FR: Getting Blown Out by a Stripper

[Bull Run]

Unfortunately, you read the title correctly. Oh how I wish I could remove ‘Out’ but alas I’m not quite that good, yet…

It’s a Saturday and I’ve been invited by PicturePerfect and Smirks to sarge with them in downtown Fort Worth. I’ve never run game out there so I’m excited to see how effective I may be, I suspect I’ll be very dangerous because of the laid-back nature of Dallas’s little brother. We’re downtown and the first place we hit is The Library. My wings and I are peacocked to the gills. Our choice this evening was Mardi Gra beads…it was the weekend before Fat Tuesday after all.

So, we walk into The Library and while there my wings and I approach a two set of what were obviously strippers…cougar strippers. With the two girls were two guys wearing the exact same blue shirt and who appeared to be buying the blondes drinks. Based on the body language of the blondes, you can tell that they aren’t at all interested in The Blue Man Group (BTW I can’t take credit for The Blue Man Group joke, that was all PicturePerfect, think).

So one of the strippers and I hang out for a while, during which time she confirmed her identity as a stripper in passing (I mean the fake cans, platinum blonde hair, and fake tan sort of gave it away ). Note that she only confirmed being a stripper in passing, we didn’t explicitly talk about her profession. So, I isolate her from the group and run a barge of canned materials on her…I’ve sort of stopped running canned stuff relying more on spontaneous game but in this case I felt I needed to use the big guns, the best of the best materials that I’ve ever run. She ate it up.

We exchanged numbers and she kept calling me that night to hang out but I was with my boys in a strange city and they didn’t want to come with so I had to turn her down the entire night. Initially I thought this was a smart tactic, you know make myself less available to her. Push her down the priority scale. In hindsight I probably should have eventually hooked up with her that night, I might have been able to pull an SNL. Oh well, you live you learn.

The next day I decided to drop her a text:

Me - "You're a random number in my phone, who are you?"

The Stripper - "You and I got married in front of a skinny Elvis and I still remain a random number in your phone?”

Me - "Looks that way. Ok, give me 3 guesses to your identity. First guess, you're the one that sells guns to children."

The Stripper - "Ha, no that was my friend - guess again."

Me - "The professional mud wrestler?"

The Stripper - "No, I prefer green jello."

Me - "The lovely assistant to the Blue Man Group. [The Stripper] from the Library?"

The Stripper - "Haha, yes."

Me - "Now that I know you, when are you going to buy me dinner?"

The Stripper - "McD dollar menu anytime my dear!"

Me - "Maybe I'll take you up on that...maybe."

At this point, I figure I’m in so I give it a couple of days before I call. Wednesday rolls around and I figure it’s been long enough for me to give her a buzz. Truth be told, I didn’t think that she’d even answer her phone and when she did I was a little taken a back, but I quickly recovered and proceeded to play the disinterested, confident guy (a character that I’ve been trying to internalize). I run a couple of my more effective routines and wait for her to ask me out, which she does prefaced by a comment about how I’m not like most other guys. You know the ones that call you the same night they got your number to “make sure you got home okay”. We initially plan to party Saturday night, I told her that that’s very presumptuous of her to take my Saturday night…it is such a big party night after all.

I call her Saturday afternoon to firm up our plans and she cancels on me, pushing our date to Sunday afternoon coffee. This is not good. I have to act quickly to save my image of a confident, indifferent man:

Me: “You know that works out perfectly for me.”

The Stripper: “Really?”

Me: “Ya, see this way I can go out tonight and meet a bunch of new, hot girls and still meet up with you tomorrow for coffee! Perfect!” I was pushing things here a bit but I really had nothing to lose. If I didn’t say something like this to save my frame (confidently indifferent) then I wasn’t going to even get the coffee date the next day. If she didn’t like what I said, then I’m definitely not going to get the day2 the next day.
The Stripper: Laughing, “You’re so different from most guys…”

Me: “Thanks.” Then we make plans to meet at a Starbucks equidistant from our respective homes.

The next day I half expect The Stripper to call and cancel, I’m a little shocked when she doesn’t and she is actually at the coffee shop waiting for me. I walk in, say hello, and then order something. While I’m ordering something I talk to the barista in a very playful, slightly-flirtatious manner. I do this to indicate to The Stripper that I’m a social guy and that it’s not that uncommon for me to strike up conversations with random people, especially random attractive girls. Doing this ensures that it keeps The Stripper’s value in check. When I come back to the table she asks if I knew the barista, I respond “I do now, she seems nice enough I suppose”. Over the next hour and a half I run my Game to perfection:

1) I disagree with her when I genuinely disagree
2) I run funny and serious stories and routines that describe who I am and of what I’m capable…never actually coming out and saying anything directly.
3) I neg her when appropriate
4) When she brings up sex, which she did a couple of times I make sure to escalate a little bit then push her away by calling her a pervert or a sexual predator or telling her that I’m not a piece of meat, etc.
5) And, most importantly, I continue to project my mental frame of being confident and indifferent

Just as I was beginning to think that I had this girl hooked, the phone rings. Her phone actually. As she leans over to get her phone out of her purse I can hear the ringtone, which is best described as a cop killer, gangsta rap composition. Feeling emboldened by our interaction I’m quick to respond:

Me: “Wow! That music is ghetto-riffic! It makes me want to shake my money maker.” I thought it was clever, she didn’t agree.

