aww shit I just might be cool (internal validation)
Posted: Sat Feb 23, 2008 5:47 amWhy do we all even want to get good with women? I don't know your reasons, but I know I wanted a great stable relationship with women in general, and I wanted to take a more proactive approach to my dating life. That's a surface level reason though. Let's not just stop there let's really delve deeper into this, so what is it that made me want better relationships with women? I wanted the feeling I get when a girl is attracted to me. I wanted to feel like a pimp and a badass. I wanted to be that guy that gets all the girls because I thought this would make me cool. I achieved these things through a lot of hard work and mind. What did I get out of it? Nothing... except for a realization that changed my life and that will change your life once you fully realize it for yourself.
I found that the problem with seeking all these outside things as a way to validate how I felt about myself each and every day that I became totally dependent upon things outside of myself to validate who I was. I was letting the world determine who I should be. I was chasing after ideals that are over hyped by society. Take the man who just got a new car. He saved a long time for it and really built it's value up in his mind, so when he finally gets it he feels amazing. He goes around telling all his friends and has them drive around in it with him and they also think it's really cool. It has a convertible top, and even a customized paint job with badass in tribal letters painted on the back, sexy... The man keeps on showing off his car, and is constantly calling his friends to come ride with him in it. Every time he is in the car he feels like the sexiest, coolest man alive. Over the course of a few weeks the man's friends start to become annoyed with him. All he ever wants to talk about is his car. He eventually starts to see that his friends are no longer impressed by his car. The feelings of being cool and sexy start to fade and instead become anger. The man starts thinking there's something wrong with the way the paint job looks. He thinks maybe the car isn't fast enough, but it's the fastest available. The man becomes very unhappy with life and himself all due to a car. What he fails to realize is that the car is not the problem it's himself. He is using the ever changing measure of what society feels is cool to determine what's cool to him. I think we all do this sometimes, and many of you may not even realize you are doing it, but that's alright though because you are different today. You are a changed man right now. You are now seeking only the values you fully believe to be true within yourself to achieve happiness. Instead of looking outward to the world to determine how you see yourself believe yourself the amazingly cool guy already, and let only yourself determine who you are. It is one of the most empowering things as a man to know deep within yourself that you are valuable without anything society says you should have in order to be valuable. That no matter where you are or who you are with you are a cool guy and you deserve respect. That you love yourself not because of what the world thinks of as cool, but because every day you are becoming more and more cool based on what you want for yourself, and what you think is cool. Don't be selfish and hold all this love for yourself though, spread it to others. Be so loving, but that they can't help being around you for they are drawn to you. Internally validated? You already are if only you start peeling away the layers of societal bs that won't let you be.
I'd really love to expand on this idea of internal validation as I feel it is one of the most important issues with men today, but for now this is all I have time to write. Any of you guys thoughts and constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated.
I found that the problem with seeking all these outside things as a way to validate how I felt about myself each and every day that I became totally dependent upon things outside of myself to validate who I was. I was letting the world determine who I should be. I was chasing after ideals that are over hyped by society. Take the man who just got a new car. He saved a long time for it and really built it's value up in his mind, so when he finally gets it he feels amazing. He goes around telling all his friends and has them drive around in it with him and they also think it's really cool. It has a convertible top, and even a customized paint job with badass in tribal letters painted on the back, sexy... The man keeps on showing off his car, and is constantly calling his friends to come ride with him in it. Every time he is in the car he feels like the sexiest, coolest man alive. Over the course of a few weeks the man's friends start to become annoyed with him. All he ever wants to talk about is his car. He eventually starts to see that his friends are no longer impressed by his car. The feelings of being cool and sexy start to fade and instead become anger. The man starts thinking there's something wrong with the way the paint job looks. He thinks maybe the car isn't fast enough, but it's the fastest available. The man becomes very unhappy with life and himself all due to a car. What he fails to realize is that the car is not the problem it's himself. He is using the ever changing measure of what society feels is cool to determine what's cool to him. I think we all do this sometimes, and many of you may not even realize you are doing it, but that's alright though because you are different today. You are a changed man right now. You are now seeking only the values you fully believe to be true within yourself to achieve happiness. Instead of looking outward to the world to determine how you see yourself believe yourself the amazingly cool guy already, and let only yourself determine who you are. It is one of the most empowering things as a man to know deep within yourself that you are valuable without anything society says you should have in order to be valuable. That no matter where you are or who you are with you are a cool guy and you deserve respect. That you love yourself not because of what the world thinks of as cool, but because every day you are becoming more and more cool based on what you want for yourself, and what you think is cool. Don't be selfish and hold all this love for yourself though, spread it to others. Be so loving, but that they can't help being around you for they are drawn to you. Internally validated? You already are if only you start peeling away the layers of societal bs that won't let you be.
I'd really love to expand on this idea of internal validation as I feel it is one of the most important issues with men today, but for now this is all I have time to write. Any of you guys thoughts and constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated.