The Art of Nexting....

[Fuzz]

I've recently come to the realization that not knowing when to next a girl, and sometimes not having the balls to, was a major sticking point for me. But in the last 3 months or so I've plunged deep into the art of nextdom. Not only is it empowering for the ego, but it also makes sense from a logical perspective in that it forces you to find new women once you've cut the old ones out.

I'm curious as to some of you guys' perspective and opinions on this. As a general guideline I give a woman only 2 shots at non-compliance before I delete their number from my phone forever. From that point on, if the girl wants my attention ever again she has to put in a lot of effort for it. No one I have nexted in these past 3 months has yet come crawling back, but it has happened to me before on extremely rare occasion in the past.

[Traxxus]

I have the same issue alot of times. Unfortunately there isnt alot of theory to nexting. There is no easy way to tell someone that you're just not that into them. You just have to man up and do it.

[Bull Run]

No one likes to next any one. It is my least favorite aspect of pick-up. But, I've found that after you do it you feel much, much better. And, it frees you to seek out someone that you really dig and want to be with.

How and why you next a girl is based on where you are in your life at that moment. I've kept chicks around for no other reason than they were convenient and I wanted a little play toy from time to time. You know, someone to hang out with and then fuck. Nothing more. I've kept chicks around to distract me from the frustration and pain of a failed previous relationship. I've nexted perfectly awesome girls because I wanted to be single. I kept girls around because I didn't want to be single at that time. It all really depends on where you're at right now. Sometimes, with some girls, you're willing to put forth a little more effort to be with them because it's worth the effort. Sometimes, with some girls, it's just a royal pain in the ass and then you send them packing.

The absolute worst is when you next a girl that's falling for you. That's the hardest thing in the world to do man because they are just crushed. Devastated really. That's why I've always thought that PUA axiom of leave them better than you found them is complete and pure bullshit. If a woman loves you, she's going to be a little worse off after you leave her.

[Tribulus1000]

Are you nexting them before you sex them or after?

There's quite a bit of difference in the way things can/should be handled...in my opinion anyway.

Also there's quite a bit of variation on "nexting" as well. Are you stopping all communication? Are you telling them off? Are you polite and saying "Oh well, you'll find someone else."?

Like you say there is an ego boost to this. I'm not sure its really worth it in the long run.

Some guys will "fall out of love" with the girls and basically cause problems so the girl feels he doesn't really love her.
Or they will say they met someone else. I've done that in the past. However, I don't go around trying to cause harm to people.

[Fuzz]

Are you nexting them before you sex them or after?

Both. But the ones I'm nexting after sex are girls I haven't been having sex with for very long (sometimes just once). My post is more about saving face and maintaining value in these situations, and also keeping things from getting too ugly.

The subject of nexting someone you've had a long history with is a totally different animal that I don't think I'm ready to pursue yet with the same kind of vigor.

[Tribulus1000]

Are you nexting them before you sex them or after?

Both. But the ones I'm nexting after sex are girls I haven't been having sex with for very long (sometimes just once). My post is more about saving face and maintaining value in these situations, and also keeping things from getting too ugly.

The subject of nexting someone you've had a long history with is a totally different animal that I don't think I'm ready to pursue yet with the same kind of vigor.

Oh ok. So these are mostly girls you've either seen a few times out or even had sex with once or twice and they're either going cold or are not responding in the way you would like them to respond.

In some cases, all it takes is to cut off communication. This is what most people do. It might be a little wussy but its practical since it doesn't involve too much energy on us guys part.
There's really no point in having a girl's number in your phone who won't return calls/texts and with whom you have not slept with...or heck even slept with for that matter.

No Nexting for a period of time
The other side of this Next'ing thing is to try and tough it out for the purpose of learning where the line is.

Let me explain what I mean by this....

Best illustration is Kino Escalation. If you don't know how far you can push things, the best thing to do is start pushing the line and see where it is. Where do most girls say "stop"? Hopefully its before the policeman taps you on the shoulder.
Same thing here...if you keep them on and NOT next them, you may learn how much it takes to really get through a barrier.

Sometimes these barriers are only in your mind. Sometimes the line is further out than you imagine it to be.

You should try this as an exercise to see how far you can take it.

Afterall, with girls who you haven't had sex with yet and perhaps you have a number, it is worth forgetting about losing face and simply plowing ahead.

In Sales they talk about Lead Generation and Lead Conversion.
Plowing ahead in the face of resistance is Lead Conversion. When PUA Guys talk about conversion rates, this is what they mean. Any guy can get a phone number but not every guy can close/F-Close them.

And remember women are trying to disqualify you. That's what they do so only Prince Charming gets through.

So if you have a collection of numbers, start texting/phoning the girls. Its worth it. Because you will learn as Kenny Rogers says: "Know when to hold em, when to fold em, know when to walk away and know when to run."

I did this a a couple years ago. Its hard. Sometimes you'll get off the phone and think "WTF?" and other times you'll be glad you did. Its random.

Hope this helps.

Trib

[Traxxus]

I have this idea that there are moments of compliance and moments of non-compliance that are at the foundation of every relationship. Often times, in these moments that we spend with women, we know instantly that she just isn't for us. All it takes is a single moment of non-compliance on something we feel strongly about to make us go from yes/yes-maybe to no/no-maybe.

