My first night out: observations and shit

[parametric_dc]

Hey, I'm David. (Tall skinny dude with spiky hair, white shirt, blue jeans...)

Last night was my first night out.

I consider it a success because I met my goals which were:

1) get out of the fucking house
2) get out of my comfort zone
3) approach some ladies

...and I did that. So as far as I'm concerned I took the first step on a thousand mile journey.

As an aside, let me say thanks to Finesse and Vector in particular for taking the time to give me some tips on going direct, giving openers etc. I realize this isn't a bootcamp for you guys where you're getting paid. It's your life and you want to enjoy it without getting swamped by noobs all night. Next time we met up, I'm buying you both a beer.

Anyways, here's some thoughts in no particular order:

approaching: approaching isn't an issue for me. I'm not immune to AA, of course. But my motivation-to-AA ratio is, like, 10:1. It's just that sometimes I stand there like a chode because I'm not sure of what to do. I'm fixing this. All in all, I think I approached about...8 sets? Not sure. Most were neutral. One was a total blowout and one went really well, but she was a 5. Nice girl, but it was just for practice.

My first set were two girls at the first bar and I asked them some bullshit about my ring. They were being standoffish, but it also seemed like they wanted to like me. Almost as if they were hoping I would prove myself to be a non-creep so they could drop the bitch act.

The other set that was decent was at the second bar where I opened some girl sitting alone in a booth. I looked at her and said "you should smile!" and then she beamed. I just walked away after that. 3 minutes later, I came back and reopened her by saying I was glad to see her smiling cause she looks better that way. Then she was touching me and mashing her titties into me. We talked for about 10 minutes, but I'll be goddamned if I could hear more than 30 seconds of it. I just told her I was 30 and some other bullshit. Then excused myself cause it was time to keep practicing.

opening: my current sticking point. As Finesse said, just go up and say "hi". Be direct. He's wise in pointing out that he doesn't want to create personality clones by handing out a laundry list of disposable openers. I agree, it's just a matter of experience in learning what the fuck to say after "hi" or what else to say if they're not receptive to that.
Here's some openers I tried through the night:
"hi"
"hey, do you think this ring is cool?"
"you should smile more!"
"give me a high five"



alcohol: I'm a Jack Daniels man, myself. But here's why I won't be drinking in the future during PUA: because I want my skillset to be just as strong sober as when I'm influenced by a social lubricant. See, one day, I'm gonna be walking through fucking Wal Mart on my lunch break with only 10 minutes to get my loaf of bread and get out. And then I'll see some stupidly hot latina walking towards me on her cellphone oblivious to my existence. I want to have a skillset that will allow me to engage her. To at least TRY and go somewhere with it. What am I gonna say? "Hey can you hold on a second while I run up the street and slam a few shots of Grey Goose to loosen up? Also, meet me back in Electronics where I'll put on a house-music CD and THEN we'll talk." Fuck that. I want to be versatile so I can game anywhere.


appearance: I would rate myself a 6, but most accuse me of lying when I say that. So I guess it's a little higher. One thing is, I need to keep going to the gym cause I think some solid muscle mass, it would help. That's about all I can do there and don't want to waste too much time focusing on that anyway. Beyond that, I think my BL is pretty good...and that stuff is just reflective of internal state anyway. So the better I get, my BL will keep taking care of itself.


enviroment: I have to wonder how you guys are able to function sometimes. In between the absurdly packed rooms, the 110dB house music slamming my ear drums and the obnoxious drunks...how are you able to do what you do? Obviously you can which means I can to, but Jesus. I guess this will just work itself out with practice.


my state: generally, when I'm out at these places, I assume most girls couldn't care less about me. I feel as though I radiate some ineffable quality that instantly gets me dismissed by 100% of the girls around me. Whether or not this is true, I don't know. Kit was saying some girl passed me at the bar who practically begged to be opened by rubbing her ass against me, but I swear to God I don't notice this shit. I really don't. Or, at the very least, I assume it's purely accidental. People will say I'm getting IOI's, but I don't believe it. Looking back on last night, I can't think of a single IOI that I got before approaching. Maybe my reality is fucked up. Even when girls do look at me, I imagine they're just looking because they seeing who's there or just thinking "oh. just some guy".


On the other hand, my sense of what's possible was expanded last night. I saw some ridiculously hot women at Republic that I was pretty sure would only talk to some upper-crust dude with money. But, low and behold, there's Playercool and Lion's dancing with them and bouncing them all over the place like some ragdolls and they were loving it. One of the girls looked like Victoria Beckham - she was damn hot (and I don't even dig on blondes that much!). Then, shit, I go outside later and there she is all wrapped up in Vector. I'm thinking "god damn, I must have some really limited beliefs about things. Cause none of these guys are rich meat heads, but they're kicking ass."


