Using Texting to Build Comfort?

[Morpheo]

What are the best practices for texting? I've read theories where text is only used to set up meets and for funny banter/flirting. Do you guys ever use text to hold "normal" conversations? I mean rapport/comfort building and just generally finding out more about the girl. In this case I'm talking about a girl you interacted with a the club, but haven't met up with yet.

My natural inclination is to use text for that, especially when the girl is busy or farther away. I try to keep it lighthearted, but I will talk about stuff I did that day, an interesting book I read, or run a little routine, whatever. Any pitfalls in this approach?

[Bull Run]

Text to build comfort? No.

I'm of the opinion that comfort should be built in the field. If you get a number after 5-10 minutes of conversation (assuming it's night game, day game is a little different) then you've most likely got a flake on your hands. Think about how low value a woman must be if she's willing to talk to a guy again after he only spent a few minutes with her. If you're into wildebeests, then go for it...I prefer women.

You have to spend some level of time with the girl before you go for the number. Shit, eject from the set without it and swing by later. I've done that so many times and it's pure gold because the second time you're not some stranger named Bull Run. No, you're Bull Run the funny, cool, etc. guy. It's a totally different vibe AND it makes her feel more comfortable with you. It's the same reason you venue bounce on day2s. It breaks it up into mini-dates, which makes her feel like you've been together longer than you really have. Understand that if you eject, you may lose her forever. But, does it really matter? You don't know her. Don't give her so much value as to feel like you need to stay. That attitude will serve you well out there.

The difference is indifference.

So, you build comfort in field. Text is just a time bridge between when you last saw her and when you'll see her next. That's all. What kind of cool guy that has an excess of pussy in his life sends some random chick he met at a bar and doesn't know very well a bunch of texts? What does that say about you? Do you think that's what an alpha male with abundance mentality would do? No way.

I think of texting as serving four primary purposes: 1) it keeps you in the forefront of her mind 2) it acts as a time machine pulling her back to when you met and the emotions you ellicted from her, jolting her hampster so she starts thinking about this guy I met the other night 3) it allows you to banter with her, thus increasing her buying temperature...fun, wit, charm, and cocky/funny but don't text too much (remember you've got women to bang, you don't have time for this high school texting shit) and 4) it serves as a medium from which to give her a call to action, i.e. "let's grab a delicious, adult beverage this Wednesday."

Texting is not to be used to discuss your day. That sets a boyfriend frame and, for high value women, comes across as needy.

Here's an example, let's say you meet her Friday night:

Saturday afternoon
Bull Run: You're funny, charming, and handsome. It was a pleasure meeting you. BR
HB: Handsome? Not what I was expecting but I'll take it...
Bull Run: If men can be pretty, then women can be handsome
HB: Haha...never thought of it like that
Bull Run: That's what I'm here for...to show you a whole new world
HB: What are you doing today? (If she asks a question, you're in...it's almost universally required it seems)
Bull Run: Organizing my DVD collection by the last name of the lead grip...
HB: Haha...blah, blah
Bull Run: (Ignoring what was said) Let's grab an adult beverage this week...I'm free Thursday
HB: Accepts, negotiates a different time/day, or radio silence

Then, say on Tuesday you hit her up with a drive by random text of some type. For example, I saw a chick last Sunday night and we made plans for this Friday so I sent her a text on Wednesday that said something like "Happy National Pi Day!!" (yes, it's a real thing). She texted back, I sent her one more volley, then I cut the thread.

Point is that you don't always have to be in contact with the girl, it shows that you're clingly and not respectful of the fact that she has a life too. Also, it's an indication that you're a bit desperate.

In the situation you described, she's busy with work or lives far away. Well, if she's busy at work, leave her alone. How annoying is it for some random person to hit you up while you're stressing out about real problems in your real life? Just send her a casual one liner like I referenced above regarding Pi Day. If she lives far away, why bother? If you're willing to date a girl that lives far away from you it, again, reeks of being a little bit desperate. Why date a chick that lives on the other side of Fort Worth while you live in downtown Dallas? There's plenty of hot chicks in Dallas to devote your time and effort to...and, if she's high value she's going to wonder why you can't get a girl that's more geographically friendly.

Having said that, one of my modus operandi over the years is to meet and date a single mom that lives in the burbs (say 20-30 minutes from dowtown)...the reason I do this is because half the time she's dealing with shit with her kid so she leaves me alone and she's nowhere near my stomping grounds. An arm's length girlfriend as it were. This gives me the opportunity to have other women on the side if I so choose...or, just to have a life with steady sex without being required to see her all the damn time. I always found the latter more fulfilling.

[Morpheo]

I appreciate the response, and I will probably grow into that mode of working/thinking in the future, but right now I'm in the newbie phase, where I DO have time to devote to this stuff, I am a bit desperate for results, and I'm also doing a lot of this for practice.

For example, I got the number of a girl who lives in NY. Met her in Austin. She travels a good bit for her job. It will probably never go anywhere, but rather than burn that number, I'm using it to practice my text game. I try being a bit funny/cocky, but I also wanna know more about her. Otherwise there's nothing to text about. I can't always be texting jokes.

