Field Report 9-9-06 Small Success at the Coffee House and a

[Scoundrel]

I arrived at my fav coffee house at about 5 PM. I’m wearing a black corduroy blazer over a brown Eric Clapton vintage look T, lucky jeans again and black suede Pumas (not to mention my stylish of white fiber glass arm cast). After yesterday’s pathetic showing with the HB9 I was determined not to let another opportunity like that to slip through my fingers. As it happens, there was another young lady (22 YO HB9) that opened me as soon as I walked in the door. She and I had talked a little last week when she saw me logged onto myspace. She just came over and said “You have to be my friend!” That was her opener! So, I teased her a little and finally sent her a friend request. Then she left. Gone, just like that. I didn’t even get her name. A few days later I sent a message saying I had no idea who she is, what she was about or even what her name is. “But don’t tell me.” I told her “I’ll just call you Imp.”

As I walked into the coffee house she said “are you really going to call me Imp?” She had a smile on her face and a sparkle in her eyes. I think she may have been waiting for me to show up. She and I chatted a bit and then I let her get back to her homework. I’m going to send her a message inviting her to roll with me next week and see if I can number close her.

Enter Hairy Armpits Chick (who I’ll be referring to in the future as HAC) she kinos me while I’m still talking with Imp, but has enough manners not to interrupt us. HAC is really a cool chick! But she doesn’t shave at all. Today she’s wearing a peasant skirt and flip flops and her legs are almost as hairy as mine! I just can’t do fur bearing chicks!

HAC invites me to a keg party at her place. She’s a student at TWC so I’m thinking that there ought to be a few drunken collage chicks there. There was a time that my party game was the BEST. Men would invite me to their parties because they knew that I’d have all the girls topless before the end of the night. Women just wanted to show me their tits! But, these days I’m out of practice.

HAC was inviting everybody at the coffee house so I was a little concerned that it would turn out to be a cock fest. I found Pete (my photographer) and told him about the party and he was up for coming along. Pete is a good wing man. He’s in an LTR with an HB10, so he never cock blocks or competes with me. He’s just a fun guy that always has his camera ready. He’s also a master with the neg.

We get to the party at about 11. It’s a small party with 4 chicks (2 HB7s, 1 HB5, and HAC) and only two AFCs. Those are pretty good odds. I’m not a beer drinker, so I bought a fifth of tequila. Everything is looking cool so I settle in and have a shot. I also offer shots to everyone else and 3 of the chicks indulge along with both of the AFCs. I try out the new story about my broken wrist and everyone laughs. More importantly, all the chicks are looking at me wondering if it’s true. Do I look like the kind of guy that could make out with a chick in a public library? The smiles on their faces seemed to say yes.

Now all the guys here were the worst kind of wimpy, hippie AFCs. All they wanted to talk about was politics and philosophy. I tried to turn the conversation to subjects that were more fun but these guys were determined NOT to get laid. One guy was playing folk songs on a guitar while the other was trying to persuade me to follow the virtues of veganism. “Fuck that!” I told him “The food chain exsits.”

After about 30 minuets I said “Hey, this conversation is way too deep for a kegger! Let’s lighten it up a little.” That worked for a while, but then someone got out his bong.

Beware the bud oh my brothers for it can kill your game!

I no longer indulge in the smoking the herb. I simply do not enjoy the lazy feelings it produces in me. Moreover, I have to take random piss tests for my job. If you want to burn one feel free, but I’ll take a pass thank you very much.

After the bong had made a few trips around the group everyone became lethargic. Just sitting low in their chairs and staring up at the stars. No one was talking but this one AFC that kept trying to argue with me about the nature of God. Every time I made a point he’d say “Dude, you’re so wrong” and I called him on it. I told him he’d need a better argument than that if he want to discuss it with me. That shut him down with out pissing him off. I was leading the men. But, the women were too stoned to follow.

Then some of the chicks started to leave and more AFCs were showing up. By 1:30 it was a cock fest and Pete and I decided it was time to go.

Things to do differently next time:

1. I should have tried to number close with the Imp. She’s a cutie and I’ll follow up with her in a day or so.
2. Don’t go to hippie keggers.

I did manage to open 5 sets before going to the keg party but, I’m still having trouble with the 3 second rule.