FR: Social Circle Fail

[Guest]

I've read up a bit on social circle game, but never knowingly engaged in it until last Friday night. The situation was a little weird; it was a Halloween party in "Houston". A lot of my friends from home also attended, and a group of us caravanned up for the long ride.

I knew a lot of people at the party, but only about 6 people from Houston, and 1 girl from our group who used to live in Houston, who is probably our strongest link to everyone in that social circle. I knew way more people from out of town, so I had a good amount of social proof.

I did not go to this party with the intention of gaming. At the party there was an HB7.5, who I'll refer to as HBCat, because of her cat costume. I remember at one point in the evening, sitting down on a totally empty couch by myself. Shortly after, she came and sat down right next to me, but being in a different frame of mind, I thought nothing of it, and didn't even acknowledge her. In fact, when I finally got up off the couch, I sprung up eagerly to be with some friends who were doing something fun.

Later on, my friend, who is the Houston link was dancing with a bunch of her girlfriends, grabs me by the arm to join in. We dance for a bit, and looking back now, I realize what I think may have been HBCat inching her way into close proximity.

Finally, late in the evening, HBCat develops the courage to just open me. There were strong IOIs, including her initiating kino. At this point, the party was winding down, and a few of us were restless to go somewhere else, and find something else fun to do. She suggested a party at her place, adding that she didn't want too many people, only me and a few others. This after party never ended up happening, due to logistics. The party was spilling outside, and I sat on the hood of an SUV, and invited her to sit down next to me. She complied, and we talked for a while. The conversation wasn't very long, and I can't remember too many details, but in the span of our interaction, I fended off one AMOG, and my friend came and DHVed me, on her way out of the party.

The was good, but thinking back now, too short to develop significant rapport. She had to disengage, because one of her friends (a Houston girl that I knew) was having some sort of drama, and the two went across the street to talk about it. I stuck around for a little while longer talking to other people, waiting to see if I could make something happen with HBCat. Finally, I had to leave, and here's where everything went wrong.

I approached both girls, who were still talking to each other across the street, to say goodbye. HBCat mentions that she wants to hang out again when she comes to town. I offer her my number, and she says she doesn't have a phone. I said something to the effect of "Okay, don't take my number," trying to sound aloof, but my fear is that it may have come across as passive aggressive. She said she would get in touch with me through some other girl I know.

Everything was going along fine. What went wrong? Did I come across as too eager asking for a phone number? I can say that sufficient rapport hadn't been established, but I felt the IOIs were so strong it would've been a missed opportunity to not act on them, especially since we live so far away, and the chances we'll see each other again are so slim.

[Guest]

She doesn't have a phone?

Well, if that's true, which it isn't, then next her...who the fuck doesn't have a phone that's worth a damn? Come on.

Really though, what happened is that she gave you a lot of chances to open and escalate her and you refused to do so. Being aloof isn't about ignoring the girl, it's about not making her the center of your world.

She opened you, which was good and probably a mixture of frustration and booze on her part. But, just because a girl opens you doesn't mean you're in. If she opens you, after waiting for you to do so all night, and you comply then it makes you seem like a bit of a pussy. Unless, you respond to her open with a neg.

HBCat: Blah, blah, blah...
Fuzz: Huh...I guess you're not as shy as I thought...

Don't forget that you have to keep Gaming, even if she opens you. Especially in this case. You had to show her that you weren't ignoring her and that you can and would have approached her anyways...you just hadn't gotten around to it quite yet.