Props to you all

[MagicBalls]

Hey, I didn't know girls were allowed in this club. Maybe I should bring my sister in. She's trying to get over her oneitis.

[Neuromancer]

Hey, I didn't know girls were allowed in this club. Maybe I should bring my sister in. She's trying to get over her oneitis.

Absolutely, the community just doesn't draw too many women. Besides, we aren't sexist or chauvinistic. We are generally the exact opposite. Why would we want to exclude women from a site that is basically about women?

[Neuromancer]

I was on the phone with Mojo and he pointed out that men are basically visual so when sarging, be well groomed, dress sexy and flash a little cleavage every now and then. Those are great for DHV spikes for men.

[ValkyrieRose]

I was on the phone with Mojo and he pointed out that men are basically visual so when sarging, be well groomed, dress sexy and flash a little cleavage every now and then. Those are great for DHV spikes for men.

Hahahah

Ah...he's just parroting back what he told me the other day. Apparently I still don't dress sexy enough.

There was a time when I thought my collection of video game t-shirts would help attract men. I keep seeing guys on IGN bemoaning and wishing they could get a Geek Gamer chick so I'd walk around wearing stuff like my Men's XXL Onimusha, Devil May Cry or Zero FX t-shirt (thank you Gamestop).

So after reading all of that I was like "Dudes - Look Ye and Weep" > http://img67.imageshack.us/my.php?image=gamestack2ym.jpg"

Alas, alas...Ah...dismal failure. I'm such a clueless chump.

Which is why I'm here.

[Neuromancer]

I was on the phone with Mojo and he pointed out that men are basically visual so when sarging, be well groomed, dress sexy and flash a little cleavage every now and then. Those are great for DHV spikes for men.

Hahahah

Ah...he's just parroting back what he told me the other day. Apparently I still don't dress sexy enough.

There was a time when I thought my collection of video game t-shirts would help attract men. I keep seeing guys on IGN bemoaning and wishing they could get a Geek Gamer chick so I'd walk around wearing stuff like my Men's XXL Onimusha, Devil May Cry or Zero FX t-shirt (thank you Gamestop).

So after reading all of that I was like "Dudes - Look Ye and Weep" > http://img67.imageshack.us/my.php?image=gamestack2ym.jpg"

Alas, alas...Ah...dismal failure. I'm such a clueless chump.

Which is why I'm here.

That's useful discussion when qualifying. I can hear their thoughts now, "Dude, she's hot AND she's into games!!!" The shirts would be great for a casual Day 2 when comfort is more important.

[MagicBalls]

There was a time when I thought my collection of video game t-shirts would help attract men. I keep seeing guys on IGN bemoaning and wishing they could get a Geek Gamer chick so I'd walk around wearing stuff like my Men's XXL Onimusha, Devil May Cry or Zero FX t-shirt (thank you Gamestop).

Again, I can only speak for myself, but something you could do is dress in a way that you'r approachable the first time you meet, as in somehwat sexy and stylish but not slutty or advertising anything. Sometimes if you're too hot it might intimidate a guy. Then on your second time meeting, you can do it up all the way. If he had any doubts at first, those should pretty much get wiped out at that point. I remember I had a coworker that we used to hang out, etc. She dressed normal most of the time, but when she invitied me over to watch movies she put on a tight shirt and cutoff shorts. She was hot, long blonde hair with big boobs, and when we were at blockbuster picking out a movie all I could think about was getting her in bed.

Really, it all depends on what type of guy you're going for. Are you going after a gamer, a hot jock, a business professional, etc.? The whole PUA philosphy is based around going for 10's. When you tease a hot girl who gets approached all the time by men, you become a challenge to her. But if you tease a fat chick, she's just going to get mad. So as far as guys, I'm curious about more or less what you're going after, and whether it's long term or short term... not that I should assume any different from you and anyone else, of course.

[ValkyrieRose]

Really, it all depends on what type of guy you're going for. Are you going after a gamer, a hot jock, a business professional, etc.? The whole PUA philosphy is based around going for 10's. When you tease a hot girl who gets approached all the time by men, you become a challenge to her. But if you tease a fat chick, she's just going to get mad. So as far as guys, I'm curious about more or less what you're going after, and whether it's long term or short term... not that I should assume any different from you and anyone else, of course.

I don't know. At this point I'm open to just about anyone so long as he has a cheerful, easy-going personality. I'm tending toward more casual at the moment just because well..if I got One-itis now it'd throw a monkey wrench into my wish to learn this stuff.

However, having said that I'm not an idiot to pass up a good thing when I see it. If I met some guy and we both hit it off really great then I'd spin on a dime and be exclusively his (assuming he was also exclusively mine).