Lastly, I know I can be good at this. It's just something I can sense. The main reason is because I honestly believe I have all the right ingredients, they're just in the wrong proportions or being expressed in the wrong ways. I really do think I'm a prize, I just don't know how to communicate that to women. Yet. I mean, fuck, the Beatles got rejected. The telephone was considered laughable at first...but there was nothing wrong with those things. It's just that, for whatever reason, people didn't see the value. That's how I believe it is with me and girls: I have value, they just don't see it. I'm gonna fix that.

Tonight, I'm going to a party. But next weekend, I'd like to meet up again. Only this time, I'm going to go even further outside of my comfort zone.


Thanks for Grimm and Kit for hanging with me all night. I think I was too easy on you guys, though (and you two were easy on me). In the future, for noobs, it can't be this thing where we give each other unspoken permission to shrink back into our shells. Afterall, if I'm not approaching - who am I to tell you to? And vice versa. It can very quickly become a case where people aren't getting better together, just tolerating their own acknowledged mediocrity and fear. And that's just bullshit. We might as well sit at fucking home if it's gonna be about that.

I'm not saying it WAS that way - I had a great time with you guys. And I think we all did okay, but it could've been better. For real. I just saw this post Kit made on here...kinda beating himself up cause of last night. There's no reason for that. I could've done more to motivate you.

In the future, we have to make goals and stick to them. Nobody goes home unless you feel like you improved your game - even if only by a little bit.


Thanks again, all.

[grimm1111]

awesome post man, had fun last night. everyone has an off night every now and then, yesterday was that kind of night, but you've got a good attitude.

[jast]

For a first night out man sounds like you did pretty well. I had a great time just watching you guys work and getting reacquainted with the environment.

[DateDemon]

enviroment: I have to wonder how you guys are able to function sometimes. In between the absurdly packed rooms, the 110dB house music slamming my ear drums and the obnoxious drunks...how are you able to do what you do? Obviously you can which means I can to, but Jesus. I guess this will just work itself out with practice.


my state: generally, when I'm out at these places, I assume most girls couldn't care less about me. I feel as though I radiate some ineffable quality that instantly gets me dismissed by 100% of the girls around me. Whether or not this is true, I don't know. Kit was saying some girl passed me at the bar who practically begged to be opened by rubbing her ass against me, but I swear to God I don't notice this shit. I really don't. Or, at the very least, I assume it's purely accidental. People will say I'm getting IOI's, but I don't believe it. Looking back on last night, I can't think of a single IOI that I got before approaching. Maybe my reality is fucked up. Even when girls do look at me, I imagine they're just looking because they seeing who's there or just thinking "oh. just some guy".

Environment: man you just get used to it. and you will be better at dealing with it the more you go.

Your State: You really need to get a little more self confidence. If nothing else practice a smile in the mirror like a little smirk, like you just heard a funny joke you are thinking about in your head but your not going to laugh out loud. Then when you are in a bar or club just walk around with that smile glued on your face even if you are thinking you repulse the girls lol. Also just pretend like you are walking with purpose. As you walk to the bar and are scoping out the place just act think like you are a super hero that arrived on the scene and you are scoping it out. lol. That paired with a smile will already make you stand out compared to the AFCs in the place haha. Finally instead of thinking girls just view you as another guy, start viewing them as just another girl lol.

From your post it sounds like you have a very good mentality on pick up in general and it sounds like you have a very good idea of what you need to change and what needs to be done. Now you just need to do it and gain a little more self esteem. You said it yourself the other guys don't have a lot of money or anything really fancy, you have just as good of a chance pretty much as anyone else so dont be so hard on yourself.

[playercool]

Change your state of mind.

When I am out I think just the opposite. I think I can pull every girl in the joint. Now is that true? No of course not. But I still think it when I am out. I look around the room and just say yep I'm MONEY.

Get negativity out of your head. It will help immensely.

[parametric_dc]

Yes, I think it's just a matter of self confidence and that will come with experience. I don't feel any need to rush it...it'll work itself out with consistent, incremental steps.

I have a clear goal of where I want to be, but I spend most of my time focusing on each small task that will get me there. I know I'll be good. Not sure how I know this - I just do.

[TopDog]

Your State: You really need to get a little more self confidence. If nothing else practice a smile in the mirror like a little smirk, like you just heard a funny joke you are thinking about in your head but your not going to laugh out loud. Then when you are in a bar or club just walk around with that smile glued on your face even if you are thinking you repulse the girls lol. Also just pretend like you are walking with purpose. As you walk to the bar and are scoping out the place just act think like you are a super hero that arrived on the scene and you are scoping it out. lol. That paired with a smile will already make you stand out compared to the AFCs in the place haha. Finally instead of thinking girls just view you as another guy, start viewing them as just another girl lol.

This jumps out at me because kit and i were talking about this alittle after saturday night. I agree with this but to add/clarify alittle to it...

When you walk around a place, i recommend do not constantly scan the room trying to make eye contact. Constantly scanning and trying to make eye contact with anyone, or see who may be looking at you is needy. Walk to wherever you are going with a purpose without looking around, you'll immediately appear more confident, just with that.