Dallas PUA
The Pickup Artist Playground
opening and approch anxiety i have to get on top of this.
30 posts
• Page 1 of 3 • 1, 2, 3
opening and approch anxiety i have to get on top of this.
by Guest » Sat Oct 17, 2009 2:16 am
this is above all els is the one thing keeping me from going above and beyond with my pick up and reaching a new level. almost every time i set out into the field by myself i am completely overwhelmed with veritable waves of anxiety the closer i get to the venue. this has really been one hell of a problem for me, if i don't keep my mind on the prize I'll just puss out and opt to go find something els to do that I'm more comfortable with, just to feel like shit about it later. But that's only the half of it, once i get to the venue and force myself through the door I've built the venue up so much that i can't think of how to open, my mind just goes blank, and i end up being that weird guy in the corner. now i need to figure out a way to get passed this because i really do have the potential to be great, i mean when ever i meet people in comfortable settings such as work,school, or when I'm introduced to people through friends i get great results men laghf, girls swoon its great...but put me in the middle of a bar or club where i'm out of my element and i don't know anyone, it all goes down the shitter. now i need to get passed this, if anyone knows what I'm talking about, and i know theirs at least a few of you out their please how did you get passed it?:confused:
- Guest
by Guest » Sat Oct 17, 2009 12:10 pm
Something you might think about is finding bar that cn be your "homebase" type of place. This bar would be a place that you feel comfortable in whether you'e gaming or just hanging out. Get to know the bartenders, waitresses, bouncers so that you feel good there even if you're by yourself. It also gives you tons of social proof at that bar. Then, the feeling of that bar will carry over some into other bars. It's funny though, I have one of those places in Bedford. Last week I was just going for a beer, not really looking for anything, when a girl who was coming to the bar to get a drink (BTW, sit at the bar where people have to walk up by you to get drinks and such, great place to open/get opened) and I probably said something to her. Before her drink showed up she was asking me if I wanna fuck. Of course she was with her BF, so I said I'm not looking to start a fight in a bar I go to all the time. That's another thing, show some respect for "your bar." If you don't they'll treat you like shit. If you do, bartenders will take care of you, and even buy you drinks.
- Guest
by Guest » Sat Oct 17, 2009 3:10 pm
1 - Get drunk (If that's your thing.)
2 - Talk to people on the way to the bar. Stupid stuff like "What's the time," "Where's XYZ." I go out solo a lot, and this helps get my mouth running.
3 - Open the first set you see when you're inside. It seems like you're going out alone. This has been instrumental for me, even though I can't always do it.
4 - Go out once to a bar and NOT game. Just chill. Grab a seat, sit down, observe, whatever. Learn to enjoy the bar scene, the music, the crowds.
5 - Have a 2 - 3 minute stack. Some people don't like this, but when I'm nervous, I go into automatic mode, smile, and approach. It has helped me. The point with this is that you want to remove as many variables as you can.
6 - Talk to the bouncers outside. Find out their names, what nights are good, anything you want, etc.
However, regardless of what you do, you need to push yourself. How much do you really want this? Do you know what you are working towards? What kind of man do you want to be, and what will it take for you to get there?
2 - Talk to people on the way to the bar. Stupid stuff like "What's the time," "Where's XYZ." I go out solo a lot, and this helps get my mouth running.
3 - Open the first set you see when you're inside. It seems like you're going out alone. This has been instrumental for me, even though I can't always do it.
4 - Go out once to a bar and NOT game. Just chill. Grab a seat, sit down, observe, whatever. Learn to enjoy the bar scene, the music, the crowds.
5 - Have a 2 - 3 minute stack. Some people don't like this, but when I'm nervous, I go into automatic mode, smile, and approach. It has helped me. The point with this is that you want to remove as many variables as you can.
6 - Talk to the bouncers outside. Find out their names, what nights are good, anything you want, etc.
However, regardless of what you do, you need to push yourself. How much do you really want this? Do you know what you are working towards? What kind of man do you want to be, and what will it take for you to get there?
- Guest
by Guest » Sat Oct 17, 2009 5:33 pm
Setting small goals is a good step in the right direction. Like going out with the intention of just talking to someone, be it boy or girl, or maybe just having a one conversation that goes well in the evening. I remember early on, before I discovered pua stuff, somehow I knew that I had to get out and go to clubs and bars if I wanted to meet women, and I would force myself every week to go out with these very small goals in mind. For instance, just show up and have one successful conversation and then go home, or to meet one new person.
In hindsight, it seemed very pathetic to go out for 45 minutes, have one very small interaction and then go home, but being able to meet these small goals would fill me with such a profound sense of accomplishment that eventually I was able to build off that and get much better at interacting with people in these situations. Within a few months of doing this you'll start to notice big results, and you can set even more challenging goals for yourself.
In hindsight, it seemed very pathetic to go out for 45 minutes, have one very small interaction and then go home, but being able to meet these small goals would fill me with such a profound sense of accomplishment that eventually I was able to build off that and get much better at interacting with people in these situations. Within a few months of doing this you'll start to notice big results, and you can set even more challenging goals for yourself.
- Guest
by Guest » Mon Oct 19, 2009 12:30 pm
I know this one will seem a little counter-productive to what you are trying to accomplish but my advice is don't go out by yourself.
In day game it's way better to be by yourself because that's practical, but in a social setting it's better to be social. I mean think about it who are the people that look like they are having the most fun at bars/clubs... It's the people who know everyone there, bounce around, give the bouncer daps on the way in and have an inside joke with everyone it seems. I am always part of the "big fun group". Or at least it's me and my wing. A few things that my wing noticed last saturday when were out really made me think about this in particular. First he noticed that when go out places together we get a lot more attention and ioi's then when we go places by ourselves, even when just one of us would walk to the bar the bartender didn't flirt as much as when she saw us together. It dawned on me that we go out of our way to socially proof each other into crowds even crowds we don't know before we got there. Everything is fun/funny or an inside joke that you wish you were a part of and the odds are we're laughing ad enjoying ourselves. Our fun energy is the most attactive accessory we could possily wear. We go out to have a good time, game is just a small part of it which leads to my second point.
This other pua that rolls with us every once in a while did not have the ability to chill and have a good time. It was almost soulless the way pickup was his only priority in clubs and bars. He was like a shark circling around the bar looking for a set to open. This is something that gives your night an agenda and makes it so can either enjoy your night or not enjoy it. If you are by yourself with working on pick up being your only goal the odds are you simple will not to look like you are enjoying yourself too much because you probably won't be. You seem like a pretty cool guy. If you have success when you are socially proofed into group, roll with a group even if your group is just you and your wing. I'm as constructive as next guy but what is there to learn by putting yourself into situations where you'll feel like a failure if you don't close.
In day game it's way better to be by yourself because that's practical, but in a social setting it's better to be social. I mean think about it who are the people that look like they are having the most fun at bars/clubs... It's the people who know everyone there, bounce around, give the bouncer daps on the way in and have an inside joke with everyone it seems. I am always part of the "big fun group". Or at least it's me and my wing. A few things that my wing noticed last saturday when were out really made me think about this in particular. First he noticed that when go out places together we get a lot more attention and ioi's then when we go places by ourselves, even when just one of us would walk to the bar the bartender didn't flirt as much as when she saw us together. It dawned on me that we go out of our way to socially proof each other into crowds even crowds we don't know before we got there. Everything is fun/funny or an inside joke that you wish you were a part of and the odds are we're laughing ad enjoying ourselves. Our fun energy is the most attactive accessory we could possily wear. We go out to have a good time, game is just a small part of it which leads to my second point.
