So I tried my hand at an LTR with a girl I really loved because my goal as a PUA is to find that one person. We dated for a while and broke up Friday night. Last Sunday night (two days later) I ran into her at a party and it ruined my entire fucking evening.
It wasn't the fact that she was talking to other guys (and smoking, something she never used to do when she was with me) but as soon as we got there my firends (three guys and one girl) who I was traveling with went right up to her and started talking to her. I said hello to my ex, but I felt immediately uncomfortable. What am I supposed to do, just stand there while these people are having a converstaion? What's worse, I think it might've been very obvious to her (and maybe other people) how unfomfortable this made me.
I said to my friend "let's get the fuck out of here, please." But the girl we were with (his gf) kept talking to my ex, and it was weird to pry her away from that conversation. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I had my own car, so I said goodbye to my friends and my ex and left.
As I was driving away, I felt super pissed off that I had been the one to leave and not her. That I was the one to wear my emotions on my sleeve while she played it so cool. I said fuck it, and went back to the party. Why should i have to be the one who leaves? By this point my friend's gf was still walking around talking to my ex, I begged my friends to come with me to get beer, because I couldn't stand being at the party sober.
We were walking down to the car to go get beer and this girl had invited my ex to come along and get beer! My ex told the girl that she felt weird walking down to the car with me. Then me and my guy friends started throwing empty bottles at a passing train. They did it because he thought it was a funny/fun thing to do, but I did it out of anger frustration and this crazy uncontrolloble surge of emotions brewing inside me. And it probably made me look like a fool in front of the ex, who was watching this.
After that we hung out by the car and finished what was left of out bottle of tequila before we finally rounded up all the troops and decided to head off elsewhere. The whole episode probably only lasted 20 minutes. I doubt we would have stayed long at the party even if my ex wasn't there, but part of me wanted to stay there and establish to her that she's going to have to get used to seeing me around places, and that I'm not going to fucking change my life to avoid ever running into her.
I also wanted to prove to myself that I can be strong around her, but maybe it's too soon for that. Most of all, I'm pissed that I didn't handle this shit as cool as she did. I wanted to be the one to not act reactive. I did and I fucked up. She probably can sense that she really got to me, just by being there.
My inner game is fucked. I don't know how I'll ever get back on the horse. if I had stayed at the party, with her there, there's no way I would have ever been able to meet anyone new (there were some cute girls at the party) much less have any fun
Dallas PUA
The Pickup Artist Playground
Dealing with break-up...inner game....
15 posts
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by Guest » Mon Sep 07, 2009 3:28 pm
[QUOTE=Fuzz;33039]
My inner game is fucked. I don't know how I'll ever get back on the horse. if I had stayed at the party, with her there, there's no way I would have ever been able to meet anyone new (there were some cute girls at the party) much less have any fun[/QUOTE]
This is very normal straight after a relationship. It sounds like you didn't want things to end. If that is the case and she was the instigator of the break up it is going to be slightly easier on her if not just plain old easy.
Understand that if you continue to see her at parties and such she will eventually have a guy with her. If you are still not over her this is probably going to give you a nice kick in the ass. Get ready for it.
With that said as weak as your inner game currently is you might actually want to make it a point to avoid the ex at all costs. Nothing good will come from you seeing her at parties, talking to guys, flirting with guys, with a guy. This will only contribute to the fucked up way you feel right now and put you even further into inner game hell.
At some point down the road you will eventually be able to face the ex with ease but right now is not the time. I know you don't want to avoid doing things you want to do and it will be hard at first. You just have to figure out how to avoid her. Figure out new places to go, have your own parties, etc.
After a while and after a few girls your mindset will/should surely change. You will eventually be able to be around her with ease and think nothing of it. Plus she will probably find this attractive. Don't be surprised if you bang your ex at a party in a few months once you are solid again.
