A conversation On reactivity and Drugs
Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 3:40 amCru$H: what did u guys do that night
PHARO: what night
Cru$H: the night u were with xxxxx
PHARO: we burned a lil
Cru$H: oh arite fuck that
PHARO: yea
Cru$H: I heard your weekend warriors over there aye
PHARO: hahah yeah.who told u about that? xxxxl?
Cru$H: no your brother did. xxxx
PHARO: o lol
Cru$H: oh well. i mean its fine if u guys want to do it, but u have to understand, that u are
a competitive person, and a smart person
PHARO: yeah
Cru$H: and some of that will go away. its not the lungs part u should care about. u lose
some of ur masculinity
PHARO: hows that
Cru$H: u become less whitty. xxxxx is a good example. even at small doses. he used to be the man. like quick with words
PHARO: now what
Cru$H: now he cant get through a full sentence
PHARO: i smoke like once, twice at most a week and those stoner kids do 2 times a day.
Cru$H: im not telling u not to. im just telling u what happens
PHARO: i just do it when theres no party or anything,
Cru$H: i used to be u.like literally almost the same exact person. we have similar personalities.
PHARO: ur the man tho
Cru$H:. i stopped smoking. so. yeah man
all im saying to u guys is instead of smoking there is other shit to do
PHARO: like what man
Cru$H: like girls. Even if ur into drugs. There are other drugs to experiment with that arent addictive and legal like salvia, shrooms
PHARO: pot isnt addictive
Cru$H: yeah no i know.i didnt say it was. im saying if ur gunna destroy ur body like expand ur horizons to a certain extent. dont become a pothead
PHARO: i understand
Cru$H: u guys are like brothers to me so dont fuck shit up
PHARO: i no man but im not a pothead
Cru$H: true
PHARO: ive never done it during the school days or anything, i just do it maybe 1 or 2 on a friday or sat thats it only bc theres nothing to do man
Cru$H: look there is plenty to do. U can go to the city, go sarging in other towns, concerts, shit u like to do. Go rockclimbing skydiving, gun range, go cart racing, car shows. dont but yuno what don’t even worry about it man. i undersand where your at. At this point smoking to you is like recreation. The difference from day to day is probably slim. You don’t notice a difference in drive and motivation. But u dont have to explain. Our town, xxxxxxx is gay, plain and simple and smoking is a way to have fun
PHARO: remmeber during the summer, ur age group, xxxx and xxxx were the only fun i had
Cru$H: u should meet younger kids, and turn them into champs
PHARO: i dislike the younger xxxxxx
Cru$H: well hes obnoxious
PHARO: the both are
Cru$H: yup
PHARO: what about little xxxxx, wut do u think of him
Cru$H: i love that kid
PHARO: yeah
Cru$H: like him better than his older brother
PHARO: yeah lol
Cru$H: his other brother too
PHARO: yeah xxxx is my good friend and my best friend
Cru$H: i love those kids man because they know life and didnt go to the bad side: u and xxxx remind me of myself
PHARO: yea
Cru$H: like literally.u are the coolest kids in ur grade. u just need to realize it. i know now that i was the coolest kid in my grade after I already graduated and I barely hu with girls in my school, mostly other district girls. Look man, just like u, i was cool with 98% of the people
PHARO: yea
Cru$H: I was friends with 50% of the people, and i did everything, tried everything once, even if I was bad at it, and thats where the respect came from. Because I don’t care when I fail. I don’t get embarrassed.
PHARO: yeah I remember when u tried out for basketball after not playing for years, made the team and then just quit.
Cru$H: well u have to understand, I told the truth to everyone. people respected me even if they didnt like me. Like when I was a kid, I would lie a lot to be cooler. Suck up to kids I didn’t like. Then I realized that was idiotic behavior and starting being “real” towards the end. i made some changes in my lifestyle that made me a less happy person, but a more realistic person. And that made people angry. That suddenly I had opened my eyes to the real world. They wanted fake smiley joyful me back. People want to be lied to. It makes them feel better.but then, I became happier than I ever was because I developed “real” relationships. Don’t fake it till u make it. Undergo a real transformation.
