Regression And Vulnerability by IN10SE (repost)

[Guest]

Regression & vulnerability

First let me tell you all a story.

I used to work in an Emergency Department.

I remember one night something that changed my perspective forever.

It was a busy night and there were trauma patients coming in one after another. There were patients in the halls. You could hear people moaning in pain. Unfortunately, in order to function on a day to day basis, you just got used to the chaos. You could tell some of the staff were numb and calloused.

There was one old Afro-american grandma who was in a treatment area bed singing "amazing grace". As a contrast, there was a Drunk homeless man in the trauma room who had been assaulted, who was tied down - being combative, moaning in pain.

I was taking care of the old lady and she said to me, "There's a baby crying - do you hear it?"

Puzzled, I looked at her with a confused look. "A baby? I don't hear a baby crying" My first instinct was to brush her off as crazy.

There was just the drunk homeless guy moaning in pain as well as the general noise of the ER - the paramedics, the alarms, everyone rushing back and forth.

"There's a baby crying" - Again I looked at her confused.

She looked at me right in the eyes and she said, "That man was someone's baby".

I knew exactly who she was talking about.

She was right and it changed my perspective on people. When I looked at that drunk homeless guy, I didn't see him for what he was then and there - I saw him as someone's child - hurt, in pain and fearful.

So to regression and vulnerability.

You're probably wondering what these two subjects have to do with each other.

To answer your question, realize that we are most vulnerable when we are regressed.

Regression is where you return to a previous state. The state at which we are most vulnerable is during our childhood. This is before we've learned how to consciously cope and deal with stress by putting up walls and defenses.

In fact, when a child who doesn't have defenses experiences stress, they often just have an emotional response and cry - or if the stress is great enough, their unconscious might do unpredictable things - like they may stop talking, or they may block it out all together.

Remember PARTS theory.

Well, in each of us there is a child - and through the years we've added layer by layer of experiences and like an onion - we've built our persona both on our previous external experiences and how we interpret and perceive those external experiences which is the internal part of the equation. In this way we are a combination of both internal and external factors.

On a side note, for this very reason realize that you are shaping your persona every day through your internal perceptions and interpretations of external experiences.

Control your external experiences, and change your perception of your experiences - and you'll change yourself. This is a KEY life Principle.

So back to regression. At our core there are no walls and no defenses. If we've bonded with another person like infants do normally then we know what it's like to feel connected at a deep level. In fact, in this state of connection there is no sense of self. There is only the sense of connectedness. Ego gives way to something deeper and more meaningful.

I'm going to term this the Bonding period.

Some would say that the experience of love itself is motivated by the instinct to bond again at a deep level.

So how do we choose who to bond with?

Read this carefully and reread this next statement.

[b]We bond with the person that causes us to regress back to the bonding period - to that earlier state in our lives when we had no sense of self, no walls, no defenses - just connectedness.[/b]

So how do you use this information?

One of the most effective ways is first to presuppose that the other person is a child. A presupposition is a underlying belief that guides your resulting actions.

You can, talk to them in a caring way as if they were a child. Have fun with them and be just act like kids together.

Nurture them and when they open up and tell you about their hopes and fears, reward them by nurturing them both emotionally any physically.

Also give them a self image to live up to. Have them tell you about their childhood.

Your goal is to know the child within them.

Comments?

IN10SE
[url]www.social-mastery.com[/url]

[Guest]

I was doing some of this "bonding" with my ex the other day. We basically had regressed back to when our relationship was new and reflecting on those good times. Towards the end of the conversation she told me "you make me feel like a little girl again"!