My inner game is fucked. I don't know how I'll ever get back on the horse. if I had stayed at the party, with her there, there's no way I would have ever been able to meet anyone new (there were some cute girls at the party) much less have any fun[/QUOTE]
This is very normal straight after a relationship. It sounds like you didn't want things to end. If that is the case and she was the instigator of the break up it is going to be slightly easier on her if not just plain old easy.
Understand that if you continue to see her at parties and such she will eventually have a guy with her. If you are still not over her this is probably going to give you a nice kick in the ass. Get ready for it.
With that said as weak as your inner game currently is you might actually want to make it a point to avoid the ex at all costs. Nothing good will come from you seeing her at parties, talking to guys, flirting with guys, with a guy. This will only contribute to the fucked up way you feel right now and put you even further into inner game hell.
At some point down the road you will eventually be able to face the ex with ease but right now is not the time. I know you don't want to avoid doing things you want to do and it will be hard at first. You just have to figure out how to avoid her. Figure out new places to go, have your own parties, etc.
After a while and after a few girls your mindset will/should surely change. You will eventually be able to be around her with ease and think nothing of it. Plus she will probably find this attractive. Don't be surprised if you bang your ex at a party in a few months once you are solid again.
- Guest
by Guest » Mon Sep 07, 2009 3:43 pm
[QUOTE=playercool;33040]This is very normal straight after a relationship. It sounds like you didn't want things to end. If that is the case and she was the instigator of the break up it is going to be slightly easier on her if not just plain old easy.
[/QUOTE]
Near the end I was investing more into the relationship than she was, trying to make things work. Not a good position to be in. I thought all the time about breaking up with her, but never brought it up. She finally brought it up, and I agreed with her that it was the best thing.
I hate being in that position. It makes it certainly seem like she broke up with me, and it will be easy for her to tell people that she broke up with me. It'll be easy for her to feel like she broke up with me. Basically she has the upperhand, and it irks me to no end.
Near the end of our relationship, everytime we were out in public together, she'd be very cold to me and seem like she wished I wasn't there. And I would follow her around like a pathetic puppy dog, something I'd NEVER do if I was trying to game a girl, but relationships are different. In hindsight, I probably lost a ton of value in her eyes, which is why she can be so cool hanging out at a party if I'm there.
I should have broken up with her way sooner.
[/QUOTE]
Near the end I was investing more into the relationship than she was, trying to make things work. Not a good position to be in. I thought all the time about breaking up with her, but never brought it up. She finally brought it up, and I agreed with her that it was the best thing.
I hate being in that position. It makes it certainly seem like she broke up with me, and it will be easy for her to tell people that she broke up with me. It'll be easy for her to feel like she broke up with me. Basically she has the upperhand, and it irks me to no end.
Near the end of our relationship, everytime we were out in public together, she'd be very cold to me and seem like she wished I wasn't there. And I would follow her around like a pathetic puppy dog, something I'd NEVER do if I was trying to game a girl, but relationships are different. In hindsight, I probably lost a ton of value in her eyes, which is why she can be so cool hanging out at a party if I'm there.
I should have broken up with her way sooner.
- Guest
by Guest » Mon Sep 07, 2009 11:18 pm
[QUOTE=Fuzz;33041]
Near the end of our relationship, everytime we were out in public together, she'd be very cold to me and seem like she wished I wasn't there. And I would follow her around like a pathetic puppy dog, something I'd NEVER do if I was trying to game a girl, but relationships are different. In hindsight, I probably lost a ton of value in her eyes, which is why she can be so cool hanging out at a party if I'm there.
[/QUOTE]
This is very common in relationships. The guy starts to puss out and the girl starts to rule the roost. When this happens you might as well just pack your bags and leave. Your girl will most likely cheat. She views you as a puss. Your girl will most likely cheat. Yep said that part twice.
The way you start a relationship will often define the relationship. If you don't man the ship the whole time the girl will often take notice and start to change the dynamics.
Hopefully with this relationship you will learn from your mistakes and do better in the next one.
