Trying not to blow it.

[Aces]

I was in Austin this weekend and hooked up with this girl. We met about 2 months ago through mutual friends and chatted with facebook messages and AIM. On Friday we went out in Austin. She was immediately flirting and make sexual jokes with me. She was not timid at all! We went to several bars where she continually bought me drinks. She must have spent at least 25 bucks on me throughout the day. After hanging out all day/night with her and one of our mutual friends she stayed the night at my house. I got a little LMR (she had a bf) but it was easily manuevered around. Good sex insued. Slept for a few hours. Woke up and continued. We also cuddled, took a shower, talked about stuff. I dropped her off at her house and then went home. She invited me in to meet her mother but I declined b/c under the circumstances it would've probably been akward. Later she called me and asked me this question: "What do you expect of me now?". I didn't know what to say so I told her to let me think about it. I like this girl a lot and would have a relationship with her but she lives all the way in Austin so it probably wouldn't work.

So I have a few questions:
1) How should I break it to her that we are just FB without her feeling used?
2) Do you think a long distance open relationship would be a bad idea?
3) Does anyone else feel bad about posting personal stuff like this on the internet? It seems so disrespectful to the woman; a woman that I respect. thoughts on this?
4) Should I be calling her and talking with her more? I was playing it cool before. I wouldn't call her but I would send her short somewhat mysterious messages before. I don't want her to feel like I used her but I don't want to look clingy or desperate either. This is where I think I usualy screw up
5) This is a stupid question but: after we had sex she was trembling for about 10-15 minutes. Does this necessarily mean that she was really enjoying the sex?

thanks for replies

[BluesCluesPUA]

All of these are good questions, but some you will have to answer for yourself. Here's some general advice:

1) She may not feel used no matter what you do. But if you just want to be FB, Being honest and straight-forward is the best way to go. Maybe it'll hurt her, or maybe she was expecting it. Maybe she was asking because she didn't want you to have unrealistic expectations. Regardless, if this is what you want, just tell her, plain and simple, that this is what you expect of her. She asked for a reason...

2) Long distance relationships are difficult to manage, and I have plenty of experience to back that up. And open relationships are usually even harder. Ordinary FB is an "open relationship" of sorts as it is, but as soon as someone even expresses the desire to attach the "open relationship" status to what you have, it signifies that they want more and will probably end up being dissatisfied with an open relationship. In general, I think these things are bad ideas. But you also need to look at your specific situation, since we do not know the full extent of your connection to this girl, and decide this on your own.

3) I do not feel bad at all about posting personal questions and information on the internet, and neither should you. Girls do it all the time, except they do it in bathrooms with their girlfriends or at sleepovers while comparing breasts, or at sorority sisterhood retreats during naked pillow fights. Getting advice in this manner is never disrespectful, especially given the fact that there is no identifying information and you haven't said anything I would consider disrespectful. If anything, you are being respectful to her by seeking advice on how to hurt her least. Even in the case of field reports and general seduction talk, you are getting advice on how to get her in bed, which in itself should be her privilege. She should be thanking you for this.

4) Managing expectations is very important, and the golden rule (as I learned it from Harmless) is this: Don't do anything now that you don't want to be doing six months from now. Think through it and consider where you want to be with her in the future, and that's where you should put yourself with her now. Make sure she knows what's going on so this doesn't cause drama and bite you in the ass.

5) Trembling? Maybe she sex was great. Maybe she was cold. Maybe she was having random muscle spasms. Who knows, it could have been anything. If she does it again, you can ask her why.

Hope this helps.

[quipster]

1,2,4: What do you want out of the relationship?

my answers.
1 and 2 : When the conversation comes up I usually reply with something like "we are having fun but I am not ready for a committed relationship...." for you it would be" i would be I am not ready for a long distance relationship." I am pretty honest with the ladies. I try not to hang myself though for a future FB.

3. I do not feel bad posting good or bad info about my dating life. I learn from my own postings and get feed back which helps me and others in similar situations.

4. This would depend on how often you plan on seeing her. To keep a FB around a couple of txt msgs and call a week is plenty. Talking everyday will frame it like a relationship so what do you want out of it.

5. Shakes have always been good in my experience. I have had many females shake/tremble and get goose bumps after having sex and or orgasms. Some have trembles that lasted for about an hour. So unless you bashed her head into the wall too many times then its a good thing.

-quip

[warriorpoet]

in my experience, its when you start labelling the relationship that it goes to hell. personally i reply to almost everything with "i like your company, i feel good when im around you, and i know you feel the same, and i dont want to fuck with that. youre one of my favorite people."

tell her shes a FB, and she might get ASD and blow you off.

tell her you really like her, and she might ditch the bf for you (if thats what you want, cool)

i like keeping them in a state where they dont really know what they are or where theyre going, but that they DO like being around you, love your company, love teh sex. then they invest so much emotionally that it doesnt matter and teh questions stop

thats my mode anyway

cheerios

[Aces]

BluesClues I like the "golden rule". I have the urge to be honest about my feeling as you are suggesting that I do. However, I think warriors approach is better in this situation.
Quipster and Warrior you have similar advice which I'm gonna try out. Warrior I like your line: "i like your company, i feel good when im around you, and i know you feel the same, and i dont want to fuck with that. youre one of my favorite people." I'm gonna use it.

Thanks for the advice it has helped me a lot. I'm going to go the non-labeling the relationship route for now.

[360]

First Try Not Do Or Do Not Try is not an option. If you try not to do something you are going to freaking do it, because that is what you are thinking about. Whatever you do, do it decisively.

Feelings are her issues, you might be a heck of a man, but no man is strong enough to take responsibility for a womans feelings, that is as long he chooses to be honest. Now if your going to lie, then you are responsible, and you have to able to roll with that.

Finally shaking, All Angles - hence 360. Was she really into sex? If so the could be that it was just that good - or she really can metnally and physically can get into and be satisfied. If this is true, Then you have found a gem in the sex department with this one worth of travel.

However, could also be guilt, she had just got nasty and she claims to be loyal to a boyfriend. She could have been going through buyer's remorse. In which case I would check and see if a little soft affection(not going for 2nds right away), made her melt into me. If so small doses of affection - showing your strength and ability to provide security, but then turning slightly away so she physically needs you more at that point - something to prevent ASD program in her from being initiated. That way you are not clingy, but the strong mysterious guy that got her going in the first place.

Finally, Long Distance can be most passionate (photo phones and can be great fun 2) my last LTR was a personal trainer from Windy city.

360

[hooks]

just my experience, when a girl cheats with you she is not relationship material... tell her whatever you think will get you the most out of it and have fun hanging out and fucking but always keep it in the back of your mind that she is not a person worth investing in... ive never been cheated on but these chicks are not relationship material and (unless you have some hold on them) they will either cheat or cause you mad drama... make her a fuck buddy in the truest sense of the term... someone who you fuck and enjoy spending time with but nothing more than that

one mans opinion