At this newbie phase my initial interactions are not very strong, but I still go for the number because I need the practice. I often get numbers after only 3-5 minutes of interaction. Eventually I'll improve my interactions such that I be texting the next day to set up a meet. But with a shallow 5 minute interaction I feel like setting up a meet is too forward. So I thought about building comfort over text before asking for a meet. Is that wrong? Should I ask for the meet regardless of how strong the initial interaction was? Seems counter-intuitive, but then again, most concepts in the game are like that.

[Triumvirate]

There are a lot of good nuggets from the post that Bullrun made. The only thing I disagree with, is that spending more time talking to a woman is directly correlated to the chance of flakiness. I have talked to women for 40 minutes, and still got a flake. I have talked to women for 5 minutes and ended up seeing her many times over. That is a discussion for another time though.

A Phone number is not for building comfort. You said on your bootcamp that Nathan said to completely forget all the pua material you have read. I agree with that. Try going for the meet-up early and see what objections are raised, if any. Be willing to challenge all of the rules that you hold dear. The number is a means to experiment so don't treat any of them as precious.

Happy Sarging

[Bull Run]

That's fair. Practice is required. But, I will suggest that you're putting the cart in front of the horse. Instead of focusing on number closing, which doesn't mean a whole lot, you should focus on running and fully engaging a set. A number close gives you a false sense of confidence. "I closed her, I must be doing something right!" Not true. In fact, by asking for the number so early you're depriving yourself of real practice and real interactions. Things take time man, be patient.

I would suggest that you create a checklist of 3 or 4 things that you want to accomplish in a night...they can be better body language, not leaning, better tonality, stronger eye contact, trying new openers/routines. You should focus on that with an eye open towards possibly getting the number close. You need as much face to face interaction as you can possibly get.

Where I DO have time to devote to this stuff, I am a bit desperate for results, and I'm also doing a lot of this for practice.

Use your time more wisely and efficiently, there's only about 4 bar hours every night to focus on talking with girls. Use them and use them well. 3-5 minute interactions isn't a good use of your time...sure, you'll get blown out more often but that's part of the game.

Like I said earlier, the difference is indifference. Stop worrying about the outcome and start worrying about the process. Take Albert Pujols, the greatest hitter of our generation. After a game, he never talks about the fact that he hit x number of home runs or y number of hits. Instead, he talks about how he hit the ball. If he hit it hard, if his swing was correct, if his process was working. He focuses on the steps to success, not on success itself. That's why he's the best. 0 for 4 but with perfect mechanics is better than 4 for 4 with imperfect mechanics. In the long run, that will hold true in virtually all aspects in life.

If you want to practice your text game, by all means go for it. But, if you're getting numbers just to practice text game without building the right amount of comfort in the venue, then you're not going to get to practice because most girls won't talk with you.

Focus on the basics, you have a good list from the RSD camp to work with. Focus on being cocky/funny, developing quick, witty quips, being comfortable around beautiful women, talking to women in general. Focus on tonality, topics of conversation, body language, etc. Use women as test subjects for your experiments. Going for the number so soon doesn't give you time to experiment with them and try out new things that may work for you.

When I first started, I never asked for numbers. I focused on running my game. You'd be surprised how many women will just give you their number without you asking. Food for thought.

@Trimuvirate

I don't disagree that there isn't always a correlation between time in set and flakiness. All interactions are different. Generally I think it's true (even though, I've had both just as you mentioned). Then again, this could be a limiting belief. Always holding onto the notion that time is your friend is ridiculous because so many things can happen in the real world...she could dig you but is being dragged out of the venue by her friends and you only spent like 2 minutes with her. Or, she could just be bored and you're funny and entertaining so you shoot the shit for 30 minutes. Obviously, having hard and fast rules out there does all of us a disservice.

And, I think your advice is spot on. Morpheo should be working that RSD list more than anything else. More often than not, in the world of PU, doing the opposite of what seems appropriate is the right thing to be doing.

[Morpheo]

Keeping the conversation going is definitely my biggest sticking point right now, but to be clear, I never terminate a conversation to get a number. Mostly what happens is, I run out of stuff to say, the conversation ends, then I bump into that girl a second or third time during the night and ask for the number.

I agree with the principle of quality over quantity, I just need to find an effective way of boosting my conversation skills. This seems to be the most daunting obstacle. Things like eye contact, vocal tonality, etc. I need to work on as well, but I'm confident I will hone those out if I can get longer conversations going. It's hard to focus on things like posture and eye contact when I'm scrambling for shit to say -- in general, it just makes me look un-confident.

[ninjamatt]

What are the best practices for texting? I've read theories where text is only used to set up meets and for funny banter/flirting. Do you guys ever use text to hold "normal" conversations? I mean rapport/comfort building and just generally finding out more about the girl. In this case I'm talking about a girl you interacted with a the club, but haven't met up with yet.