Near the end of our relationship, everytime we were out in public together, she'd be very cold to me and seem like she wished I wasn't there. And I would follow her around like a pathetic puppy dog, something I'd NEVER do if I was trying to game a girl, but relationships are different. In hindsight, I probably lost a ton of value in her eyes, which is why she can be so cool hanging out at a party if I'm there.
[/QUOTE]
This is very common in relationships. The guy starts to puss out and the girl starts to rule the roost. When this happens you might as well just pack your bags and leave. Your girl will most likely cheat. She views you as a puss. Your girl will most likely cheat. Yep said that part twice.
The way you start a relationship will often define the relationship. If you don't man the ship the whole time the girl will often take notice and start to change the dynamics.
Hopefully with this relationship you will learn from your mistakes and do better in the next one.
- Guest
by Guest » Tue Sep 08, 2009 11:40 am
Fuzz:
First things first. She is not in your head. Even though you think that she may have been able to tell that you were uncomfortable, you need to understand that she may not have known that. People tend to think that their emotional distress is always being worn on our sleeves...usually, it is not. People simply are not that perceptive to be able to decipher your emotional state or, more accurately, don't give a fuck about you and you're well-being.. Fact is that it is only uncomfortable if YOU make it that way.
So, the next time you see her, calm down and relax. I'd even go so far as to approach her and ask her in a very warm friendly way how she's doing. Then when she answers just say I'm happy to hear that, then walk off. Done. Ice broken. You acknowledged her. You acknowledged, indirectly, that you two used to be together. Now, being nice and cordial is over and you can go about doing your thang.
PC nailed it. Women tend to become tyrants as your relationship evolves. So, as a man, you have to fight that from happening. Honestly. I 100% believe that most relationships end because the man refuses to have her run his life and the woman gets pissed because he just won't change. You were headed down that road with her, so by breaking it off you just did yourself a huge favor.
BUT you absolutely, positively need to get that shit behind you. Basically what you're doing is allowing your EX-girlfriend to continue to be a TYRANT. You are giving her power that she NO LONGER HAS THE RIGHT TO. Before, when you were together, she could dictate that you had to just be with her and only her. Now, by allowing her mere presence to fuck with your head, you have given her that power to dictate what pussy it is that you fuck.
Finally, I hope you get ready for what will be coming next. The smoking was just the first sign. She is going to do things just to spite you. Just to fuck with you. It's a woman's passive, aggressive way of getting back at us after a relationship fails. I wouldn't be surprised that she was lighting up just to piss you off. In her mind she's thinking to herself, "fuck you Fuzz, I'm going to light one up bitch....how do you like me know fucker?"
But, understand that it will more than likely NOT END THERE. I've had ex's do all kinds of shit to get back at me. Like, fuck my friends that they absolutely despised. Or, fuck a pathetic, fat loser because I used to talk about what a douche he is/was (it's a way of pulling me down in his class of people by association). Or, show up to parties with some dude on their arm and then making out with him right in front of everyone.
In every single instance, the girl was thinking: "Fuck you Bull Run...I'll teach you to leave me!!!" Girls do this petty shit all of the fucking time. Your job is to see it for what it is and then to just deal with it, then move the fuck on.
Sorry to hear that your relationship ended, but you also need to understand that this girl was not any different from all of the rest of them.
First things first. She is not in your head. Even though you think that she may have been able to tell that you were uncomfortable, you need to understand that she may not have known that. People tend to think that their emotional distress is always being worn on our sleeves...usually, it is not. People simply are not that perceptive to be able to decipher your emotional state or, more accurately, don't give a fuck about you and you're well-being.. Fact is that it is only uncomfortable if YOU make it that way.
So, the next time you see her, calm down and relax. I'd even go so far as to approach her and ask her in a very warm friendly way how she's doing. Then when she answers just say I'm happy to hear that, then walk off. Done. Ice broken. You acknowledged her. You acknowledged, indirectly, that you two used to be together. Now, being nice and cordial is over and you can go about doing your thang.
PC nailed it. Women tend to become tyrants as your relationship evolves. So, as a man, you have to fight that from happening. Honestly. I 100% believe that most relationships end because the man refuses to have her run his life and the woman gets pissed because he just won't change. You were headed down that road with her, so by breaking it off you just did yourself a huge favor.
