How do I show disinterest?
Posted: Tue Aug 25, 2009 10:05 amI was going to respond to UL in his 'online girl won't meet until she's comfortable at school' thread. But, I think this post deserves its own thread...
[QUOTE=Urban Legend;32886]The main thing I don't understand is how do I show disinterest in a hb the same way I am with this ug and still show enough interest at the same time to get her? Like if I act completely disinterested won't it push her away?[/QUOTE]
Well, I think that's pretty simple. Go back and write down the text thread you and the ug have had together. Once you re-read in its entirety, you should begin to see certain themes that run throughout the text. You should be able to see the kind of tone you've taken with her. My guess is that you routinely tease her, challenge her, push her away, bring her back in when you feel as if you've been too mean, and, generally, are aloof.
Understand that you are NOT acting disinterested. Instead, you are acting outcome independent. There is a huge difference in the results between acting disinterested and outcome independent, even if the difference between the two is VERY subtle.
The difference IS indifference.
When I say indifferent, I don't mean indifferent to her. I just mean indifferent to how things turn out with her. My theory has always been that when you want something and show the world that you want said thing, then you tend to get in your head too much when you pursue it. People tend to over-think and over-analyze situations when they have a huge vested interest in how said situation turns out. And, when you get too emotional or think too much then you tend to fuck things up.
The best investors in the world do not get emotionally attached to their money (they depersonalize what money means to them so they can think and act logically). The greatest business men never attach themselves emotionally to a specific venture or idea (again, they depersonalize their business activities so they can remain objective). The same holds true with PU.
Depersonalize the outcome of an interaction with a girl. I understand that an HB 1 and an HB 10 appear to be worlds different. But, only if you approach with the frame that you are trying to fuck one of them. If you add more context to that situation when you approach or interact, then the difference between the two sort of disappears. Instead of thinking that you're approaching an HB 10 that you hope to fuck...think of it like this: I'm approaching a girl that may or may not be cool. Period. That's it. Don't think about trying to fuck her. Don't think you have to demonstrate value. Don't think that you have to impress her. Just be.
The reality of things is that very few of the women I've approached in my lifetime were worth two shits as a person. Sure, they may have been hot. Sure, I may have wanted to fuck them (which, honestly I want to fuck every attractive woman in the world so it's not an exclusive club). But, there is so much more to a woman besides what she looks like. I can't tell you how many hot chicks that I've meet only to learn that they were superficial, pretentious, stupid, boring, sucked in the sack, or all of the above. Experience has taught me that there is much, much more to a woman than how she looks. Sure, looks are hugely important to men...but, understand that there is so much more that we all should be requiring from women.
One of the fundamental flaws of our community and the game is that we feel as if we are constantly chasing women. That when we start talking to a girl, it is up to us to prove to her that we are worthy of her. As if she is some kind of judge and she is going to tell us that our score is good enough for her. In truth, it's not this way at all.
Sure, we are the first to approach. Sure, we are the aggressors. Sure, we generally approach based on how she looks. These three dynamics make us appear as if we are constantly in pursuit of them. But, reality and perception are almost never the same thing.
Women pursue us just as much, IF NOT MORE SO, than we pursue them. The difference is that women are much, much more subtle about their pursuit. And, this is the dynamic that you need to truly internalize. When you approach a woman, ANY WOMAN, understand that you don't know them, they don't know you. So, by approaching all you have done is to create a platform from which you both can determine if the other has what it takes for you to be interested. That's it. Period. There truly is nothing more to that interaction UNTIL either one has decided that they like the other. The key for you, assuming you're running indirect game (which is exactly what we're talking about), is to NEVER tip your hand until you pick up on the subtle IOIs that she will throw your way. Remember, that when a woman makes up her mind that she likes you she's going to be very aggressive towards you, but the catch is that she's going to be subtle. The reason she does this is because women, by nature, are generally passive aggressive. Society has trained them to be pursued, not to pursue. They are testing your social IQ by being subtle about their intentions. And, IMO, they lack the self-esteem to be the one that goes out on a limb in an obvious way.
What you need to do is totally reframe how you walk into an interaction with a woman. You need to disconnect yourself from the outcome (indifference is the difference). You need to understand that women are just women...the way they look can make them intimidating but that is not what defines them as 'quality.' You need to understand that you are buying her, just as you are selling yourself to her...and, she is doing the same. You need to watch for the signs (real ones like change in tonality, change in body position towards you, eye contact, curiosity about you (i.e. tons of questions), and the grand daddy of them all...the touch, if she touches you first you are in), and when you feel as if you've gotten enough then you can show your intent. But, the key is to make her feel as if she likes you more than you like her. Women want to earn your affection. So, push and pull her. Tease her like you would a little sister. Project the idea that you will not put her on a pedestal, by doing so you are making it known that you demand respect from her. And, let's face it. That's what it ALL comes down to...if you want the girl, you've got to make sure that she respects you.
