Yeah I'm a Homo...

[Guest]

Damnit I wrote this up and my computer froze so I have to write it again. Of course things are never written the same way twice but here goes…
I normally don’t write FR’s but this one is rather humorous. Not for me mind you but you guys will probably get a kick out of it.

Hot Girl: Yep
Solid Ass: Yep
No seriously her ass was a 10: Yep
Solid Body: Yep
No seriously it was overall badass: Yep
Naked hottie all over me: Yep
Hottie’s mouth all over my dick: Yep

Flaccid Penis: Yep

It’s 2:00 AM Saturday night and like usual at this time I am my drunken self. We all stumble out front of Quarter Bar and make plans to go eat at Café Brazil. But wait what is this. Ohh two hotties one blonde and one brunette are over there sitting on the rail. It is my civic duty to go say hello. I walk up and open the two girls but quickly only talk with the blonde. As I am doing this I look over and realize just how hot the brunette was(Later find out she was married so I did good talking with the blonde). I kick myself a little. The blonde is witty and I think for a second she is blowing me out. I quickly reassure myself that I am badass and move forward. A few seconds later I am telling her that I will be taking her to Gloria’s for Margaritas and she says well I do like Gloria’s. I number close and eject to breakfast.

The next morning I use my new favorite Sunday text opener.

PC: How is that hangover treating you?

I use this on my Saturday night number closes these days. I have used it about 10 times and it has had a 100% success rate so far.

Now I know you are thinking but wait isn’t there a rule on waiting a certain time before you text or call? Yeah I used to think the same thing. I had heard you should wait until Monday or Tuesday. FUCK THAT GAY ASS RULE! Here is the rule. You text or call when YOU WANT to.

So she is instantly receptive of my text and all future texts. I tell her I will be taking her out Monday night and she readily agrees.

Monday night rolls around and she heads over to my house. At first she wanted to meet at Finn but I called her shy and she said she would meet at my place. I did this so logistics would work in my favor. Plus I wanted her car at my place so if things went well she could take me back to Finn in the morning to snag my car if we had to take a cab home.

We get to Finn grab a seat at the bar and order drinks. Drink one down. Drink two down. PicturePerfect and his girl show up and we all do shots. Drink 3, 4, 5…another round of shots. Then she starts buying my drinks. Awesome! When a girl does that she goes up a little in my book.

My kino is so freaking slow with her. I have noticed when I am out with a girl for the first time I take a while to kino. But when I started I escalated quickly. We danced a little and my hand quickly wraps around her throat from behind. Do it right and she can’t help but to love it. I don’t know why but they do. I spin her around and we have the most minor kiss in the world before she pushes me off. She tells me she doesn’t like PDA. A few minutes later she tells me she is ready to go back to my place. I then mention we should go get in the hot tub and she agrees. I head up to the bar to close my tab and she does the same. While the bartender is ringing us out I grab a handful of hair and we start making out like no one else in the bar exists. I look down at my watch and realize it is only Midnight and I am loaded.

Thankfully PP agrees to give us a ride home instead of us taking a cab. Thanks bud I appreciate it. We walk out to valet and get his car. I tell the girls they can sit in the back. Now yeah I could have sat in the back with my girl and escalated more but it wasn’t necessary. The ball was already rolling in the proper direction with enough momentum.

We get back to my house I pour us all drinks and next thing I know this girl is dragging me back to my bedroom. We start messing around and she finds herself thrown against the wall in rapid fashion. Then bam outta nowhere she pushes me off her and goes:

HB: I am not having sex with you tonight!
PC: That is fine we can cuddle and make out a little.
HB: Alright I just wanted to get that out of the way now.
HB: So are you ready to get into the hot tub?

These girls are so hilarious. Every time I have heard those words I have gotten laid. It is almost as if they are saying yep we are getting naked later. Silly Women.

We head back out to the living room and wait for the hot tub to heat up. PP and his girl are chilling and I am playing guitar hero. At some point PP and his girl leave and we head out to the hot tub. This is the point that I see an amazing ass and have to bite my lip over her hotness. I am an ass and stomach man and I will say this girl takes the cake on the entire year of ass. Yeah it is amazingly good.

I love hot tubs. I swear they are the magical pill for getting girls naked. A trigger goes off in their heads that says hrmm…I shouldn’t have clothes on. Things escalate quick and we are both naked after a few minutes. She gives some LMR but eventually I am trying to insert my penis into her vagina. I don’t know about you guys but when I nail a girl in the hot tub it seems to have a hard time going in. It is almost as if it skids while going in instead of just sliding right in. It is rather annoying. But with this girl it just won’t budge and I don’t feel like fucking my dick up trying. We exit the tub and head to my room. We get to my room and here is where things go south.

This girl is all over me. I love aggressive women. But nothing. I cannot get hard to save my fucking life. I mean I am looking at this girl and thinking holy shit I am about to hit that and I still can’t get hard. She starts blowing me and I still can’t get hard. I am freaking out and frankly I couldn’t sleep much since I was mind fucked over this. I mean the whole night I am looking at her ass and freaking out. It is so choice. WTF!!

So there you have it. She just dropped me off at Finn and I came home to write this as I figured you guys would get a good laugh at my homoness. I wouldn’t be surprised if this girl never talked to me again. Hopefully she will just think it was the alcohol and frankly I hope that is the case. Thank god I was hard in the tub otherwise I would be off the wall freaking out.

[Guest]

This was the blonde?

[Guest]

Yeah, she was hot...

[Guest]

She was ready m8 should have kicked it earlier. Like 2am sat.

Didn't realize she was a drinker. Thats a good sign. Credit where credit is due lol.

PS. The problem with water sex is a matter of lubrication. Often wondered that because they have pornos on it and I don't know how the fuck they do that.

[Guest]

Welp since you didn't poke her, mind passing off her number?

That sucks man. I wonder if the fact that you freaked out about it a little bit in the beginning might have played into the fact that you where down and out for the rest of the night?

Any of the psychology buffs have input on that?
As much as I know that its real (and not simple to control), I've always wondered how much whiskey dick has to do with psychosematics (AFTER a certain point).

[Guest]

Props for posting this FR PC...

let us know if you get a round 2 with her.

[Guest]

lol ive had the same problem... the first 3some i had was in a pool, and it does feel like skidding.... cant be too terribly healthy for the pussy either, huh? anyways its jus fun to spread ur seed wherever and whenever. My fostermom drove a school bus and it would be parked outside the house @ night. any idea how many girls got the after hours tour??? :)

[Guest]

lol, good story man. enjoyed it. My buddy has the same problem when he drinks.

[Guest]

Glad to see I wasn't the only one with this problem last night...dude, I think it's the crown. Whether it be royal fucks or crown drinks...I seem to ALWAYS have issues when it makes it's way in to my body...if I stick to gin/tonic or vodka/redbull, I have no issues. hmmmmmmmmmmmm

[Guest]

It happens. If you get another shot, make sure you nail her like no ones business. Make sure she remembers.