PHARO: yea
Cru$H: like honestly, anyone who dosent like u, is someone who perceives u as a threat
PHARO: yeah i get it
Cru$H: and has similar characteristics in their self, that they don’t want to be competed with.yeah man as a matter of fact u don’t like the kid because, your threatened by him. otherwise u wouldnt have said that. U obviously don’t pity him. Think about it. we both are self confident, we know that is a trait that is attractive in business, politics, life and women and we know he is cocky
PHARO: why would i be threatened by him? i just dont like him bc hes a dick
Cru$H: right. but ur a dick and so am I to a certain extent
PHARO: like he sold a kid dirt and said it was dip for 20 bucks
Cru$H: right but u might do something like that as a joke. think about it. these characteristics are things we hate in ourselves. It def took me a while to realize it, I first heard it from David D on his advanced series I think. But to come to that realization was lifechanging, because it makes me aware of how insecure I really am.
PHARO: i see
Cru$H: but ... do u actually see?in yourself?for real?
PHARO: yeah i get what ur saying
Cru$H: are u not a dick to some kids?wouldnt u do that?
PHARO: but i dont agree that everyone i dislike is bc i think they are a threat
Cru$H: why would you? The thought itself is threatening to your psyche, and your self esteem
PHARO: idk
Cru$H: think about it man
PHARO: Also.. i would feel guilty if I did that joke and idk if i would take 20 bucks for dirt and watch a kid put it in their mouth
Cru$H: yeah but he does feel guilty too. The kid is a guilt train man. He’s obviously very insecure, you don’t even need to AMOG someone like that. They destroy themselves because they aren’t a real man. They evoke emotional reactions that don’t do anything for girls. Look why do true PUAs just not give a shit anymore, they dont care about anyone elses actions, only themselves
PHARO: yeah
Cru$H: u need to eliminate that. water those assholes and dicks down to insecure nice guysand u will feel a lot better about the world and yourself. Remember the kid who used to do the morning announcements and how he would come into class late and flirt with girls and be a dick. i own xxxxxx for one reason. i didn't REACT to his bullshit. He would say something to me, I would just simply not respond or look at him blankly until he would be swirling in his own words. His cleverness worked against him. But what I have learned is that i still do REACT to peoples bullshit on an emotional level. Subconsciously I get angry, not so much jealous anymore, but it is what makes that beta part of me exist, which is what u got to eliminate. Remember when I got in fights. getting in fights and all that is reaction. U don’t want to react u want to cause other people to react
PHARO: ur saying reaction is bad
Cru$H: your sort of getting my point. It’s more about knowing u can but not. It changed my life when maybe it was about the third fight I ever got into that landed me a spot in jail for the night. And I was sitting their thinking about how low class the dirtbag sitting next to me was. I come from a well off town… take showers. The simple stuff. thats why desensatizing yourself is good and bad.. thats why feeling pain and experiencing rejection is good
PHARO: i see
Cru$H: so u transform into this impenetrable force and eventually u are immortal if u do something to change the world and invincible, metaphorically of course. Don’t become a social robot persay, just have a story under the rough exterior.
PHARO: yea
Cru$H: i want you to be that high with me, anything below is immature, or less mature. which is why when u get in arguments with ur older brother about stupid things, when im over ur house.................. I say nothing and I leave. And when u include me in the argument, like bring me into it. I simply say to one of you lets go xxxx.dont deal with this
PHARO: i see
Cru$H: u can get me to be reactive these days,but it takes a while, and usually i wont flip out like I used to. Years of getting the shit kicked out of me from my dad and my brothers and look now a days
PHARO: yah
Cru$H: I would rarely fight someone but also im not going to pull a guido if i want to fight someone, no talking shit, just going up to them, and punch them in the face
PHARO: yea
Cru$H: and thats that
PHARO: so basically, no reaction, dont care, is what u want
Cru$H: im not expecting to totally eliminate emotion, doing that is pointless because then ur personality goes to shit. u have to develop an on and off switch
PHARO: yeah
Cru$H: lets say ur with a girl.one thats seen u over time your development and seen u show her ur emotionless. If u show less shell be like wtf happened gets curious and u slowly expose to her to your changed person
PHARO: yeah
Cru$H: and show reactivity to a certain extent. if shes like hey blah blah blah and being flaky or something, a good thing to say is wait....actually, u know what never mind(almost implying shes not worth it.)shes like what
PHARO: haha
Cru$H: u have something to say ( but u turned the switch off) and you know what your capable of saying or could say. it makes u happy, that u can control urself and not say it, that u can control urself in general, and turn the anger, hate, spite, jealousy off, that u can control urself and not care when shes flaky. Just back off, no reaction go do ur own thing. get it?