BUT you absolutely, positively need to get that shit behind you. Basically what you're doing is allowing your EX-girlfriend to continue to be a TYRANT. You are giving her power that she NO LONGER HAS THE RIGHT TO. Before, when you were together, she could dictate that you had to just be with her and only her. Now, by allowing her mere presence to fuck with your head, you have given her that power to dictate what pussy it is that you fuck.
Finally, I hope you get ready for what will be coming next. The smoking was just the first sign. She is going to do things just to spite you. Just to fuck with you. It's a woman's passive, aggressive way of getting back at us after a relationship fails. I wouldn't be surprised that she was lighting up just to piss you off. In her mind she's thinking to herself, "fuck you Fuzz, I'm going to light one up bitch....how do you like me know fucker?"
But, understand that it will more than likely NOT END THERE. I've had ex's do all kinds of shit to get back at me. Like, fuck my friends that they absolutely despised. Or, fuck a pathetic, fat loser because I used to talk about what a douche he is/was (it's a way of pulling me down in his class of people by association). Or, show up to parties with some dude on their arm and then making out with him right in front of everyone.
In every single instance, the girl was thinking: "Fuck you Bull Run...I'll teach you to leave me!!!" Girls do this petty shit all of the fucking time. Your job is to see it for what it is and then to just deal with it, then move the fuck on.
Sorry to hear that your relationship ended, but you also need to understand that this girl was not any different from all of the rest of them.
- Guest
by Guest » Thu Sep 10, 2009 3:12 pm
[B]Inner Game Update:[/B]
Thought I'd let you guys know where I was at since this weekend's events. Last night a friend of my ex's invited me out to bar and I went. In hindsight, my motivation for going was probably pretty dumb, but I'll let you all be the judge and give me feedback. I thought that my ex was going to be there and I wanted to go just to prove to her (and myself) that she won't make me uncomfortable going to the places I want to go. To prove as well that I can be just as calm and cool around her and have a good time.
Well I don't know if that latter part is true because my ex wasn't there. But a bunch of her friends were and they were all real nice and friendly to me. We hung out and all had a pretty good time (the ex's name never came up once). I also got to reconnect with other people I had sort of lost track of since I started my LTR. It also showed me that I had real friends who do care for me and look out for me. There were cute girls around too, but I didn't try sarging. My goal was to just have a good time and get happy again, and the whole experience did make me feel better inside.
Thought I'd let you guys know where I was at since this weekend's events. Last night a friend of my ex's invited me out to bar and I went. In hindsight, my motivation for going was probably pretty dumb, but I'll let you all be the judge and give me feedback. I thought that my ex was going to be there and I wanted to go just to prove to her (and myself) that she won't make me uncomfortable going to the places I want to go. To prove as well that I can be just as calm and cool around her and have a good time.
Well I don't know if that latter part is true because my ex wasn't there. But a bunch of her friends were and they were all real nice and friendly to me. We hung out and all had a pretty good time (the ex's name never came up once). I also got to reconnect with other people I had sort of lost track of since I started my LTR. It also showed me that I had real friends who do care for me and look out for me. There were cute girls around too, but I didn't try sarging. My goal was to just have a good time and get happy again, and the whole experience did make me feel better inside.
- Guest
by Guest » Sun Sep 13, 2009 5:43 pm
[B]Inner Game Update:[/B]
Had my first make-out session this weekend. Was way too drunk and made a lot of mistakes, but still it felt good to get out there and do it again. Gave me a good boost of confidence. There's a lot I realized I need to work on, but it's all coming back to me slowly but surely.
Had my first make-out session this weekend. Was way too drunk and made a lot of mistakes, but still it felt good to get out there and do it again. Gave me a good boost of confidence. There's a lot I realized I need to work on, but it's all coming back to me slowly but surely.
