Settling

[Guest]

Last night I took a girl home, went to bed with her, but did not sleep with her. I didn't kiss her, didn't do anything, just cuddled. I am 100% certain that I could have slept with her but I didn't even try. The reason why I didn't have sex with her is that I'm not particularly attracted to her. I my mind, I feel that I could do better.

I've been on both sides of the coin. There have been time where I've settled, and gone for the girl I wasn't particularly interested in, just because it was the easy thing to do. Then there have been times where I've let girls who were willing slip through my fingers because they weren't my type. Everytime this happens I wonder if I should have gone for it.

There are also times, for instance, when I've gone after one girl, but as it turns out, her less attractive friend is into me/throwing herself at me. In these situations I rationalize it by telling myself it's wise to not sleep with her if I ever want to have a shot at the attractive friend.

But sometimes I wonder if this whole idea of not settling for girl who doesn't totally meet my standards is just a limiting belief and something I do to myself to not have to pull the trigger.

[Guest]

I recently picked up a current copy of Psychology Today. In it, an article was written about the 6 clues to character. I found a quote that stuck with me in the section regarding intelligence:

"Make sure a person knows the difference between how he feels about something and what he thinks about it. Confusing feeling and reason is a huge problem."

I totally agree with the above statement. Too often we are blindsided by our urge to act on a feeling. Sometimes its just better to wack off than anhihilate your opportunity for social expansion.

Dont tell yourself you FEEL you can do better. KNOW you can do better. This way you can justify spending time with a girl that may not par up completely to your standards and actually learn something. Sometimes you have to tell these girls something that will help them understand what their role will be, such as "I am not in a position to be in a relationship with anyone right now. If youre ok with that, then we can be friends." When you end up sleeping with this chic you will have leverage. Its valuable to get to know a person and find out how you can implement them into your life.

Recently, an ex-girlfriend was venting frustrations about this to me. She was sleeping with a guy that made it clear that he wasnt interested in a relationship right now. She knew he was probably fucking other chics because she saw he was checking into places on facebook with other women. Yet she still fucked him. This guy has also slept with 3 of her best friends! He lives with his ex girlfriend who he is most likely also banging and more than likely banging some of the ex girlfriends friends as well. Imagine all of the other chics he is banging from all the different social circles. He gives value to the women and is upfront and clear about his intentions. He is rewarded with sex. He is unobtainable. Now I know this girlfriend of mine is pissed off because she began to get feelings and the guy pulled back. I also know that the door is open for him to fuck whenever he wants.

Because he knows what he wants, he gets what he want

Ive been incorporating this same shit recently and it is working well for me. I'm am truly not interested in getting into a relationship thou.
Ive found that girls are [U]really fucking dirty[/U] and will be open to alot of freaky shit when the relationship title is not a question. They get to expose their internal sluttiness. Its such a fucking beautiful thing.

The key is to know what you want.

Most men end up in relationships with women from the confines of their immediate social circle. The women who dont "par up" should become friends, not fuck 'em once and next 'em. I think its impossible to become fuck buddies without someone getting jealous or hurt eventually. But that doesnt exclude the possibility of sex happening and she will never totally ex you out of her life if you occasionally had sex but were totally friends.
Become friends with them and integrate yourself into their social circle if possible. There may be the girl who [U]does[/U] "par up" to your standards located in her circle of friends.

[Guest]

A man of value does not settle. He does not engage other women that he knows to be less than the quality he needs from a woman. This is the goal. This is how all of us should try to act.

Unfortunately, life is never lived in a vacuum. Sometimes, things happen in your life that cause you to take on or engage in a relationship with someone for a lot of reasons. Sometimes, you're lonely. Sometimes, you need someone to pass the time with. Sometimes, you just want to have access to regular sex. Sometimes, she fulfills certain things that you need in your life at that time. There's a million reasons why a man may settle.

The key is to not settle forever. And, that's the hard part. Because, once you start to engage someone in a relationship, or whatever, you tend to grow comfortable with them. You don't want to go through the trouble of ending it and things are fine, not great, so you just stay around.

As much as I would normally say that women cannot offer me much more than their beauty, feminine support, and sex. I can see how you can utilize them as friends to put yourself in a great position to score women of higher value. So, I do agree with Carnal about using them as pivots.

The truth is that when it comes down to it though. If a girl is not up to par then you have to next her and move on. Don't fuck her. Don't lead her on. Don't be careless with her heart. Don't waste your time. There is much more virtue in being alone but holding onto your integrity and values than in settling for someone that is not up to your standards.

I've just cut a girl loose that was not up to my standards (other circumstances forced my hand and blunted the impact of the break-up). I knew this from the first time we met. But, I engaged her anyways. And, the truth is that I know that she was hurt by how things turned out between us. I knew this was going to happen. I knew I was going to end up hurting her. And, I feel so awful about what I did. I used her for some companionship while I delt with some shit in my life. People deserve better. It's not fair for a stronger, higher value person to use a weaker, lower value person for their own personal gain. She served a purpose for me. She did nothing wrong and I cut her down at the knees. I hate when a woman cries...truly I do.

It's really a battle against the feeling of being alone and yearning for intimacy and sex. Sometimes, you're just going to have to walk through life alone. Better that than settle and sell out...you deserve better. Better that than hurt people out of conveinence and selfishness...they deserve better.

Don't settle. You're human so you will, but fight it every step of the way.

[Guest]

Given the circumstance you describe Fuzz, I see nothing wrong with having sex with that girl. She knew damn well what she was doing, and it is all too possible she was using you. If you meet a girl out and the first time you meet her you sleep with her, that is not using her at all. She is just as much using you as you are her.

As far as settling goes I will always advise against it. After you have enough notches in your bed post there is really zero reason why you should be taking uggs back to your house. In fact I can't find a reason why you should even engage an ugg in the first place.

You are on a ramp that has the slightest incline to it. You should constantly be making your way up that ramp. On occasion you hit a dry spell or whatever maybe you take just a slight backward dance down that slope but it should be rare.

Never Settle...

[Guest]

The problem with this scenario and thinking is I think if you equate settling to the situation you're viewing the woman as an object that doesn't meet your standards.

I've had some AMAZING women... and I mean amazing. And then I've had some women that paled in comparison to the awesomeness and weren't exactly what I wanted. But, when I got good.. and something I noticed from most of the good PUAs is they like to have a good time and enjoy the experience. They find varieties of beauty in all different colors, shapes, and sizes. It's also usually a continuous ego boost.

You should always add value and bring fun. When I was coaching I always tried to encourage students to go for the close. Even if she wasn't their dream girl. The definition of one-itis really isn't understood until you see the value of momentum and value gained in each of your experiences.

Give yourself permission to have fun and go for it. Don't worry about the details that's when you will find the one. I can't say everything I did, but I was on one hell of a run that closed out almost as many women as there where days in the month when I met my wife while teaching a boot camp. I had started going after the experience and my options where endless until Mrs. Perfect actually did show up and shock the living hell out of me.

Go get it.. good luck!