The Secret

[AFC AdamLondon]

I was teaching a student today, and something clicked, something big.

We were talking about opening sets and I suggested going into HMV to talk to girls about the DVD's they where buying. Just to get practice talking.

He then said something which I've heard many times before.

"I'm not interested in the DVD's they're looking at though"

Then it hit me.

I am.

The difference between me and this guy was that I am genuinely interested in other people. The DVD's they buy, the clothes they want, Making fun of them, making them laugh.

These are all things that interest me. I have no problem approaching because;

My fear of approach is less than my desire to interact with someone.

My students fear is higher than his desire to interact with the girls, purely because he has little desire to actually talk to this girl.

Yes he wants to fuck her, but no he doesn't want to interact with her. Think about it..

Would you want to spend anytime whatsoever with someone who showed no interest in you?

I tested it further, I asked him if he would rather go to HMV and talk to girls about DVD's or play video games in doors. Guess what his answer was. He really did favour the later. Though... he felt he "should" speak to the girl as he does want to improve.

In his own words he felt sarging was akin to doing coursework. It was something he "had" to do.

The problem is that when viewed like that, just like your coursework, you will get bad results. You'll be stuck in the game forever, never improving and wondering why.

In many way's it's "the secret" in reverse. (if you haven't read the book, or seen the DVD it may be worth it)

If you don't want it. You wont get it.

So i probed further.

Have you ever enjoyed sarging? Was there any time where it was fun?

He says yeah. Some nightclub where people swap clothes fur fun. Swaperama I beleive it's called.

At this point I realised We could use that to duplciate the situation, to make it as fun as possible.

We headed to Topshop.

Warning: Routines below.

Hold a dress up from the counter

"Is this dress my colour?"

Still he wouldn't open.

I asked him, does he want to do it? Again when we probed it came clear he didn't "want" to. He had fear... but his desire was missing as well. The prospect of meeting new girls wasn't his true desire.

Then I remembered my first set ever.

I was standing in leicester square with Catnap.

We were to play kiss bandit.

Run in front of a girl and tell her she can't pass till she kisses you.

Of course this didn't work, of course it was nuts, yes i looked like a dope.

But I ran out to do it, to prove to myself that I could. Because I wanted to get better with girls.

It was crazy, pointless. But actually it wasn't. It made me confront me fear.

It made me way up two factors.


Fear Vs Desire.

The one you want more is the one that will happen.


My question to you is....


Do you really want to get good at this?

AFC AdamLondon

[Vector]

This is right on point. Another way to say it is to get good, you have to enjoy the process. Which by the way I personally believe is required to get good at anything, whether it's music or sports or computer programming.

Yes, at times it's uncomfortable, and I keep having to get outside my comfort zone, but in general the whole process is rewarding, not just having sex with a new girl. This is what keeps me going out. Specifically 17 out of the last 25 nights (since I started keeping track).

[Welsh_Dragon]

Great thread as always Adam. Some excellent points here.

I believe there exists a common misconception in the community and it is perpetuated by the popular material, ebooks, etc.. These often de facto state that women just plain love sex. This broad claim however it is not qualified. To a woman sex is usually much more than just physical. A more accurate statement would be that women love to be turned on (and then lead to sex).

From a evolutionary perspective it seems clear to me that our brains developed in part as a weapon for courtship. What differentiates us from other potential suitors is largely communicated (on whatever level which you can control). As such you have the weapon at your disposal. Learning how to use your mind and un-learning bad habits are the keys. You are not your mind - get it under control.

In cold approach you need to quickly establish a connection. You must lay the foundation for common interests. Spark emotional investment in you. For this to work you have to be interested in people for more than just what you can get out of them.

I have a TON of material that works as I have practiced a lot and this is central to my methods. Great places to start are discussing favourite cities and travel, people watching, talking about friends and family. You get the point. Stuff you would talk to your best friend about. Yes you can go straight into this or transition easily from the opener.

Ever heard a girl say she wants her boyfriend/husband (read: sex partner) to also be her best friend?

Don't worry about LJBF. This only happens if you don't have attraction. Screen out girls that are not attracted to you and learn to read the signs (they are obvious). Don't be afraid to cut the cord.


Connection = Comfort
Attraction (screen for it)+Comfort+Escalation = SEX

PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE!!!!!!!!!!

[Blue]

adamlondon is coming back to the states... watch out, dallas.

[zine]

you are very motivational adam. I know this is my biggest sticking point right now. I have game, but many times I would rather go home and watch youtube videos than talk to chicks. This has caused me to plateu at the point I'm at right now. You are right though. The one thing that ever does drive me out of the house is just spreading my positive and giving vibe to others like the people I've learned from did for me.

Man I g2g spread some love to those chicks in the nursing department.
lataz

[AFC AdamLondon]

Heya Zine,

Cheers for the props.

Hopefully I'll be seeing you next week!

I'm looking forward to seeing everyone out there.



Adam,

[Check_Mate]

I have game, but many times I would rather go home and watch youtube videos than talk to chicks.

That reminded me of one time when I was in Jr high and there was this one chick that my cousin was trying to hook me up with and when he came to call me to go talk to her (It was a kiss close guaranteed now that i can look back and see the picture clearly) I was in the middle of playing soccer with some friends and passed up on the opportunity.

I think the main factor here is that people tend to want to stay into whatever state is more comfortable to them. And going talk to girls was not something I was good at. Playing soccer was.
tsc tsc
Damn those AFC genes