- Guest
by Guest » Sun Sep 20, 2009 12:33 pm
[B]Inner Game Update:[/B]
Okay, I've talked with the ex a few times on the phone (mostly instigated by her) and these have been pleasent experiences. They've been pleasent because they make me realize that she is not taking this break up very well, probably worse than I am. And on the phone she's very civil and even nice to me.
Anyway, last night I went out, first venue was awesome, went to this gay bar and ended up getting hit on by ladies in their late-30's. Did some stupid karaoke. All in all a fun night. Me and my single friend then decided to break away from the group, and use this momentum to go out to a club and meet some girls.
But when we got there.....well the ex was there. I said hello to her once our paths crossed. The venue had three seperate rooms so I tried my best to avoid her, but it didn't make a difference. There's no rational reason for it, but running into her totally shot my inner game to hell. There was no way I was going to be able to meet anyone that night. Finally I couldn't bear it anymore, I demanded we leave. Before I left, I took Bull Run's advice. Said goodbye to her. Asked her how she was doing and told her "I'm happy to hear that."
We went to another club, but it was late and the pickings seemed slim. Momentum gone. i probably ruined everyone's evening. I need to figure out a better way to handle this. The best thing I could've done for myself is maybe left the moment I knew she was there. But something about the fact that I'm always the one to leave first (not that I think she can tell the inner turmoil I'm suffering) really really bugs me.
Okay, I've talked with the ex a few times on the phone (mostly instigated by her) and these have been pleasent experiences. They've been pleasent because they make me realize that she is not taking this break up very well, probably worse than I am. And on the phone she's very civil and even nice to me.
Anyway, last night I went out, first venue was awesome, went to this gay bar and ended up getting hit on by ladies in their late-30's. Did some stupid karaoke. All in all a fun night. Me and my single friend then decided to break away from the group, and use this momentum to go out to a club and meet some girls.
But when we got there.....well the ex was there. I said hello to her once our paths crossed. The venue had three seperate rooms so I tried my best to avoid her, but it didn't make a difference. There's no rational reason for it, but running into her totally shot my inner game to hell. There was no way I was going to be able to meet anyone that night. Finally I couldn't bear it anymore, I demanded we leave. Before I left, I took Bull Run's advice. Said goodbye to her. Asked her how she was doing and told her "I'm happy to hear that."
We went to another club, but it was late and the pickings seemed slim. Momentum gone. i probably ruined everyone's evening. I need to figure out a better way to handle this. The best thing I could've done for myself is maybe left the moment I knew she was there. But something about the fact that I'm always the one to leave first (not that I think she can tell the inner turmoil I'm suffering) really really bugs me.
- Guest
by Guest » Sun Sep 20, 2009 2:59 pm
[QUOTE=Fuzz;33171]The best thing I could've done for myself is maybe left the moment I knew she was there. But something about the fact that I'm always the one to leave first (not that I think she can tell the inner turmoil I'm suffering) really really bugs me.[/QUOTE]
I totally understand where you are coming from. The whole idea of being alpha kind of lends itself to thinking that you can never do anything that others can perceive to be as 'caving in.'
But, I'd like for you to think of it a little differently. Instead of thinking to yourself that you're leaving because she's there and she'll fuck up your state, you need to think of it as you doing her a favor. One of the traits of being alpha is trying to protect those that you care about. Well, you obviously still care for this girl so it just seems natural that you would act in a way to protect her.
In this case, you are protecting her from her seeing you with another girl. No one likes to see that shit you know? If you had any level of affection towards someone, it is painful to see them with another person. It's human nature. When we see shit like that it makes us feel as if we are replaceable. It makes us feel like there's nothing special about us. It hurts and it's a pretty universal trait.
What would have happened if you pulled someone in that club? What would have happened if she saw you do that? That's pretty harsh bro. I think it's just trashy to do things like that. Now, that relationship is over so what the fuck do you really care if she's there or not right? I agree. But, not so soon. Let it cool off over the next few months.
