Self-inflicted LJBF

[BluesCluesPUA]

Before I begin, this is not one-itis, I'm just trying to learn how to deal with a specific situation. Please no "you should just move on" flames...

There's a girl I go to school with who I've seen a lot of lately. There's a fair amount of background, but for the sake of brevity I'll cut to the chase. She has been attracted to me for a while, I've spent the past week or so building comfort (I waited far too long to escalate) and got into some decent C3 action a few times. She hinted that she was looking for something a little deeper than random hookups and it felt like she was trying to get me into a relationship (which I'm open to the possibility of but I wanted to get to know her better.) The other night she LJBF'ed me, but I could tell she was full of shit, so I went in for the kill. It got a bit hot and heavy, S1'ing it up, but I didn't sleep with her because we were a little drunk and I didn't want to be a douchebag. Then she didn't talk to me for about 36 hours (part of the time I know she had tonsillitis and was asleep, and the other part I'm pretty sure she was with another guy), so I LJBFed her. She agreed with me and said "I have loads of fun with you and I'm really glad we're friends, we should definitely keep hanging out if you want."

I'm trying to decide how to proceed from here. I know she has some abandonment issues, so if I drop her altogether, it might be more effective. And I know the other guy, and he's a drunken idiot, so I think she'll be looking for an out soon enough. But it's also been suggested that I just restart M3 from the beginning and rebuild the attraction with more negs and disqualifiers. I'm also open to whipping out some BFDs on his ass, but again, I'm not sure if that's the right approach.

Any suggestions on how to handle this one?

[quipster]

Well, you already know you waited too long to escalate. But to still point this out. If you are hanging out with someone and you are not continuously progressing sexually then they will get bored and move on to find someone else who knows how to... fuck

She ALLOWED herself to hang out with you, she ALLOWED herself to get drunk with you and she WANTS you. She still wants to hang out and have fun so go have some fun with her. Obviously she is not in a real relationship with the other guy and even if that were the case why is she hanging around you so much. Just do all of us a favor and make it happen

-quip

[Vector]

Being friends does not preclude other things, when you "LJBFed" her did you tell her you don't want to ever have sex? I sure hope not.

You can say you're not ready for a serious relationship, meaning the whole boyfriend / girlfriend thing and exclusivity and valentine's day and so forth. But that is totally different from not wanting to have sex. Never conflate the two.

For example you would never want to say "I don't want to have sex right now because I'm not ready for a serious relationship." This establishes the frame and the expectation that relationships are a prerequisite for sex. She will go along with that expectation if you set it. She may be okay with sex but afraid of relationships, in which case you lock yourself out if you tie them together.

From the sound of it, I'd agree with Quipster. She wanted to have sex with you. And it sounds like she still does. You probably don't need a boyfriend destroyer unless she starts using him as an excuse to not have sex with you.

If neither one of you want a serious relationship with each other, that's fine. Have fun and wear protection.

[Vector]

Actually in my mind, "LJBF" is something narrower, not the literal condition of being friends, but specifically more like "I don't think of you in that way at all [ i.e. not at all physical or sexual or romantic ]." You're like a little brother, or one of her girl friends. This is a condition that is very hard to break out of because even small amounts of escalation feel weird to her. Prevention is by far the best way to avoid this type of situation.

As "friends" can you escalate? If so, then you're not really in LJBF-land and it's game on.

[jast]

BluesClues86,

Not that I am a expert or any thing but sounds like this girl is really in to you and just throwing up BS stuff because she can’t hand all the feelings she has for you. I only really see 2 options here.

1: You play it safe and make her just a friend. I would only do this if you really like hanging with her and don't want any drama to FUBAR the friendship. Also keeping her around as a friend may open doors for you with other girls.

2: Go all the way, if you can sleep with a chick you usually have the upper hand in the relationship and can turn it any way you want as long as you keep the feelings in check. If things do go bad down the road it’s not like you are going to have to see her every day school is all most out.

Me I would go for it I have plenty of friends.

[warriorpoet]

youre not in the LJBF zone

you have a lot of comfort
you have a lot of attraction
you have previous sexual history (sexual comfort) where YOU supplied the brakes, so youre proba not going to get much LMR

all you need is a BT spike and shes yours

this "oh im glad we didnt do this or that" is likely a cover to protect her self esteem after the PUA has been the one to apply the brakes in a seduction. "oh im so glad we didnt" = "you didnt really reject me"

when it comes to alcohol and first time sex, i also get a bit heistant - but what you need to realised is that getting drunk and fucking is the preferred modality for some women. the decision to actually have sex has been made hours prior to the first drink.

if youre absolutely sure taht shes done this (and it sounds like she has) then going out getting blasted together and fucking is perfectly socially acceptable

go out with her, plus or minus alcohol. forget a1 a2 a3 theory for now just pump the fun, maybe some push pull, maybe some CF if thats your style, pump her BT, engineer a good seduction location with a good rational way to get her there (i love the "shots of absinthe at my place" rationalisation with girls tha tlike to drink and fuck personally) and fuck her

[BluesCluesPUA]

Thanks for all the advice. There actually ended up being a beautiful turn in events in this situation. I spoke with a few PUAs who know us both personally, and the advice I was going to go with was to be cold and a bit distant for a few days (playing on some of her abandonment issues) and see how she reacted. But something better came up.

Later Thursday night, HBniceass, who I gamed a few weeks ago, drove up here to visit some friends (and stay with me.) I knew I was bringing HBniceass home that night, but my previous target's roommate's boyfriend (a good friend of mine) happened to call and invite me to come hang out. So the target was there with the new BF, the roommate was there with her BF, and I was suddenly there with a new girl. I could see the jealousy boiling up by the minute. I developed a smooth rapport with my target's new BF, I was already good friends with everyone else who was there, and HBniceass was all over me, so when I threw a couple negs and IODs at my target, she got the same look in her face as she did when she first started wanting me.

Today, the roommate kept telling me that my target thinks I'm mad at her. Target also called me a couple times today trying to talk about random things (like why I didn't introduce her to the girl I was with) but I blew her off because I was busy with other things.

I'm still working on how to play this. I'm not getting stuck up on it, but trying to turn it around in my free time will make for an interesting experiment. I'll keep the updates coming until I f-close or get bored. My guess is it will be the former.