FR - The Bitch and Expectation Shields
Posted: Tue Jan 15, 2008 1:42 pmThe other day I met my neighbor and some of her friends for a nice little evening of bar hopping. On my way, my neighbor called and told me that one of her friends was really, really hot and single. I get to the bar and it’s just my neighbor who was already being hounded by some old dude. I said hi, grabbed a drink and began talking to a couple of HB7s that were sitting in proximity to me. The interaction went well and I number closed one of them before they left. The evening goes on and I open a three set further down the bar with an HB8 and two anti-HBs. I had the full interest of the HB8 and the interaction went well there again, I ended up NC before I left. By this time, my neighbor’s HB10 friend had walked into the bar. I had never seen her before in my life, but I could tell that this was the friend…she was just simply that hot.
Quick physical description: blonde; green eyes; large, perky breasts; bubble butt; small waist; incredibly well dressed; completely hot. She was, by far, one of the hotter Dallasites I’ve seen…not the hottest by any means, but at least in that ballpark.
I’m back in the group and am introduced to the friend by my neighbor. One of the great things about learning the game is that you don’t change your interactions with people based on how they look or their perceived value, you essentially treat all interactions with women the same way, at least that’s how I act. I treated her the same way that I did the HB8 and HB7s from earlier, the same way I treated an HB8 and HB9 that was also in our group that I have never met, and the same way I treated my HB9 neighbor. Active disinterest, no expected outcome, consistent treatment, and playful, fun teasing, this is my game.
The group decides to bounce to a different venue. On the cab ride to the next place the HB10 decides to proclaim, in passing, that she thinks I’m cocky. Silence befalls the cab. My neighbor and I shoot each other knowing glances and I just smile. Neither of us say anything.
At the next venue, without my knowledge, my neighbor rounds up the other girls in our group and asks them what they think of me. The word cocky never comes up…cute, funny, interesting, cool, confident, smart come up but never the word cocky. Anyway, as the night rolls on and we skip venues, I continue to go between the group I’m with and other sets that I opened, essentially bouncing around each venue having a good time with random people. The HB10 is doing something similar and as I begin to watch her interactions with men I start to see how things work in her world. Men fall all over her. Buy her drinks, shower her with attention, approach her, display and telegraph interest, etc. She doesn’t have to work for anything, she just shows up, and gets everything she wants. Intuitively we all know this is an HB9 and 10’s reality. We’re also told that they don’t generally enjoy that type of treatment, the bitch shield and all right?
As the night closes out, the group decides to have an after party at my neighbor’s place and by association my place as well. At the after party, the HB10 again proclaims that I’m cocky, this was in response to my neighbor’s question regarding how I did that night (i.e. how girls did I close?). I told her the truth and had the numbers to prove it. So, we’re back to the cocky thing. This time I spoke up, it went something like this:
“You know why you think I’m cocky? It’s because I didn’t fall all over you all night like every other pathetic, single guy in the freakin’ city. Sure, you were one of the hottest girls in every venue we hit tonight. I’m not trying to take that away from you. But, that’s not enough for someone like me to fall all over you. There’s more to people than just what you see.”
I don’t remember her response exactly but it was something along the lines of there being a difference between being full of yourself and unimpressed by physical appearance. Again, my response:
“It’s not about physical attraction. It’s about your expectations of people. You’re used to guys showering you with attention, when I didn’t you automatically pegged me as being cocky. In reality, I treated you exactly the same way I treated everyone else and that bothers you because you’re used to being treated better than everyone else. Just because I turned the tables on you and waited for you to make yourself attractive to me doesn’t mean that I’m so full of myself as to think that I’m better than you, it just means that I know I’m a cool, fun guy and women find me attractive. In my world, I have to be convinced. I’m willing to walk away from a woman instead of trying to convince her to be attracted to me. I think this makes me secure, not cocky.”
So, we’ve come to the purpose of this post. We’ve all heard of the bitch shield right? I think it does exist, we’ve all see the faces of girls with thick bitch shields when you approach. But I think there’s more to it than just purely being jaded by being hit on so much. If you talk to women, they’ll tell you that they don’t generally think they get hit on that much…I’ve explained the bitch shield to a lot of women and you sort of have to convince them that it even exists.
In addition to the bitch shield, I think there’s also an expectation shield, especially when you begin to get to the HB9 and 10s. We’ve got to understand that these women are fully aware of how they look and that they get hit on, but we should also realize that I think a lot of their self-esteem is tied up in being so attractive and getting so much attention from men. As such, you have to calibrate yourself a little better. You have to make sure that you differentiate yourself from the masses (negs, interesting stories, routines can do this) but you still have to meet their minimal level of expectation for your interaction with them (you can’t appear too indifferent, they have to believe that you’re treating them a little differently than you treat others). The reason for showing a little interest is to keep her self-esteem in place. You have to be subtle about it, but you can’t be completely disinterested. This HB10 in particular saw how I interacted with others and realized that she was being treated the same as everyone else. Because of this knowledge, I didn’t meet her minimal level of interaction (i.e. being treated as if she was more scarce).
I think that HB8s and below don’t even acknowledge the existence of the bitch shield. They see the HB9s and 10s and they know they aren’t one of them, as such, I think the majority of HB8s have a slight ugly duckling syndrome and never fully develop the bitch shield. They frankly don’t believe they get hit on regularly (by that I mean in places outside of night venues). This explains why it’s so much easier to open an HB7 or HB8. They’ll open but won’t always comply. For compliance, I think you have to make sure to calibrate to their expectations. In this case, indifference and consistent treatment works really, really well. The HB7s and HB8s are used to working for their guys a little bit more than the HB9s and HB10s. If you make it too easy by showing too much interest, then you blow out their expectations…on the other hand, if you don’t make it easier for the HB9 and HB10 then you don’t meet their minimal level of expectations.
