New meaning for C&F

[Guest]

So like on Tuesday or Wednesday, PicturePerfect and I went apartment shopping. Cute huh? We're gonna have bunk beds and everything. HAH...anyway...

Afterward, I went to the grocery store because all I had left to eat were condiments...and ketchup w/ a side of mustard isn't my ideal meal. Now let me preface this by saying I'm a creature of habit. I go to the same store, and I follow the exact same shopping pattern....start in produce and work my way up and down every aisle (because I never remember where shit is.)

Normally when you walk in to a grocery store on a work day around 2pm you run in to nothing but blue hairs and disabled people. Well not this day, my friends. I immediately spotted a HB8 (in my book) wearing scrubs standing right in my starting location...produce. PicturePerfect and I spent all the time at the apartment complexes cracking jokes and giving the leasing agents a hell of a time...this put me in a mood to continue to fuck with people.

I introduce to you C&F v2.0 - Cheesy/Funny!

I walked up next to her and said something along the lines of, "Ah...the zucchini...the name comes from the Norwegian word for "flatulence relief" in my Ron Burgandy voice. She stopped mid-movement...stared...then laughed.

I did not break character.

I continued to tell her the only reason I'm in the vegetable section is to get things to cook with meat...which real men eat. Shortly after, I scooted along in my normal routine. Turns out she had a similar pattern, but started at the opposite end of the aisle. This time we met up at the Deli area. I pointed to what I think was a big chunk of salami or something and said, "You know that's made with bits of real panther." With this comment, she totally got what I was doing.

"HAHA oh my...I freakin love that movie." She replied.

"I'm thrilled you enjoy my life story, Ms. Veronica Corningstone." (that's Christina Applegate's character's name in the movie...in case you didn't get that."

After this point, I was kinda out of material...except for reading things off boxes and saying, "that's science." and making other small Burgandy like comments.

Nearly at the end of my shopping routine, she asked me if I was ever going to break character and tell her my name.

"I'm Ron Burgandy?" I replied.

*punched me on arm*

"Okay Okay...you've beat me in to submission...it's Josh."

A bit of chit chat went from there...she asked me why I wasn't at work and stuff...I told her its not profitable to slide up and down a stripper pole at 3pm...so I wait until later.

I #closed this with the following

"I don't think I've had this much fun grocery shopping since the time I knocked down a whole display full of fruit. You put up with my shanannigans...I like that. We should continue this some time...how 'bout you give me your number?"

She wrote it on my box of Cheerios. Seriously.

I think I'm gonna try acting like Fogel from SuperBad....or maybe White Goodman from Dodgeball next time...lol.

[Guest]

That's awesome Piocture. I enjoyed reading that. Sounds like you did a pretty good damn job man. hahaha. I've never seen that movie though so couldn't relate completely. They say that's where you meet your girlfriend or wife though is in the produce section so be careful if that's not what your looking for. lol.

[Guest]

[quote="Professor"]That's awesome Piocture. I enjoyed reading that. Sounds like you did a pretty good damn job man. hahaha. I've never seen that movie though so couldn't relate completely. They say that's where you meet your girlfriend or wife though is in the produce section so be careful if that's not what your looking for. lol.[/quote]

I've never heard that before...that scares me!