FR: The Air Quotes "Boyfriend"

[Guest]

Went out last Saturday night with Mojo, Vector, El Fenix, Tribulus, and TheScientist. We ate at Primos and then went next door to the Quarter Bar. Mojo?s plan was to secure a room upstairs with couches, and we would all pull girls back there. It seemed that when I moved around the venue with one or two other guys, nobody would approach. I went off by myself and approached a couple of sets, but nothing stuck. We ended up relinquishing the back room and split up. Vector and Fenix went to Frankies, which was a few doors down and the rest of us went to Old Republic, which was across the street. It didn?t take Vector and Fenix long to show up at Republic, so we were back to a big group.

Republic was packed. A couple of the guys approached, but nothing stuck. Vector and Fenix went downtown and Mojo, Trib, and I went to Sherlocks. I don?t know what happened to TheScientist.

I never had much luck at Sherlocks. For one thing, I?ve only been there on a Sunday, because it?s the only place that gets busy on Sunday. The other thing is that it attracts a college crowd. All the girls have baby fat, and all the guys have shaved heads and dress way down. I need to remember to wear a t-shirt and sneakers if there?s a chance I?ll end up at Sherlocks. However, my big sticking point is that most of the girls there are average, so I eject at the first sign of bitch shield. I should stay in set for the practice, but I?m not too interested in them.

Mojo was waiting to play a game of pool, so we were waiting by the pool tables. A HB8 goes by, so I hooked her as she walked by. She instinctively went into a dosie-doe spin, so we laughed and she joined Mojo and me. Mojo started to game her and steal my set, but, honestly, my game was better than his. (Just kidding, Mojo.) He did get her name out of her and she asked me my name. She said, ?how did you get that name?? and crossed her arms. I said, ?look at the way you?re crossing your arms like you?re inviting me to impress you.? She said, ?no, it?s not that. It?s just comfortable to stand that way.? I said, ?no, you?re closed. You might be hiding something.? She said, ?I?m here with my ?boyfriend?? (she actually made air quotes around the word ?boyfriend?). So I mocked her. I said, ?I like the way you put air quotes around ?boyfriend?? (doing the air quotes myself). She said, ?yeah, I guess you could say I?m ?dating? him? (again with the air quotes).

Now, I took this as an IOI. It was like she was REALLY saying, ?a guy might walk up to us and I?m with him, but you shouldn?t let that stop you.?

I asked her, ?are you an artist or a musician?? She answered without hesitation, ?artist. I drew the design for this tattoo? (showed me her tattoo, which was practically on her ass). Then she said, ?actually, I am sort of an artist. I?m a mortician.? Then, she started to tell me what a mortician?s job is like. I said that I am both an artist and a musician. She crossed her arms again, and I busted on her again for inviting me to impress her. At this point, I took her hand and walked her outside. She kept saying that she had to go to the bathroom, but she didn?t leave. She said that people usually won?t talk to her when they find out that she?s a mortician. I said, ?I don?t know why that would be. It?s a job like any other job. In fact, I bet the families really appreciate what you do for them.? She said, ?no, oh my god, you just hit the nail on the head.? She high-fived me and told me about how her brother shot himself in the face when he was 15 and they had an open casket. That was the day that she decided she was going to be a mortician.

The conversation was getting too heavy, and too much about her job, so I asked what she likes to do for fun. She said she likes cars. I held her hands out and looked her up and down, then said, ?you don?t look like a rockabilly girl. Do you own some rolled-up jeans and mary jane shoes?? She told me that the previous night she wore some slutty cowgirl outfit (not her words). I thought maybe she was testing to see if I would act AFC, so I just said, ?hmm, can?t wait to see it. Did you go to Cowboy?s Red River?? She said, ?you wouldn?t have seen it, I didn?t come here last night.? I said, ?I wasn?t here either.? She finally said, ?I?m about to pee my pants, seriously, but let me give you my number. I can always have another friend.? I don?t know how it came up, but she said something like, ?that?s why I won?t even call them ?dead people? in the morgue. I call them ?the deceased?; it?s more respectful.? I said, ?you know, I could tell that you have a lot of integrity.? She was so serious. She said, ?oh my god. Yes, I do.?

Now, I have a feeling she?s going to be a flake. She was sort of drunk, and she does have that ?boyfriend.? But I was having fun. She was such an easy cold read. I isolated her, which is something I needed to work on. And I didn?t force the number close, I let her number close me.

I wish I had some call-back humor to use when I call her, but she was too serious.

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[Guest]

You should have told her she can come over to your place and the two of you can "hang out". ;)

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[Guest]

[quote="Vector"]You should have told her she can come over to your place and the two of you can "hang out". ;)[/quote]That's good.

The air quotes thing is a good thing to bust girls on. I was teasing my friend's fiancee about it. She didn't realize she did it, but I kept catching her using air quotes. I'm definitely going to keep my eye out for it, because it becomes a great inside joke.

[quote="Westfall"]You totally should have told her "I bet a lot of guys are just dying to meet you" :wink:[/quote]Believe me, I was dying to tease her about her job, but she took it way too seriously. I mean, when a girl tells you her brother blew his face off when she was twelve, it's hard to make light of the situation. All I could do was change the subject.

Now that I think of it, I did ask her, "what was the craziest thing someone has requested? Has anyone wanted to be buried in clown makeup or anything?" She told a story about a woman who requested that her friend be buried with a check for the money she owed him. That's fucking hilarious. A CHECK!! I'm laughing right now thinking about it!

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[Guest]

Well, it looks like you might have a shot there. For all you know, she may be dying to see you again. Just don't lie around waiting for it. If her number does come up, though, then you all can kick it. On the other hand, if she flakes, just bury the number.

[Guest]

Man, there are some really rotten puns in this thread. ;)

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