as YOU do. So there you have something in common.
10. This is the most important when you're building your social network. "People are inherently selfish" -Who the fuck knows
Even you are and understanding that is important. When people stop picking up your phone calls, or don't care enough to return your message, get bored of you pinging them, only try to TAKE value from YOU by talkign to you only for their self-gain, or make excuses of how they're busy to hang out, etc. is COMPLETELY normal! Who cares, its life. In fact if you take a look at yourself you'll realize that you do this all the time. Usually it's the close friends that would continuously give value to you with nothing in return but your good friendship to them. The best way to maintian a relation/friendship is to make it a Win/Win friendship where you both gain something, mutual benefits. This is the most important one because most people blame it on themselves, or think they suck at life and no one wants to hang out with them just because they feel 'rejected' by someone. I'm someone who is fairly good at social networking, friends with expert networkers in the PUA community, business world, and other worlds and I'm telling you it's 100% NORMAL for this to happen and it STILL does happen. Just like PUA's get FLAKES, it's no big deal, life goes on and you keep working at it to expand your social life bigger and bigger.
I really went out of my way to type this up but i guess i could just post it for my lair. I lead the lair here at Indiana University. Talk to people about this topic and that's offering alot of value in and itself. They would get back to you and thank you when they go out and strengthen their own network. Then what do you know? You guys are friends and you have a new social circle!
-Gavin