The Coffee Shop Guy - Ego Validation and Follow Through

[Tribulus1000]

I was sitting in a coffee shop when I saw this. A guy regularly sits outside the door and says hello to every woman he encounters - young and beautiful, old, crabby, etc. He even says hello to guys like me at times.
So many days I see him and he talks to women. Which I think is a good thing to do.

Today I saw a very hot blonde girl walk in the door. She was 5'8" or 5' 9" and was wearing a nice green outfit. She was probably an 8 or 9 on most guy's scales.

Anyway this guy did what I initially thought was a good move. He talked to this girl and made her smile.
I was just sitting there kinda watching the whole thing.

She said "You always make me feel good." Wow! An excellent sign. And I watched as he politely excused himself.

Now its important to note that this guy was really proactive, he was doing what I should have been doing at the time.
He basically was in a good mood saying hi to every woman that would talk to him.

There's only one problem with this scenario.

He didn't try to get her phone number. He didn't do much of anything besides make her feel good.

Making women feel good is an excellent thing to learn to do. Making yourself feel good is also an excellent endeavor.

These are ego validation on the part of both women and the guy. But that's all it is!

Think about it....make someone feel good about themeselves. That's basically the definition of ego validation.

What's wrong with ego validation? Nothing.

But the next question is one we should all ponder....Is ego validation gonna get you laid? Not in itself.

The next steps determine the rest of the interaction.

For example, my friend K goes out and gets a 45 second number close. He then texts the girl a few times with teasing text messages, he then calls her and runs patterns (instantaneous connection pattern) over the phone.
He then talks to her some more and finally sets up a date with her and tries to lay her on the day2. Sometimes he succeeds and sometimes he has more dates.

Compare that to the guy in the coffee shop.

See the difference?

I must confess that I was once a validation junkie. There were times when I would go to The Library in Fort Worth and on a Friday or Saturday night, I would own part of the bar.

I would approach girls and get groups going and have all kinds of social proof.
I would do the same at other venues.

But that was it.

Being a validation junkie does not make you a pickup artist. Follow through and Persistence makes you a Pickup Artist.

Approaching is the first step. Actually being a validation junkie for those first approaches is GOOD. But then you gotta take a step back and think beyond mere ego validation towards furthering the interaction and planning the actual seduction.

Ego validation is a kind of positive reinforcement. The girls feel good and you feel good. Its a feeling.
This is where the "dancing monkey syndrome" comes from.

You think "Wow! I'm getting good reactions from chicks that would normally just blow me off."

In this kind of state, your mind will not be focussed on the next steps...get the phone number or bounce her or invite her to an event, etc.

Its important to get just enough ego validation to where you can approach and then put it out of your mind and focus on the next steps.

Chew on this...comments welcome...

T

[RockStar]

this isn't ego validition trib. that was an amazing post.100% on the money.

moderator i vote this a best of forum post. anyone else?

[Scoundrel]

I just spoke to trib on the phone. I understand better what he was saying now. It's easy for guys to get stuck at some point because they are getting the ego gratification. To take the next step they have to risk rejection again. But, to reach the gold you have to keep going forward.

I am a mod now. But I can't help with adding this to the best of forum. Have to talk to Mojo about that.