Attraction while Dating

[Guest]

I've noticed that my more succesful relationships stayed successful when I remained a "challenge". By challenge I mean......not totally open up and expose all of my feelings, didn't share emotions, always had something else to do besides spend my free time with her, always had something that was the focus of my life instead of her, and rarely showed much sympathy towards her feelings and our relationship. Attraction stayed strong throughout the relationship and the girl was always trying her best to draw me closer. I pretty much played all my cards close to my chest if you will. Looking back at it, life was pretty much about me......nobody else really mattered.

Then when you finally give in and expose yourself the attraction starts to diminish and she no longer gives you the best blowjobs you've ever had! :D You show some disinterest and like she doesn't matter and her little light bulb pops on and she's trying to draw you close again.

I'm not willing to play mind games like this back and forth but it seems like this is what some women want. All these silly hookers like some sort of drama and maybe this is how they feed that desire.

Just wanting some feed back from some of you who have been there and had similar thoughts?

I have tested and firmly believe that the one who cares least about the relationship always has the most power. Must a guy remain a "challenge" for the entire relationship?

[Guest]

Interesting. I can relate my own opinions and experiences. I think this goes to show that everyone is different, but that's cool. I think it's great that you're figuring out what works for you in relationships and am excited that you're finding more and more success.


[QUOTE=UncleHOwie;37313]I've noticed that my more succesful relationships stayed successful when I remained a "challenge". [/QUOTE]

I agree, in a broader sense. I'd like to play a semantics game with this one, please bear with me. I don't think of it as being a challenge. It's not something you actively DO. Instead, I like to think of it as not being a pushover, and not being needy. It's something you actively DON'T do. Be yourself, don't try to be anything else. And don't let any woman, or anyone for that matter, manipulate you no matter what.

[QUOTE=UncleHOwie;37313]
By challenge I mean......not totally open up and expose all of my feelings, didn't share emotions...[/QUOTE]

I respectfully disagree, from my own experiences, but this is where everyone's different. Any relationship where you can't open up and can't be yourself is a shit relationship. Personally, I demand the right to be myself. I want nothing to do with a woman, except pussy, if I can't open up to her. I sure as hell don't need her cooking. That's what we've got fast food for.

[QUOTE=UncleHOwie;37313]
...always had something else to do besides spend my free time with her, always had something that was the focus of my life instead of her, [/QUOTE]

I agree with this, but why is that a game? You actually DO have these things, I bet. Who doesn't have things going on? No, so that's not the quesiton.

And it's not really a question of priorities either...again I think it comes back to what you DON'T accept as opposed to what you TRY to do. If you're bending over backward, then you have a problem. You're probably being manipulated. And nobody will respect that. On the other hand, if you're actively TRYING to not spend free time with her when you actually would like to, then you're being manipulative. And that's not cool.

[QUOTE=UncleHOwie;37313]

and rarely showed much sympathy towards her feelings and our relationship. [/QUOTE]

Disagree wholeheartedly. In fact, I will tell you from the other side where the grass ain't greener - I have lost relationships because I have not acted, but actually BEEN "unsympathetic toward her feelings and our relationship..." I mean, it drives the girl somewhat psycho, and then she will leave you unless she has no self esteem at all. You CAN NOT maintain a meaningful relationship without real communication and real empathy.


[QUOTE=UncleHOwie;37313]
Attraction stayed strong throughout the relationship and the girl was always trying her best to draw me closer. I pretty much played all my cards close to my chest if you will. [B]Looking back at it, life rwas pretty much about me......nobody else really mattered.[/B]

Then when you finally give in and expose yourself the attraction starts to diminish and she no longer gives you the best blowjobs you've ever had! :D You show some disinterest and like she doesn't matter and her little light bulb pops on and she's trying to draw you close again. [/QUOTE]

I really feel that my own life experiences run totally counter to this. Where I have fucked up relationships has nearly always been because I have been selfish and not realized that there is another fucking person in the relationship besides me. That said, I guess maybe it's all about balance in the end. And where I prefer to draw the line is not being a pushover, and not being needy. Then, just act out of your own intentions. That's the path of the confident man.

[Guest]

" [I][U]I guess maybe it's all about balance in the end. And where I prefer to draw the line is not being a pushover, and not being needy. Then, just act out of your own intentions. That's the path of the confident man[/U][/I]
[I][/I]
I agree....perhaps they weren't the right girls anyways! I don't wish to be someone I'm not just to keep some girl attracted.

[Guest]

[QUOTE=UncleHOwie;37313]I'm not willing to play mind games like this back and forth but it seems like this is what some women want. All these silly hookers like some sort of drama and maybe this is how they feed that desire.[/QUOTE]

I agree with what a lot of what you said. I know for a fact the amount emotional availability and openness I tend to give up too early in a relationship kills attraction. Conversely if it is something they want from you but just can't have right away, they seem to stay interested. And yes it seems like women need some amount of drama or turbulance. I like the way it was phrased "just not being a pushover". I hate the idea of this being some kind of mind game or manipulation because if she sees you the way you really are she will lose interest. The best way for me to think about it is pacing myself.

[Guest]

I used to blame me for my divorce. Then, I realized while talking to another guy after a Rangers game in the parking lot, something like 90% of divorces are initiated by the woman. And from what I've seen since my divorce, most of the married women who aren't divorced are sleeping around with other men...because they aren't happy.

I honestly don't think it's possible to keep a woman happy for life. It can't be done.

Men of today's generation are dealing with so much more shit than our fathers & grandfathers dealt with. Cell phones, male coworkers, Facebook & gmail accounts.

Being sexually attractive to women is a game, if it wasn't, then none of us would be here. Uncle. I think your initial thoughts in this thread were on track. Women have a thousand different negative labels they throw at us, and SELFISH asshole is THE number one place they start to dig in with guilt...so that they can manipulate you and then lose all remaining attraction for you.

[Guest]

It all depends on the type of relationship you are wanting to get out of it all. Are you going for marriage or a good time without the final push being marriage?

My experiences have all been with a relationship ending in marriage, so that's the only platform I can speak from experience on. However, the other platform doesn't seem foreign to me.

One thing I know for sure is, you can't have a macro relationship if you're always micro managing it.