Stop Doing So Much (Chance) repost from mASF
Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2008 3:31 pmStop Doing So Much (Chance) repost from mASF
One of the biggest hunks of bullshit floating through the community is that in order for a girl to like you, you have to DO something. You have to DO x,y,z to "create attraction", or else the girl can't like you.
Bull. Fucking. Shit.
The biggest realization I had over the course of the past two years is that girls can be attracted to me, and I don't have to consciously do anything to induce it. I know you're thinking, "Well, that's because you're goodlooking." No, I'm not. I average 7.5-8 on hotornot. So no, I'm not a mutant, but I'm not a model either. And I'm not tall. I'm 5'6.
I know this is hard for many of you to believe, but at your core, you are an attractive person. I believed this before I heard Juggler» say it, but I agree with him 100%.
The thing that sets back sooo many guys in the community is the belief that in order for a girl to be attracted to them, they have to consciously be DOING something all the time. They have to be cocky/funny or tell a DHV routine or do a cold read or run strawberry fields, blah blah. NO. These CAN BE helpful tools during a cold approach, so by all means, use if you think you need them.
But do as little as necessary. You might not NEED all this stuff for a girl to like you. You probably don't.
Look, the thing that has fucked up my game more than anything else is that I did shit that I didn't need to do. Let me explain it like this. Some of you may be familiar with what I'm about to allude to as "Value Calibration", but I like analogies with visual imagery:
---------------------------
Coke Bottle Theory
Think of your baseline coolness/confidence as the amount of coke in a coke bottle. Starting off, many of us probably had very little coke in the bottle. So in order for us to be enticing--to appear to be a full coke bottle-- we had to SHAKE THINGS UP. We used cocky/funny lines and negs and generally did things that were out of our comfort zones. Maybe we felt they were a little asshole-ish. We shook the bottle and our coke fizzed up to the top and made us look enticing.
However, over time, as we socialize more and more, and get more and more experience, our baseline coolness goes up. More REAL coke fills the bottle. Once you get to a point where your coke is near the top of the bottle, DON'T shake things up anymore than you need to. Once you have cool, normal body language... once you don't get very nervous around girls anymore... once you have good style... once you are a few months into a weightlifting program... once you don't take yourself very seriously anymore... once you can make good eye contact... once you can speak clearly and project loudly from your chest...once you've broken most of the habits TD outlined in his "25 Points" post...
THEN your baseline coolness is pretty high. And if you shake things up anymore, then your coke overflows out of the bottle and onto the floor. In other words, you look like a TRYHARD and NOT COOL anymore, because you were already cool before you did anything.
---------------------------
The problem for some guys (including me) is that our self-image hasn't caught up to how cool we've become in other people's eyes. It's like the guy who used to be skinny and started weightlifting. Even though people comment all the time on how buff he's gotten, he still feels skinny.
For me, I've taken care of pretty much all of the components of being a COOL, NORMAL guy. I don't creep girls out anymore. I can just BE NORMAL and girls will often sarge me. Maybe they won't COLD approach me (like in a club setting) because they are afraid, but I pretty much have girls clamoring for my attention (kinoing me, etc) in my social circles now, or places where there is some kind of shared rapport (house parties, etc). And, IMO, guys need to become BASELINE COOL before they even begin to worry about cold approaching.
If you're a fucking 40 year old computer programmer archetypical dork guy (and don't lie to yourself if you are , then fucking GET COOL, man! I really have to laugh when I watch these seduction DVD programs and the audience is filled with 40 year old, pudgy, balding guys wearing khakis with a tucked in shirt and a pocket protector.
No, Four-Eyes, asking "Are you single?" in a suspicious tone and then asking her number isn't going to work. Trust me I tried it. And I'm half your age. Lots of fake numbers. I wasn't cool. Even some of the more savvy approaches just aren't going to work very well for these guys if they don't raise their baseline coolness. IMO, cold-approaching as a guy who has a low baseline level of coolness is a verrrry slow way to go about things and potentially progress-stunting (as it's very easy for a guy like that to get discouraged and give up). Get a BASELINE level of coolness FIRST.