This other pua that rolls with us every once in a while did not have the ability to chill and have a good time. It was almost soulless the way pickup was his only priority in clubs and bars. He was like a shark circling around the bar looking for a set to open. This is something that gives your night an agenda and makes it so can either enjoy your night or not enjoy it. If you are by yourself with working on pick up being your only goal the odds are you simple will not to look like you are enjoying yourself too much because you probably won't be. You seem like a pretty cool guy. If you have success when you are socially proofed into group, roll with a group even if your group is just you and your wing. I'm as constructive as next guy but what is there to learn by putting yourself into situations where you'll feel like a failure if you don't close.
- Guest
by Guest » Mon Oct 19, 2009 8:05 pm
[QUOTE=Lazarus;33400]
4 - Go out once to a bar and NOT game. Just chill. Grab a seat, sit down, observe, whatever. Learn to enjoy the bar scene, the music, the crowds.
[/QUOTE]
So, is it odd that I can't stand the bar scene? I got burned out on bars like within 6 months of turning 21. Especially if you are in a bar sober, it is very irritating, well to me at least. I need to be shit wasted to tolerate it.
4 - Go out once to a bar and NOT game. Just chill. Grab a seat, sit down, observe, whatever. Learn to enjoy the bar scene, the music, the crowds.
[/QUOTE]
So, is it odd that I can't stand the bar scene? I got burned out on bars like within 6 months of turning 21. Especially if you are in a bar sober, it is very irritating, well to me at least. I need to be shit wasted to tolerate it.
- Guest
by Guest » Mon Oct 19, 2009 11:50 pm
[QUOTE=Just/Us;33415]So, is it odd that I can't stand the bar scene? I got burned out on bars like within 6 months of turning 21. Especially if you are in a bar sober, it is very irritating, well to me at least. I need to be shit wasted to tolerate it.[/QUOTE]
Maybe. What exactly burned you out?
Most of the times I go out, I don't drink, but don't find it irritating. Then again, I've been going to bars since I was 16.
Maybe. What exactly burned you out?
Most of the times I go out, I don't drink, but don't find it irritating. Then again, I've been going to bars since I was 16.
- Guest
by Guest » Mon Oct 19, 2009 11:52 pm
[QUOTE=Ram;33412]I know this one will seem a little counter-productive to what you are trying to accomplish but my advice is don't go out by yourself.
In day game it's way better to be by yourself because that's practical, but in a social setting it's better to be social. I mean think about it who are the people that look like they are having the most fun at bars/clubs... It's the people who know everyone there, bounce around, give the bouncer daps on the way in and have an inside joke with everyone it seems. I am always part of the "big fun group". Or at least it's me and my wing. A few things that my wing noticed last saturday when were out really made me think about this in particular. First he noticed that when go out places together we get a lot more attention and ioi's then when we go places by ourselves, even when just one of us would walk to the bar the bartender didn't flirt as much as when she saw us together. It dawned on me that we go out of our way to socially proof each other into crowds even crowds we don't know before we got there. Everything is fun/funny or an inside joke that you wish you were a part of and the odds are we're laughing ad enjoying ourselves. Our fun energy is the most attactive accessory we could possily wear. We go out to have a good time, game is just a small part of it which leads to my second point.
This other pua that rolls with us every once in a while did not have the ability to chill and have a good time. It was almost soulless the way pickup was his only priority in clubs and bars. He was like a shark circling around the bar looking for a set to open. This is something that gives your night an agenda and makes it so can either enjoy your night or not enjoy it. If you are by yourself with working on pick up being your only goal the odds are you simple will not to look like you are enjoying yourself too much because you probably won't be. You seem like a pretty cool guy. If you have success when you are socially proofed into group, roll with a group even if your group is just you and your wing. I'm as constructive as next guy but what is there to learn by putting yourself into situations where you'll feel like a failure if you don't close.[/QUOTE]
Yeah RAM, being able to have fun is really important. But going out solo has been instrumental in improving my game. It IS possible to go out alone and still have fun.