The Stripper: “Excuse me? Ghetto-riffic? I can’t believe you would say something like that. Did you know my daughter’s father is black?”

Me: “Oh shit, I didn’t mean anything by it. I wasn’t being racist, just busting on you a little bit. I’m sorry.” The word ‘sorry’ echoed in my head as I knew that I just lost the frame of being confident and indifferent, now I’m groveling and outcome dependent. That one single word unraveled all of the hard work I had put into my interaction with her.

The Stripper: “Well, I don’t appreciate it. I get so tired of people judging all of the time.”

Me: Still groveling. “It was a joke, I’m sorry I even said it.” F-U-C-K! I said that word, ‘sorry’, again. I’m a fucking pussy.

The Stripper: Sensing my weakness she goes in for the kill, “well, I think it’s rude and insensitive. And, what’s this ‘money maker’ shit? Just because I’m a stripper doesn’t mean you have to throw it in my face, I only do it to provide a good life for my daughter. I bet I make more money than you do.”

Me: I’ve got nothing to say, nothing. I’m frozen. In a span of 30 seconds this woman has managed to tear down every single aspect of game I thought I had internalized. There’s nothing left to do but cordially end the interaction, by doing this maybe I can recapture the confident, indifferent frame. “Well, it sucks that you’re so upset about something that I was just goofing about but I can’t control that. So, why don’t we call it a day? I’ve got a lot of stuff to do.”

The Stripper: “Yeah, let’s call it a day.”

Me: “It was fun, for the most part anyway. I’ll talk with you later.”

The Stripper: “Yeah…later.”

Instead of having to deal with the potentially awkward walk out to our cars, I hit the bathroom and when I come out she’s already gone. I look at the barista and say, “that’s the last time I agree to meet a stripper for coffee!” She laughs and for a brief moment I consider escalating my game on her, then I decide to call it a day. Truth be told, The Stripper sucked all of the emotional energy out of me.

On the way home I analyze the interaction with The Stripper, it’s only now that I actually think of the appropriate response when she accused me of being a racist. Something along the lines of “No, I didn’t know you’re daughter’s father is black. Even if I had known, I would still have said the same thing. You shouldn’t read into things so much.” That was the appropriate response That was the confident, indifferent response. In the end, the final conclusion is that I still have a long way to go. Coming into the day2 I knew this was really nothing more than a test, a test of how well I’ve been able to internalize my Game. I knew that if I was able to close this high value girl (I’m speaking exclusively of looks) then I had come a long, long way to truly becoming a PUA. The fact that I’m not yet strong enough to continue to maintain my frame (confident and indifferent) in the face of adversity sourced from a ‘10’ indicates to me that I still have a lot of work to do. No worries, because I don’t really think of any of this as work per say. I suppose time is a better word to use, it’s going to take more time to get to the level I want to be. At least I’m comforted by the fact that I was attractive and good enough to pull such a hot girl into a day2.

Lesson: it’s all in your head. Your internalized belief system is everyone else’s reality.

[JP2008]

Excellent post. I really appreciate the detail and honesty. It makes it much easier to learn when you provide every aspect including the mental frame you are working on internalizing.

Thanks again,

JP

[Twitchy]

Great job on your interaction! And nice detail in your report!

I am not saying that I would have thought fast enough to have handled this any differently but I don't think you were as blown out as you might think.

To me, this sounds just like another big shit test. You had attraction, comfort and were well on your way to success. She just threw out another test to make sure the image she was creating of you was real.

Or she was just crazy and overly sensitive about the race of her baby's father or her career choice.

Most likely, if you would not have defended yourself or given attention to her test, you would have increased her attraction even more.

This weekend, I was out with my number 1. We had been talking about being more exclusive and even considering a future together. A few hours later, out of the blue, she hits me with "You and I are not on the same page. I don't think we should see each other anymore"

Instead of making a big deal about it, I just non-chalantly said "OK. Fine by me." She was flabbergasted that I didn't make a big deal of it and tried to start an argument about how I must not care about her, etc.

I told her very calmly and matter-of-factly that I want someone who wants to be with me. If she was going to end things over nothing, then I didn't want to be with her either. I then back turned her, called another girl and asked her out for dinner within ear shot of my #1.

My #1 was floored!

She spent the rest of the weekend trying to earn my forgiveness which I slowly gave to her as she earned it and telling me how I was the only guy for her, how much she loved me, how she didn't know what she was thinking by trying to end it, etc.

If I had made a big deal about it and begged for her not to leave me, she would have realized I wasn't a man with confidence or options and she would have been right to stop dating me.

Deal with all shit tests with power and confidence and then a shit test will actually become a very positive thing in your interaction.