[ValkyrieRose]

Oh...it just occurred to me my prior comment might come off not sounding very discriminating.

It's not that I'm throwing the doors open to anybody and everybody. It's more of the case of not having dated enough to even begin to know what my "10" guy is.

That's the other part of why I'd like to try this. I'm trying to figure out who my '10' is.



I just realized how female that sounds.

All guys know a 10 when they see her. But I'm willing to bet you're going to find women's 10's are all over the map.

[Vector]

I'm on the mailing list of several female dating gurus. Every last blasted one preaches you never, ever, ever in a million trillion years walk up and just start talking to a guy.

I don't agree with this. You can walk up and start talking to him.

Attractive women are approached all the time, so if you're the thousandth man to approach with "Hi, you're beautiful," for the woman it's a very tiny ego stroke and a big annoyance, and on balance it's negative. For men (even attractive ones) who are not rock stars it's simply not the same.

Having said that, it's still true that opening and expressing direct interest right off the bat will lower his opinion of you. So don't express direct explicit interest.

The fact that it's somewhat unusual for a woman to approach a man, you probably don't have to be very subtle. I mean, when a man approaches with "Hi, you're cute", or "hi, can I buy you a drink", the intent is explicit, but saying "Gosh, it sure is raining hard out, isn't it?" while supposedly indirect, is not indirect enough. A woman will see through it and pick up on the intent from a mile away because she's heard it so many times before.

Women can probably get away with something only slightly indirect because for most men, it will simply not occur to them that they are being picked up. The other posts on this thread will attest to that. What is normal for women is way too subtle for men, and what is normal for men is way too direct for women. When women give each other advice they probably perceive it as very obvious and therefore somewhat desperate, but for the men it's not obvious at all. In your example, I seriously doubt he thought of you as a pest. He probably didn't notice you at all.

[MagicBalls]

What is normal for women is way too subtle for men, and what is normal for men is way too direct for women. When women give each other advice they probably perceive it as very obvious and therefore somewhat desperate, but for the men it's not obvious at all.

And that's one of the things we learn here. To pick up on clues. If anything, that is probably one the most important things I'm learning. I've gradually come to realize that I've never really had problems attracting women. I just didn't know how to interpret their signals, what the appropriate level of response was for the signals, the importance of coming in with a high energy level and entertaining/controlling the conversation, learning to smoothly transition from one stage to the next, working out the logistics while things are happening, and the importance of working the social group or environment. So basically I guess that means that I've had many opportunities but I seldom got very far.

I also had inner game issues where if a girl showed interest I would put her under long-term scrutiny, or I would sabotage the process by telling myself things such as, "I just need to get that promotion, or that new place, or that cash, or lose those few more pounds." Now I just try to go with the flow. After reading the book "Blink", which I recommend, by the way, I've learned to trust my initial instincts more. They're usually right.

Your post on smiling really helped me today. I was checking out a blonde with a great tan at the snack bar, top to bottom. Butt, boobs, hair, skin, abs, and right as I was looking at her midsection, she caught me, at which point I locked my gaze with hers. Years ago I might have been chicken shit, but over time, I've worked up the guts. A minute later she got in line behind me, and I started talking to her and got a couple of laughs from her.

Later after class, I was going out through one door. She was going out through another, and she turned and smiled, and I quickly responded and ended up walking her to her car. A couple of logistical obstacles came up, but I was able to maintain control and flow. I got some good IOI's there on the goodbye.

A few years back, I would have interpreted the smile as being friendly. Part of that would be my insecurity, to assume the least, and therefore to take the least amount of risk. Or I would just have hesitated and left it for "next time."

I don't think I'll become a PUA because I'll probably end up with someone first. I just need to remember that I need to have enough things going so that I don't put all of my eggs in one basket. I don't think I'll need to learn routines because I do attract women, and I don't need to be too indirect because I found I can be aggressive (from the female perspective) and get a positive response. I think just from my tall height and my Italian looks girls kinda expect some degree of aggression. And my job requires some public speaking so I can make my voice carry if I want. I've been working on doing this more in a social context, at the advice of a fellow rAFC. It must have been a bit comical when I was wimpy and AFC being in this body lol The emphasis on energy has taught me that's it's ok to draw from my Italian roots and be more expressive. Growing up and trying to fit in, I learned the wrong thing-- that guys should hold back and try to look cool.

In any case, the PUA materials, being around natural PUA's, and years of experience to reflect on, have taught me enough to break through those initial barriers to the point where I'll be ok. I guess it's all about what you want to take from it.