"The party's not over till the FBI sings"

[Guest]

wowowowowow... Guys i thought I was caught in a government conspiracy to kill all gay people! lets just say the term "quarantine" was actually used... Anyways we will get to all that but lets talk about pussy... Better yet lets talk about easy pussy... Without actually getting to the pussy, more or less a story about my encounters with women(who have pussies)...

I headed down to fag town today and clocked in a few minutes early like a good boy... being the door greeter i just kinda vibed with the people who came in and slapped a few hands away. I remember looking across the street @ this fucking Dime! A real 10, son! Gorgeous fucking legs, nice fucking ass all showing off in a gray skin tight dress and some black calf high boots! Beautiful face. and about 3 inches taller than me like I like'em. But she was across the street. Damn son, I said "I would tear that shit the fuck up!!!!" she began walking closer. Holy shit she's comin! thats right Come to daddy! Shes walkin to the door... Oh Shit! Shes still fuckin hot! she passed the 50ft test... Looks like she'd pass a pencil test too!! The doors open and I'm playin chill Ay gorgeous! U got ID??? Im givin her a shit eating grin like no other! I JUS WANTED TO RIP THOSE FUCKIN CLOTHES OFF!!! She hands me her ID:

WTF?!?!?!? its a picture of satan and his name is ZACHARY. I swear to god at this point every thing good inside me died. All hopes of everfeeling cool again just vanished. Smile died. Charisma died. "thank you sir. Have a good night."

I tried hyping her up to my boy a bit later. He's ruthless and would fuck anything!!! "Hey dude you see those girls against the bar!!!"?

he starts laughing, "Those are'nt girls, son!!!" dammit. the other guy told him in advance... All my straight points are being pissed away due to my lack of a gaydar and apparent gender miscalculations. FUCK!

About 20 minutes later some cougars bounce through the door! these were real chicks , mind you!!! I ID'd them and started groping for certainty! yess Definitely chicks. i order the hottest one about demanding kisses which she eagerly gave to me! i think her lip gloss print acted as preselection the rest of the night... that and the fact im so GD good lookin! lol.....

Another hour later a group of guys walk in with some sexy ass broads. One gets all up in my space." OMG youre so cute! She starts kissin me( on the mouth)

me: hey girl dont come in here riling me up. i have to look at gay dudes all night and you come in here lookin so fuckin good and feelin on my shit! Keep at it!
more makeout ensues

then another girl comes in and her gay friend hooks me up with her and I get her number.

The 2 lesbians make out with me. Sexy ones at that! I think Ive earned back half of my straight points by now... Maybe

Some black dude starts hittin on me but he catches on that I'm straight... Prolly cause I said"im str8" i dunno


I finish up @ work by about 230. We dart( me and my boy) to The Mining Company to meet up with some fine ass chick he time-bridged... little did we know...

Inside was the gates of HELL!!!!! hard throbbing intense techno. Red LIGHTS> MEN IN STUDDED LEATHER. SHIRTLESS!!! oh fuk oh fuk oh fuk. Dude this is not where i parked my car. My BOY catches on and he's bigger and more built than I am so he puts his arm around me so we sort of blend in as we scramble back to the door! i walk outside, drop to my knees, give 50 hail mary's, and repent for everything bad I've ever done!

we head to S4. Much better. My boy is rampant with testosterone so hes zooming around the dance floor. i seriously had to talk him down. He looked like he'd snorted a whole bag of coke... a big bag... We approach a 3 set of bi girls and pull them to the dance floor. The oldest one immediately slips her hand in my pants and does me right! HIGH five! more str8 points. We approach a really hot 5 set and Im 2 steping with this hot blonde when her gf steps in and cockblocks! dammit. Im chillin by the bar and I run into a few co-workers. And the black guy who was mackin on me. He's really chill so I let him hang around. All the sudden the lights come on and a trannys voice comes on!

"attention everybody. there is a situation so nobody will be allowed in or out of the building. Please remain calm and we will provide you with updates as we get them."

WTF is this a joke??? I have jus been quarantined in a gay bar... WTF! I dont know about you guys but the whole word quarantine and its contents scare the shit outta me! I start looking around for hazmat suits. I look to the ventilation system to see if deadly gas has come pouring through in an attempt at homosexual genocide that I happened to be accidentally caught in. Im shaking and my eyes are bugging outta my head. They tell everyone to move to the dance floor. Shit we r being corralled.... fuk me i jus wanna go home!!! repent. More hail mary's? what would it take? soon they move us all off the dance floor and now its me, my boy, 3 girls only one really cute one and the black dude and another gay white guy. We eventually all begin relaxing and vibing. Apparently one of the girls is some random dike that decided to be the protector of the hot one.. The hot one is kinda wierded out by her so i begin giving her shit.

Now I have to pee. I tap my boy on the shoulder," hey dude come watch my back, I have to pee" hes caught up talkin to the dike and the hot girl so i grab the other girl and pull her to the broom. she obliges. i get her back and then we head back to the group.

Apparently someone smashed a large bottle of "white substance in the streeet and the FBI and the hazardous material ppl have to come test it. they told us it'd be another 30 minutes. 30 minutes turned into 2 hours that we passed while playing pool and meeting ppl. The hot chick keeps giving me eyes while my boy is talking to her. Her gay friend comes over and is like, dude she likes you. Shes not into your friend she wants you. i know!!!

I pull her to the bathroom as my body guard and she practically jumped outta her seat to accompany me. I ended up making out with her on the way back. gave my number to her gay friend so she could get it later. then acted as if nothing was up so as not to upset my boy. finally they let us leave saying that the chemical was nothing more than sulphuric acid and laundry detergent... wow. What a night. Im fucking exhausted!

[Guest]

haha..sounds like an awkard yet fun night!!

[Guest]

that is gay crazy!!

[Guest]

Dude, I love your stories

[Guest]

That was crazy man - I need to procure an upgraded gaydar myself.

[Guest]

I start reading this and instantly knew the dime piece was a dude. UGH that blows!

You are gonna have to watch out down there. You will see that shit all day long.

Is it a girl? Is it a guy? You might not find out till it's too late.

[Guest]

but...once you get there, you gotta finish!

[Guest]

lol! as long as the gettin's good ;)

[Guest]

I went to the gay block party this yr over there
I had the same problem
everytime I saw a hb I pointed it out to my bi friend and she said it was a man
:/

[Guest]

[quote1228721747=playercool]
I start reading this and instantly knew the dime piece was a dude. UGH that blows!

You are gonna have to watch out down there. You will see that shit all day long.

Is it a girl? Is it a guy? You might not find out till it's too late.
[/quote1228721747]

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Um.. just use it as an opener some way

You: are you a man or woman
It: Neither.
It: *spreads legs and shows you*

See everybody wins.