[QUOTE=Urban Legend;32886]The main thing I don't understand is how do I show disinterest in a hb the same way I am with this ug and still show enough interest at the same time to get her? Like if I act completely disinterested won't it push her away?[/QUOTE]
Well, I think that's pretty simple. Go back and write down the text thread you and the ug have had together. Once you re-read in its entirety, you should begin to see certain themes that run throughout the text. You should be able to see the kind of tone you've taken with her. My guess is that you routinely tease her, challenge her, push her away, bring her back in when you feel as if you've been too mean, and, generally, are aloof.
Understand that you are NOT acting disinterested. Instead, you are acting outcome independent. There is a huge difference in the results between acting disinterested and outcome independent, even if the difference between the two is VERY subtle.
The difference IS indifference.
When I say indifferent, I don't mean indifferent to her. I just mean indifferent to how things turn out with her. My theory has always been that when you want something and show the world that you want said thing, then you tend to get in your head too much when you pursue it. People tend to over-think and over-analyze situations when they have a huge vested interest in how said situation turns out. And, when you get too emotional or think too much then you tend to fuck things up.
The best investors in the world do not get emotionally attached to their money (they depersonalize what money means to them so they can think and act logically). The greatest business men never attach themselves emotionally to a specific venture or idea (again, they depersonalize their business activities so they can remain objective). The same holds true with PU.
Depersonalize the outcome of an interaction with a girl. I understand that an HB 1 and an HB 10 appear to be worlds different. But, only if you approach with the frame that you are trying to fuck one of them. If you add more context to that situation when you approach or interact, then the difference between the two sort of disappears. Instead of thinking that you're approaching an HB 10 that you hope to fuck...think of it like this: I'm approaching a girl that may or may not be cool. Period. That's it. Don't think about trying to fuck her. Don't think you have to demonstrate value. Don't think that you have to impress her. Just be.
The reality of things is that very few of the women I've approached in my lifetime were worth two shits as a person. Sure, they may have been hot. Sure, I may have wanted to fuck them (which, honestly I want to fuck every attractive woman in the world so it's not an exclusive club). But, there is so much more to a woman besides what she looks like. I can't tell you how many hot chicks that I've meet only to learn that they were superficial, pretentious, stupid, boring, sucked in the sack, or all of the above. Experience has taught me that there is much, much more to a woman than how she looks. Sure, looks are hugely important to men...but, understand that there is so much more that we all should be requiring from women.
One of the fundamental flaws of our community and the game is that we feel as if we are constantly chasing women. That when we start talking to a girl, it is up to us to prove to her that we are worthy of her. As if she is some kind of judge and she is going to tell us that our score is good enough for her. In truth, it's not this way at all.
Sure, we are the first to approach. Sure, we are the aggressors. Sure, we generally approach based on how she looks. These three dynamics make us appear as if we are constantly in pursuit of them. But, reality and perception are almost never the same thing.
Women pursue us just as much, IF NOT MORE SO, than we pursue them. The difference is that women are much, much more subtle about their pursuit. And, this is the dynamic that you need to truly internalize. When you approach a woman, ANY WOMAN, understand that you don't know them, they don't know you. So, by approaching all you have done is to create a platform from which you both can determine if the other has what it takes for you to be interested. That's it. Period. There truly is nothing more to that interaction UNTIL either one has decided that they like the other. The key for you, assuming you're running indirect game (which is exactly what we're talking about), is to NEVER tip your hand until you pick up on the subtle IOIs that she will throw your way. Remember, that when a woman makes up her mind that she likes you she's going to be very aggressive towards you, but the catch is that she's going to be subtle. The reason she does this is because women, by nature, are generally passive aggressive. Society has trained them to be pursued, not to pursue. They are testing your social IQ by being subtle about their intentions. And, IMO, they lack the self-esteem to be the one that goes out on a limb in an obvious way.
What you need to do is totally reframe how you walk into an interaction with a woman. You need to disconnect yourself from the outcome (indifference is the difference). You need to understand that women are just women...the way they look can make them intimidating but that is not what defines them as 'quality.' You need to understand that you are buying her, just as you are selling yourself to her...and, she is doing the same. You need to watch for the signs (real ones like change in tonality, change in body position towards you, eye contact, curiosity about you (i.e. tons of questions), and the grand daddy of them all...the touch, if she touches you first you are in), and when you feel as if you've gotten enough then you can show your intent. But, the key is to make her feel as if she likes you more than you like her. Women want to earn your affection. So, push and pull her. Tease her like you would a little sister. Project the idea that you will not put her on a pedestal, by doing so you are making it known that you demand respect from her. And, let's face it. That's what it ALL comes down to...if you want the girl, you've got to make sure that she respects you.