PHARO: yeah
Cru$H: yeah man the new me wants to go back to the old me and punch the old me in the face but at the same time the new me is like yuno what u are content u are confident u love yourself
PHARO: yea
Cru$H: dont let the old self back and ull be good. have a STORY.not a chapter. I know that if they wrote a movie about my life it would be one fucking awesome movie
PHARO: haha
Cru$H: and if u shot me today a lot of people would be at my funeral weeping their eyes out. a lot of broken hearts. a lot of guys that are saying. jesus christ Cru$h was crazy, wait was he really an asshole, or was he just telling me the truth?
PHARO: haha
Cru$H: im suprised he didnt die before he turned 18
PHARO: hhha yeah
Cru$H: a lot of police including officer xxxxx would be there.
PHARO: ahha true
Cru$H: yeah man. so now its up to u
PHARO: ill try. i just gota remember. about the switch
Cru$H: yeah man. And forget smoking. u dont want to be permanantly unreactive. u want to be able turn it on and off. think about it man. ur better than that. ur too good for that. i know its tempting because all ur less successful and competitive friends are doing it.
PHARO: yeah
Cru$H: but think about losing a hot girl to some idiot who dosent know anything because u were too stoned to talk to her, every time u get high. When u smoke she knows there is nothing behind that unreactivity besides dead brain cells
PHARO: lolol
Cru$H: wheres there could be a lot of stories, that ur just hiding
PHARO: what night
Cru$H: the night u were with xxxxx
PHARO: we burned a lil
Cru$H: oh arite fuck that
PHARO: yea
Cru$H: I heard your weekend warriors over there aye
PHARO: hahah yeah.who told u about that? xxxxl?
Cru$H: no your brother did. xxxx
PHARO: o lol
Cru$H: oh well. i mean its fine if u guys want to do it, but u have to understand, that u are
a competitive person, and a smart person
PHARO: yeah
Cru$H: and some of that will go away. its not the lungs part u should care about. u lose
some of ur masculinity
PHARO: hows that
Cru$H: u become less whitty. xxxxx is a good example. even at small doses. he used to be the man. like quick with words
PHARO: now what
Cru$H: now he cant get through a full sentence
PHARO: i smoke like once, twice at most a week and those stoner kids do 2 times a day.
Cru$H: im not telling u not to. im just telling u what happens
PHARO: i just do it when theres no party or anything,
Cru$H: i used to be u.like literally almost the same exact person. we have similar personalities.