How to get a BASELINE LEVEL Of COOLNESS:
Guys, please take care of this stuff. I can't stress it enough. Work out. Buy cool clothes (ask people's advice if you don't know what's cool). Get comfortable around hot girls. That might sound like a tall order, but it's not. For me, I just made a deal with myself that I would be celibate for three months. WAM, girls instantly lost their power over me. And at my work, I had to interact with a few of them. I came to be comfortable around them over the course of a few weeks since they had no sexual power over me. My social calibration shot up (my coke bottle filled up more). Go out with your friends and joke around. Focus on having fun and on being expressive. More than anything this is key. I reccomend reading Juggler» for a better explanation on how to let yourself be expressive. Most guys' main problem (IMO) is that they have trouble being expressive-- saying how they FEEL about things and talking about themselves. Again, I point you guys to the Juggler» archive. He talks about all of this, and it is so fundamental IMO.
It's not that hard, but don't count on becoming cool overnight. It might require that you make some changes to your self image. For example, you have to get over the fact that cool clothes are considered "trendy" or "conformist." They are also COOL and subcommunicate that you have a sense of what's cool and what isn't. Overcome the fact that when you are expressive, you're putting yourself on the line.
For me, my main sticking point over the past couple years is that I have been doing more than I needed to do. A seduction would be rolling along just fine. I'll be doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING consciously. I'll just be shootin' the shit and being my normal, non-needy, comfortable self. And things are going well, and then suddenly I feel the urge to DO something. I feel, "I have to DO something now to amp attraction." So I'll insert some CF line, and it's like throwing a monkey-wrench into the wheels, and everything screeches to a halt. If things are going fine, don't do anything.
Guys wrongly assume that they always have to "DO" something to create attraction. Sometimes, you might. If a girl isn't into you even though you're talking to her, then maybe you need to do something. But if things are going well and the girl is giving you IOIs, then don't do anything differently. Just flow with the vibe and reciprocate and escalate when you feel it's time.
Don't make things more complicated than they need to be. If a girl is openly flirting with you and vibing and smiling and going for rapport, then don't say some CF line just because ASF or David D». says you need to in order for there to be attraction. Don't bust into a DHV routine if you can tell she likes you already. You already have enough value in her eyes, even though you didn't do anything. That can be hard to wrap your head around, I know. It was for me. Just chill out and sit back. When things are going well, let them take their course. Use as little "game" as possible.
"Once you no longer believe you're a piece of shit, PU becomes easy."
-Maxx
One of the biggest hunks of bullshit floating through the community is that in order for a girl to like you, you have to DO something. You have to DO x,y,z to "create attraction", or else the girl can't like you.
Bull. Fucking. Shit.
The biggest realization I had over the course of the past two years is that girls can be attracted to me, and I don't have to consciously do anything to induce it. I know you're thinking, "Well, that's because you're goodlooking." No, I'm not. I average 7.5-8 on hotornot. So no, I'm not a mutant, but I'm not a model either. And I'm not tall. I'm 5'6.
I know this is hard for many of you to believe, but at your core, you are an attractive person. I believed this before I heard Juggler» say it, but I agree with him 100%.
The thing that sets back sooo many guys in the community is the belief that in order for a girl to be attracted to them, they have to consciously be DOING something all the time. They have to be cocky/funny or tell a DHV routine or do a cold read or run strawberry fields, blah blah. NO. These CAN BE helpful tools during a cold approach, so by all means, use if you think you need them.
But do as little as necessary. You might not NEED all this stuff for a girl to like you. You probably don't.
Look, the thing that has fucked up my game more than anything else is that I did shit that I didn't need to do. Let me explain it like this. Some of you may be familiar with what I'm about to allude to as "Value Calibration", but I like analogies with visual imagery:
---------------------------
Coke Bottle Theory
Think of your baseline coolness/confidence as the amount of coke in a coke bottle. Starting off, many of us probably had very little coke in the bottle. So in order for us to be enticing--to appear to be a full coke bottle-- we had to SHAKE THINGS UP. We used cocky/funny lines and negs and generally did things that were out of our comfort zones. Maybe we felt they were a little asshole-ish. We shook the bottle and our coke fizzed up to the top and made us look enticing.
However, over time, as we socialize more and more, and get more and more experience, our baseline coolness goes up. More REAL coke fills the bottle. Once you get to a point where your coke is near the top of the bottle, DON'T shake things up anymore than you need to. Once you have cool, normal body language... once you don't get very nervous around girls anymore... once you have good style... once you are a few months into a weightlifting program... once you don't take yourself very seriously anymore... once you can make good eye contact... once you can speak clearly and project loudly from your chest...once you've broken most of the habits TD outlined in his "25 Points" post...
