Dallas PUA

In my AFC days, I was a nice guy. I'm a nice guy now, but I have a different idea about what that means today. Back then, I did things for people. I was a guy you could count on if you needed someone to help you move. I would get there early and work my ass off. And when it was all done, I would feel uncomfortable if you offered to buy me dinner. I felt uncomfortable if people made any investment in me. I thought being a nice guy meant not accepting value from other people. Plus, I could do things for myself. I was an independent person. Even with an armload of groceries, I could still push my own elevator button. There was no need to hold the door open for me. I'm a man; I can open a door.

This is a matter of perspective. A high value guy should have value to spare. Why would he want, or need, anyone to invest value in him?

On the other hand, people want to do things for high value people. Interestingly, that gives that person even higher value. The rich get richer, and they should not apologize for it.

So, I am making a little tweak to my personality. I am throwing out small hoops here and there. For example, if I get in an elevator and there is already someone in it, I will say, "will you push 7 for me?" It doesn't matter if I can push it myself. It's a small enough hoop that nobody would decline my request. If someone is going to the store, I might say, "hey, pick me up some M&Ms." It is particularly important with women. I took a girl to a concert at Fair Park where we had lawn seats. I dumped a blanket in her arms and said, "here, you can carry the blanket." In my AFC days, I would try to carry eveything myself because I thought that's what I was supposed to do.

I am asking people to make a personal investment in me -- a compliance investment. Think about the value of a stock. Say XYZ is worth $100/share. But if you buy a share, it's worth $100 TO YOU. The value becomes personal.

I also try to do this when opening women. Not in a needy way, mind you. I don't say, "I need you to do me a favor." I say, "hey, you guys can settle this for us." A great opener is, "can you take my picture?" Throw out a small hoop, frame it like they're making a compliance investment in you, and they'll hook more easily. When in a relationship, have the woman make compliance investments once in a while. Women do this to men all the time. When a woman has a guy running errands all the time and supplicating to her, she has him giving value to her. Turn the tables. It allows them feel like they'll lose something if they walk away from the relationship. Women need to feel that. They want to feel invested in the relationship.

I know this seems like a pretty minor detail, or even common sense to some of you. But AFC habits bury themselves pretty deep in some of us. This is a pretty significant change for me.

Awesome. I was a nice guy too, many moons ago. It's a mistake to go to extremes and become an asshole, which just shows weakness and turns people off. Little, subtle ways of showing your value, like the ones you mention here, make a big difference. And habits accumulate over time. Like compounded interest.

I've always been a jackass.

Anywho, this is a good point. If I recall correctly there is a cognative bias that applies to this situation. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_cognitive_biases (this is an enormously helpful PUA resource IMO)

People who have invested in something, subconiously interest in the outcome. If a girl invests her time/money/energy into a relationship, she is going to be emotional vested in it. This is one reason why AFCs fall into oneinuts, they continaully dump more and more effort into the object of their affection, making their condition worse and worse.

Of course, it is good to invest in other people as well.

i totally agree with you rhody, im glad you made this realization. and brought it up. I have never really thought about why i ask people to pick me up 2 tacos if they are going to jack in the crack, i just do. Thank you for explaining it to me.

Good link, WF.

Right on, this is good stuff. Great observation and a great way to put it into practice without being the self-important asshole. It's a good balance.