I think of this like I think of skipping a stone across a still pond. Each time the stone hits the water, it is a moment of compliance or non compliance. Each time, there is a decision point. Will I stay or leave? Will I add or subtract value? Will I act or behave differently from before?

If you reach a decision point where you know your going to eventually leave, because of whatever reason, then your doing her and yourself a disservice by staying. It is not ethical. You shouldn't stay just to push the boundaries. That is how your going to end up causing pain for the other person. I see no value in causing another person pain.

However, sometimes men next women because they themselves are insecure. About a year and half ago, when I was first starting out, I met these two girls in the mall. They passed me and one of them said to me, "Get to work." I was dressed in a sports coat and I have to admit to being pretty tounge tied. I hadn't expected to approach or be approached by anyone. I went with the routine stack I used back then but about half way in, I got scared. My old AFC side came out and I felt overwhelmed by just talking to two hot girls. So I ejected. I didn't even get a telephone number. It was just a friendly exchange.

If you find yourself in a position where you are nexting a girl just because you feel insecure, then you have to work through that. But, if you want to next a girl because your not into her, but you keep her around to experiment with. That's unethical.

[Bull Run]

I like the stone skipping analogy. There are definitely turning points in a relationship where you decide that you're in or out. Or, at least more in or more out than you were previously.

And, that's one of the great things about pick-up. We spend time with so many different women that we really learn what it is that is important and not important to us. The treatment we expect and the thigns we need from a woman all get solidified. And, of course, the knowledge that there's another one just around the corner makes it so much easier to say NEXT!

But, I disagree that staying with a woman that you know you don't want to stay with long-term is unethical. I think it all depends on how you act in the relationship (if you wish to call it that) and what you tell her. If you tell her that you see a future with her but don't really and you say that just to keep her on the hook then, yes, that's wrong. But, if you don't lead her on, no, that's not wrong.

Maybe it's splitting hairs or it's a passive aggressive way to keep a woman around, but if she wants to stay then let her stay as long as she wants. I had an LTR that lasted 3 years. From the first moment we met I KNEW I would never marry her or live with her (didn't want to raise her bastard son and she was a veteran of the cock carousel). Did I love her? Yep, very much so. We had a lot of good times but eventually she grew tired of waiting for me to fully commit and left for a guy that would.

You could say I wasted her time, I say she spent her time with me. She made a choice to stay as long as she did even though she clearly wasn't getting everything she wanted. That's her fault, not mine. Had I nexted her purely because I knew we wouldn't end up together, then I would have missed out on one of the most fullfilling relationships I've ever had the pleasure of experiencing. The same goes for her.

At some point, the man cannot be expected to take the entire burden of the relationship. There are two people playing this game and the woman has to be just as responsible for her decisions as you are for yours. As long as you aren't lying to her promising her a future, then you can absolutely be with and love a woman that you KNOW isn't the one for you. My ex asked me why I "let" her stay as long as I did, to which I said that I didn't let her stay, instead I let her make her own choice and as such she has to bear the burden of the consequences of that decision. She didn't like that answer and responded with some spiteful and hateful actions after she left.

I view women as overgrown children for the most part. But, I'm tired of always taking 100% of the responsibility with respect to relationships. I'm not being unethical for enjoying her for as long as she wanted to stay. No promises were made and none were broken. I kept my word. And, I would do it again and probably will.

[Ca$h]

This post has brought to mind something am currently dealing with. I realized i nexted women because i was not willing to get emotionally attached. I recently decided to go with the flow after having a discussion with a well respected PUA among the lairs.

BR summed it up perfectly, i now choose to enjoy the time spent with which ever woman i am with at the time even though we may not be pulling in the same direction. I will be open and tell her that i am not looking into a relationship/marriage/kids or whatever that we may not be on the same page on but still allow myself to get emotionally close.

I have to agree its quite fulfilling when i spend time with these women now doing whatever.

[Traxxus]

I see women as overgrown children as well. I have the exact same viewpoint. Being a father has taught me that children need guidance and choices made for them.

We know this is true with women as well. You don't look at your date and ask her where she wants to go. You make the decision, because your the man and she is going to follow you as the woman. We all create value this way. It is what women want, and it is what they are looking for.

Let me use another analogy. You father a child. You stick around for the first few years of the child's life. Bonding with it, loving it, raising it. Then one day 3 years into the child's life, you go away. Is that ethical? Have you lead that child thru your actions to believe that you would be there for the rest of it's life?

Relationships with women are similar. You meet a girl. You form a relationship with her. One month into it, you know your not going to be with this woman for the long haul. Yet you know that she is going to follow where you lead, and if you lead her thru your actions (not words) to the belief that it is long term. Is that ethical?

To your point.... As an adult, it is her choice to follow.

To my point.... She is an overgrown child, she is biologically programmed to follow you, so did she ever really have a choice? And if not, is it ethical to lead her forward anyway.

Ultimately, just different world views. Different cultures and backgrounds will see this in different ways, but I would not want it on my conscience. The strength of game is that, as you say, you can find out what makes you happy and the things that don't. I typically will not keep a woman around if she has any of the traits I don't like. I'm wasting my time if I do.

/Addendum: We all know women assume relationships will eventually lead to marriage. Especially if they are long term relationships. This is cultural programming from the time they are little girls. My entire argument assumes this. In a culture where women do not assume this, then ethics does not enter into it.