My natural inclination is to use text for that, especially when the girl is busy or farther away. I try to keep it lighthearted, but I will talk about stuff I did that day, an interesting book I read, or run a little routine, whatever. Any pitfalls in this approach?

I've banged a few women who I texted for months prior to that. women who I never even dated before fucking. Just met at the club one night, 6 months later took them home from the same club to fuck. One of them, about month 3 we spoke on the phone about 10 minutes which was the only time we'd ever talked on the phone. Other times i tried to call she never answered. It got to where we were texting twice a day at first, then 100 times a day in month 6. Yea I use it to build comfort and chit chat but sometimes it takes a lot of patience and in my case i was running other women so I wasn't in a big hurry and i have time to text b/c my job allows it. I've got 3 of them I'm doing that with now. Your idea of what to do with it is pretty much what I do.

There's a few pointers I can give you based on experience. A lot of times they will not respond to a lot of your texts especially the club girls. The trick is, if you get ignored, let a day or two go by and text something else about a different subject. You'll get stood up, or they'll cancel a date or meeting on you but let a few days go by afterwards and act like nothing happened. If you are the first to text her back, bring up a totally different subject. any woman who's got much value has several different guys she's texting. you aren't the first who's got her number and probably not the only one this week. Some days you will be higher in her pecking order of priority than others. The thing is, as time goes by she starts getting accustomed to seeing your name pop up with something friendly, funny, interesting, etc, when other guys have given up or been disqualified. Monday night you may text and she may think, ugh i wish this guy would go away and ignore it. But by friday you might text again and spark her interest about something. Most women love giving their opinion about something so when you think it's a total dead end and she's ignored 4 or 5 texts, you might start up with an opinion question about fashion or food. Don't get too pushy. don't blow up phones. don't tell someone she's beautiful in texts. A simple "you look nice" when she comes to the first date is sufficient. Don't text someone you just met and say "do you wanna go have a drink". Don't ignore aspects of a story she's telling you and bring up a different subject. after a small convo early in your relationship, you need to be the one to shut it down for a few hours or day(s). don't let her be the one to stop the convo. do mix in a call now and then.

[dottywine]

Please, do not do this. Atleast not without a plan.

IN GENERAL you just cannot assume that everyone likes texting.

Please do not put a girl through the awkwardness of trying to chat with her via text. Maybe -- maybe you meet a girl who is into it. I, personally, DELETE guys who text me too much.

I do not think you can build true rapport over text. Maybe some familiarity.

[Bull Run]

Please, do not do this. Atleast not without a plan.

IN GENERAL you just cannot assume that everyone likes texting.

Please do not put a girl through the awkwardness of trying to chat with her via text. Maybe -- maybe you meet a girl who is into it. I, personally, DELETE guys who text me too much.

I do not think you can build true rapport over text. Maybe some familiarity.

A few things here:


1) You may be a rare exception, but virtually all women prefer texting. This is especially true with girls that are hot and have a lot of suitors...who has the time in the day to talk to all of these guys on the phone? In fact, I've had ONE woman out of hundreds that insisted I call her...but it was only to call for a date. Other than that, she prefered texting. You can assume that all women prefer texting because IN GENERAL it's true. There's absolutely no arguing that.
2) For the most part, the advice a woman gives regarding the seduction or attraction of other women is almost universally wrong. Women have it in their head that they want one thing, but they almost always go for something entirely different. However, in this case, your advice was direcly inline with that of everyone else on here. Even the sun shines on a dog's ass every once and a while and all that BS...
3) I love that you mentioned the awkwardness of a text. Well, I'm of the opinion, that if a girl can't have a lively, fun conversation via text (arguably one of the easiest mediums to have such a conversation because you can THINK about your responses) then she's most likely not worth my time and effort. If you feel awkward then it's one of two things: 1) the guy's boring, which we discussed how not to be OR 2) YOU'RE boring. I'm not implying you are, because I don't know you, but that's just how it works. I can't tell you how many times I see boring people bored but don't realize the reason they're bored is because they're inherently boring as a person...no humor, no imagination, no wit, no creativity, etc.

[ninjamatt]

dotty has a valid point you should consider. But like I said, I start with 1 or 2 texts per day. I get a feel for how much she likes to do it based on how quickly she responds. I've got one i'm running now who I met at club about 4 months ago. 10 minute talk. got number and moved on. I'd say I've texted her maybe 150 times total. maybe 20% of that, I get her into a back and fourth conversation where she's answering immediately. Maybe another 20% she responds the next day. When she does that I usually give anywhere from a couple hours to a couple days to start up again based on the topic or don't respond back to that topic at all. Probably half the time, she doesn't respond to my original text at all although lately she's getting alot better. Our pattern is sporatic. Some days I don't text, Some times I let 2 or 3 days go by without texting, some days it's 4 or 5 texts or more. Dotty may be more less referring to guys that are blowing up her phone who she was only passively interested in, in the first place. This particular girl i'm referring to is a bit of a player.