When I first found the community, I had just gotten out of a four year relationship with an absolutely amazing, beautiful girl. She was a perfect 10 in my book. We both talked about getting married, and that’s exactly what we planned on doing after graduating from college. Maybe we were both a little naive, maybe we were both a little immature. For whatever reason, things started to get a little rocky and we decided to break up. I pretty much did what any other needy, insecure AFC would do – I let it affect my life in a very negatively profound way. I became depressed, and slept my days away for a good month or so. My dreams seemed so much better than reality at the time, but what I failed to see is that I CAN CONTROL MY OWN REALITY! Those who live in their dreams will always fall short, but those who make their dreams their realities are the ones who make a difference in the world. A friend of mine bought me a copy of “The Game†for my birthday in March and I was absolutely hooked before I even got halfway through the book. After reading The Game, I started soaking up all the material I could find. But here was my first mistake:
MISTAKE 1:
I wanted to be a “Pickup Artist.†I wanted to be Style, I wanted to be Mystery, I wanted to be Tyler Durden. Listen to me, what you really need to be is YOURSELF AND NOBODY ELSE!! That’s where all the success begins – it begins with liking yourself for who you are and taking the initiative to improve “ME†instead of merely projecting the image of Style onto yourself. You can’t become somebody else…it just doesn’t work that way guys. You are who you are so be a fucking man, change what you need to change in order to achieve your goals, but keep the essence of “ME†inside you the whole time. If you don’t like your own reality, then how can you expect some fine ass girl to like it!?!? You are your own best friend….act like it! If you hate on yourself then ur just another chode out there who won’t see any success. Bottom line.
After I read the game, I started watching David DeAngelo’s videos and reading his PDF’s. I’ve seen or read probably 60% of the publications and videos he has put out. Needless to say, his inner game techniques are amazing stuff. I woke up every morning, threw a picture of my ideal self into the air, and let it explode into a thousand pieces all around me (if you don’t know what I’m talking about then PM me and I will direct you towards some of his good inner game stuff). Every day, I would watch a David DeAngelo video, or read a chapter of the Mystery Method, or learn some new gambit. Here is where my second mistake came into being:
MISTAKE 2:
I took everything so damn seriously!! These crazy thoughts were going through my head saying “If you don’t learn all of this stuff then you will never be successful with women, bang hot chicks, or find that girl you’re going to spend the rest of your life with.†THAT IS ABSOLUTE NONSENSE. People with no game, no fashion sense, haven’t been to the gym in 10 years, ugly ass mofos meet women all the time, they probably just don’t have the same success rate as someone who is armed with a little knowledge of how the game works. So if you are clinging to this stuff because it is your “only way out,†then STOP! Don’t even read another word! This shit is supposed to be FUN and SUPPLEMENTARY!
IF YOU AREN’T HAVING FUN THEN YOU DON’T HAVE ANY GAME. IF YOU AREN’T HAVING A BLAST WHEN YOU GO OUT THEN UR JUST ANOTHER CHODE AFC. You need to be having fun so you can project a good vibe and have a good social gravity about you. If you aren’t having fun then nobody else around you will either. Always be the life of the party and ALWAYS have higher or more positive energy than the other people in the venue.
Now I’m not NEARLY as successful as some of the guys I’ve seen out there. I am still just barely more than a noob, but I’m gonna have some fucking fun with this, no matter what my results are. All this technique and “game†I am learning is just that – a game. If you are a nerd, or a former nerd like me (I consider myself kind of a geek cuz I love computers but I am a very accomplished athlete too, so I’m kind of a nerd-hybrid or whatever haha), then go out and do this shit like its WOW, or D&D, of FF7, or chess. If you are a competitive athlete, and that’s what you live for, then don’t let a few women in a bar be more intimidating than the football players on the opposing team or the guy on the wrestling mat with you. Are you gonna let a damn woman scare the shit out of you when you can take a hit that makes your head spin, or if you can do a sick single leg sweep on an all American wrestler? Don’t go out to “pick up,†go out to have fun, and NEVER let women scare you. Grow a pair! If you are naturally a little on the messy side, don’t make your bed and clean your room up spotless before you go out, hoping desperately to bring a girl back to a nice, shiny room. It just makes you so much more attached to the outcome. Leave it kinda messy…the girl won’t care if your room isn’t spotless when you are fucking her, and then you won’t be disappointed in yourself when you don’t come home to an awkwardly clean room. If you’re a very clean person, then kudos. That brings me to my third mistake:
MISTAKE 3:
I know you read about it all the time from the “pros.†Too many rookies, not enough pro’s huh (Luda). But hear this from someone who just recently went through the same thing you are going through (and is still experiencing it to a degree). Don’t attach yourself to the outcome of ANY situation. You have heard it a thousand times if you have been reading up but let me say it one more time: ONLY CHUMPS ARE AFFECTED BY THE OUTCOME OF ANY SITUATION. By having even a hint of regret for your actions in a set, you lose the opportunity for growth. If you aren’t very good looking and you approach an HB10, and she turns you down because you just not hot enough (and u know it), then don’t let it push your buttons! Thats exactly what she wants. Instantly, after the set, STOP AND THINK about what went wrong instead of being a damn baby and whining to yourself about how you wish you were tall and had a 12 pack of abs. Trust me, I’m a generally attractive guy, but I’ve beat myself up so many times over the exact same thing. I’m no Brad Pitt. Look at style, the guy looks like a rat or something but you don’t see him whining about it. ELIMINATE THE CONCEPT OF “FAILURE†FROM YOUR EXISTENCE…losing is not an option but LEARNING IS! Try this: purposefully go fuck a set up REALLY bad, even to the point where she and her friends laugh at you or “go to the bathroom.†Use the corniest lines and completely ruin the set (but don’t be a creep about it…be a dork). Then walk over to the bar and just laugh about it. If you have a wing man, do this and have him take some pictures or a video on his phone while you publicly humiliate yourself. Then go back, watch the video, and laugh your asses off!! If you just can’t seem make “failure†a learning experience yet, then at least have someone to laugh about it with. Don’t be too hard on yourself and don’t be attached to success…be attached to learning. Success will come naturally with this mindset. Again, you are your own best friend….act like it!
