FU: Ze French

[Phenix]

FU: Ze' French
Background: It was the middle of October. Leaves were falling all around, the weather turned slightly colder but the sun stayed out. It was Fall and the rainy season dry of women had not rained down on us just yet: The women had not put on their winter weight.

We went to an open bar event that my friend was running and afterwards, decided to hit up our then new favorite hot spot, TL.

I was off that night. Nothing was sticking, my boys were fairing very well, and i had even self ejected a couple of times. It's now 2 am, and the crew (3 ppl) pulled back a group of 4 girls. I stayed behind for the hail mary.

Still nothing was clicking and as i stood there aimlessly, i saw a hot solid HB9 looking at me from the hot dog stand line. I look at her and wink and she laughs, so i immediately walk up. It's HB9, HB6, and a dude and they're all waiting in line for a hot dog.

Me: "Well, i gotta say hi now."
HBFrenchie: "Hi."
Me: "I'm Phenix, and no, that's not my real name, get your mind out of the gutter."
Me: "Introduce me to your friend, don't be rude. Jeez, how do you roll with her?"
HBFrenchie: "Hi, this is my friend HB6Obstacle."
HBFrenchie: "What's your real name"
Me: "It's *****. it's ******ese"
HBFrenchie: "Oh, really? I'm from france and she's from norway."
Me: "What are you doing here? how do you two know each other?"
Frenchie: "Oh we go to school together. We have an NIH fellowship."
*damn, hella smart and a solid 9.*
Me: "crazy, seattle's a little weird tho. i was in europe for a bit, have some fam in france, i'd much rather go there than be here, even tho i've been here for a year."
HBFrenchie: "Yea, the people here are weird."
Me: "Ok, well, fuck it, i'm gonna take a chance here. Are you cool?"
HBFrenchie: "...yes."
Me: "Are you fun?"
HBFrenchie: "yes."
Me: "Are you weird?"
HBFrenchie: "*laugh* no."
*claw them in*
Me: "*in a softer voice* okay, well, you two seem pretty fun so i'm gonna let you in on a secret. here in seatown, it's all about houseparties and afterparties. it took me a while to figure it out. you two seem legit and you can come to our new place for an afterparty....but, that dude right there, he's kinda giving me weird vibes. no offense, but he seems odd."
HBFrenchie: "Oh cool! Yea, we met him tonight, we don't know him."

And i walk away with both of them on each side of me.

That was it. The entirety of the interaction. 3 minutes tops, out of the hot dog stand and some poor bastard got left in the dust.

We walk to our place, and turns out the crew tried to pull more girls (aka hotter girls) infront of the girls they had and well, let's just say shit did not go down well.

We're at the house: me, my roomate, 2 of my friends, HBFrenchie, HBNorway.


I show them the place, they freak out with "holy shit, you live here?". The place wasn't even furnished at this point.

I leave HBNorway with the boys downstairs and we pop a bottle of champagne for our 1st after party.

Upstairs, i think, okay, one of my weak points is qualification. So i go into comfort with HBFrenchie, talk about life, moving from place to place, talk about being genuine but at the same time i can be a real dick or shallow. This goes on for 30 minutes (way too long in retrospect).

We move to my room (there's nothing there yet except a pillow and bed sheets). She's lying next to me, and i say, "this is so weird. i mean, what are the chances of me running into you?"
HBFrenchie: "I know."
Me: "Yea, here, let's do something. Guess a number between 1-4"

*HBNorway BARGES IN DRUNK*

HBNorway: "HEEEEEY< WHAT"S UP."

HBFrenchie: "Hey. bla bla bla bla. Hey, he's going to guess a number in my head."
HBNorway: *drunk* "REALLY? They did that to me downstairs too. My favorite number!"
HBFrenchie: "What? *look of puzzle* ooh, i see, that's what you guys do."
HBFrenchie: *gets up and walks away*

*I give the drunk obstacle a look of death*
Me: "Really, what was your favorite number?"
HBNorway: "What?"
Me: "Hey, i have a secret to tell you. My roomate, the asian guy you've been hitting on, likes you. But i like your friend, you should help me out."
*at this point, HBNorway starts shoving her chest towards me*
Me: "i'm gonna find your friend."

(later on during the debrief, i find out no one downstairs said anything of the sort and bitch was ridiculously drunk as she drank 3/4 of the champagne bottle herself)

I go downstairs, chat up the group some more, my roomate goes upstairs.

After 5 mins, i go upstairs to my room to figure out what to do and lo and behold, my roomate is fingerbangin HBNorway. Perfect. Obstacle tamed.

HBFrenchie is now coming upstairs,
HBFrenchie: "I'm looking for my friend."
Me: "She's a big girl, she can take care of herself. Come sit *i'm on my roomate's bed in his room*"
HBFrenchie: "I know, but we promised we'd watch out for each other."
Me: "It's cool, come sit and talk. Let them have their fun."
HBFrenchie: "No, where is she?"
Me: "She's in my room."

HBFrenchie: *walks to my room, sees HBNorway topless with my roomate sucking on her tits and fingerbanging her* "*in a very stern motherly voice* HBNorway, HBNorway. Look at me. Look at me. Put your clothes on, we're leaving. No, we're leaving right now."
HBFrenchie: *storms off downstairs*

While she waits for her friend, she calls a cab. After 5 minutes of me talkin to her, her friend stumbles downstairs, and they walk off.

Lessons:
*Sometimes a drunk bitch will rock your world
*ESCALATE ESCALATE ESCALATE (this was before my knowledge of SnA)
*But, at the same time, make sure both the girls escalate at the same time. if one's too far ahead than the other, freakout occurs.
*It only takes 3 minutes to steal a girl from a dude who's been gaming her for 3 hours. HB9's are no different
*Laugh b/c life is funny sometimes.