Thoughts on Qualification

[Guest]

Sometimes when I am in qualification, I feel like I am saying things that come across as what AFCs do—fishing for commonalities. This is obviously not the frame anyone should be taking. For instance, I ask what they do for fun and they have heard that question 1,000 times. If you look at some of the examples in Magic Bullets, they are very common and AFC (e.g. what type of music, books, or movies do you like). I need to start using more unique qualifying statements. I feel like qualifying her on personality traits would be more effective and more original but I have not systematically tested this. Here are some examples that come to mind:

[list]Are you spontaneous?[/list]
[list]Are you adventurous?[/list]
[list]You know, you are actually pretty funny! I read an article in GQ or something about how there are many more men that are comedians and women usually aren’t as funny. But I can’t stand being around people that are serious all the time.[/list]
[list]It is funny, a lot of people you meet at the bars are very dependent people. They must always be around their friends. But you seem like an independent person which is actually cool. I mean, you came over here and talked to me because you wanted to without caring what your friends thought. That is exactly what I would do.[/list]
[list]I can’t believe how many girls I meet lack intelligence. They are attractive and fun, but you can’t even hold down a conversation with them. (See if she qualifies and if not continue with) but you seem different. Do you consider yourself smart?[/list]
[list]If you could do anything without a fear of failure what would you do?[/list]
[list]What is your passion in life?[/list]
[list]My friend gave me the best compliment the other day. She pointed out that she can tell me anything because she knows I won’t think she is weird and I won’t go tell everyone. Then I realized that a lot of my friends tell me their secrets and I think it is because I am so open-minded. What about you? Are you open minded?[/list]

This list could go on and on, but those qualification statements hit on most of the things I actually look for in a girl. I mean who really cares what she does in her spare time. You can introduce her to things you like and then she has similar hobbies. I would be interested in what people think about this and if anyone has experience with this. I have started to field test it but I am in the early stages of it. What do other people use for qualifiers?

[Guest]

For qualification, I sometimes go for huge open-ended questions. One I use is basically "how would your friends describe you?" It really cuts to the essence of what makes her different from everyone else, and elicits some key features of her self-image. Being spontaneous or adventurous is in my opinion more about planting seeds in her mind and eliciting certain behaviors, rather than appreciating her for who she is. Women may or may not be at all attached to their image of themselves as spontaneous, so if you appreciate the fact that they are spontanous, it doesn't really mean much to them.

If a woman gives a "negative" quality, like for example "oh my friends hate that I'm always late! hahaha!" then you can disqualify "oh, we are so DONE!" (jokingly) and then basically ask the same question again, "no seriously, what makes you different from everyone else."

They don't have to be commonalities but they do have to be something that you can appreciate.

The standard MM doctrine is small qualifier, then medium qualifier, then big qualifier, but I just skip to the big one. I also do it pretty early, like maybe 5 minutes in, sometimes even sooner. Speaking of MM doctrine, I don't believe Attraction and Qualification need to be sequential. I think it can work very well concurrently.

[Guest]

I like that qualifier a lot! I will use that next time. I am like you in that I do as little attraction as necessary. I am usually into qualification in 5 min or less. Sometimes I feel like I don't do enough attraction but if they are jumping through your qualification hoops, who cares?

[Guest]

[quote1212417951=Sal Paradise]
I like that qualifier a lot! I will use that next time. I am like you in that I do as little attraction as necessary. I am usually into qualification in 5 min or less. Sometimes I feel like I don't do enough attraction but if they are jumping through your qualification hoops, who cares?
[/quote1212417951]

You are also a very good looking guy. Girls find you attractive before you open your mouth. Hell try opening the next few sets with, Hi my names collin, my shrink says we are when we take our pills. and it will still hook

[Guest]

Lol, that is hilarious! You are making me blush...

[Guest]

Took me a while to learn this. When your a good looking guy, you an just about ASSUME attraction, and move to comfort very quickly.
I noticed i was getting good interactions, but they didnt really help, beacuause the numbers would flake.
I found that if you stay only in attraction, or play the dancing monkey, the flake percentage is high.

I noticed this one i started working out again, and was tanning, and dressed like i do currently(rockstar). I was like" i know we had a great interaction, and she was into me, but why isisnt she responding after I got the number?"

For you, I'd open, dhv maybe once or twice, them move on, quickly.

[Guest]

Thanks El Fenix, that helps a lot! I have been questioning if I don't do enough attraction but if I can get to qualification and comfort, who cares? What you wrote really validates what I already do so that is one less thing to worry about :)

I usually open, transition with a cold read, do 1 attraction piece and then qualify. I am currently working on heavier qualification and spending more time in comfort before the number close to reduce flakes. Every girl I get into deep comfort ends up not being a flake. Now I have to figure how to get as much comfort and qualification as possible in day game.