I just talked about a few mistakes that really hindered me in the first month or so when I was getting no success, but now I want to give some advice to all you guys that are just starting out. Here are the things that really helped me out. These are the reasons for my recent success. You may have heard all this stuff before, but I’ll say it anyways. Share the love right? SO here it goes:
1) Write down every limiting belief about yourself and work hard every day to make those beliefs disappear. Pick one or two a week, starting with the one that hinders you the most, and systematically get rid of every single one of them. David DeAngelo has a few great tools to destroy those beliefs, but I won’t cover them here. If you continue on with the negative belief system that is currently in your head, then you won’t get anywhere in pickup or in life. A good example of one of my limiting beliefs is that girls don’t like me because I’m an amputee. Yeah, I have one leg and I still got better game than some of you guys so HA! But I can think of a time in my life, actually many times, when a fine ass girl was all over my nuts. I can also think of a time when a girl actually thought it was interesting and really liked that fact that I was different. See, limiting beliefs can be conquered by counterexamples, among many other things. Look it up! Do it! I’m also a world class athlete despite my disability, so never believe people when they tell you things are impossible. We are only limited by our beliefs. One man’s impossibilities are another man’s opportunities…and yes I DID make that quote up
2) If ur a geek, or even an uber geek, then don’t worry, you can still be a geek. Play your computer games. But don’t look like a damn geek when you go out. I’m studying to become an electrical engineer for Christ’s sake and I spend more time on the computer than you do, but I still dress to attract every time I go out….and I DON’T WEAR A USB NECK CHAIN. That’s seriously the dorkiest thing in the world….unless it flashes and glows, of course. This advice is for ANYONE who is trying to improve their looks, not just nerds or people with a complete lack of fashion sense. First impressions are important, and how you visually present yourself in key. Go to Marshalls (preferable something like a Marshalls Superstore or whatever they call it), buy some 7 jeans (they need to be 7’s…trust me). Their much cheaper there than any other place you can buy them. You might even be able to buy some good shoes too, but I wouldn’t ask for advice on shoes there haha. Then go to Express for Men and get 2 fitted shirts, different colors…colors you wouldn’t usually wear. If you are very fair skinned, then don’t go with VERY bright colors. If you are dark skinned, go as bright as possible without feeling like a fruitcake. Black is always good too. Dark blue and pink (NOT hot pink) are money. Don’t buy orange or some shit like that. They have nice fitted shirts right now for around 20$. Spring and winter sales are the shit. Then go to any place where you can get advice on men’s shoes – Dillard’s – and buy some black shoes. Get a belt to go along with them while you’re there too. Go get a nice haircut from a real stylist. Pro-cuts, or anything along those lines, aint nice. That’s trim-up material. A decent style and haircut is usually about $40-50, sometimes more. I know that’s ridiculous but if you want to improve your looks then go to a real stylist at least once for some good advice. Tell them you want to look like a rockstar!! Don’t be afraid of being different and making changes. Buy a white linen, black, or dark blue blazer. Get a thumb ring on one hand and a middle-finger ring on the other hand. Wear something that glows – There’s a necklace that you can buy off of thinkgeek.com or ebay called the “Fuze,†that drives girls absolutely crazy. They will approach you or dance with you just so they can touch it…then you can touch them
. I’m a little reluctant to tell u about the fuze, but whatever, I’m sharing the love. I know this is all very generic, but if you aren’t used to looking slick, then this is a very safe, sexy, timeless look to go with. Forget the sunglasses propped up on the head, it’s too “player.â€3) Establish a social circle when you go out. Greet bouncers and bartenders everywhere you go. Strike up a conversation and ask them how their night is going, how long they have been bartending, etc… They appreciate a little small talk after hearing “Bud Light†and “Vodka Sour†all night. Try to get the number of a server, so that you can call her in advance one night when you have a few ladies with you. She can probably go talk to the bouncer and let you guys past the line. The bouncers know her so even knowing her name can get you in some places. Get on the email list! I got the number or a server named Lauren on Friday at bar Thoth in Dallas and I’m just keeping her in the friends zone so I can have a connection inside that bar. I actually got that number after a conversation that lasted less than 5 minutes. Later, after the party, I was also introduced to the bar owner. SCORE!! This goes outside the bars and clubs too. Make friends with people who know their shit. Don’t think you are annoying them by asking question, and don’t be annoying at the same time. If they don’t want to help, then find someone who does and be diligent about it. Persistence is a great quality to have. There ARE people out there who are not only knowledgeable, but are also very generous with that knowledge. The thing is, once you’re in, you’re in and SOCIAL PROOF IS LITERALLY YOUR BEST ALLY!!! Let me say it again: SOCIAL PROOF IS ABSOLUTELY MAGIC WHEN IT COMES TO MEETING WOMEN AND IS YOUR MOST IMPORTANT ALLY. You could be the biggest dork in the club but if you roll in with 6 girls, even if there are 2 other guys with you, then you automatically have great social proof. If I have social proof and there’s a dance floor near, then dance game is super easy. If you know the spin maneuver, then getting chicks to grind on you while you’re lounging with your arms stretched out on the bar is a sinch (while her 2 friends that she was just talking to are watching from less than a foot away. Hint: If they’re party girls, you can even game the friends as she dances away on you
