Turkey Night Outing

[Guest]

So it happened tonight - not referring to any glory or even #closes (which nonetheless pissed me off), just the fact that a sizeable group of people made it out on an unorthodox night to sarge is inspirational in itself. Thanks to Solace & Captain America & Acuity & others who were there!

As an autobiographical paragraph, I've been gaming on and OFF (the relative capitalizations denote which one was the default state) over the past several months due to grossly overloaded school work. The detrimental effects of inconsistency definitely hurt me pretty sharp this past week when I DID have the time to come out. I was rusty as hell and almost felt unmade in several aspects (even the ghost of AA kinda came back - damn I thought that was history). I struggled to piece together what I knew, and my sticking points (transition, isolate, kino, kiss ...) of course were still there to haunt me all the more (one lesson learned - obstacles never just miraculously resolve by themselves). I really hope I can brush up my skills 'cause there's none in the world as frustrating as feeling regressed.

Anyhow, for the sake of book-keeping it's my 4th time clubbing in Dallas (3 of which happenend within this past month). Given my miserable performance at Sherlock's the previous night (sure twas an old crowd but no excuse), I lowered my expectations for tonight by a full notch & decided I'd just approach & get f**king blown out. (Funny - I thought I've done that enough times & boy was I wrong). Captain American called me up and we met at the entrance line to Purgatory. It's his first night out with the Dallas community and I have to say in all honesty he is GOOD. Very nice body postures, lots of confidence, and simply great attitude. He charged right into a two set on the first floor as I ordered a vodka shot (no hesitation move, nicely done), and then we moved to the 3rd floor. Captain opened a seated 2-set to warm up (7's) and I walked in after two minutes. We then gamed one each for a little while before he went downstairs to get Solace. Mine was a tall, black college chick and we had some interesting conversations (she mentioned how her heart had stopped three times by itself ... hmmm). She was tangentially hooked but definitely not locked down (she wasn't contributing threads even after 3-4 mins of talking), and I was tired of sustaining the talk single-handed so I moved on to game the other one to win over the group. Wrong calculation as this one wasn't interested at all and they took off under the bathroom pretext.

At that point, the floor was still empty and I chatted with the bartender to befriend her. At that point Solace came in with Captain America and we dived right back in. Captain America opened a three-set and Solace winged in after two minutes (I believe that one worked out well for you guys). I walked around to get blown out & sure I did (one chick turned out to be some sub-floor manager and just asked me to leave - that was really weird). That was when people streamed in and within 10 minutes the place was as packed as a Chinese train station. There was a huge group gathering in the middle where a photographer was flashing pictures of a hired dancer flaunting her boobs, while at the other end a fight started off that caught some attention. In this state of topsyturvy I went around and opened a number of sets. The sets I approached almost universally closed me out - not sure why it was, as I always try to come in with energy and they all looked at me as if running away from a plague. They all have that alerted look of "why the fuck are you talking to us" written on their face so I always had to start the interaction with damage control. Something must be consistently going wrong (body language, facial expression, tonality ... hopefully I'll figure it out soon) to convey a bad initial impression. Solace noticed that I leaned in too much & that's probably not only thing I need to correct. Also I wonder what approach methods would work best here (opinion-openers just sound too strange in a bar-setting, and I guess I was still too self-conscious to try hard-core stuff like instantaneous kino).

Anyhow, most of the night passed by this way. I bumped into two group sets by Solace and these fared better (thanks Solace!), though I still didn't close none (some attraction, rusty as usual, and no escalation - jumped into the comfort questions way too easily). At one point I cheated a little, chatting up a guy at the bar counter who turned out to be a local soccer trainer from UK. He turned out to be exceptional friendly to me and introduced me to two hottie friends of his (a third joined later) and his three guy friends. Minutes later he actually bought me a vodka shot and toasted to us together (social proof coupons fell from the sky). No surprise then the girls willingly upheld my conversation but I didn't escalate quickly enough and the whole group moved upstairs to the VIP lounge. Well, at least I'll take the free alcohol.

To summarize, an uneventful night in terms of results but it was fun. Opened a bunch, could've opened more. I wasn't completely loose (still unused & afraid of making risky moves in clubs) and still have much to figure out in terms of the dynamics & methods (on MANY occasions the girls simply cannot hear me and thus I was unable to verbally disarm them quick enough, which prolongs the suspicion phase and usually resulted in a shut-off. Then of course it loops back to the initial problem which is why I give off that alarming vibe despite the opposite intent). The biggest yield for me though was to have found a group of really great people, and I look forward to further chemistry & actions down the road.

[Guest]

[quote1227880915=TajDB]
Anyhow, most of the night passed by this way. I bumped into two group sets by Solace and these fared better (thanks Solace!), though I still didn't close none (some attraction, rusty as usual, and no escalation - jumped into the comfort questions way too easily). At one point I cheated a little, chatting up a guy at the bar counter who turned out to be a local soccer trainer from UK. He turned out to be exceptional friendly to me and introduced me to two hottie friends of his (a third joined later) and his three guy friends. Minutes later he actually bought me a vodka shot and toasted to us together (social proof coupons fell from the sky). No surprise then the girls willingly upheld my conversation but I didn't escalate quickly enough and the whole group moved upstairs to the VIP lounge. Well, at least I'll take the free alcohol.
[/quote1227880915]

There's nothing wrong (or 'cheating') with talking with the guys. It keeps you out of predator mode, let's you be outcome independent, and just be in a friendly, social state. All good things.

Not to mention if the girls were targets originally, you've actually seen the correct way to handle a mixed set and why!

[Guest]

it really seemed to be an off night. the crowd was much different, and every set i talked to lived in BFE. Thats why I refused to stay in set longer than I did. plus that first set of CAPT AM. started asking me to get drinks for them... Im not fishin for a ticket to jail. I had a hard time getting into state so dont beat yourself up too hard.

[Guest]

I totally agree with TopDog that in a mixed set, conquering the men paves the way towards conquering the women. I used the word "cheating" 'cause at that moment I was shooting to win over an all-girl set without the boon of pre-existing social proofs. Guess that challenge is for next time.

[Guest]

TajDB and Solace, it was great gaming with you guys. I enjoyed going out. Don't be too hard on yourself Taj. We all have areas of work to refine. Look forward to more outings in the future!