The more in demand a girl is, the more she will run tests to make sure you are the right guy for her. The better you pass these tests, the more she will commit to you.

[Bull Run]

Great job on your interaction! And nice detail in your report!

I am not saying that I would have thought fast enough to have handled this any differently but I don't think you were as blown out as you might think.

To me, this sounds just like another big shit test. You had attraction, comfort and were well on your way to success. She just threw out another test to make sure the image she was creating of you was real.

You're absolutely correct. The fact that she threw yet another shit test at me so late in our interaction blindsided me. I just didn't see it coming. Which is why my frame crumbled so easily. This was one of the more important learning experiences from my time in the Community.

[TopDog]

she was droppin a cleveland steamer on ya.

never let that guard down let alone a day2

[Dragon]

Bull Run,

Thanks for the Great Field Report.
I didn't even know that was a Shit Test until someone pointed it out.

I was told by non-PUA to stop saying "sorry."
Dude, The word "Sorry" is internalize in me... I have to deProgram it out of me. This is a tough one to break.

[bart]

I don't see any shit-testing happening. I do see a mindset where you're more worried about your own mental state and appearance than in her mental state. You're trying to put on a show rather than being your normal self, and you come across as rude rather than playful. "Ghetto-riffic" is unlikely to seem playful to someone who may have had a hard life. Bear in mind that strippers often have low self esteem outside the clubs, and are very sensitive about any implications of low social status.

I also don't see the point of projecting indifference to someone you're willing to drive out to meet. Why not just stay home then? On a date, you should make it clear you're interested. You want to be normal, relaxed, confident. Open up and show your vulnerable side. You need to bring out her fun, carefree, sexual side. Find commonalities.

You could have dispensed with the "I don't remember you" text game. She liked you. You could have just called her, and re-charmed her. That might have reduced the possibility for a flake. The meeting halfway at Starbucks is not the best sign; it means she's cooling off. I've had this happen to me as well. She was screening you. Keep it short, breezy, light, and fun. The time bridge or upgrade to a real date.


Best of luck!

[Bull Run]

I don't see any shit-testing happening. I do see a mindset where you're more worried about your own mental state and appearance than in her mental state. You're trying to put on a show rather than being your normal self, and you come across as rude rather than playful. "Ghetto-riffic" is unlikely to seem playful to someone who may have had a hard life. Bear in mind that strippers often have low self esteem outside the clubs, and are very sensitive about any implications of low social status.

I also don't see the point of projecting indifference to someone you're willing to drive out to meet. Why not just stay home then? On a date, you should make it clear you're interested. You want to be normal, relaxed, confident. Open up and show your vulnerable side. You need to bring out her fun, carefree, sexual side. Find commonalities.

You could have dispensed with the "I don't remember you" text game. She liked you. You could have just called her, and re-charmed her. That might have reduced the possibility for a flake. The meeting halfway at Starbucks is not the best sign; it means she's cooling off. I've had this happen to me as well. She was screening you. Keep it short, breezy, light, and fun. The time bridge or upgrade to a real date.

Best of luck!

Hey thanks for your input, and I agree 100% that your suggestions would work really, really well for YOUR game. You and I aren't the same, and I imagine our targets aren't the same. Your game works for you, mine for me. My game works really well on my targets, yours hopefully works well on your targets too.

This was a unique case in which my game didn't work for me, which was the reason for the post...that and the late in the game shit test that I failed.

We all have different games and personalities, it's a little presumptuous of you to think that your game would work for someone else.

Good luck!

[bart]

The comments were based on my observation of your fairly detailed post, independent of your personal style. We are all in this together and are here to help each other out. Sometimes that means calling it like we see it. You do yourself the greatest service by considering the feedback you get. I don't think that giving honest feedback with the intention of helping is in any way presumptuous.

Ok, you didn't knock this one out of the park. Big deal. So do you want a pat on the back, or objective advice. Turns out you can have both. Since you already got tha pat on the back, I figured I'd try to offer another perspective.

I think that making people feel bad is not generally good game. In this case you miscalculated and did just that. That's what it boils down to, and is really independent of style. I already said why I think your statement made her feel bad.

I think the guys who said this is a shit test are off the mark here.

--
bart

[Bull Run]

The comments were based on my observation of your fairly detailed post, independent of your personal style. We are all in this together and are here to help each other out. Sometimes that means calling it like we see it. You do yourself the greatest service by considering the feedback you get. I don't think that giving honest feedback with the intention of helping is in any way presumptuous.

Ok, you didn't knock this one out of the park. Big deal. So do you want a pat on the back, or objective advice. Turns out you can have both. Since you already got tha pat on the back, I figured I'd try to offer another perspective.

I think that making people feel bad is not generally good game. In this case you miscalculated and did just that. That's what it boils down to, and is really independent of style. I already said why I think your statement made her feel bad.

I think the guys who said this is a shit test are off the mark here.

--
bart

I'm not going to argue because it's pointless. If you want to continue this discussion PM me. Otherwise your comments will be taken with a grain of salt...