For now though, I think it would be perfectly strong and alpha of you to simply leave. Again, I would still go up to her and talk to her. If you acknowledge her and then leave she's going to be less likely to think it's because of her. But, if you just leave once you see her then it's pretty obvious why you're leaving.
I've been in many situations in which I rolled into a club with a girl on my arm and saw an ex that I recently stopped seeing in the bar/club. Now, I have every right to be there and a lot of guys would just roll in without an hesitation. But, not me. I think it's cruel and disrespectful. So, I calmly turned to my date and asked her if she minded if we went somewhere else. She said OK and I later told her why we didn't go in. And, you know what? They always said that I did the right thing, which is really hard to say with my dick in their mouth but I'm pretty good at deciphering Fellatish...
Anyway, the point is this. If you stick around at these venues and do what you do right in front of her it doesn't send the message that you don't care about her any longer. It's the exact opposite actually. It sends the message that you still do care, at some level. You care enough to want to show her what a mistake she made. And, what of the other girl you're gaming? What happens if she finds out your ex is in the same place as you? She's going to feel used. She's going to think you're using her to get to the ex.
When you see her at a bar or club. I think it's just best, for now at least, to leave. Say hi to her like you did before. And just say, we're getting ready to jet but it was nice seeing you.
If she's having a hard time with the break up, this is the only proper thing to do. It's what a true alpha male would do...spare her feelings.
Also, if you want to get over this girl you need to do two things: 1) fuck another girl ASAP...don't be too picky either AND 2) stop talking to her on the phone. That's just doing you two no good.
I totally understand where you are coming from. The whole idea of being alpha kind of lends itself to thinking that you can never do anything that others can perceive to be as 'caving in.'
But, I'd like for you to think of it a little differently. Instead of thinking to yourself that you're leaving because she's there and she'll fuck up your state, you need to think of it as you doing her a favor. One of the traits of being alpha is trying to protect those that you care about. Well, you obviously still care for this girl so it just seems natural that you would act in a way to protect her.
In this case, you are protecting her from her seeing you with another girl. No one likes to see that shit you know? If you had any level of affection towards someone, it is painful to see them with another person. It's human nature. When we see shit like that it makes us feel as if we are replaceable. It makes us feel like there's nothing special about us. It hurts and it's a pretty universal trait.
What would have happened if you pulled someone in that club? What would have happened if she saw you do that? That's pretty harsh bro. I think it's just trashy to do things like that. Now, that relationship is over so what the fuck do you really care if she's there or not right? I agree. But, not so soon. Let it cool off over the next few months.
For now though, I think it would be perfectly strong and alpha of you to simply leave. Again, I would still go up to her and talk to her. If you acknowledge her and then leave she's going to be less likely to think it's because of her. But, if you just leave once you see her then it's pretty obvious why you're leaving.
I've been in many situations in which I rolled into a club with a girl on my arm and saw an ex that I recently stopped seeing in the bar/club. Now, I have every right to be there and a lot of guys would just roll in without an hesitation. But, not me. I think it's cruel and disrespectful. So, I calmly turned to my date and asked her if she minded if we went somewhere else. She said OK and I later told her why we didn't go in. And, you know what? They always said that I did the right thing, which is really hard to say with my dick in their mouth but I'm pretty good at deciphering Fellatish...
Anyway, the point is this. If you stick around at these venues and do what you do right in front of her it doesn't send the message that you don't care about her any longer. It's the exact opposite actually. It sends the message that you still do care, at some level. You care enough to want to show her what a mistake she made. And, what of the other girl you're gaming? What happens if she finds out your ex is in the same place as you? She's going to feel used. She's going to think you're using her to get to the ex.
When you see her at a bar or club. I think it's just best, for now at least, to leave. Say hi to her like you did before. And just say, we're getting ready to jet but it was nice seeing you.
If she's having a hard time with the break up, this is the only proper thing to do. It's what a true alpha male would do...spare her feelings.
Also, if you want to get over this girl you need to do two things: 1) fuck another girl ASAP...don't be too picky either AND 2) stop talking to her on the phone. That's just doing you two no good.
- Guest
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