THEN your baseline coolness is pretty high. And if you shake things up anymore, then your coke overflows out of the bottle and onto the floor. In other words, you look like a TRYHARD and NOT COOL anymore, because you were already cool before you did anything.
---------------------------
The problem for some guys (including me) is that our self-image hasn't caught up to how cool we've become in other people's eyes. It's like the guy who used to be skinny and started weightlifting. Even though people comment all the time on how buff he's gotten, he still feels skinny.
For me, I've taken care of pretty much all of the components of being a COOL, NORMAL guy. I don't creep girls out anymore. I can just BE NORMAL and girls will often sarge me. Maybe they won't COLD approach me (like in a club setting) because they are afraid, but I pretty much have girls clamoring for my attention (kinoing me, etc) in my social circles now, or places where there is some kind of shared rapport (house parties, etc). And, IMO, guys need to become BASELINE COOL before they even begin to worry about cold approaching.
If you're a fucking 40 year old computer programmer archetypical dork guy (and don't lie to yourself if you are , then fucking GET COOL, man! I really have to laugh when I watch these seduction DVD programs and the audience is filled with 40 year old, pudgy, balding guys wearing khakis with a tucked in shirt and a pocket protector.
No, Four-Eyes, asking "Are you single?" in a suspicious tone and then asking her number isn't going to work. Trust me I tried it. And I'm half your age. Lots of fake numbers. I wasn't cool. Even some of the more savvy approaches just aren't going to work very well for these guys if they don't raise their baseline coolness. IMO, cold-approaching as a guy who has a low baseline level of coolness is a verrrry slow way to go about things and potentially progress-stunting (as it's very easy for a guy like that to get discouraged and give up). Get a BASELINE level of coolness FIRST.
How to get a BASELINE LEVEL Of COOLNESS:
Guys, please take care of this stuff. I can't stress it enough. Work out. Buy cool clothes (ask people's advice if you don't know what's cool). Get comfortable around hot girls. That might sound like a tall order, but it's not. For me, I just made a deal with myself that I would be celibate for three months. WAM, girls instantly lost their power over me. And at my work, I had to interact with a few of them. I came to be comfortable around them over the course of a few weeks since they had no sexual power over me. My social calibration shot up (my coke bottle filled up more). Go out with your friends and joke around. Focus on having fun and on being expressive. More than anything this is key. I reccomend reading Juggler» for a better explanation on how to let yourself be expressive. Most guys' main problem (IMO) is that they have trouble being expressive-- saying how they FEEL about things and talking about themselves. Again, I point you guys to the Juggler» archive. He talks about all of this, and it is so fundamental IMO.
It's not that hard, but don't count on becoming cool overnight. It might require that you make some changes to your self image. For example, you have to get over the fact that cool clothes are considered "trendy" or "conformist." They are also COOL and subcommunicate that you have a sense of what's cool and what isn't. Overcome the fact that when you are expressive, you're putting yourself on the line.
For me, my main sticking point over the past couple years is that I have been doing more than I needed to do. A seduction would be rolling along just fine. I'll be doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING consciously. I'll just be shootin' the shit and being my normal, non-needy, comfortable self. And things are going well, and then suddenly I feel the urge to DO something. I feel, "I have to DO something now to amp attraction." So I'll insert some CF line, and it's like throwing a monkey-wrench into the wheels, and everything screeches to a halt. If things are going fine, don't do anything.
Guys wrongly assume that they always have to "DO" something to create attraction. Sometimes, you might. If a girl isn't into you even though you're talking to her, then maybe you need to do something. But if things are going well and the girl is giving you IOIs, then don't do anything differently. Just flow with the vibe and reciprocate and escalate when you feel it's time.
Don't make things more complicated than they need to be. If a girl is openly flirting with you and vibing and smiling and going for rapport, then don't say some CF line just because ASF or David D». says you need to in order for there to be attraction. Don't bust into a DHV routine if you can tell she likes you already. You already have enough value in her eyes, even though you didn't do anything. That can be hard to wrap your head around, I know. It was for me. Just chill out and sit back. When things are going well, let them take their course. Use as little "game" as possible.
"Once you no longer believe you're a piece of shit, PU becomes easy."
-Maxx