Focusing

[Alger]

Lately I have had other things I am focusing on where I have put little next to no effort in regards to sarging, eventhough every time I go out I wouldnt mind getting laid. Kind of like you are at work and your primary focus is to make money and sales, but wouldn't mind having sex with a coworker. However, you are not putting any effort into game because it is not that important to you at the moment. How can you focus on gaming when you are in a more passive as opposed to active mindset?

[Gamble]

The key to sarging is to actually be passive about it in my opinion. You can't go out and have your main focus being on having sex and picking girls up. Women pick up on that mindset and put you in the category that they have reserved for all the other douchebags trying to pick them up. You have to go out to have fun. Getting laid is a side effect of that and until you understand that, it will never work for you.

Women can tell a difference in your attitude when you are not solely focused on getting laid. For one it displays confidence that you don't need to try to pick up girls and two it shows that you are a fun guy to hang out with, and therefore a good mate, if only for a night or so. Women are always looking for the next best thing and if you act sex hungry, they are less likely to feed you. Just go out and have yourself a good time and you will be able to go home with whomever you choose.

[Satyr]

Just to take it a little bit further than where Gamble has taken things, I think the word 'passive' isn't necessarily the best word to use.

I think what you meant to say was outcome independent, which is crucial. When I read passive I think that you're not approaching and opening, which is a no-no. You still have to be aggressive, you just can't be focused on what the outcome of your interaction with a woman will be. You literally have to care enough to approach them (which is always the hardest part), but not care enough to allow the outcome to phase you. And, that's the delicate balance with PU.

In my experience, I've always been the most frustrated by the 'you just need to be outcome independent' advice. In my opinion, that advice is pure shit because how do you become outcome independent? It's 100% a state of mind. Have you ever noticed that when you've gotten yourself a few numbers in a night or have a nice little harem of hotties that you're rotating through at the time or you've got an LTR with a chick you dig that you're Game is so much better? You feel more comfortable, you don't really concern yourself with what happens while you're in set because you have these numbers or those other women. In this case, you have effectively put yourself in a more powerful bargaining position...in your mind, the next girl needs to show you enough value to warrant your presence because you now have options. Yeah, a little success, will beget more success.

But, how do you get that cycle started? The ONLY thing that I've found that has ever worked for me is to simply keep opening. The crucial part is that when you open, always enter with the mindset of 'OK there was a superficial reason why I'm here opening you [she's hot]...but, now that I'm here, you have to provide me with more reasons to escalate the interaction.' Obviously, you determine what those 'reason's are, but you get the idea. The way I see it, I am aggressive and open her up which then provides her with a platform to prove to me that she's worth further effort. In other words, I show her an IOI by approaching, now she needs to show me an IOI to keep me around. I show her value by being confident enough to roll up and say 'hi,' or whatever line you use, now she has to show me value as well. Too often, guys stay in set despite the fact that the girl isn't showing you any value...this is dangerous because you're only staying because you think you have a chance to nail her, which is what gets you in trouble.

If you have the mentality that you're doing them a favor by opening them and giving them a chance to prove to you that she's worthy of you, then you have effectively stripped away any dependence you have on your outcome with her. Now, she's chasing you right? You're the one in charge, the one making decisions. Focus on her displays of value instead of how you're going to escalate her into the next stage of seduction and ultimately into the sack. If a woman is interested in you, which you should see almost instantaneously, she's going to try to show you her value. If you watch for it, it's so obvious. If you see it, just continue escalating and the outcome will take care of itself (Having said that, you still have to have enough experience to lead her to the outcome you ultimately want, but that should happen naturally as you engage in the mutual value displays).

[Gamble]

You still have to be aggressive, you just can't be focused on what the outcome of your interaction with a woman will be. You literally have to care enough to approach them (which is always the hardest part), but not care enough to allow the outcome to phase you. And, that's the delicate balance with PU.

That's what I meant by it. Passive with the outcome, aggressive with the game. lol, of course you can't be passive about the whole concept of pickup, that's what an AFC does...

[Alger]

Definitely. I don't want to slump into an AFC frame. So the key is to constantly go up to girls, without thinking of an outcome, and to say anything. I think I just need to get myself into a habit of constantly talking to girls and ignoring outcome, because no matter what frame I am in it is human nature to want to get laid.

[Satyr]

Definitely. I don't want to slump into an AFC frame. So the key is to constantly go up to girls, without thinking of an outcome, and to say anything. I think I just need to get myself into a habit of constantly talking to girls and ignoring outcome, because no matter what frame I am in it is human nature to want to get laid.

True. In the beginning at least. As I got better with PU and my standards started increasing, I turned down more pussy than I actually nailed. I would never say no to getting laid by an attractive woman, it's just that my definition of attractive has changed dramatically as I've grown as PUA, and a man.

[Gamble]

I agree. I should have turned one down last week. I wouldn't have thought twice about it six months ago, but now I can tell my standards have increased because I actually feel bad for sleeping with a 7. And she won't shut up long enough for me to talk when I call her...