PHARO: ur the man tho
Cru$H:. i stopped smoking. so. yeah man
all im saying to u guys is instead of smoking there is other shit to do
PHARO: like what man
Cru$H: like girls. Even if ur into drugs. There are other drugs to experiment with that arent addictive and legal like salvia, shrooms
PHARO: pot isnt addictive
Cru$H: yeah no i know.i didnt say it was. im saying if ur gunna destroy ur body like expand ur horizons to a certain extent. dont become a pothead
PHARO: i understand
Cru$H: u guys are like brothers to me so dont fuck shit up
PHARO: i no man but im not a pothead
Cru$H: true
PHARO: ive never done it during the school days or anything, i just do it maybe 1 or 2 on a friday or sat thats it only bc theres nothing to do man
Cru$H: look there is plenty to do. U can go to the city, go sarging in other towns, concerts, shit u like to do. Go rockclimbing skydiving, gun range, go cart racing, car shows. dont but yuno what don’t even worry about it man. i undersand where your at. At this point smoking to you is like recreation. The difference from day to day is probably slim. You don’t notice a difference in drive and motivation. But u dont have to explain. Our town, xxxxxxx is gay, plain and simple and smoking is a way to have fun
PHARO: remmeber during the summer, ur age group, xxxx and xxxx were the only fun i had
Cru$H: u should meet younger kids, and turn them into champs
PHARO: i dislike the younger xxxxxx
Cru$H: well hes obnoxious
PHARO: the both are
Cru$H: yup
PHARO: what about little xxxxx, wut do u think of him
Cru$H: i love that kid
PHARO: yeah
Cru$H: like him better than his older brother
PHARO: yeah lol
Cru$H: his other brother too
PHARO: yeah xxxx is my good friend and my best friend
Cru$H: i love those kids man because they know life and didnt go to the bad side: u and xxxx remind me of myself
PHARO: yea
Cru$H: like literally.u are the coolest kids in ur grade. u just need to realize it. i know now that i was the coolest kid in my grade after I already graduated and I barely hu with girls in my school, mostly other district girls. Look man, just like u, i was cool with 98% of the people
PHARO: yea
Cru$H: I was friends with 50% of the people, and i did everything, tried everything once, even if I was bad at it, and thats where the respect came from. Because I don’t care when I fail. I don’t get embarrassed.
PHARO: yeah I remember when u tried out for basketball after not playing for years, made the team and then just quit.
Cru$H: well u have to understand, I told the truth to everyone. people respected me even if they didnt like me. Like when I was a kid, I would lie a lot to be cooler. Suck up to kids I didn’t like. Then I realized that was idiotic behavior and starting being “real” towards the end. i made some changes in my lifestyle that made me a less happy person, but a more realistic person. And that made people angry. That suddenly I had opened my eyes to the real world. They wanted fake smiley joyful me back. People want to be lied to. It makes them feel better.but then, I became happier than I ever was because I developed “real” relationships. Don’t fake it till u make it. Undergo a real transformation.
PHARO: yea
Cru$H: like honestly, anyone who dosent like u, is someone who perceives u as a threat
PHARO: yeah i get it
Cru$H: and has similar characteristics in their self, that they don’t want to be competed with.yeah man as a matter of fact u don’t like the kid because, your threatened by him. otherwise u wouldnt have said that. U obviously don’t pity him. Think about it. we both are self confident, we know that is a trait that is attractive in business, politics, life and women and we know he is cocky
PHARO: why would i be threatened by him? i just dont like him bc hes a dick
Cru$H: right. but ur a dick and so am I to a certain extent
PHARO: like he sold a kid dirt and said it was dip for 20 bucks
Cru$H: right but u might do something like that as a joke. think about it. these characteristics are things we hate in ourselves. It def took me a while to realize it, I first heard it from David D on his advanced series I think. But to come to that realization was lifechanging, because it makes me aware of how insecure I really am.
PHARO: i see
Cru$H: but ... do u actually see?in yourself?for real?
PHARO: yeah i get what ur saying
Cru$H: are u not a dick to some kids?wouldnt u do that?
