Bros Before Hos?

[Guest]

Thank you for your contributions. I respect your opinions. I value your opinions more than AFC friends, because I know you guys know about how these things work and have probably had similar experiences.

I should clarify that this is not one of my primary friends. He is not someone I truly care about like a brother. He's a guy I hang out with from time to time, but not that often.

One thing I did in this field report was I tried to leave out my own feelings and perspective so I would get an unbiased response. However, I included my observations of his feelings, which might have had the opposite effect.

Here is what happened purely from my perspective:
1. I told him to go for it with HB.
2. Three months later, he hasn't done jack squat to pursue HB.
3. HB started contacting me asking me to hang out. I did nothing to provoke this. In fact, I ignored the earlier messages.
4. I got her number and invited her to come out, and she showed up. My perception was that HB was there to see me.
5. I was gaming her and getting kino. He saw this happening.
6. I asked her directly to come with us to the other bar and she accepted.
7. Whether it was intentional or not, he arranged the seating so he was next to her. He sent me the "in your face" message and made a douchey comment about it. He and his friend were making loud comments about how I'm old.

All this together came across to me as cockblocking and competition about a girl he has shown little interest in until he saw me getting somewhere. At that time, I felt that my actions were justified and reasonable. I was thinking, "this prick has the nerve to challenge me when I've clearly gotten farther with her in three hours than he has in three months."

It wasn't until I reflected on why he was mad that I started looking for things I might have done wrong. I did realize is that this all could have been avoided if I checked with him first, and I did apologize to him for that (he has yet to acknowledge any wrong-doing on his part). But at what point should I have stated my intentions to him? Before the night started, I thought he had given up on her. When I got the text, I was being challenged and taunted.

It makes me think of a guy who starts a fight, gets hit in the face a few times, and then says, "I'm not fighting you. I have nothing to prove to you."

It also makes me think about that guy in his facebook post who struck out with the girl. In that moment, he was that guy, and he didn't like it. He resented me for my success. He wanted me to fail too so he would feel better. At first I was concerned about what kind of friend I was being to him. Now I'm wondering, what kind of friend is he being to me?

I'm sure if I had written this field report in a way that only showed my perspective, I would have gotten a different response. It really is interesting, so thanks again for contributing.

[Guest]

I agree with most of you. But why are we looking at Rhody's friend as a "victim" he did have three months plus to make his moves.He didn't. The friend should apply the MAN code and accept that he "may" have had the chance but ultimately his friend (Rhody) bagged her. Its still a win for the team.
I would say Rhody play on player.

[Guest]

Dude, he had three months. He couldn't close the deal so what's wrong with you doing it? Shit, you could argue that since you brought her over to the group that she was actually YOUR girl and HE trampled YOUR set.

This idea of abundance and just moving on when someone else gets in the way is absurd. Men don't just turn their back and walk away when someone steals their shit. No, we make it clear that this is our set and they need to wait their turn. Now, him being your friend and you having an edge in this department prompted you to be more willing to respectively bow out and let him make the first run at her. That's what a friend would do, so kudos to you on that. I think you've been a good friend.

Again, I would contend that he stole your set, then he couldn't close the deal, and when he thought he did he rubbed that shit in your face. A real friend wouldn't fucking rub that shit in. In this situtation, you've been more respectful to 'man code' than he has. So, I say fuck him.

This is the biggest reason I hate sarging with other people around. It's not the competition from other guys that I don't like, that competition is everywhere and I have the utmost confidence that if I don't 'win' then I'll make it really fucking hard on the other guys. Instead, it's the bullshit, cry baby crap that guys run on each other when they both think that this is their set. And, let's face it, 9 times out of 10, even in the Community, people think a set is their's when it truly is not. Running Game is hard enough without being forced to deal with the bullshit dynamic of your wing's or buddy's feelings.

I'll tell you man, guys become the biggest fucking girls when it comes to competing over pussy. It's worse outside the Community, but I still see it all the time in the Community. Wha, wha, wha, you stole my set!!! You trampled my set!!! She was mine!!! Blah, blah, blah. I'm not advocating blowing other people's sets up, but if you're no longer in set then you have to understand that this set is now FAIR GAME for anyone. Too many guys think that just because they talked to a girl and made her laugh that this means she is his...bullshit. That's just an artifical construct that prevents the best man from always winning. It exists as a crutch for the weaker to compete with the stronger. Fuck that...every man for himself, within reason of course.

Anyway, long and short of it, she's yours now. Take her. But, do what he wouldn't do and take the high road and be respectful of your friend's feelings by not rubbing it in his face. If things get somewhat serious with her and you, then I'd have a conversation with her about his feelings and do the same with him. This way you don't feel weird bringing her around your group. He's just going to have to deal with it...

[Guest]

B R is spot on to my opinion of the matter.

Your friend was using the competitiveness of the situation as fuel for him to actually do something. I agree that you are the one that pulled her to the social circle, and it seems to me that you're the one she came to see. Especially if she arrived BEFORE he did.

This friend/acquaintance is basically acting like a brat. He was too chicken shit to do anything until he sensed a threat, and his attempts to reclaim were sad and failed. I think you've been more than respectful toward him, and it's time for him to repay the favor. He'll most likely be over this in short term anyway, but out of respect for yourself I would confront him (constructively) about it.

[Guest]

Your friend (a.k.a. Captain Whine-o) has 3 months, and got nowhere. You gave him his shot, and he got nowhere with it.

Maybe things could have been a bit more clear on who gets to pursue when, and what not. You gave him first crack at her. Instead of saying thanks, like a real friend would(which from your story he's not), he tries to rub it in your face.

Nah, I think the guy is a yahoo. He's no real friend to you: his behavior makes that clear. You've got the green light sir. Damn the haters, full speed ahead!

[Guest]

I think this Jack Ass crossed the line when he said "so, Rhody, what do you have to say about what I texted you? Huh?"

The point of sending a text message to someone within earshot is so you can have a private conversation. He obviously wanted other people to know what he sent because he made a point to discuss it in front of the group. Thereby encouraging someone to ask "What did you text?"

Seems like your buddy doesn't get it and he probably never will. In fact, I bet this will be a problem again down the road.

I think you handled the situation perfectly fine.