). You don’t even need to say anything to have fun with this one though!! PM me interested...it’s kind of my offshoot of the original spin maneuver adapted for dance area bars. I’m sure the more experienced guys know exactly what I’m talking about. However, I wouldn’t try the wordless grinding spin maneuver if you haven’t been out on the dance floor with other girls building some social proof.4) Don’t memorize too much canned material for one night. Chances are, you will only remember about 10% of that stuff in-set anyways. Pick a few things that you really like, preferably making up your own shit, and use them all night. If something doesn’t work after you have used it all night, then move on to the next. You should try everything at least 3 times to see what works for you and what doesn’t. For an approach, I really like telling girls, “Hey, you know what? I almost wore the EXACT same thing out tonight!!!†You can primp them, give them advice on how to be a rockstar, or practically anything from there. My buddy told me about this last Friday and worked for me all night. If the girl is fun, she will respond well. If she doesn’t respond well to that and I KNOW I came in with good energy and body language, then I will usually just move on to the next girl. I like party people and I definitely don’t like working too hard to have fun!! Don’t try to keep a conversation with a person if you find that you aren’t interested after talking for 5 minutes. I’ve wasted SO much time doing that. If the conversation is painful then fucking cut it. Don’t be a bitch to the game. You are out there to meet people you can connect with right? Right!
5) Before you approach ANY set, do a quick checklist. That is, of course, unless you open up a set after being bumped into and you have no time to think. In that case, you look at her, say “Watch it punk!†with a very serious face. When she’s JUST about to be like “what the fucK?,†smile really big and bump her with your hips or high-five her. Here’s what I do and it usually takes me no longer than 3 seconds, which allows me to adhere to the 3-second rule.
------->1. Am I having fun and radiating a good, positive energy? At this point if I am not really having fun and I’m just not feeling the party in me, I just jump up and down 2 or three times to get my blood flowing again. I’ll smile really big while I’m doing it and pretend that I’m just pumping my body full of energy. Red Bull also helps. Alcohol is BAD, contrary to most beliefs (which is something that I still have a hard time with haha…I love my liquor).
------->2. How is my body language? Are my shoulders relaxed? Is my drink by my side instead of in front of my chest? Is my jaw relaxed (I clench my jaw a lot and it shows tension and apprehension)? Am I taking up PLENTY of space?
------->3. I just make a quick note to myself that I have BALLS and that the people I’m about to talk to don’t. If there is a guy in the set, he’s just an ugly girl with facial hair. He has no balls. She has no balls. I have all the balls. The balls are in my court haha.
------->4. What is going to be the first sentence out of my mouth? Everything else will flow from that first sentence, so don’t think too far ahead, but knowing that first sentence and saying it with confidence will make or break the set.
6) When you are in a set, don’t always be so focused on the number or fuck close. Think about forward and backward merging. Think about changing venues with one of these girls on your arm. If you do your job right, SHE will be thinking of the f-close, and you don’t even need to worry about it. Then it will happen whenever you want it to happen - when you have time to focus on that stage of the game. Keep in mind, you need to continue to escalate though, just don’t think solely about the close. Enjoy the ride and the steps leading up to the close. Apprehension is your enemy! Being relaxed, comfortable, and allowing things to escalate naturally is where it’s at!
7) Always have fun and always be yourself.
School, work, family, and friends are infinitely more important than pickup. They are much more deserving of your time and devotion. This is something that people forget when they get obsessed with something....or if they become really successful at what they doWell, these are my thoughts right now and that’s the best advice that I can give you guys that are following close behind my footsteps, without going into too much depth. Every day I continue to soak in the advice of those whom I follow as well. I had a few more things to add but I’ll be too busy this week to write. If you have any questions you can always ask me and if I don’t know the answer, then I’ll find out for you. Remember, you have unlimited resources within YOURSELF! There are no bounds to the human imagination!
Peace!
-Zephyr