I Need Your Help NOW

[omni]

OK guys...

This is my first advice request so now's your chance to show off.
One of the sets I opened after the meeting last weekend was 2 girls and a guy. My target is roommates w/ the guy (he's openly gay). This girl is cool (so was the guy but he's not my type). So I got her number, but it was sort of in a "let's all hang out again sometime" sort of way (it did turn out to be her cell number though).

So I left a voicemail message Monday and she called me back the same night. We talked for a few minutes about what was going on this week and she was busy most of the week and works weekends. She said she had no plans for Friday but wasn't sure yet what her & her friends would do that night. She said she'd call if anything good came up. She also mentioned where she and her roommate would be tonight (Thursday) and said it was cool if I showed up there. I didn't end up going, but instead I left a message telling her to call me because I had an invitation to extend.

So she called back a little while ago.... I invited her to hang w/ me and some friends next weekend. She seemed down with it and even mentioned cancelling other tenative plans to come out. Then I asked what she was doing tomorrow (Friday) and she said she didn't know. She told me to let her know if I came up with anything good. She mentioned that she wanted to go to the movies but her roommate had already seen the only movie she wanted to see. I'd been wanting to see the same movie so I said maybe I'd go with her (it was all I could think of to offer at the time). She liked the idea and we agreed that I'd call her after work tomorrow to set it up.

SO...... if I'm going to the movies with this girl, what do you recommend I do to DHV and get through C1 and C2? Normally, I'd just try to make jokes, be really nice, and fill all the awkward silences. But something tells me that's not the way to go. Help a brother out!

Also, I'm not 100% sure if she thinks I'm trying to spend time with just her or with her AND her 2 friends. I haven't madeovert allusions to the two of us doing something (other than the movie). Do I need to do more to express my interest in a more-than-a-friend way? I hope I've given you enough info to figure this out and help.

PLEASE email me in addition to posting if you've got advice. I can't check the board at work and I may go straight from there to meet her tomorrow. My address is: evenbetterme@yahoo.com/. Dumbaddress, I know. But help anyway.

[Vector]

Ugh movies. Yuck. You're doing well though.

Girls really like to wait til the last minute, basically to see if anything better comes up. Don't take it personally. If you are not specific ("let's hang out"), they will always be noncommittal ("maybe"). It can still work out, it's just hard to gauge because even if she's into you she will still be wishy-washy.

I'd say don't worry about DHV. You're past that. Qualify more. And open up. Talk about your hopes and dreams. Talk about what was exciting to you as a kid. Maybe expose vulnerabilities (not the same as weaknesses). And qualify. You never have to stop qualifying. Even during comfort you want to keep the frame that you are checking her out, not quite sure about her but so far you think you like her.

[Rhody]

I agree about not going to the movies. Today happens to be the third Friday of the month, so the Dallas Museum of Art is open late. It can actually be a happening place at night. And she looked like the artsy type. I think she'd like that. I was trying to hook up a day2 there tonight, but both of my candidates didn't end up working out.

[warriorpoet]

the only benefit in doing stuff like movie dates is that it fits into standard, prelearned dating behaviour/patterns, and if she has selected you hard enough, all you have to do is stay in set, pass shit tests, and given enough time, youll close. its afc style, but if you have the time to invest/would like her as a gf etc then its workable.

when in theatres make sure to have some sort of snack or something you can use as a prop to initiate kino/assume comfort - share popcorn, when asking for the popcorn back/offering touch her to get her attention (calibrate where, and for how long, her reciprocating is a nice guage of her interest) consider assuming comfort with stuff like wiping your greasy fingers on her jokingly, drinking from her drink, that sort of thing - but calibrate, i have nfi what your dynamic is like. last time i went to the movies i took a pair of fluffy bright purple socks to keep my toes warm that had her cracking up in the theatre, and i made sure to have a jacket that i made her wear because she was cold (more assuming comfort, protection of women alpharism)

personally id follow vectors advice - qualify with personality conveying, value implying embedded stories and suck her into your world. elicit some values, and make yourself attractive to her. imo give some thought to your choice of after venue - here in aus there are a couple of little coffee houses with tiny private booths where youre fairly much forced to lie all over each other to get comfy, which is helpful

and lastly, youll laugh at this, but...sarge the gay guy. groupthink is powerful. (kissing optional. if you kiss him, i will call you the most dedicated pussyhound on the forum before i crucify you lol)

cheerios

[omni]

I appreciate the info guys. Rhody, I think I'm going to try to use your idea and switch from the movies to the museum. I checked the website and it sounds cool.

So here are the rookie questions:
Should I offer to pick her up "date style" or meet her there?
Should I try to make it clear that I want to be there with just, or risk having her friends come along and just qualify her anyway?

Warriorpoet, I'll definitely use some of your ideas if we go ahead with the movies. But I can tell you right now that I won't be kissing any men. (that would prove dedication though) I'm not a 'hound anyway. I just likes me the ladies.

You all are right about calibration. I really have no idea of exactly where I stand with this girl. So more tips on that (or anything) are appreciated.
But it has to be a good sign that she's always called me back soon after I'd left a message right? I'm going in with no expectations but she's cool so it'll be nice if it works out. Thanks again fellas

[Vector]

Pick her up. Definitely. You are in control and she will get used to following your lead, which builds comfort and trust and all sorts of good things. And logistics is so much easier. "Oh my gosh, there is this super awesome dessert place I'm going to take you to. Oh and I need to stop by my place (it's on the way) for just one second, I promised my friend I'd email this picture."

In deciding whether to insist on not having her friends along, I'd think about whether you think you can control the group. The other day I went out with a girl and her friends and they mostly led and I mostly followed. For my situation it worked out okay but it doesn't build the natural attraction women have for a leader.

It sounds like she is really into you. You are in Comfort. Just keep up the kino and keep (or establish) a sexual frame. Playfully accuse her of trying to get in your pants. From what you've said, it sounds like she is already chasing you, so it might not be far from the truth.

[warriorpoet]

jsut quickly because i have an appointment:

you are a pussy hound, this 'i love the ladies' stuff is just you being in denial. embrace the dark side lol

and ill tell you where you stand with this girl (because you seem a little lost and are thinking too much): youre in the beginning of comfort, attraction is already there, and what you need to do is establish a sexual frame. the way youre going to do this is with kino, and then by shifting conversation/topic onto things that establish that you are a sexual being. like vector above said (not to hump his leg - how you doin bro ) light teasing and role reversal about her trying to get into your pants is standard operating procedure, and when youre telling embedded, value adding stories, tell some story or other that implies preselection (ie youve had other girls who like you) and shifts conversation lightly towards sex. be offhanded when you say it, like its perfectly normal to be talking about sex because you just have it so much that it means nothing to you. i prefer using the lead in "that reminds me of....(this time/this girl/this event)" and then you follow it with whatever idea you need to communicate to her.

youre going to pick her up,but youre not going ot abuse the fact that she is getting into your car. youre going to take control with a light, yet firm touch and demonstrate that youre a man; that you lead; that you protect girls you pick up and look after them, making sure theyre safe and can go home when they like; that you actually have a car (fitness indicator, cant believe how many men dont have wheels persoanlly); that youre fun and comfy to be around (dont forget to have fun on this and smile a lot); that this is a reality taht this girl can really see herself as being a part of

must go late for doctor you bastard got carried away lol