Large Group - Need Advice

[Guest]

Hey guys, Im in need of advice.

So last night, I went out with the local singles group. 3 men, about 7 women. None of us really know each other really well, but I've been out with this particular group a few times. We all went to a local steak house and we do a bunch of small talk and then conversation goes KA-PUT! And stays idle uncomfortably long.

So I decide to try an opener. I go with 5 oceans, and all the way around the table, including everyone. My target was a quite 20 something sitting next to me, but I'm just trying to do the alpha thing and hold court. I try to transition to zodiac after oceans, but the conversation thread gets cut by one of my obstacles (another guy) and Im back to square one. The conversation dies again a few minutes later. These guys are AFCs. I try another opener, this time a personal one tied to a story, get the thread cut again right after the opener, rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat!

Any ideas on this? I know the long term solution is to try and relate the new thread to a personal story or share a related experience. However, it's really challenging to recognize those transitions for me. I suppose another solution would be to start a side conversation, but with a 10 person group, the main conversation still pulls at your target.

[Guest]

A thread cut isn't usually a bad thing. It is an opportunity to to roll into new things to talk without you having to bring it up, you just want to make sure it remains a pleasant conversation.

To be honest with you though... I have never experienced a group of 10 being deadly silent, especially with 7 women in it. Usually they'll have something to talk about.

What I would do if you go again and it happens invite others along to find "more adventurous" avenues, (read go with a backup plan that you can invite others to) and invite others and then excuse yourself. If they come, great, if not oh well... and if not all show up, they were probably the less adventurous ones anyway.

If the group has any plans to ever become a happening group it, or at least some of the members, will be up for more lively entertainment. If they aren't is that really a singles group you want to be a part of?

That's what I would do... life's to short to wait around for the fuddy duddies. Come up with something and invite the others. It helps if it's something you really enjoy doing too.

[Guest]

Holy shit who cares about all 10 of the people.

The target is next to you. Just start talking with her.

Maintaining the attention of 10 people is solely for speakers and preachers.

[Guest]

[QUOTE=playercool;36444]Holy shit who cares about all 10 of the people.

The target is next to you. Just start talking with her.

Maintaining the attention of 10 people is solely for speakers and preachers.[/QUOTE].

This.

Since this is a local singles group these women aren't friends in real life. No need to try and win all the friends over, you can go right to your target.

[Guest]

Yeah I'm thinking what the other two said. You most likely impressed this girl by your attempts at starting the conversation with the group. You can't help it if they are lame. In the past when I've been in this situation I just started my own side conversation and tried to control the positioning of our bodies to isolate the conversation as best I could so outside influences would have less of an impact. Not much of a problem tho.

[Guest]

If you don't have a microphone or a gun, then you're most likely not going to be able to capture the attention of more than 3 people. Most sets start breaking up once you get 5 or more people in the group. A 5 set will break into a 3 and 2 set, a 6 set will break into a 2 and 4 set or a 3 and 3 set, etc.

So, trying to run a 10 set is straight up foolish. You're simply not going to be able to keep everyone's attention at all times. Your job needs to be one in which you try to start up the conversation, then you change your focus to those that are engaged. And leave the ones that are not to their own devices. That's how a conversation typically works with larger groups.

The way I like to think about it is that I'm the epicenter of the group: I'm the center of the world and I have a 1 set sitting on my right adjacent to me, a 3 set to my left, and a 4 set in front of me. I usually lump people together based on their demeanor or whatever I can sense is a commonality amongst them (i.e. are they old, fat, women, men, etc.).

When you carve it up like that, you'll find that you're not running one huge 10 set but instead running multiple, smaller sets that afford you the opportunity to jump in and out of whatever conversation you wish to be in at the time. Think of yourself as the conductor and they're your instruments in your orchestra. Play them, engage them when it's right, eject and then re-enter sets as the evening goes on. Isolate your target, then eject to another group, bring her in the new conversation, then isolate her again, then eject and leave her to her own devices for a bit, then re-engage. Set the frame that these are your people, your guests, and that your sole attention cannot be on her, but you'll make an effort from time to time to 'check in on her.' Set the frame that your time is demanded and scarce, but you'll make some effort for her. You just crafted value where there may not have been...she'll see you working the room and that is some panty dropping shit right there.

That's how I manage large groups.

But, the best advice really is to not let yourself get put in this position. Instead of dinner, try to set up something that's a little more dynamic and a little less formal. Meet at a bar and get a side room that has a pool table and darts or something instead. A place like Fox and Hound. Get people moving around and interacting that way, it'll be easier for you to work the crowd in this case.

Or, you could simply just game her since she was sitting right next to you. But, I think that's a little too direct and a little too socially awkward. A group of 10 with just you and her talking to each other. If you make it clear to the table where your interest lies, then you'll find that the table might just start cock blocking you or trying to AMOG you. And, it may be weird for her if you're openly working her while excluding everyone else.

[Guest]

I never thought of looking at it as multiple sets before. Toward the end of the dinner, that is exactly what happened. The 10 group started breaking up into 2's and 3's. If I think about it, I have noticed this behavior all my life and not paid any attention.

So it was interesting to watch the social dynamic here, and positioning really comes into play. We were at a round table, instead of a long table or several tables pushed together. I have noticed the large group set fragmentation dynamic more at a long table then in any other environment. At a round table, everyone is facing each other so there is the perception that you have to engage everyone. Toward the very end of the night, the large group set fragmentation thing started to happen even though it was a round table, but it took much longer.

I would never have started a one on one with her in that environment. There was no way to separate her and also most of the other people viewed her as part of their "set."

I think building the high value and comfort by being alpha in multiple sets and rewarding her interest ; then going for a day 2 would have been ideal.

I really like the idea of creating an atmosphere of multiple sets by choosing the venue. I am going to have to remember that.

Thanks for all of your advice!