Dallas PUA

This marks my first post on this forum. I've been actively training to become a PUA for about 2 months now and have made amazing progress to date. I am fully aware of many of my SPs and have been actively trying to get around them. But, lately it's come to my attention that I'm too cocky or at least that's how some sets are perceiving me. Obviously, in the world of pick up their perception is my reality, as such I need to figure out a way of coming across as less cocky.

This last week, one of my wings was the first to point this out to me. Since he told me this while we were sarging in the burbs, I initially thought it was an issue of calibrating my game based on the venue and sets...I've noticed that the further away you get from the city the less responsive girls are to negging, cocky/funny, and indifference. So, sarging in the burbs or approaching lessor targets means that you have to tone down the confidence and create more of an aura of a secure, fun loving guy. Because of this I sort of wrote-off my wings suggestion as my inability to properly calibrate given my environment. However, last night I ran into the same type of thing. I actually heard it with my own ears as my target was talking to her friend about me and the target said I was cocky but that she liked me anyway. A different target said something along the lines of I'm little cocky but that's a little hot. Interestingly enough, I number closed both of them. Once I left the bar, I called up a different chica for a late night booty call and asked her if she thought I was cocky (of course I only asked after I got laid), her response? Yes, but you're funny enough for it to not be too abrasive.

So, here are my questions for the community: does anyone else have the same problem with being perceived as cocky? If so, how did you diffuse it? Or, have you diffused it at all? Is there anything written on this subject?

I wrote this about one year ago in 2006 when I was fresh in the game. I was stuck on some of the same issues. Obviously things have moved on now but this was something I needed to get over.

http://dallaspua.com/forum/viewtopic.ph ... highlight=

Welsh_Dragon wrote:I wrote this about one year ago in 2006 when I was fresh in the game. I was stuck on some of the same issues. Obviously things have moved on now but this was something I needed to get over.

http://dallaspua.com/forum/viewtopic.ph ... highlight=

In short, I'm not calibrating myself properly to suit the sets/targets...i.e. rachet up or down my value to parallel that of the set. I think the abilit to decipher another's perceived value is only something that comes with field work...YES!!! I love being in the field.

I'd say cockiness is a reflection of your self-image (or more precisely, their estimation of your self-image). Excessive cockiness can be, but is not always a symptom of low self-esteem which comes about when someone is trying to cover up or over-compensate for some weakness. Cockiness, if done in the wrong way can convey insecurity.

I'm not generally a fan of C&F because it doesn't really fit my persona. But when I do it, I do it in a very specific way, namely I make the cockiness so far over the top, it's obvious that I'm joking. For example, "My penis is so big, it can be seen from space." I've never actually said that and I'm not sure I would recommend it but the point is that I am not trying to convince them of any positive quality about myself. But the fact that I can joke about it demonstrates that I am secure in whatever attribute I am joking about.

Here is an example I actually use, when I need an accomplishment intro for my wing and I haven't got one prepared:
Vector: "It seems no matter where I go, I always end up being the coolest person in the whole place, which is why I love hanging around this guy. Because it takes the pressure off!"
Usually, as I'm saying that i'm the coolest guy in the place, they are giving me a weird eyebrow-raised look, like, "can he really be saying that?" But by the time I finish they realize it's a joke and they are laughing.

If I were to say simply "I'm the coolest guy in the place," whether I believe it to be true or not (and even if it were actually true), I'm trying too hard to convince them that I think I'm awesome and it would backfire.

Vector wrote:I'd say cockiness is a reflection of your self-image (or more precisely, their estimation of your self-image). Excessive cockiness can be, but is not always a symptom of low self-esteem which comes about when someone is trying to cover up or over-compensate for some weakness. Cockiness, if done in the wrong way can convey insecurity.

I'm not generally a fan of C&F because it doesn't really fit my persona. But when I do it, I do it in a very specific way, namely I make the cockiness so far over the top, it's obvious that I'm joking. For example, "My penis is so big, it can be seen from space." I've never actually said that and I'm not sure I would recommend it but the point is that I am not trying to convince them of any positive quality about myself. But the fact that I can joke about it demonstrates that I am secure in whatever attribute I am joking about.

Here is an example I actually use, when I need an accomplishment intro for my wing and I haven't got one prepared:
Vector: "It seems no matter where I go, I always end up being the coolest person in the whole place, which is why I love hanging around this guy. Because it takes the pressure off!"
Usually, as I'm saying that i'm the coolest guy in the place, they are giving me a weird eyebrow-raised look, like, "can he really be saying that?" But by the time I finish they realize it's a joke and they are laughing.

If I were to say simply "I'm the coolest guy in the place," whether I believe it to be true or not (and even if it were actually true), I'm trying too hard to convince them that I think I'm awesome and it would backfire.

And this ladies and gentlemen is why I love this man.... seriously I am gonna have his babies.

Finesse wrote:And this ladies and gentlemen is why I love this man.... seriously I am gonna have his babies.

Aww, shucks.

That, and the fact that I always give a reach-around regardless of whether I'm drunk or not.

You bastard... thats our secret!

not so secret anymore! The cat is outta the bag guys! All this time I thought you were trying to pick up WOMEN.

I feel so dirty...going to take a shower

Vector wrote:I'd say cockiness is a reflection of your self-image (or more precisely, their estimation of your self-image). Excessive cockiness can be, but is not always a symptom of low self-esteem which comes about when someone is trying to cover up or over-compensate for some weakness. Cockiness, if done in the wrong way can convey insecurity.

I totally agree. If you had asked me a couple of months ago whether I was insecure with my interactions with women I would have said 'yes' without hesitation. But after being in the field, becoming more comfortable with my game, and being greeted with relatively good success of late I'd say that I'm becoming much more secure in the knowledge that if the set I'm working on it's interested the next will more than likely be. Success breeds confidence, options creates security (not in the pathetic AFC sense of security more in the "I know there are others out there" sense).

Vector wrote:I'm not generally a fan of C&F because it doesn't really fit my persona. But when I do it, I do it in a very specific way, namely I make the cockiness so far over the top, it's obvious that I'm joking. For example, "My penis is so big, it can be seen from space." I've never actually said that and I'm not sure I would recommend it but the point is that I am not trying to convince them of any positive quality about myself. But the fact that I can joke about it demonstrates that I am secure in whatever attribute I am joking about.

I'm not a huge fan of C&F either. I take more a confidently playful approach. I think that if you can be playful with women then it projects the image of confidence. For instance, I love telling my target that I want to adopt them as my little sister and build some stupid story about how I would treat her like my little sister. Then for the rest of the night tell her it wouldn't work out because she's my sister. The girl knows I'm being playful and knows I'm not really serious about her being my little sister. It's a game and the fact that I'm willing to play it with her demonstrates my ability to be fun and confident...not cocky and funny. If she plays back, then she's hooked. When I do use C&F, I'll do something exactly like what you said, huge penis can see it from space type of thing.

Still though, cocky is something that comes across on occassions with some sets. Not all, but some. And it's really the only 'negative' feedback I've gotten from my sets/targets (that and gay). The more I think about it the more I realize that any of use could be perceived this way because we are doing things in the field that most normal guys don't do...the differentiation could easily led others to believe that we're full of ourselves or cocky.

Finally, someone on another board mentioned this to me. Looks might have something to do with this as well. If a set feels like you're more attractive than them then they could label you cocky based on the pure notion that you are attractive, well dressed, have powerful body language, and are physically fit. This is the exact same way of thinking many AFCs have when they see a really attractive woman...she's automatically a bitch right? Just as a more attractive woman is a bitch to an AFC, a more attractive man is cocky to some women.