PHARO: but i dont agree that everyone i dislike is bc i think they are a threat
Cru$H: why would you? The thought itself is threatening to your psyche, and your self esteem
PHARO: idk
Cru$H: think about it man
PHARO: Also.. i would feel guilty if I did that joke and idk if i would take 20 bucks for dirt and watch a kid put it in their mouth
Cru$H: yeah but he does feel guilty too. The kid is a guilt train man. He’s obviously very insecure, you don’t even need to AMOG someone like that. They destroy themselves because they aren’t a real man. They evoke emotional reactions that don’t do anything for girls. Look why do true PUAs just not give a shit anymore, they dont care about anyone elses actions, only themselves
PHARO: yeah
Cru$H: u need to eliminate that. water those assholes and dicks down to insecure nice guysand u will feel a lot better about the world and yourself. Remember the kid who used to do the morning announcements and how he would come into class late and flirt with girls and be a dick. i own xxxxxx for one reason. i didn't REACT to his bullshit. He would say something to me, I would just simply not respond or look at him blankly until he would be swirling in his own words. His cleverness worked against him. But what I have learned is that i still do REACT to peoples bullshit on an emotional level. Subconsciously I get angry, not so much jealous anymore, but it is what makes that beta part of me exist, which is what u got to eliminate. Remember when I got in fights. getting in fights and all that is reaction. U don’t want to react u want to cause other people to react
PHARO: ur saying reaction is bad
Cru$H: your sort of getting my point. It’s more about knowing u can but not. It changed my life when maybe it was about the third fight I ever got into that landed me a spot in jail for the night. And I was sitting their thinking about how low class the dirtbag sitting next to me was. I come from a well off town… take showers. The simple stuff. thats why desensatizing yourself is good and bad.. thats why feeling pain and experiencing rejection is good
PHARO: i see
Cru$H: so u transform into this impenetrable force and eventually u are immortal if u do something to change the world and invincible, metaphorically of course. Don’t become a social robot persay, just have a story under the rough exterior.
PHARO: yea
Cru$H: i want you to be that high with me, anything below is immature, or less mature. which is why when u get in arguments with ur older brother about stupid things, when im over ur house.................. I say nothing and I leave. And when u include me in the argument, like bring me into it. I simply say to one of you lets go xxxx.dont deal with this
PHARO: i see
Cru$H: u can get me to be reactive these days,but it takes a while, and usually i wont flip out like I used to. Years of getting the shit kicked out of me from my dad and my brothers and look now a days
PHARO: yah
Cru$H: I would rarely fight someone but also im not going to pull a guido if i want to fight someone, no talking shit, just going up to them, and punch them in the face
PHARO: yea
Cru$H: and thats that
PHARO: so basically, no reaction, dont care, is what u want
Cru$H: im not expecting to totally eliminate emotion, doing that is pointless because then ur personality goes to shit. u have to develop an on and off switch
PHARO: yeah
Cru$H: lets say ur with a girl.one thats seen u over time your development and seen u show her ur emotionless. If u show less shell be like wtf happened gets curious and u slowly expose to her to your changed person
PHARO: yeah
Cru$H: and show reactivity to a certain extent. if shes like hey blah blah blah and being flaky or something, a good thing to say is wait....actually, u know what never mind(almost implying shes not worth it.)shes like what
PHARO: haha
Cru$H: u have something to say ( but u turned the switch off) and you know what your capable of saying or could say. it makes u happy, that u can control urself and not say it, that u can control urself in general, and turn the anger, hate, spite, jealousy off, that u can control urself and not care when shes flaky. Just back off, no reaction go do ur own thing. get it?
PHARO: yeah
Cru$H: yeah man the new me wants to go back to the old me and punch the old me in the face but at the same time the new me is like yuno what u are content u are confident u love yourself
PHARO: yea
Cru$H: dont let the old self back and ull be good. have a STORY.not a chapter. I know that if they wrote a movie about my life it would be one fucking awesome movie
PHARO: haha
Cru$H: and if u shot me today a lot of people would be at my funeral weeping their eyes out. a lot of broken hearts. a lot of guys that are saying. jesus christ Cru$h was crazy, wait was he really an asshole, or was he just telling me the truth?
PHARO: haha
Cru$H: im suprised he didnt die before he turned 18
PHARO: hhha yeah
Cru$H: a lot of police including officer xxxxx would be there.
PHARO: ahha true
Cru$H: yeah man. so now its up to u
PHARO: ill try. i just gota remember. about the switch
Cru$H: yeah man. And forget smoking. u dont want to be permanantly unreactive. u want to be able turn it on and off. think about it man. ur better than that. ur too good for that. i know its tempting because all ur less successful and competitive friends are doing it.
PHARO: yeah
Cru$H: but think about losing a hot girl to some idiot who dosent know anything because u were too stoned to talk to her, every time u get high. When u smoke she knows there is nothing behind that unreactivity besides dead brain cells
PHARO: lolol
Cru$H: wheres there could be a lot of stories, that ur just hiding