Quick physical description: blonde; green eyes; large, perky breasts; bubble butt; small waist; incredibly well dressed; completely hot. She was, by far, one of the hotter Dallasites I’ve seen…not the hottest by any means, but at least in that ballpark.
I’m back in the group and am introduced to the friend by my neighbor. One of the great things about learning the game is that you don’t change your interactions with people based on how they look or their perceived value, you essentially treat all interactions with women the same way, at least that’s how I act. I treated her the same way that I did the HB8 and HB7s from earlier, the same way I treated an HB8 and HB9 that was also in our group that I have never met, and the same way I treated my HB9 neighbor. Active disinterest, no expected outcome, consistent treatment, and playful, fun teasing, this is my game.
The group decides to bounce to a different venue. On the cab ride to the next place the HB10 decides to proclaim, in passing, that she thinks I’m cocky. Silence befalls the cab. My neighbor and I shoot each other knowing glances and I just smile. Neither of us say anything.
At the next venue, without my knowledge, my neighbor rounds up the other girls in our group and asks them what they think of me. The word cocky never comes up…cute, funny, interesting, cool, confident, smart come up but never the word cocky. Anyway, as the night rolls on and we skip venues, I continue to go between the group I’m with and other sets that I opened, essentially bouncing around each venue having a good time with random people. The HB10 is doing something similar and as I begin to watch her interactions with men I start to see how things work in her world. Men fall all over her. Buy her drinks, shower her with attention, approach her, display and telegraph interest, etc. She doesn’t have to work for anything, she just shows up, and gets everything she wants. Intuitively we all know this is an HB9 and 10’s reality. We’re also told that they don’t generally enjoy that type of treatment, the bitch shield and all right?
As the night closes out, the group decides to have an after party at my neighbor’s place and by association my place as well. At the after party, the HB10 again proclaims that I’m cocky, this was in response to my neighbor’s question regarding how I did that night (i.e. how girls did I close?). I told her the truth and had the numbers to prove it. So, we’re back to the cocky thing. This time I spoke up, it went something like this:
“You know why you think I’m cocky? It’s because I didn’t fall all over you all night like every other pathetic, single guy in the freakin’ city. Sure, you were one of the hottest girls in every venue we hit tonight. I’m not trying to take that away from you. But, that’s not enough for someone like me to fall all over you. There’s more to people than just what you see.”
I don’t remember her response exactly but it was something along the lines of there being a difference between being full of yourself and unimpressed by physical appearance. Again, my response:
“It’s not about physical attraction. It’s about your expectations of people. You’re used to guys showering you with attention, when I didn’t you automatically pegged me as being cocky. In reality, I treated you exactly the same way I treated everyone else and that bothers you because you’re used to being treated better than everyone else. Just because I turned the tables on you and waited for you to make yourself attractive to me doesn’t mean that I’m so full of myself as to think that I’m better than you, it just means that I know I’m a cool, fun guy and women find me attractive. In my world, I have to be convinced. I’m willing to walk away from a woman instead of trying to convince her to be attracted to me. I think this makes me secure, not cocky.”
So, we’ve come to the purpose of this post. We’ve all heard of the bitch shield right? I think it does exist, we’ve all see the faces of girls with thick bitch shields when you approach. But I think there’s more to it than just purely being jaded by being hit on so much. If you talk to women, they’ll tell you that they don’t generally think they get hit on that much…I’ve explained the bitch shield to a lot of women and you sort of have to convince them that it even exists.
In addition to the bitch shield, I think there’s also an expectation shield, especially when you begin to get to the HB9 and 10s. We’ve got to understand that these women are fully aware of how they look and that they get hit on, but we should also realize that I think a lot of their self-esteem is tied up in being so attractive and getting so much attention from men. As such, you have to calibrate yourself a little better. You have to make sure that you differentiate yourself from the masses (negs, interesting stories, routines can do this) but you still have to meet their minimal level of expectation for your interaction with them (you can’t appear too indifferent, they have to believe that you’re treating them a little differently than you treat others). The reason for showing a little interest is to keep her self-esteem in place. You have to be subtle about it, but you can’t be completely disinterested. This HB10 in particular saw how I interacted with others and realized that she was being treated the same as everyone else. Because of this knowledge, I didn’t meet her minimal level of interaction (i.e. being treated as if she was more scarce).
I think that HB8s and below don’t even acknowledge the existence of the bitch shield. They see the HB9s and 10s and they know they aren’t one of them, as such, I think the majority of HB8s have a slight ugly duckling syndrome and never fully develop the bitch shield. They frankly don’t believe they get hit on regularly (by that I mean in places outside of night venues). This explains why it’s so much easier to open an HB7 or HB8. They’ll open but won’t always comply. For compliance, I think you have to make sure to calibrate to their expectations. In this case, indifference and consistent treatment works really, really well. The HB7s and HB8s are used to working for their guys a little bit more than the HB9s and HB10s. If you make it too easy by showing too much interest, then you blow out their expectations…on the other hand, if you don’t make it easier for the HB9 and HB10 then you don’t meet their minimal level of expectations.