The problem with depending on a group to have fun manifests itself when you move to a new city and don't know anyone for the first few weeks ;)
In day game it's way better to be by yourself because that's practical, but in a social setting it's better to be social. I mean think about it who are the people that look like they are having the most fun at bars/clubs... It's the people who know everyone there, bounce around, give the bouncer daps on the way in and have an inside joke with everyone it seems. I am always part of the "big fun group". Or at least it's me and my wing. A few things that my wing noticed last saturday when were out really made me think about this in particular. First he noticed that when go out places together we get a lot more attention and ioi's then when we go places by ourselves, even when just one of us would walk to the bar the bartender didn't flirt as much as when she saw us together. It dawned on me that we go out of our way to socially proof each other into crowds even crowds we don't know before we got there. Everything is fun/funny or an inside joke that you wish you were a part of and the odds are we're laughing ad enjoying ourselves. Our fun energy is the most attactive accessory we could possily wear. We go out to have a good time, game is just a small part of it which leads to my second point.
This other pua that rolls with us every once in a while did not have the ability to chill and have a good time. It was almost soulless the way pickup was his only priority in clubs and bars. He was like a shark circling around the bar looking for a set to open. This is something that gives your night an agenda and makes it so can either enjoy your night or not enjoy it. If you are by yourself with working on pick up being your only goal the odds are you simple will not to look like you are enjoying yourself too much because you probably won't be. You seem like a pretty cool guy. If you have success when you are socially proofed into group, roll with a group even if your group is just you and your wing. I'm as constructive as next guy but what is there to learn by putting yourself into situations where you'll feel like a failure if you don't close.[/QUOTE]
Yeah RAM, being able to have fun is really important. But going out solo has been instrumental in improving my game. It IS possible to go out alone and still have fun.
The problem with depending on a group to have fun manifests itself when you move to a new city and don't know anyone for the first few weeks ;)
- Guest
by Guest » Tue Oct 20, 2009 8:58 am
[QUOTE=Lazarus;33417]The problem with depending on a group to have fun manifests itself when you move to a new city and don't know anyone for the first few weeks ;)[/QUOTE]
I think it's more systematic than that. Being in a group is basically just a crutch. Sure, you may want to have a good time with your bros (which I've done a lot of) but it doesn't really help your game to be in a group. As a matter of fact, I would contend that it hurts your game. When you're in a group and having a good time with the group it tends to take away any initiative you may have to approach people outside of the group. Being with a group takes the focus off of the outside world and puts it on the world of your friends/group. It can be difficult, logistically, to approach in an efficient manner without being too obvious of what you're doing. Also, if the group knows you're approaching a set then chances are they're going to be watching which is just awkward and creepy.
You need to learn to sarge solo. You're not always going to have a group of guys with you when you run into that hottie that you absolutely have to have. Also, girls aren't always interested in dealing with you and a bunch of other people in your group.
Anyway, I wrote something about solo sarging that was pretty well received:
[URL]http://www.dallaslair.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4541&highlight=solo+sarging[/URL]
Good luck.
I think it's more systematic than that. Being in a group is basically just a crutch. Sure, you may want to have a good time with your bros (which I've done a lot of) but it doesn't really help your game to be in a group. As a matter of fact, I would contend that it hurts your game. When you're in a group and having a good time with the group it tends to take away any initiative you may have to approach people outside of the group. Being with a group takes the focus off of the outside world and puts it on the world of your friends/group. It can be difficult, logistically, to approach in an efficient manner without being too obvious of what you're doing. Also, if the group knows you're approaching a set then chances are they're going to be watching which is just awkward and creepy.
You need to learn to sarge solo. You're not always going to have a group of guys with you when you run into that hottie that you absolutely have to have. Also, girls aren't always interested in dealing with you and a bunch of other people in your group.
Anyway, I wrote something about solo sarging that was pretty well received:
[URL]http://www.dallaslair.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4541&highlight=solo+sarging[/URL]
Good luck.
- Guest
30 posts
• Page 1 of 3 • 1, 2, 3
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests